Day 1 for anyone just starting out

[Justdonthavethefirstone]

Hi all. This is my day 1. I have joined some other threads for support but thought I would start a new one for anyone just starting out on this journey. I have a drink problem. It got worse over lockdown.i have had day 1 before and failed but this time I am starting off prepared. I have books to read. I have joined Mumsnet for support and have told my family and friends.

[Fizzi1234]

Hello please may I join?
Been reading through the threads and it’s unreal to finally hear stories like mine.
I’ve drunk heavily now for 15 years and it’s taken over my life!!!
I’ve lost friends, upset family, lost jobs and a marriage.
Bottle of red a night doesn’t touch the sides so I ll often open the next bottle especially weekends when I ll just drink anything just to get drunk. It’s not even enjoyable.
The days at work are spent feeling rough, looking rough, running to the loo and just surviving the day.
I Promise myself in the morning not tonight, then I ll stop at the garage and neck the first glass before my coats off.
Weekends I usually start with a few sips about midday to get me through the boring food shop and then I come back and attempt half hearted cleaning while swigging red wine which is a cheap one out off a box.
I ll order a takeaway as by tea time I m on the sofa and too pissed to cook anything then fall into bed around midnight.
I wake up in the night with that feeling off dread and toss and turn under the duvet till about 11am because I don’t want to face the day then force myself to get up. The Sunday is spent starting again at lunch time to try and numb the horrendous panic, guilt and dread hanging over me.
Sunday night and Monday morning I just cannot put into words.
I m sick off it and want to live and have things to look forward to again.
Every weekend is the same just a complete write off!!!
Day 2 for me today and tonight I’ve had a carton off tomato juice(quite nice with lots off Tabasco) and hot choc.
I’ve been single 3 years now probs coz I hate myself most off the time and think no one could ever want me with my drinking.
Trouble is I m scared without it. It masks and numbs everything and I m worried my life will be too clear for me to handle if you get what I mean? But it’s the dread and anxiety I just can’t cope with anymore.
Any tips for the early days welcome x

[Sneachta]

Morning everyone. Welcome all the new joiners

@Fizzi1234 you have transported me back to me 5 months ago. I know exactly what you mean by being clearer. Alcohol is a great way to forget and hangovers also mean thats all you have to concentrate on, (excellent my hangover means I do not have to deal with real life as I am so I'll so dont have too). All so relatable.

I have name changed but I originally was orchidjewel if you want to read my first post on 03/08 on page 1, its familiar.

Have you got any of the books that have been mentioned? Do you think you could talk to your GP? I had terrible withdrawals and libruim was a saviour. The books helped my mind set. In the early days I felt I had to change my whole routine. Did a lot of youtube yoga/walking, had my tonic (like your tomato juice) planned nice dinners earlier as the fuller I was the least likely I felt like drinking. Always said 'I'll have something to eat and if I feel like drinking I'll go in an hour and get some'. Luckily that hour never came. I set my bedroom up cosy so I could change rooms when the urge came on, off I'd trot with my alcohol lit, candles, smelly creams and tonic.

I did a few counselling sessions, it was lovely to have someone who wasnt shaking their head in disgust (not that anyone knew or those that did didnt do that) I know 1 or 2 here went down the AA route. This might be an idea (I'm sure they can advise)

I dont regret giving up. It's the best thing I've done and reading your post reminded me of that. If you stick with it (very very tough for the first month)

I also got a ton of vitamins, this is all mentioned in Alcohol lied to me. Keep reading, reading, reading as much as you can. Always have something on the to pick up so you can nod along too and feel yourself touching your liver wondering is it fucked!!

Keep posting and marking off your days. You too could be 142er!

[Fizzi1234]

@Sneachta
Thank you for your reply......

Yes, I read your story, blimey you really went through it didn't you????

I've bought the Carr book and starting to read that. I've also arranged some counselling which I m hoping will help but threads like these are so helpful just to know your not alone with it.

I m off work this week which is such a good thing as I m shattered with not sleeping. Still awake at 4am this morning although the dread feeling is not there!!!!

The evenings feel so long now and I m just not used to it. It used to be wine, dinner, wine and tv and bed.

I m hoping I will get more energy at some point to maybe do an exercise dvd or something at night but right now all I m doing is laying on the sofa watching tv as I m so knackered.

I m reading everything I can on it which helps. AA is not for me. I actually went once but the only bit I liked was the others talking about their experiences.

I so need to do this. I've tried so many times and then given up when it gets to the weekend. That's when it will be my test. If I can get through that first weekend that will be a major milestone.

I m just sick off the crippling feeling the next morning, but I m struggling with the free time in the evenings which may sound weird.

Anyway another day ahead and hangover free.

How long does it take for your sleep pattern to return coz although I've got no hangover I am so tired!!!!

X

[Horlicks4me]

Hi please can I join? I have posted on another thread but this one seems more appropriate for me as this is my first attempt to seriously try and get rid of my grip with alcohol. I too have been a wine drinker every day for many years but after having lost a friend (also heavy smoker but a daily drinker) and another with cancer related to alcohol it has hit me hard. Not to mention the hangovers and silly stuff that I have done whilst under the influence. It all seemed so normal to me to 'wind down' with a few glasses in the evening but I have been in denial for years. I am Day 6 AF . I have read Alcohol Lied To Me and am in the process of reading Allen Carr's book. I have bought my vitamins but am struggling to get to sleep at night. I'm guessing it's down to the fact that I'm not anaethetized!!! Also my big concern is my husband's reaction when he realises how serious I am. He thinks I'm taking a break as I've always said to him how I would love to be a social drinker i.e pop into the pub two/three times a week ,have a couple of glasses of wine, leave and not carry on at home and is very supportive. He is also a daily drinker but is more controlled and doesn't drink as much as me. I would love for him to join me but that's for another day!!! We are in tier 3 so the pubs are closed but I know when they are open he will want to go with me and I feel that will be a big trigger for me. Anyway ---- excuse me if I have rambled on and thanks for reading.

[Fizzi1234]

Hi @Horlicks4me just read your post, how are you getting on? Day 3 for me and got banging headache and unable to sleep at night then getting up late so vicious circle. I've bought some Nytol today to try and help me get back into a routine.
It must be so hard when you have a partner that still drinks even though moderately.
I don't think I d be able to resist it so well done!!!!
This is now the worst time so I've made my spicy tomato juice and sipping that.
I feel bit rough and know if I had a wine or 4 the headache would go and I d sleep tonight but remembering the feeling I would get in the morning stops me buying any.

Cannot wait to be at the point when I feel amazing and just don't think about it.

Simply can't imagine it. Are you stressing about Xmas drinking? I m just trying to take one day at a time.
X

[Horlicks4me]

Hi @Fizzi1234 thanks for your reply.I had a really bad headache on day 3 too and nearly succumbed but managed to resist. My dangerous time of day is about 3-4pm as this would be the time that DH would pop into the pub (unable to work due to Covid) and have a couple. Then home and open a bottle while I cook and settle in front of the TV. So now it's a walk and Netflix film for me until the time passes.
I hope Nytol works for you please let me know. I haven't even thought about Xmas yet. I have a feeling I am going to need a serious chat with Hubby before then.
Will you be celebrating Xmas with family who drink? If only we could lock ourselves away from others until temptation has passed but that is sad and unrealistic.
Well done on day 3 and please keep me posted x

[writingsonthewall]

Hi all and welcome to the newbies.
Good to hear you're still going @Sneachta well done. I am struggling too and think it's Christmas that's not helping. I think I'm on about day 105 or more. Still totally amazed I've made it this far and it is definitely a lot easier than it was but still have my moments.

@Fizzi1234 and @Horlicks4me the stories are very relatable. Once you enter this sober world it's an eye opener as to how most people have been duped by alcohol. Whilst I do now know that it's basically just addictive poison I still want some!

Books I can recommend are This Naked Mind by Annie Grace, Glorious Rock Bottom by Bryony Gordon, Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley and The unexpected Joy of being sober. Podcast: Over the Influence is good too. Quit lit and this group definitely got me through the early weeks. Keep going and good luck.

Hope everyone else is ok and still hanging in there xx

[Sneachta]

Morning hiya @writingsonthewall 105 that crept up didnt it. Yeh its xmas isnt it ahhh. I have to make a plan for all this time off scratching my arse with the kids. Husband is mad into hiking at the mo and he has taken them on 1 or 2 and son no 2 has a beaver challenge of walking so we can go hell for leather at that.

Welcome horlicks, so sorry to hear about you pal and fair play on 7 days now.

Yeh sleep is a bitch in the beginning, it definitely took about 2 months but hang in there. I started taking mag 365 recently before bed. Not sure if it works for sleeping for me (it's supposed to?) But great for the hormones.

Day 26 was a turning point for me where I didnt think about it as often. I had a routine in the evenings at trigger time. I no longer need that routine. I'm reading other threads and it reiterates for me that I'm done with booze. I was saying the other day how would I feel if I had 1? And laughed at myself aa that's just shite, I'd want the bottle!! I'm not scratching that itch.

My DH hasnt drunk a thing since I stopped so that REALLY REALLY helps me. He is out on sat and I've already got my plan in place to not cave.

I suppose I tell myself one day, one week at a time, think about my bloody liver and brain! And it re sets me.

Keep posting

[Sneachta]

Oh yes and no energy, I slept a lot. I feel wonderful in that area now, that passed. Fuck it though, sleep if you can. I love a little nap with my kindle of a weekend

[Ynwa12345]

Well done to @Sneachta and @writingsonthewall for all your amazing days I'm very proud of you both.
Welcome to the thread newcomers. I started out at the beginning in August but unfortunately went back to drinking daily.. Its not as bad as it used to be but still. I gave up smoking about 2 and a half weeks ago but then drank instead.. Its silly isn't it 'needing' a vice.
I went at bough magnesium yesterday @Sneachta anyway hoping it will help me sleep (but of course j know its the drink that's preventing me from having a good night's sleep!) I had the rage for ages when I gave up smoking I found smoking harder to give up than drinking funnily enough... But I had been smoking for over 20 years but my mum went into hospital it and could have been cancer so if it wasn't and she came out I promised i would give up the cigs!!! But now I'm past 2 weeks of that I'm going to give drinking alcohol a go to. All the Xmas stuff it's true makes it worse but welll done to all of you who have kept going it's not easy!
I still haven't read the naked mind which j downloaded ages ago or alcohol lied to me so will do this but I'm thinking of starting with dry january.
Anyway hope all is well xxx

[Fizzi1234]

Hi all,
So day 4 and I feel lousy. Still got banging headache and my sleeping is awful. Got into bed last night to read the Alan Carr book which is amazing and I read half off it.

Took a nytol around 11.30 as still wide awake but didn't help me drop off. Eventually fell asleep but was so groggy this morning and then fell asleep till 1.30 pm so I m not taking anymore off those.
Think I prefer feeling tired than groggy.

So it's my first weekend AF and I m nervous. Thing is my routine is out off sorts now.

Still got the tremors a bit and I thought I d be starving but I m the opposite and don't fancy food.

Yes @Horlicks4me I keep thinking about Xmas day. I m going to my daughters where alcohol will be flowing freely although they know I have a problem as they have seen me at my worst over the years.

Think they would be relieved if I didn't drink as I wouldn't get argumentative and ruin the day.

I was going to just have a few and that's it but after reading half off that book last night it's starting to change the way I feel about alcohol. I like how he says we drink to scratch that itch to feel how a non drinker does. It lasts for 20 mins then you get the low and need more.
That's so true!!!!

Anyway hope everyone has a good AF weekend.

X

[Sneachta]

@ymna MORNING absolutely fair play to you on the cigs. That's massive. Hope all your gang are well. The 7 year old (now 8,) put fart bro on his Santa list I know you'll appreciate that. Do you think you are going to kick alcohol to touch again or are you doing good?

Yes @fizzi1234, it is really awful in the beginning. I actual remember my family member when I stayed with them trying to force me to eat. Forgot about that. Sadly lol that doesnt last long and you'll be eating your face off soon. Stick with it, it passes. I had tremors, brain zaps, jesus I thought I was dying. My first Friday night was a killer. Did you get through it? I always look forward to the next morning waking up completely hangover free

I was just reading the sober for xmas thread. I cant keep up with people so I'm going to lurk.

@hazelnutmochi day 96

I'm not committing to any plans over xmas. I'm not going to the pub. Dont care how much begging and 'sure you'll be grands' I get. Going to start making healthy plans with kids. I'm determined to stay sober.

Then we can sit back and watch all the dry sober january threads and feel proud

[Sneachta]

Sorry yes to scratch the itch. That's one of my 'in my head' things I tell myself

[Ynwa12345]

Morning @Sneachta hahahaha fart bro love your 8 yo when was his bday?! Feels wierd he's not 7 anymore. My 7 yo is getting the switch... I know I know... But whatever I need a peaceful Xmas... Bloody electronics.
Family is OK thanks for asking but in laws are driving me around the bend... We have been cautious all this time not seeing them protecting them as kids go to school but they're 'disappointed' we don't want to go there on Xmas day.. Sil suggested we all lock ourselves in separate rooms hahaha what's the bloody point? Also H is making a big deal about how drunk he's going to get on Xmas day... He's ordered so much more champers and shit. Tbh I don't feel like drinking anymore... I'm not going out except my birthday but that's with the kids and H to a pub... I think you are all doing absolutely amazing and yes you can sit back and be proud when all the dry Jan starts (which I have downloaded an app for ready to go for Jan) I'm going to take each day at a time j think but I've defo gone back down the rabbit hole... Making wrong decisions tired moody etc but it was so I could kick the smoking so now that's well on its way out I can now stand up to the drinking.
Well done @hazelnutmochi for your days How's @Rupertpenrysmistress getting on.

[Ynwa12345]

@Fizzi1234 it does get better for sure how are you feeling this morning? X

[Hazelnutmochi]

Hi everyone! Welcome to @Horlicks4me and @Fizzi1234 sounds like you're both doing really well, the early days are so tough. Read/listen to all the books and podcasts and give yourselves loads of treats.
Day 112 here, longest I've been sober excluding pregnancy. Have also been feeling a bit twitchy, ended up eating loads of sweets last night which helped and then I felt a bit sick. Was thinking if I'd had wine I would have just kept going and then I would have felt horrific today. I've hit 5kg weight loss today (a third of what I'm hoping to lose before I turn 40 next year) so am very pleased about that. I just feel so much better for not drinking and am telling myself sober Christmas will be fab. If I keep saying it I will hopefully start to believe it.
Well done on passing the 100 day milestone @writingsonthewall and lovely to hear from you @Sneachta and @Ynwa12345

[Sneachta]

Wow hazel 112 dont know where I got 96 from. And brilliant on the weight loss.

Your house always sounds nuts ymna

Plodding along accordingly here. DH has a hangover from hell. The last time he drank was end of July. He enjoyed his few pints with his pals. I admit I was very very very jealous. I'm just concentrating on how to have a lovely sober xmas. One day at a bloody time

[Fizzi1234]

Thanks for the welcome. So it's day 6 and I m still not sleeping until about 5am!! How long does the insomnia last? Been so tired still got nothing done this weekend x

[Horlicks4me]

Don't know if it will help @Fizzi1234 but I am day 9 and also suffering with getting sleep but I now manage to nod off about 2.30 and sleep until about 7am. I am hoping it improves .I never imagined sleep would be so difficult but we have lost our 'anaesthetic'.One day at a time. Our livers will thank us!!

[Newernewist]

Hi everyone, hi to newcomers!!!
@Fizzi1234, the sleep cycle was a killer for me too, I asked my GP for some sleeping tablets, I think I had 1 or 2 nights with them, I then got some valerian tablets which I preferred to taking the prescribed meds.
Stick with it, your sleep will return,I thought mine never would.
I drank to sleep.
I didn't think I could sleep without it.
But I can

You will feel so much better without alcohol in your system, I used to wake up either still drunk or feeling shocking.
I didn't think I'd ever get sober,but I did and I feel fantastic.
It's just one day at a time x

[Fizzi1234]

Thanks @Newernewist and @Horlicks4me.
I didn't think it would be so hard to sleep but I m used to falling into bed drunk then black out. I've not yet felt the true benefits because off the insomnia but I've got a feeling it will be fab when it comes. X

[writingsonthewall]

Hey everyone how is it going? Hope everyone who wants to is hanging in there. I feel like I'm close to cracking. I dreamt i had a glass of wine last night. I've done 115 days. I have to admit I don't feel massively different, I've put on weight! I'm just a bit meh, what's it all for?

[Fizzi1234]

Fell off the wagon day 1 again tomoz

[Horlicks4me]

@Fizzi1234 you are disappointed to go back to day1 I'm sure but the fact that you are getting back to it shows you have determination. We are all going to have days when we want to drink as (in my case) it had been a part of my daily routine for years and it's sooooo hard to break which is the reason we are here on this forum and supporting each other. I am day 15 now and last night was my best night's sleep since I started so that may become the same for you? Keep posting and good luck. x