Day 1 for anyone just starting out

[Justdonthavethefirstone]

Hi all. This is my day 1. I have joined some other threads for support but thought I would start a new one for anyone just starting out on this journey. I have a drink problem. It got worse over lockdown.i have had day 1 before and failed but this time I am starting off prepared. I have books to read. I have joined Mumsnet for support and have told my family and friends.

Thanks @Horlicks4me

My sleeping was still bad and because I was so tired I don't think I was feeling any benefits.

I had half a bottle off red and it actually tasted vile if I m honest.

Got a banging headache today but determined to get jobs done and not sit about wallowing.

It's a blip but I m determined to get back on the wagon as my anxiety was so much better without alcohol.

Hi all don't worry about blips @Fizzi1234 what @Horlicks4me said at least you are determined! I just see it as we aren't perfect and atleadt we are Acknowledging this whole drinking not drinking thing. It takes up too much of our head space... Its been so so tough. I wish i was the same as I was last year but I'm not... I felt so happy not drinking or smoking for so long... It doesn't help my H drinks I guess like it's in the house constantly. I'm not going to bother beating myself up etc we are human as long as I'm not hurting anyone (possibly myself) than I'm waiting to do dry Jan and see how it goes. I've done amazing in one sense giving up the demon cigs I've been smoking 20.plus years... So that's an achievement in itself. But the drinking even though I'm not going over board as before it's still drinking init?!
@writingsonthewall please don't think too much and don't be hard On yourself you have achieved what others would life 115 bloody days!!! Go u!
@Sneachta how's it going doll xx
Ps we are in tier 4 never thought there would be one but we were sensible in not making plans with vulnervale grandparents even tho in laws got the fing hump.

Mornimg everyone day 151 here. Janey hey! Who'd have thought it.

Hiya @Newernewist you must be so delighted. I havent heard of valarian tabs. Have you a christmas plan? Im actually quite happy knowing I will have a sober xmas.

@writingsonthewall it's so hard sometimes, what's the point is right, I get that feeling. I'm planning (seeing as I'm awake at the crack of dawn anyway) of going for a very early walk and I'm going to have to force myself to do yoga. I want to listen to people banging on about their hangovers and me feel joy and smug. I want to assess myself now and then come 6th jan see if I'm any fitter (completely different xmas)

@Fizzi1234 get back on wagon there. You know you feel shite so that's great (thumbs up emoji) think of all those fresh mornings sober. Your sleep will return and it will be so much better

@Horlicks4me your doing great horlicks, I know what you mean about anaesthetic. Thankfully my anxiety has abated so much.

@ymna tier 4. That's the worst one right? How do you feel about xmas now? Are you going to limit? See I'd be going mental this time of year, any excuse. At least you have us in DryJan to give you a bollicking lol

Still all up in the air about what any of our family are doing at xmas. Sister in the country so we can call mix. I've taken myself out of family dinner as I see my folks regularly anyway. But how good is it to be able to pop over at 9 or 10 at night sober with my daughter if I want :)

Hi all! Can I hop on board the wagon with you lot? Will RTFT today

Just checking in quickly, bit of a wobbly weekend. Closest I've been to giving in. Early night last night though a feel much better today.
We're in tier 4 too, sucks! We were planning just us 3 for Christmas anyway but had a few activities and meet ups planned which we now can't do. Days stretch ahead empty but I will not drink.
Welcome to the thread @HearMeRawwr

Sorry still haven't RTFT but think I may have made day one. Had horrid cravings in the middle of the day. But had no cash/bank cards/booze (had given them to DH) in the house amd couldn't come up with a way of getting my fix, but after maybe an hour it passed. Must remember to try to ride the feelings out

@HearMeRawwr. The cravings can be difficult. Mine tend to start about 3-5pm and I try and find something to keep me busy (wrapping presents today). By the time I have pored myself my first lemon and lime with ice and a slice it's passed. Hope it gets easier for you.

Morning all, welcome @HearMeRawwr it's really difficult in the beginning with cravings. You discovered quickly they pass after an hour though, fair play. Make sure you have a refreshing drink ready at craving time. Have you downloaded any books? Set up a sanctuary for yourself (somewhere completely different to where you normally are) to disappear to with your 'refreshing non alcoholic drink' and your books. I always picture myself waking up the next day feeling proud and fresh. Sounds like you have a v supportive DH which will really help, mine is too

Hiya @hazelnutmochi god I had wobbles a few times now. That 'fuck it' bold voice. Tier 4 sounds horrific. Over here we are going 'level 5 minus' lol. Basically everything shutting down and the minus is leaving non essential retail open. No sign of schools closing Jan thanks be to jesus.

Last day of work here, I ran around like a blue arsed fly last night finishing off stuff. Very stressful all this present and Santa stuff. Kids finished school yesterday and thank goodness they are at the 'can shove them an ipad and they are grand' age. I'm looking forward to my peace in the office at 9.

Hows everyone else doing?

Sorry @HearMeRawwr I'm an asshole you already have your refreshing drink. Ignore me!

Hi @Sneachta really good and inspiring to hear your advice still it makes me think if j want to have a drink today. I'm trying to take one day at a time etc but right now I have some strong issues and I know you are supposed to be in that horrible anxiety feeling phase and let it pass but I'm reaching for the drink instesd to block it out. I didn't drink the other night and all these wierd thoughts feelings really bad stuff from my past came up and I didn't sleep the whole night thinking about it.. Anyway that's no excuse but I'm saying thanks for still being here...
@Horlicks4me mine too is 3pm to 5pm..its like a ritual of come home from school run and start. If I was working until 8pm every night I wouldn't be drinking and then couldn't be assed if you see what I mean. I dropped eldest at a footie camp thing that was still continuing in tier 4 thank god and the mums were like we are hungover (I wasn't) but how what else is there to do but drink now we are stuck at home. They're making plans to go to the park on Xmas day morning with mulled wine!!!! I'm like shit. So you know good on all of you who are doing amazing not drinking still @hazelnutmochi absolutely amazing you went past the wobble. You are stronger than you think. I wish i was . But yes I will need a bollocking come January @Sneachta!
Glad your kids went on until yesterday ours were out last Thurs. There's talk about schools not going back but I think it might be secondary schools who knows at this high infection rate. I am actually now scared to go to the supermarket and work now. Maybe it's scare mongering and also my kid is going to this footie thing mixing with other families so it's no different but supermarkets have been crazy! It's raining hard here right now the joys... There's nothing to do except go to the park and you can't in this shite weather... Anyway sorry to go on.
@Newernewist hope you are good. @Fizzi1234 I'm in the same boat altho starting in Jan. I wish i didn't delete my previous posts so you could have all read through properly. @HearMeRawwr good on you for starting.
@writingsonthewall hope u are OK too!

@Sneachta

Morning all, welcome *@HearMeRawwr* it's really difficult in the beginning with cravings. You discovered quickly they pass after an hour though, fair play. Make sure you have a refreshing drink ready at craving time. Have you downloaded any books? Set up a sanctuary for yourself (somewhere completely different to where you normally are) to disappear to with your 'refreshing non alcoholic drink' and your books. I always picture myself waking up the next day feeling proud and fresh. Sounds like you have a v supportive DH which will really help, mine is too

Hiya @hazelnutmochi god I had wobbles a few times now. That 'fuck it' bold voice. Tier 4 sounds horrific. Over here we are going 'level 5 minus' lol. Basically everything shutting down and the minus is leaving non essential retail open. No sign of schools closing Jan thanks be to jesus.

Last day of work here, I ran around like a blue arsed fly last night finishing off stuff. Very stressful all this present and Santa stuff. Kids finished school yesterday and thank goodness they are at the 'can shove them an ipad and they are grand' age. I'm looking forward to my peace in the office at 9.

Hows everyone else doing?

Thanks sneatcha, really good advise there. When they start in doing to set a one hour timer on my phone too to watch the time ticking down

@ymna ah I'm hearing you, not the right time at the moment with it all going on. Would your DH do a dry jan? (or are you on the ground roaring laughing at that ) I hope you get some nice time for yourself over Christmas, its important.

@HearMeRoarr you will be fiiiiinnne. Keep distracting yourself (I used to be orchidjewel, read my post in page 1, you will know why I'm so determined)

DH stocked me up with my tonic water and tons of mince pies, sticky toffee pudding. Miserable year as we cant be with my parents, Grandad or sisters but then again I feel in party mode so a bonus for not drinking.

Finished work yesterday, have at slot at 8am in dunnes to get my ham and chicken (who likes turkey?) Take kids to playground and then relax.

Keep strong everyone, I have a 1000 piece jigsaw going so it's a great go to for distracting

Morning @Sneachta lovely to hear from you again. I did ask H last week if he will do dry Jan and he rofl! What a loser. No support at all... Pisses me off!!!!
Ahhhh yes I took the turkey out yesterday from the freezer.. None of us like it (H will eat anything) hahah so chicken dippers it is. The supermarkets have been too busy so we will do without profiteroles and all sorts. I'd love to escape to a little part of the house for 10 mins when cravings start but I can't. There's nowhere and H is still working today. But he's off for rest of year so I will try and go on walks on my own. My parents are super scared even opening their front door now because the government have sent us all messages saying stay at home tier 4 etc
Right now kids are already fighting and being annoying in saying be quiet/shut up every 5 mins. Guess the not so joys of drinking the night before get more ratty!
Will take them to the playground later and need to drop some. Presents on the drive for neice nephew etc. Rubbish you can't see your family lovely hopefully next year???!!

Just popping on to say merry Christmas everyone! Sorry I still haven't RTFT It's been a manic few days and when I get the chance I retreat to my bed rather than sit and watch TV which is a MASSIVE alcohol trigger.
No alcohol in the house today so hoping I can just ride the cravings rather than start drinking mouthwash or something

Merry Christmas everyone! Feels a bit odd being sober on Christmas day but so far so good. Have been guzzling AF drinks!
Hope you're doing OK @HearMeRawwr!

@Hazelnutmochi Merry Christmas to you and all. My first sober for years. Have struggled and now cooking which is when I like my wine glass full of wine but this year it's Lilt!. I won't give in as I can truly say I have done Christmas day sober. Day 21 for me.

Well done for the AF crew! Merry Christmas xx

Merry Christmas all. Somehow I'm only still fecking sober!! To be honest I've been thinking about having a drink and even have a bottle of Prosecco in the fridge... but I've had a horrible headache for 2 days so don't want to make it worse.
Well done everyone else who is still going, and meh fuck it, it's Christmas to those who aren't.
Xxxxxxxx

Morning all!! Still haven't RTFT and doubt I will until school starts again as I'm trying my best to be 'present' and not on my phone while they're at home. Then I crash out with them at 8pm.
So I had two gins yesterday, I didn't even enjoy them, all they did was take the craving away. But seeing it as a win that I didn't get drunk and it didn't affect my sleep.
Well done all who got through yesterday sober 😘😘

Morning everyone well I got through it. It was just like a normal.Sinday really (as e were on our own) only with tins of toys and brussel sprouts! May as well have cooked a shagging turkey as my large chicken took as long

How were your chicken diapers @ymna lol

Get back in the wagon now @HearMeRoarr

Did you cave? @writingsonthewall

Hope you all had a nice day @Newernewist @hazelnutmochi @Horlicks4me

Just did a big walk. DH got me air pods. Delighted with them, no more fancying around with wires getting wrapped around my coat. Have money from my folks so going to buy some skechers, leggings and waterproof gear. Off to meet my 2 sisters and folks later in the park

Oh @ymna son loves his fart bro lol. Its remote control and everywhere I went it was there farting . Bit like the DH

Sorry for typos. For anyone who likes a book on kindle. Share Lapenas Stranger in the House is 99p and v good. Bloody Brexit will ruin all my cheap books on amazon.uk now

Well done for not going overboard @HearMeRawwr
Glad it didn't affect your sleep! On Xmas eve I had too much I think and bought cigs. Had half of one and felt sick because its been a month.. I think I might throw then away! My sleep has been affected a lot so actually I can't wait not to drink on Jan 1st...maybe earlier. It my birthday 31st. I've done a couple of Christmases no alcohol and birthdays but I don't know if I can do it this time.
Hope everyone had a great day yesterday x

Hahah we cross posted @Sneachta well done on your walk! Air pods sounds divine!
Well they had bread and butter in the evening in the end hahaha older one tried the turkey which was good. I forgot the Yorkshire puddings which he would have eaten but whatever the day is done.
Fart bro sounds fantastic and rofl sounds like H same as mine then..H is complaining his toe hurts from. His run yesterday... Here we go...

Throw them away now @Ynwa12345 do it!!! You've done so well.

I didn't cave. I do want a drink but I don't want one enough it would seem. What is it they say.. I haven't come this far to only come this far.

Day 125..

So I m posting this to make you all feel grateful you have stayed sober this Xmas....
Had a few Xmas day but nothing bad and had an ok day but yesterday it all went downhill.

Started on my sons girlfriends gin yesterday and drunk and drunk....

The result was as follow:

In floods off tears on the phone to my daughter feeling lonely
Fell out with my sister by text and now I m blocked
Annoyed the lovely man I've met twice by getting paranoid on text and heard nothing since
Sick all over the bathroom in the night
Banging headache
House is an absolute tip
I look an absolute mess
Crippling anxiety
Hating myself

It's so not worth it is it?????

Anyone relate please message me so I m not so alone