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Alcohol support

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Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

988 replies

Drybird2020 · 12/07/2020 10:44

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Isinknot · 10/08/2020 04:33

H! I am new to this thread and this area of MN.

Breathmiller · 10/08/2020 07:54

Hi everyone
I was on the dry January thread this year but went back to drinking mid February then after a difficult few months of my mum being very ill and ending being moved to a nursing home in lockdown and of course lockdown itself I have returned to bad habits.
I have previously done months at a time AF and even a year and a half but i always end up back drinking.

I look back at that 18 months AF and see how healthy and fit I was and how my productivity went through the roof. And I keep thinking...how do i get back to that? Then i realise it was because i wasn't drinking.

I am generally good at not drinking during the week but that creeps in now and again especially in lockdown.
But I am terrible at the whole binge thing at the weekend. And the more i do that ...well ....the more I do that.

I have always had an issue with alcohol, in fact I'd say fairly severely when i was younger.
But I am 50 this year and I like the idea that drinking doesn't serve me anymore (if it ever did) and I'd like to let it go. My son has always laughingly calls 50 "half way" as i have many family members who have lived til nearly 100 or beyond. I would quite like to see what the second half would be like sober.

So yesterday was day 1 (again) for me so I'd like to join you for some accountability and support. And if all goes to plan then yesterday will be my last ever day 1.

I was going to name change for this thread but realised I have nothing to be ashamed of...in fact i am proud to be doing this.

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 10/08/2020 08:12

You are brave @Breathmiller and you should be proud! Welcome back!

Breathmiller · 10/08/2020 09:36

bunnies
Thankyou. It's nice to be back.

SparklingLime · 10/08/2020 13:36

As it’s quiet, I’ll sneak back on (I flounced a few weeks ago, but am swallowing my embarrassment. I hid the thread and only recently worked out how to unhide it to lurk and saw some lovely messages, thank you.)

Hello @Isinknot, do you want to say a bit more about your situation or what you’re aiming for?

Hangingover · 10/08/2020 13:37
SparklingLime · 10/08/2020 13:39

@Hangingover

>
Thank you, sweetie. Every thread needs a twat, right? 🤨
Hangingover · 10/08/2020 13:41

Oh shush and have this BrewCakeFlowers

SparklingLime · 10/08/2020 13:43

Ooh, thank you. Just about to go out to a nice garden for tea actually. 🌸

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 10/08/2020 15:08

Welcome back @SparklingLime👍

Ravenswick · 10/08/2020 16:32

Hey @SparklingLime, brilliant that you are back :-) Hope you have a lovely trip out for tea Flowers

Drybird2020 · 10/08/2020 17:52

Welcome back, @Breathmiller. I've been thinking of this as the second half of my life, too.

I've also been thinking about the quote someone gave upthread, it's not your fault that you have an addiction, but I'm afraid it is your responsibility. It's spot on!

OP posts:
Breathmiller · 10/08/2020 18:45

Thanks everyone.

Day 2 nearly done, but I'm past my witching hour of dinner so not so bad now.
What's great is my DH has decided to support me this time. Not stop altogether but have more days off. He drinks beer which i can take or leave but it will be easier if we are both doing it, even if just some of the time.

Ifnotnowthenwhen5 · 10/08/2020 19:13

Hello @Breathmiller, @Isinknot and @SparklingLime! Day 10 for me and just sat outside my tent with a nice AF Shipyard. Feeling very relaxed and happy and had a nice chat with DP about not drinking, he even gave the AF beer a go!

RachelLyg · 10/08/2020 20:30

Hey @Breathmiller

I think I recognise your name from the Dry Jan thread. Sorry you’ve had a rough time and glad your DH is being more supportive.

Breathmiller · 10/08/2020 20:33

Waves to RachelLyg
Hi. Yes, it does help. The dry Jan thread was a great support
How have you done since January?

RachelLyg · 10/08/2020 22:44

@Breathmiller

I was doing ok until lockdown. Then I just seemed to shoot down a slippery slope. Did Dry July and am keeping going for as long as I can.

Isinknot · 10/08/2020 23:34

Hello everyone.

I'm here because I've been drinking constantly for about two months and I really need to stop it off.

I've been bored stupid since March when I was put on furlough, and I need to sort myself out.

Good to meet you all. Smile

Hangingover · 11/08/2020 07:54

Can we all agree it doesn't count as breaking your sobriety streak if you find yourself, through no fault of your own, sheltering from sideways rain in a van belonging to someone you don't know that well who promptly hotboxes it and chats at you for hours? Blush I'm clearly too polite for my own good. Starving now.

Breathmiller · 11/08/2020 09:07

rachel well done for coming back to it in July and still being here. I think that lockdown will have had that affect on lots of us. So easy to fall into old habitual patterns that we believe comforts us.

I'm already excited about the prospect of being dry again! Which is much different to how I would have felt on day 3 years ago. I am aware it's a weekday though which isn't that unusual for me these days. Friday is my anniversary and my 50th is in September so a few challenges ahead. I even thought about waiting til after my birthday but I've realised there are always going to be events to celebrate and hard times to get through.

Years ago 3 days would have felt a massive achievement.

It kind of gets easier each time.

I did the same with veganism.
I am a life long vegetarian who wanted to be vegan for moral reaaons but found it hard to give up certain things out of habit. I tried it once in my 20s and failed almost instantly. Because...well...cheese!

But then over the last decade I have dipped into times without dairy and done veganuary a good few times. But always went back.

And then this year after veganuary i have just settled into a good healthy vegan diet and i don't feel I'm missing out. I suppose I've made new habits so it doesn't seem difficult anymore. Yes, sometimes i think that cheese looks good or fancy a poached egg but it's just a thought and it passes.

And i kind of think its like that with alcohol. In my 30s I couldn't imagine that I would ever not drink during the week as routine or that my consumption when I did drink would dramatically reduce. But after doing dry January and working hard to have dry periods, short and long, even though I have gone back to drinking I have made lots of progress in reduction. And I hope that this time i just naturally fall into it being an easy habit. I feel it's time.

So this thread is perfect. Not that I will not drink for a week or a month but that I will work towards being forever free.

One day at a time.

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 11/08/2020 11:12

@Breathmiller really interesting post. I’m a lapsed, once long time vegetarian, and I’m definitely interested in veganism. Good to hear you do get used to it!

Breathmiller · 11/08/2020 11:48

@BunniesBunniesBunnies

(Quick derail- apologies folks.)

The vegan area on here is fab. There is a thread with people posting what they ate today and it gives ideas and inspiration.

I've mentioned this before on here but a very wise friend of my daughter once said to me "instead of saying you're going to cut out dairy altogether" (which was my original aim) " and then feeling like a failure because you eat a bit of cheese. Why not just say I'm going to cut down on dairy? Then its easier to do"
Made sense to me. I made alternatives when i could over the years and now here i am finding it easy.

Derail over Smile

Hopefully after years of cutting down alcohol and having periods of abstinence then it will just naturally flow to being AF permanently.

But both show that these things are easier with support. I'm very grateful for these threads

SparklingLime · 11/08/2020 11:59

@Hangingover

Can we all agree it doesn't count as breaking your sobriety streak if you find yourself, through no fault of your own, sheltering from sideways rain in a van belonging to someone you don't know that well who promptly hotboxes it and chats at you for hours? Blush I'm clearly too polite for my own good. Starving now.
😂😂
SparklingLime · 11/08/2020 12:03

Welcome, @Isinknot. Have you set yourself up well, with your favourite soft drinks, snacks and some helpful resources? Lots of people find Annie Grace’s 30 Day Experiment a good place to start: learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration

RachelLyg · 11/08/2020 16:25

@Breathmiller

Yes, the vegan analogy is a good one.

I agree, 6/7 years ago, I was drinking a bottle of wine almost every night. My first attempt at Dry January felt like a failure because I only managed 10 days. Looking back, that 10 days was actually an achievement as it was the first big stepping stone to getting me to much longer periods of abstinence. I now manage Dry Jan, July and Ictober without a problem. My problem is slipping back into bad habits as soon as I pick up a drink again. While I am a long way from a bottle of wine a night, I tend to binge drink at weekends and holidays. Lockdown meant losing my structure and I was drinking 4 nights a week again.

I’ve been AF since the beginning of July. I’m doing some exercise every day. Not lost much weight yet because I’ve replaced alcohol with chocolate but I’m starting to wean myself off that too.

I think I’m hoping that Dry Jan, July and Ictober will all gradually merge together and I’ll be AF permanently!