Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

Hello everyone, I hope it’s ok to join in. Lurked in these threads for a very long time, and am now AF since October 2018. I just wanted to echo the “you can do it”s to everyone just starting out, it is SO worth it, and having had the most stressful year of my life, even without Covid, I’m still grateful (and astonished) every day that I don’t turn to wine anymore to deal with life.

@StayingVigilant that’s a really good question and one I think about a lot, as my DC are similar ages. I think it boils down to two separate but related issues: trying to equip them to be safe and make good choices around drinking with friends, and helping in so far as it’s possible to break the conditioning that alcohol = life coping tool.

In terms of the latter, they know I don’t drink anymore and are old enough to remember when I did and be open about preferring me now (which is both my biggest motivation and a huge source of guilt over lost time). Their dad is a very moderate drinker, so they see “healthy” drinking modelled. I am really conscious to be honest with them that there’s nothing wrong with alcohol itself but that for a lot of people and through no fault of their own it can become unhelpful. They also know of family members who are alcohol dependent and/or addicted.

Covid has stalled the immediate conversations I’d be having with older DC about partying. It’s so hard to know how to do it as they still need and want to fit in with their peers, and I don’t think I’m doing it particularly well, but thinking about it, I think my approach is (a) we don’t laugh at “funny” drunk scenes on TV or films (b) I am (age appropriately) honest about the messes drinking got me into when I was younger and that I was bloody lucky not to have got off very much worse than I did (c) I’m also very open that I was an awkward and geeky teen who though drinking would buy her a way into the cool crowd, and that it did no such thing - I just became a pissed uncool, awkward and geeky teen with a shedload of mortifying morning afters.

Thank you for your openness re teens and drinking. It’s certainly food for thought.
Day 12 here. I’m exhausted. I’m no longer waking at 4am but struggling to actually unwind of an evening and physically get my backside to bed. I’m staying up later & later, half watching crappy tv and half reading stuff, which can’t continue. Feeling very positive about being AF. Have started the free ‘alcohol experiment’ online with Annie Grace. Again, food for thought.

StayingVigilant I think the exhaustion is normal even if you were having earlier nights. I think your body sort of 'lets go' after a couple of weeks of no alcohol and just wants to catch up on years of interrupted sleep.

Thanks for the thread! I’ve NC for this and am very grateful to have some support. Sitting at work feeling tired, sluggish and generally meh after a Christmas of excess on top of a year of stress that I’ve been trying to treat with having glasses of wine - not even getting drunk - just drinking frequently and it’s made my sleep poor, I’ve put on weight and I look permanently tired. Just a bad habit of ‘rewarding’ myself with wine after a busy day but it’s not actually rewarding. I’m ready to stop for good. Did manage a month free a while ago but then slipped and I am sick of it. Just downloaded the I am sober app. Please wish me luck!

Welcome & good luck @Flydesk. It’s worth reading some quit lit or listening to some podcasts if you haven’t already.

Welcome flydesk this is a great place to be for folk cheering you on.

Good luck @Flydesk!

I am having a bad day but not thinking about wine as a solution day 58 not bad, thinking about coke though. I think the fact I have eaten so much sugar has not helped my head. I am finding this week not going as I hoped, feel trapped in the house with my own kids who never give me a break, the dark evenings, the mess, the headlines. One of them is sick since yesterday and the drama is incredible. I would give anything to crawl into bed for a week...............or a nanny for a few days to help us out.

Excuse the moan. I am sure I am not alone, I have so many things I love doing reading, exercise, craft, I just can't do anything with the kids they are so demanding. I did spend some time outdoors at least.

Hello everyone

Thanks for the new thread @Drybird2020 and hello to new people who have joined 👋

I had a wobble on Christmas Day but managed to limit it and have been back to AF since - even through a child free night which is a rarity and probably my biggest challenge yet!!

Bar my slip up - I do feel better, sleep is much better and I’m loving early AF nights, I’m not as bloated / fed up as usual so definitely feeling some benefits now

Mrsdoubtfireswig I also had a wobble over Christmas, so back to Day 3 for me, but still proud that I managed 24 AF days in December so far. NYE isn’t a big deal for me so I feel I can stay dry now.

Unfortunately 2 in my household have Covid so my liver scan and further bloods will have to wait until self isolation is over.

Well done everyone on milestones and just getting through that tough festive period. I was given quite a few bottles so think I will be regifting those.

Hello @Wildernesstips sober twin. Gosh awful to hear you’ve covid in your house - hope everyone recovers quickly soon

Interestingly it’s not been too difficult to go back to sober nights - I was a bit worried it would the start of a slippery slope but so far ok. NYE may be a challenge - I don’t usually do a lot as usually do parkrun the next day but always have a toast a midnight (maybe being asleep for midnight is the answer )

Lads....lads....guesswhatguesswhat...

7 months today Feel like superwoman!

High five @Hangingover - that's a huge milestone! Well done!

What have been your best bits so far (always sleep for me, sleeping is now just heavenly).

Congratulations @Hangingover that’s a momentous achievement!!

@Hangingover well done you absolute legend!!! I bet you feel brilliant today!!!!!!!!! It is such an amazing achievement, and you will always be able to look back on this difficult year knowing you did something brilliant. Well fucking done.

@Cartooner I hear you! I could have written your message... as much as Christmas was really really special with the children it has also been super exhausting, the dark and wet days, everything being shut, not having family help... I’m also fecking exhausted and I dread next year,trying to do my bloody job with schools undoubtedly shutting again.

I’ve got a fucking “toolbox” but trying to find 5 minutes in the day to access these tools seems impossible sometimes! My husband is amazing though and often takes all the kids out so I can crack on with work (am working today). Do you have a partner?

@BunniesBunniesBunnies and @cartooner I hear you too, it's an exhausting season with wee ones in the best of years, and this one hasn't any of the respite factors that normally help the holidays along.

I got in the shower yesterday at the end of a long day to find it covered in Lego. Fucking Lego. In the shower. What is helping is to get them out as much as possible, preferably up a hill, it takes the edge off them. Can you guys get out of doors easily?

@Hangingover you little beauty! Well done. Are you finding it any easier as time goes on?

Welcome to the new starters, you won't regret it. I can so relate to that feeling of glumly trudging through a day , feeling a bit sick, a bit regretful, and always a bit depressed. For all the amazing benefits, my abiding feeling is a sense of deep relief that I don't do that to myself any more.

@Wildernesstips I'm really sorry to hear that you have Covid at home, what a shitty new years present. How are they doing? Are you feeling ok?

It's bright and sunny here and I'm coaxing my family out of bed with some bacon sandwiches so we can go out for a big walk. This is against my veggie principles but needs must.

7 months @Hangingover!! That’s bloody amazing. 👏🏻 There’s loads of you who have some serious durations. Very impressive & encouraging.

Well done hangingover incredible! I can't wait to be able to say the same.

Thanks for the posts about relating to my situation and there is no lego in my shower so I know it could be worse! I have a very good husband I should add, but there's 4 of them and 2 of us, all 4 are busy boys so it's full on but we do get outdoors, that's normally how we manage so weeks like this with everywhere shut are hard. As you say fucking toolbox impossible to access lol

Good luck to newbies and I am sorry to hear covid in your house @Wildernesstips. I am paranoid my extreme tiredness is a symptom but I think it is more about poor diet at the mo than actual illness.

Well done on your 7 months @Hangingover that's brilliant!! I'm really wishing I had stuck it out myself instead of being back at square one but hey ho on day 8 though so not all bad need to try and stay positive I'm really struggling mentally atm but I don't have a urge to drink so every cloud n all that!!

hangingover FANTASTIC!! Well done my friend. What a massive achievement, enjoy the feeling and keep a hold of it. So pleased for you.

cartooner I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. Its such a rollercoaster of emotions at the moment more than ever. And must be so kuvh harder if you have little ones at home. Well done on getting out yesterday. Thats a win. Just pat yourself on the back for all these little wims in the day.

wildernesstips so sorry to hear you have covid in the house and all the knock on effect that has on life. Well done on all your AF days.

slantedandenchanted i also feel a bit down today, i think the high of Christmas for me made me feel like everything was a bit more normal. It was like a haitus from the crazy. But I'm trying not to give myself a hard time, day 8 is great! Not drinking is a huge achievement in its own right.
I'm going to try to get out today. That always helps lift my mood. Even if it's for half an hour.

That's fantastic @Hangingover and well done to everyone else trying their best at this time of year with lots of temptations and the stress of lockdown.

Crikey, I’ve got a headache today! Will drink lots of water & herbal teas. Didn’t have any symptoms first week but these last couple of days I’m exhausted & headachey. Seems odd that symptoms kicking-in a week - 10 days later.

@StayingVigilant I'm day 26 AF (never managed that before). Initially I had some sleeping tablets left over from when I took a long haul flight and for a few days I ''borrowed'' (don't tell anyone please. I'm an ex nurse and was aware of side effects ,etc) some medication prescribed for anxiety but discontinued these pretty rapidly. So no anaesthetic (wine) and no medication but my sleep pattern is very varied but whether I sleep well or badly I consistently have daytime headaches. I'm hoping that they will wear off eventually. I'm also craving and eating sweet stuff whereas I'm generally a lover of savoury food. I'll put up with a bit of weight gain tho' as long as I stay sober. Well done everyone hitting such good targets. I'm in awe of you all and hope I get there one day.

@Hangingover that is an amazing achievement and I know it’s been a tough journey for you.

I’ve had a Covid test this morning as convinced myself in the night that I had symptoms, but now not sure that I do. DH & DS feeling a bit better today thanks.

Lego takes forever to dry when it gets wet - you have my sympathies.

Me too horlicks eating waaay too much sugar. Still a gazillion mince pies left too. Saving that issue for another day...