Staying Stopped - Alcohol Free, permanently.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a kind and supportive environment for anyone committing to an alcohol free life.

From Day 1 onwards, you are welcome here for support, encouragement, tips and chat. There are many of us, at different points on the journey some have been sober for years, months, or weeks, others are just starting out, but all are
committed to an alcohol free life and the freedoms it brings...

Freedom from the tyranny of booze and the effort of figuring out how much to drink, and how and when to procure and drink it.

Freedom from guilt, self loathing, and 3am wake ups, and the fear of what might have been said and done the night before.

Freedom from the pervasive sense of dread and shame.

Freedom to embrace life with energy, and to face challenges with an uncluttered head, a lighter heart, and a lighter recycling bin.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to hang out and ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

I check in here every day as part of my recovery. It has kept me accountable, and the wonderful posters who contribute have helped me more than they could possibly know. This is day 137, and I'll be here for a long time!

Hi jebus it's a strange thing that hate for yourself when drinking yet it still seems like a great idea.

How does alcohol convince you to do things you would never dream of sober? It's a really tough thing to stay sober, I have started and stopped many times and am now just day 5 again. Lots of support on here keep posting.

Another evening under my belt. Heading into my second weekend!

Keep sober everyone x

Hey all
Hope it's ok to join in with you all. It is day 4 for me managed 89 days at the end of 2019 into 2020 then made the stupid mistake AGAIN of thinking I was in control. Who was I kidding

After 20 plus years of disasters, mistakes, hangovers from hell I've decided I've had enough. For once completely my own decision, I need to do this for myself and my five beautiful kids. Been so good to read everyone's posts and know I'm not alone.

Love to all

Hi slantedbutenchanted well done on day 4! What do you think it was that tripped you up last time? I broke my last six month streak by having champagne on Valentine's Day with a new partner - I just felt so swept up and excited at being with someone so lovely who made me feel like a new person. After that it as back to regular drinking then out of control drinking. DP says he feels guilty about that now but I've assured him it wasn't his fault.

One week sober here! Haven't done that in YEARS.

I learnt from my book that any amount of drinking, even three drinks a week, increase your chances of breast cancer by 15%. Terrifying since my Mum's mum has it aged 40 and DM died from it aged 60.

Hi @Hangingover thanks for the reply. I don't 'think' there was a particular trigger just me thinking "aww I've done 89 days I can control this" along with the fact that I use alcohol to relax and also stress relive I have a pretty hectic full on home life. So I really need to look for other alternatives , going for a walk after dinner helps usually but I suppose it's when your feeling a bit down and fed up that's my danger zone and I really need to use/have other coping mechanisms.

So sorry about DM, the alcohol related illness's are horrible you would think it would stop us but the pull is so strong at times.

Had my first good sleep last night since last week which I'm delighted about, long may that continue.

It's so easy to get cocky and think that stopping for a while makes you magically morph into a responsible and moderate drinker. I've done it several times. Even though I see myself as a non-drinker now, I wonder what will happen if I start to think that way again. I don't think I'm immune from it. It's one of the things I worry about.

@slantedbutenchanted, welcome to day 5. You can do this.

@Hangingover you are doing immensely well. Your posts read convincingly, it's clear this is something you want to do. Checking in here frequently is a great plan, it has kept me accountable all the way. Also, your DP sounds like a goodun 😊

@Holyjebus I hope this is the start for you. Your post was painful to read. Life can and will be so much better, from the moment you begin, and then increasingly over time.

Hi everyone,
I am now on day 3. It took a lot of guts to write the first post but I was so sick of feeling like shit and thinking negatively about myself.
I’m actually feeling happy with myself now and haven’t had one negative affirmation since starting this!
Drinking is a bloody curse and I haven’t even been enjoying it. I was just knocking them back for the buzz.
I’m loving this thread, you ladies have really given me loads of inspiration and I know I can do this. Thank you 😊

Well done, @Holyjebus! Your previous situation sounded so stressful. This has to be better!

Hello all. I hope you don't mind me joining this thread . I was four years sober until February this year. Echoing a PP I thought that it would be different this time picking up a drink and at first it was. But I think we all know the script; it quickly escalated and it became out of control. I've lost my licence and my job this year all through drinking.

Anyway, 37 days sober now. Massive guilt but to all of us, this too shall pass

@SparklingLime

Well done, *@Holyjebus! Your previous situation sounded so* stressful. This has to be better!

Thank you!! It certainly can’t be any worse. Here’s to a happier, sober future 🥰

@Stayfreshcheesebags I am so sorry to hear that 😢
I almost lost everything too but with sheer luck, I got out the other side unscathed. I was drinking in work and drunk driving!
Well done for quitting again

@holyjebus thank you . It's all about moving forward and rebuilding things again.

Kudos to you @stayfreshcheesebags. It must take real strength to pick yourself up after that.

Do you feel able to share what happened - did you feel a build up to your relapse or did it come out of the blue? No worries if you'd rather not go into it.

You're very welcome here, I hope you find it's a good place for you 😊

Just putting my head round the door before bed, it's only 10pm but got up at five today and did loads of exercise in an effort to knock my sleeping pattern into something resembling normal.

How are people's anxiety levels? Mine initially got tonnes better but it's creeping back in again (mainly the intrusive thoughts that booze helped to temporarily drown). Sending strong vibes. Thank God for peppermint tea!

It’s day 7 witching hour which is really tough. My brain is trying to trick me into thinking I ‘deserve’ a drink. @Holyjebus and @Stayfreshcheesebags I’m inspired by your strength and am going to order some sort of greasy takeaway to enjoy with a sparkling water.

Thanks @Drybird2020 just need to push that feeling out my head and when it creeps in again, because I know I cannot moderate!!

Today has probably been the toughest day all week had a particularly stressful day, so needless to say the healthy eating has went out the window and had a chippy and got a load of sweets to watch a movie with kids!! I need to not beat myself up to much about the odd food indulgence esp when AF!! Going to get some nice AF drinks in as well on my to do list for tomorrow.

@Drybird2020 , yes definitely happy to share what happened. I would say the relapse was a build up. I became complacent and was not handling stresses in my life adequately ( work stress, debt, work/life balance, relationship difficulties) and my mental well-being started to nose-dive. Alcohol superficially helped at first but I was kidding myself. I then got caught drink driving and was so ashamed and disgusted that, after a period of further sobriety, I picked a drink up again ! Absolute insanity right there !

After losing my job thereafter as well I've been in a pretty dark place and have felt suicidal at times. However, my strength comes from not picking a drink up. No matter what happens in life, I'm a believer that no problems are insurmountable. Life is good without alcohol.

For anxiety and cravings, I find focussing on your breathing really helps whilst also remembering cravings are temporary and they WILL pass. Colouring and jigsaws keep me distracted too !

@Rupertpenrysmistress thank you and congratulations on day 5!
@Drybird2020 thank for your lovely words of support, it means so much 🥰
@Cyllie33 thank you, I almost caved tonight when I treated myself to a chipper. The off licence is next door and I always pick up a bottle of wine. The kids weren’t home and my husband wasn’t working. I walked straight by. It was so hard but I’m so thrilled with myself. I’ve been so cheerful ever since 👍👍

Sorry, I mixed up my accounts!! I’m actually Holyjebus too.

My friend who is a recovering addict (6 years sober from Drugs and Alcohol the fekkin warrior) suggested embroidery so I've ordered a children's Pusheen Cross-stitch kit!

Well done for walking on by Holyjebus it's so hard when it's right in front of you and so normalised with other "normal drinkers" happily popping in without a care in the world!

There are these big bottle shops here in Aus bit like the wine warehouse shops on the UK and ordinary stores don't sell any alcohol which helps in a way as I don't have to walk past alcohol on the shelves. We're almost out of 0% beer though, so I'll have to go in the bottlemart to collect some more this weekend....the man who runs always visibly drunk while at work, in the mornings too Very surreal that I was smugly buying wine off him all the time think well he drinks all day....I only drink in the evening so I can't have a problem. We always have a bit of addict type banter ("oh back again already ho ho ho etc) and I know he'll rag on me on my buying the 0% after so many times buying wine boxes and beer cartons off him! I know it's a small thing but I'm wondering what I'll say to him...as it'll be the first time (this time round) someone asks me why I'm not drinking so I need to sort of choose my reply. I want to be as honest as possible in general, still in a light tone obviously (eg. [Big smile] it was getting out of hand, so I've decided to stop"), DP thinks it's none of anyone's business and I don't have to say anything at all. What do you think? He's a really nice man but obviously in a bad place himself so don't want to come across at all sanctimonious however I think sometimes someone you know that also used to drink heavily giving up does give you a little jolt. I remember when someone I know at work who was one of the more committed party animals like me on work nights out gave up because it was affecting her mental health and it gave me pause for thought because I drank way more than her behind closed doors! Wow that was long...hope you're all ok. Day 8 here we come.

Morning.

Hangin if he comments about the 0% beer you could say something breezy like ' I decided it wasn't doing me any favours anymore'.

It might plant a seed. But your DP is right- you do not owe an explanation to anyone.

Hey all, Glad to hear you’re all doing awesome. Especially @Stayfreshcheesebags, what a difficult time you’ve had but your attitude is amazing.

Now social meet ups have started again I find myself continuously surrounded by drinking people, but weirdly I don’t miss it, not really. I am worried about becoming complacent though, and slipping up. I try not to think about it too much, as long as I’m not drinking I’m not drinking.

@Hangingover I hate having to explain why I'm not drinking too, it's always met with loads of questions because I'm known to love my wine.
Maybe just say to the shop owner that you're taking a break for a while?
The last time I was off it, i told people I just wasn't able to drink like I used to anymore, and it gives me terrible headaches.
It really does but still wasn't stopping me!
P.s. I lived in Australia for four years, I miss it so much. I made some amazing friends and memories ❤️❤️

Morning everyone . I'm just having my occasional check in but it's good to see a few new faces around here, as I really do believe that this thread as helped me stick to my new AF freedom, and I know it will do the same for you if you hang on in there.

I really appreciate hearing from those like yourself, @Stayfreshcheesebags, hard as it may be, but showing solidarity. I am ashamed to admit but there was certainly more than one occasion in the past where I could have been arrested for drink driving. It wouldn't have been far over the limit but enough to ruin my life. I'm ashamed at how reckless alcohol makes me.

My DF is talking about de-toxing again for a couple of weeks and I've seen what negative effect it's had on her and her relationship and even her work. She had to take a day off sick yesterday because of her lack of control, her and her husband keep falling into a pattern of telling each other 'home truths' whilst they have been drinking and will not speaking to each other for days at a time. I've encouraged her to download one of the apps and suggested the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober to read. Maybe she'll find her own thread on Mumsnet (this is my space though, so wouldn't direct her here I'm sure you understand why).

I'm feeling evangelical at not drinking but also don't want to come across as 'priggish' about it too. DH is going to have a beer in the garden with friend next weekend and I hope they both enjoy it. This will be his first drink since lockdown and I suppose it's been easier for me because he hasn't been drinking, so this will be a test for me too.