Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

Hello, please may I join?

Always liked alcohol a bit too much. Lockdown made it worse as I’m redundant and DP was furloughed. We were drinking every night, as didn’t need to get up and drive each morning. Pre lockdown we managed to keep it under control due to our responsibilities. I was drinking about 30 units a week in April, May and June. I’ve been dry since 1st July. Doing ok but a support thread, that I can check into when I’m feeling a craving, would be great!

When I look at a glass of wine now, all I see now is tiredness, grogginess, and anxiety in a glass.

I’d like to get to the point where I think like that. How long as it taken you? I’m still fighting thoughts “of one glass won’t hurt”.

Hmm well, I suppose for quite a few years now I've been noticing how the ill effects out-way any 'perceived' enjoyment. I've been dry on and off, and all of it has contributed. None of those dry spells have been wasted, even after periods of drinking after them.

Maybe it's been a slow realization really, and paying attention to how it ALL feels including the first bit - the first 20 minutes buzz after the first drink, and noticing even that bit doesn't actually 'work' in the same way I thought it did.

As per other posters, reading quit-lit has massively helped with squashing any thoughts about alcohol being enjoyable.

Hello and welcome to all the new joiners, great to see you and this has been a really helpful place for me so I hope it is for you as well. @RachelLyg, scroll back through the thread (and the earlier ones as well) for some great recommendations - you are bound to find something that speaks to you as there is such a range of quit lit and podcasts. Everything from anecdotal to totally science-based, so just see what takes your fancy. The Naked Mind is one of the best and was a cornerstone for me.

Two months today!! Where are ya @cyllie33 ?? High five to us!

Thanks Ravenswick.

I’ve read a few books (liking the term quit lit). Andy McIntyre’s Last Orders, Jill Stark’s High Sobriety, Sober is the New Black by Rachel Black, Wild by Cheryl Strated. I have a few more in my kindle library. I’m not getting along too well with Annie Grace tbh, I notice from Reddit that she seems to be marmite. I’ll give her another go tonight and see.

Thanks @PamelaPeaches

I think it’s probably a case of reinforcing thought patterns. Maybe I’ll have to train myself.

If you want a funny/touching one try Rachel's Holiday by Marian Keyes, it's a gorgeous gorgeous book about addiction. If you can handle really really dark/sad/tragic try You Left Early by Louisa Young - I warn you in advance it is heartbreaking.

@Hangingover

Thank you. I’m a prolific reader, even more so now I’ve got more sober time on my hands . I’ll give anything a try.

I do recommend the audiobook of you left early if you decide on that. It's a true personal memoire and the author herself reads it so you really do get a sense of the strength of feeling from her.

Some others I’ve enjoyed recently are Alcohol Explained and AE 2, both by William Porter - really logical, no nonsense and putting responsibility squarely with the reader - probably marmite as well 😎 Sober Diaries and Mrs D goes without are good, though very mum-with-kids focussed, Dry (Augusten Burroughs) totally different, not my fave but quite compelling. Unexpected joy is also good. Sober positive (Julia Carson) is another inspiring read and slightly different Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington, quite new age-y but interesting. I didn’t really get on with Jason Vale - ok but not enough research to back it up.

I’m putting Rachel’s Holiday on my list now - thanks @Hangingover👍

Dry is next in my Kindle library. I’m trying to mix the quit lit with other books so I don’t get quit lit fatigued. Thanks for all the suggestions, have read through the thread and made a list.

Hi guys - hope you've all had a good week. WelCome to the new sober super heros to the thread 🙂

Well,this week I've survived two trips to a pub and hotel bar. And a family bbq where there was wine on the table..And no one drank it😂 I did tell them it was ok to drink but they didn't. I've chosen not to go and join in with a takeway tonight as I think even though I was fine and still enjoyed myself lots without drinking - and still talked as much for some reason🤔 I think that's enough 'high risk' situations to put myself in for one week.
Hope you're all doing ok.

@Hangingover, I had instrusive thoughts a few years ago when I was having a pretty shitty time with my teenagers. I actually thought I had killed someone, hidden the evidence and blocked it from my mind. It sounds laughably ridiculous now but at the time I was terrified and I didn't realise that I was experiencing intrusive thoughts until years later when I changed my job. I did some training recently and they talked about acknowledging the thought instead of reasoning with it "oh look, there is an intrusive thought" and pushing it away instead of "surely I'd remember if I had killed someone!" Don't be afraid to get help if you need it - I wish I had.

I have an Audible credit going spare so I'm going to download You Left Early and I'm going to buy Rachel's Holiday next time I'm out. I've pre-ordered Bryony Gordon's new book Glorious Rock Bottom too which i am looking forward to.

Good for you, @jess3817. Reading your post has made me realise I need to be less afraid of just saying no to protect myself from situations where I might feel the pressure.

Welcome to the new posters

Welcome to all the new posters - im struggling to keep up but that’s a good thing as it’s great checking back in and seeing people’s posts.
High five back at ya @Hangingover on our two months! I’ve had a rotten day and that high five cheered me up.

@TroubleNo1 re: weight loss, I’ve lost eight pounds since going AF and (as Hanging says it’s been about eight weeks ). That’s just by quitting booze, I’ve had pizza, chocolate and just polished off a scotch egg. But it was slow to start, and I’ve also been eating less hangover calories, and been wanting to exercise more as not hungover so I guess it’s a combination of things really.

Well done on an awesome week of going out @jess3817 and thanks all for the book recommendations - @Teetotallyimperfect you’ve reminded me to order the Bryony Gordon one on audible, I liked her running one.

@Teetotallyimperfect I think it was the right thing to do, right timing to take a step back.
I'm thinking of trying some AF beers this weekend maybe. Even though I'm nearly 150 days, I haven't had any imitation drinks in case it triggers me. But I think I've realised I would quite like the taste of it without the horrid feeling. ( wine was my drink and I hate AF wine as have tried that before so I will be fine with beer)I've heard Heineken is nice?

Oh and well done on the 2 of you who hit 2 months 🙂

Fankooo!

Beck's Blue is by far and away the best of the UK ones (and Carlton 0 in Aus in case anyone is ever curious!)

I will second Becks Blue as being the best!

Thanks @cyllie33 for the motivation on the weight loss front. It's good to hear that I might be rewarded with a few less lbs! I have lost a little already but think it's water retention.

I managed my first little social last night - just an hour with 3 acquaintances outside. The real test will be my really good friends and somewhere social like a pub or one of our gardens, but thought it was a good little testing of the water. I aspire to get to your stage @jess3817, really good going, well done!

@TroubleNo1 thank you 🙂 you can do it. It's not always easy but can't imagine drinking now, am so glad every morning I wake up hangover free.@Hangingover thanks that's good to know ,maybe I'll get some becks blue.

I’m very partial to an AF beer - especially in this weather. The best I’ve had are the Brewdog Nanny State and Punk AF (available Tesco, Sainsbury’s etc) and I also love Erdinger AF and weissbiers for something with a bit more body.

One of my closest friends bought me alcohol free wine so I could have it when we sat in her garden this afternoon, which was really thoughtful and kind and it really was as good as if I was drinking (without the bad stuff). We had a great catchup, the AF wine was a bit terrible, and I also got an AF peroni which was a bit more like beer than the wine was like the wine.

It was a really revelatory couple of hours. I really appreciate my friend taking on board my commitment to it and making it easy for me and also not relying on alcohol to have a lovely time.

Hello to all you newbies and welcome! I've been here 7 months now and it's one of the best things I've ever done. Today was a bit of test but was easily passed and I'm looking to forward to socialising without depending on alcohol. You can do it too!

Yesterday was tricky. It was so hot and sunny that, for a brief moment in work, I imagined relaxing at the end of the day with a glass of something cold.

Instead I ate my weight in sugary snacks and snarled at DH when he asked “shall we have a drink tonight?”

Currently sat on the patio with a coffee whilst everyone else is in bed-bliss.

Those of you that drink AF wine/beer -does it not make you wish for the real thing? I’m a bit wary of trying AF stuff in case it sets off a craving that I can’t resist. Saturday mornings without a hangover are amazing!

Morning all
Can I join you? I'm nearing a year of no booze! On the first of September. Can't believe it. I started off doing a ninety day challenge with OYNB then just didn't go back. I sleep better and my anxiety is gone. The main reason I stopped though was to be a better mother for my children and it really works. I am more present and the lack of hangover means more patience. I'm on holiday at the moment and have had a craving of too but it goes quickly and means that this morning I'm up and ready to go!

I found yesterday quite tough too @Oldhabitsarehardtobreak. I just kept reminding myself how any initial buzz would soon where off and I’d at best feel groggy and rotten after. I’ve not found AF beer makes me wish for the real thing - partly cos I wasn’t a big beer drinker anyway so it feels like part of the AF me. I almost think of it as a non sweet soft drink and I’m really not a fan of sweet stuff so it works for me. I haven’t found an AF wine that works tho - tbf I haven’t tried many and that’s prob because I would find myself craving the real thing. I have a bottle of Nosecco I’ve had since January and not opened whereas I’ve drunk every AF beer going. If I have outdoor drinks with friends and they’re having fizz I’ll prob take the Nosecco along tho.

Welcome @elvislives2012 - you’re doing amazingly! It’s always so nice to hear about the benefits from someone further along