Day 1 for anyone just starting out

[Justdonthavethefirstone]

Hi all. This is my day 1. I have joined some other threads for support but thought I would start a new one for anyone just starting out on this journey. I have a drink problem. It got worse over lockdown.i have had day 1 before and failed but this time I am starting off prepared. I have books to read. I have joined Mumsnet for support and have told my family and friends.

Happy Halloween 🎃
dh and dd are doing some Halloween baking then we have an indoor treasure hunt. Day 69 and feeling much less twitchy at the weekends, not drinking is becoming the norm here.
Definitely don't beat yourself up @Ynwa12345 and agree with not going back to day 1 for a little blip/experiment.

I love the idea of a tattoo but too indecisive to decide what to get. Maybe one day.
I'm planning on 3 advent calendars (greedy!), my Holland and Barrett one, a choc one and DH got me a friends one. I got dd a calendar last year when you put your own treats in so need to get some bits and pieces to put in there. Need to get one for DH too.

Morning everyone. Congratulations hazel on 69 days. It creeps up fast.

I'm glad halloween is over. Very hyper kids but was a fun day. It was very very triggering though. I made an early ish dinner. Dh got a fright as I got some elderflower tonic from Aldi and didnt cop on it looked like a bottle of white. There was a rugby game on at 8 so I had it planned I was going up to bedroom once kids settled with a film and watched Queen of Gambit with all my candles and creams. Dh came up lurking a bit. I think he thought I was drinking, I DID have a struggle yesterday which I knew would pass, he must have picked up on that. . I ended up knackered and asleep by 10pm.

I'm feeling it a bit so I'm going back to my first notes (hospital trip) and going to listen to some of those podcasts. I need to not forget why I'm doing this. Yesterday I was a little woe is me. I know inwent drink but I dont want my mindset to slip and feel sorry for myself and envy people die king. If that makes any sense.

Anyway I'm back doing yoga so I'm going to hoof my legs and arse around for a bit

Congratulations @hazelnutmochi for day 70. You are doing amazing and thanks everyone for being so kind about my fuck up. Lol.
@Sneachta I hope you are OK your H seems quite sweet though to even give a crap if you are or not. My H wouldn't have a clue if h was downing stellas up stairs in my room! It is going to be hard everything.. All your feelings all normal and you have done 100 says remember absolutely amazing!!!!!

Thanks so much ymna. We have to keep strong dont we. Stella's, I'm laughing at that. Believe me DH is a selfish twat most of the time. I think he is in shock that I'm not putting up with him any longer and putting my foot down:) he has no choice but to step up now. Did my yoga and half way through SN child decided to do it with me. Big wet arse in my face for most of it Feel stretched out though and ready for football (ie me yacking with other SN parents, it's like therapy)

Hope you get some time to yourself today and the crubeen ison the mend :)

Ah so glad your son can still do his footie. Eldest is raging he's missed it 2 weeks in a row and now we are on national lockdown from Thurs I'm assuming it will be cancelled? Which doesn't make sense as schools are open so they'll all be mixing anyway? I'm just fed up with all this now. Bloody annoying. Just when h was going back to the office a day a week so I'd have peace. It was already thrown out when eldest had to self isolate week before last anyway arghhh shouldn't be so selfish as some of the threads are about people losing their livelihoods with this 2nd lockdown I feel so so bad for them so should be bloody grateful that H has a job and I am presuming I can still go into work on sundays for key worker business ha I feel for my parents etc but again grateful I can see them from the window I guess as they live down the road.
I'm not even joking about the stellas tho hahaha used to find crushed cans beside My bed when it was bad...
Well done for yoga tho! I need to seriously get my fat arse into gear... Hope everyone is OK and happy Sunday x

Ah ymna I hope your sons football is still on. Kids are allowed their outdoor sport as long as its 15 or less here, hoping the other pairs hockey is back on after midterm.

I know, my DH had decided he was going to go back to the office. I was really looking forward to it. He says he will never go back now ffs

Morning everyone. Hope you are all good. Yoga, podcasts, reading has had a positive effect. Obviously need to keep a bigger check on myself.

Enjoy back to school :)

Ah, that's brilliant @Sneachta, read your post yesterday and came on to see how you are doing.
Was lovely dropping dd at pre school this morning. Feeling a bit unsettled by imminent lockdown, mainly because it reminds me how out of control my drinking got last time. Very grateful to be sober this time.

Afternoon all, hope everyone is ok. Your baking and Halloween hunt sounded fun @hazelnutmochi hope you had a good day. Well done to us on day 70! Mine is today so guess yours was yesterday. It is definitely getting easier. I went to London satruday for a comedy gig (Daniel Sloss - v funny but a bit dark so not for the easily offended!) and then for some food. Didn't drink obvs and was fine. The small bottles of prosecco in the Palladium were £12!!!!! TWELVE FUCKING POUNDS! If I was drinking I would have had 2 for sure, and would have wanted a third but jesus that's expensive. I had a Cawston's fizzy apple instead

I went into Holland and barrett yesterday on the offchance they had some of those calendars left but nada.

@Sneachta defo get on the podcasts and quit lit. On one hand it feels like it does make you think about drinking more than is necessary but on the flip side it does keep you focussed so I think worth it. Prob is some kind of anti climax thing goes on when you hit 100 days too I would think.

My son's goalkeeper training is cancelled tonight @Ynwa12345 He's livid obvs. It's not even lockdown yet! I made the fatal error of going to B&Q yesterday to get some paint samples. OMG it was absolute carnage!!! We got stuck in the car park ffs. Madness. I imagine the supermarkets are much the same. I haven't been though as have eaten this year's quota of food already.

I've made a hair appointment for tomorrow at 5pm though as my roots are in a dire state. Not actually gonna see anyone so why bother but I feel pretty crap about myself at the mo and the greys aren't helping so...

Also got my final dentist appointment Weds afternoon for my last crown fitting so hopefully that will be ok and I'll get it in before they shut again (if they are shutting, are dentists shutting?! I have no clue).

My daughters netball is on tonight but not after that. Her athletics on Thursday is cancelled as is football training. Not sure if my daughters guitar teacher will still come here or not.

Thank god my kitchen is nearly finished. Well, I say nearly, it's taking forever. Today someone came, did something to the floor and then said it had to have 24 hours to "settle" and buggered off home again at 11am. I am hoping to be able to start using the oven and stuff by the weekend but I won't hold my breath.

Glad you're feeling better today @sneachta :-)

My h has gone into the office today and is praying they will shut it so he can have a few weeks at home. His CEO is a bit old school though so I don't fancy his chances. We haven't had any comms from my work yet but most people are still WFH anyway.

Right best get on. Have a lovely Monday all

Hi everyone!
Hair appointment sounds just what you need @writingsonthewall it doesn't matter if you aren't going anywhere it's just to make yourself feel good! Everyone must be kind to themselves.
Well done on everyone for keeping it going. I feel like I don't have a lot of energy at all these days. Was even looking at getting a treadmill for the house but seeing as half the house is going to ripped out pretty soon no point. It was lashing this morning heavy loud rain woke me and little one at 5am and its their first day back at school today. No after school clubs at all. No footie. All parents must wear a mask I was steaming up like anything with my spex couldn't see anything! But we had an email saying all parents must wear masks dropping and picking up their kids. I saw half the parents exempt it seems. Oh well ill do my bit... Fucking lockdown argh I wish boris just listened to the science few weeks back. Anyway let's see what happens. I am doing all the house work today and waiting for Rat man to come..

Ah lads full lockdown for you on Thursday, its depressing. Ymna just found out all my kids sport is to be cancelled. I honestly thought the same as you, if they are in school. I'm hearing your re H, I got a whole 10 minutes of the house alone today. Didnt know what to do with myself . He just comes down and grumbles about everything, obsessed with Trump. Picks fights for no loody reason and he wonders why I leave the room everytime he enters

Writing hope you got that hair done, ANYTHING at this stage to make us look nice should be done. I was very wistful reading about your trip to London. It's a place that holds a big thrill for us Irish.

Ah hazel you have a little preschooler. Its such a delight watching them go in and you just want to kiss the face off them at the same time

Well I signed up yesterday for an online ballet class not realising it was advanced. THANK GOD I put plasters over my camera I was flailing around like a small elephant. I will stick to yoga. It was fun though

Hahah @Sneachta online ballet sounds bloody amazing!!!! I'm so pleased you did it. Plasters over camera tho omg you make me laugh!
You got to laugh in these times for sure. My mil is so dismal and negative about everything. She's like Oh covid will go on 2023 and even the experts aren't positive and how she's missing my kids their laughs and antics.. Well she didn't miss them when she banned my eldest from her house in August because of his 'antics' they have been so horrible about my eldest since he was little and now they realise i guess. I said yeah I'm sk proud of eldest he's so kind and giving blah blah and how we love family time but we might see h boxing day haha hahah I'm so mean.
Regarding your H grumbling I don't blame you walking out love honestly. My H just got a delivery of a new monitor from work he's been told he can't go in now ffs I was sooooo looking forward to him going argh
Hope everyone else is OK I'm still smoking like a loon and I think I will have to go back to day 1 because of my 'moderated' drinking over the weekend we were away and j was on holiday mode and surprisingly I didn't drink as much as H who was pisses as a fart quite a lot but he seems to be happy I was sharing his wine and his dessert haha

Morning everyone just checking in. How are you all getting on? Sleeping really well now. I started taking mag 365, it's a teaspoon or 2 dissolved in hot water before bed. I was sceptical but I definitely am having a deeper sleep. I was teasing some of my hangovers too and delighted I'm free from those.

Ah ymna your MIL sounds upsetting and horrible. Banning your little boy? Some people are so weird.

Im on the hunt for a game Downfall, if any of you are old enough to remember that! was trying to the original but it's too expensive so I will go with the new version. Trying to think of xmas presents for 4 kids is a nightmare. Any recs? Especially boys! All under 10

Downfall rings a bell @Sneachta, my best friend has 2 boys under 10, I got them screwball scramble last year which went down well. Loved that when I was a kid. 4 to buy for, don't envy you. 1 is enough plus niecesand friends kids.

I'm the same with the mask and glasses @Ynwa12345, get so steamed up.

Hope your kitchen is on track @writingsonthewall. Good you got your hair done. Wishing I'd got my roots done...

Oh downfall rings a big bell for me. I shall google in a min.

Hi gang! How are ya all? So busy again at work haven't even had a mo to write to you lot.

Got my roots done on Tuesday so the greys are covered for a few weeks at least.

Is your rat situation sorted now @Ynwa12345 ?

Online ballet sounds hilarious!! I would be so shit!! Gutted my yoga class is shut again now. I could find something online but I'm so useless at home and get distracted so it's pointless.

Aw london is fun @Sneachta it is nice to be relatively close. When lockdown is over you should come over. We can all meet up, have lots of cocktails and food and beers. Oh wait......

My h is back wfh too. I was getting used to having the place to myself although am also working all day. The kitchen is ongoing and I've had enough of it. I want my house back. He's almost done I think thank god, will hopefully be nearly there tomorrow.

Have you been ok without a drink this week @Ynwa12345 if you have then that's really good you've been able to dabble. Day 73 for me. Amazed I've got this far really.

I do think my sleep is better but it's still not brilliant. Maybe I should try that magnesium. I'll put it on my list.

Mask and glasses is literally the worst. My eyesight is crazy bad now, so weird how it's deteriorated. I can't read my phone or computer or a book without them on. People at work proper took the piss out of me as I have my text on my phone so big!! I'm old.

Christmas for my son is purely handed down this year! He's getting a scaletrix I bought for my eldest daughter years ago that's been in the loft since before he was born. Also a ride on lightning McQueen car that my friends had for their son. Every time we visited them my ds would whizz around their house in it. Their son is a few years older and has outgrown it so they've given it to us. Slightly worrying as their house is significantly bigger than ours!!

Just need to figure out what to get the girls now. Middle one wants Adidas Stan smiths. Older one never knows what she wants but is not into clothes or make up or anything girly at all. She's so hard to buy for.

OMG Downfall!!!! I had forgotten that even existed!!! I used to love it. Now I want one too.

Morning everyone

Congratulations on day 73 writing what colour is your new kitchen? I have to look up the lightening McQueen car. Its terrific getting stuff like that from friends. I have the problem that my 3 boys are into much the same things and the fights if one gets something different so have to triple up. Nightmare. I'm sure your completely gutted about your yoga. Online is not the same. It's the whole looking forward to getting out and about and seeing different humans!

How many days are you now hazel? Ymna yes between your rats, trotters and MIL I'd be on day 1 too

How do you think you will cope in lockdown now? Hasnt been any different for me. It's awful if you have been back to the office and now back home and having DHs home!

I found all the bits recommended in Craig Becks book extremely good for my eyesight.

Right so we need to think about what we want for xmas. We dont go into buying each other presents but this year I'm going to get some and give them to DH to wrap. I'm thinking really nice pyjamas. Need ideas

Morning all. Thank you for being so supportive @Sneachta @hazelnutmochi and @writingsonthewall truly you have bled me no end I really felt like I'd let you all down. I'm surprised I didn't drink earlier but the after effects of the drink are there shying in the background the palpitations etc. Also the other morning H decided to fing go on a bike ride at 530am woke me up.. He promised he would be back by 8am to drop kids... So 8am no sign ive got kids ready pack lunches etc but I'm still in pj's (I have a wierd thing about not going out the house without showering in morning) anyway I'm calling h thinking the worst that he's had an accident it was dark and icy that morning I was full on panicking. Kids picked up on my stress and were stressing too. Gone 810am when we normally leave j turn my car on quickly brush teeth change clothes and he bloody bowls in all sweaty saying he had a puncture.. Cue me fing and blinding so bad and I stormed out to drop kids and we were running late.. There's building work since Jan opposite the vans constantly blocking fing me in... That moirning giant skip lorry and I basically reversed into it. He starts on me telling me I've damaged his lorry I went mental lost it and eventually drove ojff but had tok stop end of road to cry hard... All whilst kids watching EVERYTHING from the sweating to crying.. Then eldest starts crying. I am a mess. I ring h from car on loudspeaker crying and calling him names... Kids heard that so I felt even worse for that... Anyway that night I used excusee of lorry driver (I was still so angry he was rude and horrible) I didn't damage lorry thank god.. Then I look on h phone he was showing me pics he was taking fing photos at 736am very far away instead of messaging me tht tell be late as his friend got a puncture ffs he took time to take pics but couldn't msg to say hell be late??? He opened wine that night and I had some ffs sorry bout the long post I needed to let it out..
I'm just fed up with the builders, covid, my in laws and yes my trotters too, h being a selfish fucker at the best of times etc but I really don't want to drink... I'm going to try and walk with my neighbour today she has a problem too and hiding her wine bottles from her adult son she lives with...

Bled no you have helped me all so so much! I will think of Xmas present ideas soon for everyone! Wish you guys lived near me I would do all your eye tests! @writingsonthewall when was your last one? I'm actually looking forward to working on Sunday!

I need an eye test @Ynwa12345 I'm booked in for the end of November, wasn't sure if it would still go ahead but if you're working assume my optitions will be open. Dd broke the arm of my glasses at the beginning of last lockdown so I've been wearing my spare pair which I don't love.
So sorry to hear about your stressful morning, I would be furious at my DH. And being blocked in is so annoying! We used to get blocked in loads in our old house, drove me mad!

Day 75 here @Sneachta! 3/4 of the way to 100! I need inspiration for my DH too. We do a stocking for each other then one item around the tree, he doesn't tend to buy himself clothes that often so might get him a jumper as main gift then I've got a USA office themed mug as we're watching that at the moment for the stocking so far.
DH is pretty good on the present front so will probably leave him to it. Have mentioned I'd quite like a magazine subscription though.

Totally up for a London get together!! I'm only 25 minutes from London on the train.

Just checking in hoping everyone is fine and dandy x

Hellooo. @Sneachta new kitchen is light grey cupboards with white worktops and grey floor. It's really nice! mostly just nice to have the house back! Haven't read Craig Beck's books (or listened to should I say!), but I will if there is eyesight help in there!

I need ideas for my H Christmas too. I might just get him a jumper or something. He never gives me ideas of what he wants.

I wish you could do our eye tests too @Ynwa12345 I only had my last one about 9 weeks ago, remember I went and got new glasses. They really help but now I can't see without them! And they are just reading, and then if I look up at someone in the room I can't see them so it's on-off-on-off the whole day - super annoying.

Which direction from London are you in @hazelnutmochi
? It's funny how there's a few of us quite close together. Where is @Rupertpenrysmistress also?

All ok here, @ynwa12345. the not drinking definitely is easier now. Still want a drink quite a lot though! Hope you're ok x

Morning everyone

Oh ymna what a stressful morning you had and then reversing into the truck to top it all off. I have mornings like that and get the rage and end up in tears. And I know its rage at the H, what he doesn't do. You have so much stress going on. I have been doing my yoga and I'm going walking today. You NEED to plan alone time for yourself. Regular, something to look forward too, de stress alone time. If your H can cycle YOU can take your time out. It does make a difference, you will end up killing yourself with stress. I also flipped the other day and now have a schedule in place (and I'm sticking to it) I disappeared upstairs and told the whole family, place spotless OR ELSE. So they are now sticking to their jobs and its half the work I'm doing ;) I've no doubt I'll be kicking ass again soon.

Oh.writing your kitchen colour sounds lovely. All fresh colours. I'd love the sound of grey and white. We have black bloody granite and cream. Honestly I hate black granite. Yes the temptation is always there isn't it. But I feel our resolve is good.

Day 75 Hazel. its wonderful. I was reading how it takes about 4 months for our bodies to ditch the abuse and we can feel marvellous!!

Men are so hard to buy for. Do they need fleece hoodies? Dh just bought 3, raging with him ffs. I'm going to get him a yoga mat as he keeps rubbing mine.

Our no's are coming down, slowly. Sick of xmas already, you cant make plans so stop f'ing asking me. Quite happy to stay here, wont be watching everyone drink :( can play ALL the board games I'm getting for them (for myself really) how are you all getting in in your lockdown?

Just plodding along, not drinking!!

Hi all.
Yes @writingsonthewall I remember now hehe! Yes it sounds like you need something called an office lens or varifocal to see all distances without the need to take on and off! Ah the joys of hardcore computer work, lockdown and having a birthday lol
I'm on day 3 guys. I know you won't judge me etc but I'm trying my best here. H has been really bad recently. I'm sure it coincides with me drinking again (not thag he doesn't like it but my personality /nature/quick to snap changes) yes I was on day 71 and etc but anyway I've started reading quit lit.. My sleep has been on and off. I m keeping a. Lot of anger in towards H too so need to resolve this. My kids are ok. Yday I ate so much chocolate crisps and crap but at least I didn't drink.
@hazelnutmochi where about are you? I'm also 25 mins from central!
@Sneachta hope the clan are good! I'm thinking for Xmas might have to get the switch for 7 Yr old - parents have said they will chip in. But then what for the 4 Yr old. We have so many games and toys in the house I don't want more! So getting lots of stocking fillers mainly sweets lol
I want plain black trainers I can wear at work with a skirt... I have trotter issues as u all know! I also want an advent calnader but unsure on which one!
Happy Tuesday x

The DH does not rub my yoga mat. He robs it :)