Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

It will get better @LivingMyBestLifeNOT, keep going! This will pass.

What a great post @Hangingover

100 days today! And I'm loving it!

Wahey! Congrats on 100 days @Teetotallyimperfect Awesome work.

Hope you got some sleep in the end @LivingMyBestLifeNOT. I found sleep very difficult in the first couple of weeks, I’m now around two months in and sleeping better tho feel grotty this morning, had that sort of TOTM exhaustion and slept for about 8 hours but still feel rough and craving carbs (I haven’t had a period for months so don’t thing it is TOTM just feels that way) anyway....It’s a useful reminder to me that being AF doesn’t cure all crapness. I tell myself it helps me recognise and feel truer moods tho and listen and feed/exercise my body as it needs. Hang on in there, your body is working itself out and I bet sleep will improve.

Fabulous @Teetotallyimperfect, what an achievement! Are you going for 200 now?,

@Teetotallyimperfect congrats, what a milestone🤩🤩🤩

Well done on the running Jess!

I second, third, fourth etc everyone else saying please don't slink off Sparkling and sorry your post was missed. I do understand how you feel, and hope you won't be embarrassed to come back.

I'm a few weeks dry now. Did anyone else have a BRUTAL first period after quitting? PMT symptoms are off the chart this month. I'm early forties and they've been on a downward spiral for a while now, but feels extra hard this month. Headaches, feeling sick, feeling angry, cramps... what a joy!

Not sure whether it's just because I've not had the crutch of booze to soften the sharp edges of the PMT days, or whether my body is just rebalancing itself...

I'm hoping next months period will be better... hmmm

.. and congratulations Teetotally!! are you doing anything to celebrate it? Give us some inspiration for us lot to plan our 100 day celebration

Well doneTeetotallyimperfect that’s amazing - 100days!!!! 🌟 ⭐️ What are your best bits? Do share.

I know what you mean about getting up in the morning Cyllie33 it’s great not to be hungover, but I’m not quite jumping out of bed in the morning feeling like a 20year old either. I think I had rather grand over-expectations.

Sometimes I feel sore bending over to put my socks on. More yoga required I think.

Hey all, how’s everyone getting on? I’m finding the days are adding up sloooooowly at the moment. I’m happy about my not drinking but I find myself getting so angry about other (small) things😬 @PamelaPeaches sorry to hear about the PMT, mine used to be dreadful but I’m
on the pill now feeling a lot better.

Am hoping for a calm day with rage, which me luck!

Hello all, hope you have room for a new dryling! I stopped drinking a week ago. I've been having a glass of wine in the evening for as long as I can remember, after the kids put to bed became before the kids put to bed. It never seemed a problem because I didn't drink very much and am otherwise very healthy with three massive workouts a week. But the wines got getting earlier and earlier in lockdown, making me zonk out at 10 (when I could have been spending time with DH) waking up at 3 unable to sleep, shattered in the morning, with shades of self-loathing but no will power not to repeat. One week in I've been back at the gym, drinking lots of water and keeping busy in the evenings. There's no wine in the house, just gin and tonic for visitors and some Aperol I would really have to be in a pretty bad place to touch! I'm going to read through the threads and soak up the advice and experiences, thanks Drybird!

Thanks everyone! I didn't celebrate - but I definitely plan to continue being AF. I got to 120 days last time so I'm concentrating on not getting complacent. The best bit for me is not having that constant internal dialogue of deciding whether to drink or not, how much is too much, will I be able to stop after one or two (no!) etc. And I'm sleeping so well, eating better, I've lost weight, my skin is clearer, and I just feel happier. When i drink i just stop caring about myself. And I love being able to drive whenever I need to - the evenings are so much longer and I can go out more because i don't have to factor in drinking time.

Now you mention it @PamelaPeaches i think my PMT was worse initially but i assumed it was just because i was feeling everything without numbing out. It's definitely got better but i think that's partly down to doing way more exercise (i wasnt really doing any!). I've just done run 3 of week 5 C25K. I've not got this far before as I usually give up! I'm exceptionally slow (people can walk faster than I'm running) but that's fine.

Hope you're feeling calmer @BunniesBunniesBunnies.

Welcome @gazingahead. I could have written much of your post (drinking getting earlier and earlier).

How's everyone else doing?

I’m looking forward to getting to 100 days - which won’t be until October - partly for the sense of achievement, partly because I think my not drinking should be well established by then and partly for curiosity - will I feel as good as everyone says I will 😎

I’m coming up to day 30 this weekend and must admit that like @Cyllie33 I’ve been pretty comfortable not drinking so far. I’ve read masses of quit lit and it has really helped me to see alcohol warts and all, which I had never done before, properly. I’d definitely say to anyone who is struggling make podcasts and books about AF an essential tool in your survival kit, they make such a difference.

Can we talk about invasive thoughts?

I've realised these thoughts play an ENORMOUS role in why I drank so much all the time. Horrible thoughts pop into my head at random times - but most often at night - and I haven't ever been able to stop them. It was a source of huge distress to me when I was a teenager before I discovered alcohol. Does anyone else suffer with them?

Hi everyone. I've been lurking a few days but decided to jump in and join!

I can relate to so many of your experiences from lockdown with kids leading to earlier and earlier drinking with more and more drinks each day to invasive thoughts and disrupted sleep and not achieving everything I should be, letting myself go, putting on weight and being a grumpy wife and mum.

I stopped last week but had my swan song at the weekend as I met a friend who's been having a very hard time and needed a good time and chin wag with some wine but I was aware and felt in control that it the last time.

I've been surviving on Fever Tree Blood Orange soda and their Light Ginger Beer, both of which I highly recommend, especially the ginger beer as it has quite a spicy kick so it feels like more than a soft drink!

Sleep disruption has been an issue since stopping. One thing I've found very helpful, even through lockdown is a sleep mask with little earphones in and a podcast called Get Sleepy which is basically just stories read in really soothing voices. I am usually asleep before the story ends and have used it in the middle of the night to help stop thinking. If anyone is interested in the mask I'll post a link, it was about £15 from Amazon.

Looking forward to sharing the experience of going sober and tips and tricks and supporting each other.

Well done to all of you and especially OP!

Hello. Just made my way to alcohol support & found this thread. I see I am going to be busy reading over the next few days to absorb all the advice on the first 3 threads and try and familiarise myself with some names.

Day 33 today and at 3am last night I had a horrendous panic attack. I would normally be in an alcohol induced coma at that time on a Tuesday night so it was alarming. Until last night my alcohol free sleep had been pretty amazing, I’m hoping I sleep tonight!

I’ve had a quick skim of this page of 39 messages -100 days, 200 days, 140 something -wow! Im going to do my absolute best to hit triple figures. I’m going to start at page 1 and read all the tips you have used so I can make it too.

On 13 June I decided booze and I no longer have a good relationship . I get stupidly drunk very quickly in social situations and show myself up .
Since then I have had 1 x glass of wine on 2 separate occasions , I realised it is easier to avoid certain people who try to influence me to drink more. I understand it is all on me and no one can force me but I find it useful to make a strong point early on to say " I'm not drinking alcohol " and stick to it when you have an occasion.

Well done every body on this thread and I hope to come back here and say I have had zero drinks .

Welcome TroubleNo1 (I totally relate to your problem drinking pattern- me too!) and welcome Dontforgetyourbrolly,
That sounds scary Oldhabitsarehardtobreak have you had a panic attack before? Pretty lousy if you get your first one on going sober, that must have been scary.
I’ve had a good day, one of my DC had quite a big birthday today and I’ve celebrated without booze. That’s the first significant birthday celebration under my belt. AF prosecco it is! Hanging I have a cheesy tip which might help with the invasive thoughts. please don’t laugh, here we go: I use a scenario in my head where I pretend I am on live television, talking to the audience and I need to keep focused and calm. I used to do it with recipes (as in pretending I am Nigella/Delia) now I pretend I’m being interviewed by Annie Grace about my sobriety and it’s all good and I’m proud of my achievement. I often use it to fall asleep at night if I am worrying. Try it!

Welcome new people!🤩

@iamyourequal I love your tip😂😂😂

@Hangingover I also struggle with invasive thoughts, or at least I struggle with getting stuck in certain unhelpful thought patterns and being unable to escape them. Alcohol did numb those thoughts for years so they seem worse now, though I’m aware I need to face the thoughts in order to deal with the underlying issues.

I absolutely love @hanging’s suggestion as I said😂 I also find exercise really really helpful, especially certain types of exercise which require focus. For example when I am practicing my swimming I really have to focus on my arms and legs and breathing so I have no time to ruminate. Or when I’m trail running I really have to focus on my steps so there’s no time for invasive thoughts. Other types of exercise (an easy flat, traffic free run or cycle for example) don’t work so well, the key is to find something that exerts you and occupies your mind.

I feel for you, it’s horrible being ruled by your thoughts but you should be so proud for being sober, it will make it all the easier to deal with any issues as they arise.

Also struggle with invasive thoughts. Been doing some work on thought and really trying to get into meditation; finding it really helps when I do both as some days I can step back and watch rather than engage with thought. It sounds weird but if you just watch thought you don't have to engage??? I quite often tell thought to do one now which makes me laugh too! Meditation was not my thing AT ALL but I think it's helping so I'm keeping on with it. Still need to be less of a grouch tho! Not loving what a cowbag I am atm.

Sorry to hear of your panic attack Oldhabits, I've had mild ones and they were awful so my sympathies; hopefully it's just your body rebalancing? Sounds like you are doing so well. My mate has cbt for hers and says it helps.
Hi Trouble! And welcome, I can relate to all that!
So lovely to have so many join.

Don'forgetyourbrolly- that sounds like amazing progress

Sorry sent before I finished
Welcome don'tforget!

Hope you had a better sleep @Oldhabitsarehardtobreak

Regarding invasive thoughts, I just completed my first AF book The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober (which I loved and can never usually get through any self help books)......

There are a few suggestions in there about how to deal with them in the section 'Mindfulness Stops Me Going Insane'.
A couple of things stuck out for me but she explains it better than I could. The REALLY simple ones which I like as I'm not very good with mindfulness......

• name the emotions you are feeling (anger,sad,nervous etc). Apparently just the act of acknowledging and saying them to yourself helps. I've tried this and I do think it helps
• walk to another room as the very act of walking through another doorway can change the minds thinking pattern. Or something like that. As I say, best to read the way she puts it.

If anyone has any good mindfulness tips or apps I'd be interested as I'm not very good at stillness or making time to do this (pretty hard with a 2 and 4 year old around aswell).
I downloaded Buddhify which the book suggested but I find the meditations a bit..... dull?!

On another note, does anyone have any motivating weight loss stories through quitting drinking alone? I've always worked out even throughout drinking so that won't change for me but the hangover snacking a couple of times a week should stop so that's something. But have you found you've lost without changing anything except quitting drinking? I'm going for a less puffy face!!

Face definitely less puffy here and not been dieting.
Thanks for mindfulness tips. I'm doing the free 21 days Deepak Chopra meditation, it's only 15 mins and am enjoying it. I think it's free atm.

In fact I'm less puffy, so much so I lost a ring!

Hi,I've been alcohol free since new years day,never been a house drinker really and never went out mu,chief but when I did it would get very messy,like I was making up for times I didn't get to go out,started noticing how alcohol was impacting my mental health for days after a session and I was less able to cope with children et c so decided at beginning of lockdown not to turn to alcohol for stress relief.Had my first meet up with friends since lockdown last week and drank alcohol free drinks all night,my one friend got absolutely wasted within 3 hours and caused a high row with other friends boyfriend then fell over cutting head open on a patio slab,so obviously doubled my resolve to stay sober,only downside was as the sober responsible one I had to take her home with me to keep an eye on her all night.

Crikey Sunny, that is a good reminder to stay off the sauce. Your poor pal will have been hating herself the next day.

re: invasive thoughts, not really struggled with these personally (other than the 'usual' levels of negativity that one's brain tends to churn out), but I have a friend who does. She had CTB and also medication from her GP which helped her a lot. From what I can see, I really don't think you can under-estimate how horrible it is to experience, and you don't have to (or deserve to) suffer with it. Maybe make yourself an action plan to keep trying different things, and see what works best for you personally.

Re: exercise and PMT - yes, good reminder - I need to up my game there! I love outdoor walking, but struggle to find the time to do it. It will be better in September when schools are back.

Also re: the one glass a night poster - I agree, and I was the same drinking pattern. Isn't it so interesting that just one glass of wine can make you feel so shit the next day. When I look at a glass of wine now, all I see now is tiredness, grogginess, and anxiety in a glass.