Day 4 of giving up alcohol

[Saltypotato]

Hi all,

I am on another thread that started in Jan and is still running. We all started together and the support was immense, it was the only thing that got me through the first month. At the end of Jan/beginning of Feb I started having 'just the one' and we all know how that goes if you have a problem. The group are now at 100 days and whilst I love checking in they aren't at the starting stage I am at the moment.

Lockdown has meant I am out of routine and haven't had a reason to keep my drinking under control (no work, not driving etc) so after drinking every night since it began I ended up passing my last full bottle of booze to a friend a few days ago and making an attempt to give up.

That was a few days ago, I am just starting my day 4. It's been easier than I thought as there isnt the option of just popping out to the shop so I'm not taunting myself. I have got a bottle of vodka and one of gin in my amazon cart that I keep hovering over buying but its on a few days lead time so I don't want it to arrive when I'm a week in and undo my hard work. That thought is stopping me.

But we have to go out today for essentials and tonight I have a zoom call with friends in the "pub". I am really tempted to get something whilst I'm out and my brain is doing the 'oh you deserve it, its a stressful time' and 'you can just have two to join in' (from experience, I can't)

If anyone else is feeling similar or just started their journey into the wonderful world of tonic water please join me. Strength in numbers, right?

Hi ladies. Day 3 here. In nearly finished reading the unexpected joy of being sober. It's excellent and has really focussed my mind.

Just been shopping tonight and stocked up on lots of soft drinks. Currently on cranberry juice and soda with lots of ice which is delightful.

Also downloaded the drink free days app, which tells me I have saved 2250 cals by not drinking this week which is frankly mind boggling!

Oh don’t worry we will dh not big on counselling his mh past we find cup of tea with our best friend helps the most, he has friends he can talk too as well, all over the phone my best friend lives in London, we can cope with most things my major eye op last year, he’s got a mobility scooter, my arthritis we deal with that, meds between us about 40 tablets a day, now he’s been diagnosed this will be a breeze. We’ve had the worst being pushed puller to post, not now. Even Gp agreed last time when I said, doesn’t add up, the meds clashing, they caused the Parkinson’s but didn’t clash.

Blimey halothane. Respect. That’s a lot of crap. So glad you have good mates x

@Ghostonthedancefloor glad to hear you're doing ok. Thank you for posting your insights - so much of it resonated with me but my brain likes to filter these things out and pretend that drinking is fun.

@Holothane sorry you and your DH are having such a difficult time at the moment. I hope you'll feel able to offload here if you need to.

Day 40 here. I've noticed my skin has improved and I'm wearing a lot less make up because I'm not constantly trying to look less pale/puffy/spotty/grey/blotchy/bloated. I've even been to work without any make up on - I never wear much but that is unheard of for me.

@Gulp123, not being prechy but it cayses anxiety and then there is the anxiety of " how will I get throigh today when I feel shit at 7 am"

having said that, I feel very flat this morning and I am mentally lining up my wine for tonight.

We don't make any sense do we?

Ha randomer! No we don’t. Am flat too, and drained. But I guess one night off isn’t going to fill us full of beans just yet!
Holo, I’m sorry to hear your news. Big hug , for what it’s worth xxxx
It’s so good that there’s everyone from day 3 to day 40 sharing stories, of success and cock ups. I don’t need those cheery blonde happy people going af websites, because it just increases my sense of failure!
So thanks imperfectly perfect fellow people x

Thankyou, I’m doing ok today pains much better if I can do a week without pain, we’re on the home run then, the drinking non as usual but don’t worry or feel too bad if you’ve had a drink, just take hour by hour if today is a difficult one, I’ve been there so can remember the feelings of shame and the awful hangovers.💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐to everyone.

Day 2! Nearly caught up with you, tiny!
Poured a glass but..DIDNT DRINK MORE THAN A SIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thoughts of you all, and being able to say I’m on day 40 like an earlier poster ( plus read about the health issues), did wonders. First time in ages. Go me! And go everyone else x

Well done you’ll get there.

So will you. Big hugs to you both 💐and we’ll done for not taking refuge in drink xxx

@EdwinaMay here, just name changed which I do regularly - I have family on here sometimes and I don't want them to find my whingeing about them. Not really!

Best wishes, Holothane, what a hard time for you both. I didn't know medication could cause Parkinson's. Counselling won't do any harm so is worth trying imv, sometimes you don't click with the counsellor but it's worth a try.
Day 40 for me too @Teetotallyimperfect, my ancient skin looks better. Small red veins have shrunk, thankfully, I dreaded having a heavy drinker's red face - DF had a drink problem and the matching red face.
It's a get together this afternoon with neighbour, at a distance, I'll probably have a glass of wine as it's the first get together since lockdown, but will take some of my fruit sodas. It depends a bit on if they are keen to have a celebratory tipple o- - if everyone's just on beer I'll stick to soda. It's hot so soda's probably the most sensible!
Have a pleasant weekend folks, still blazing sun here!

Hello, have been lurking on here for a while... managed 6 days AF last week then Thursday and Friday were a masterclass in how to sabotage yourself.
So many of your stories I nod along with when reading. I cannot moderate my drinking at all and am at a stage where I rarely try. If I buy wine, it is to drink it all. I have maybe 1 or 2 nights off a week, but if I buy 2 bottles, I drink 2 bottles. I dont dare have more in at one time, I will just keep going. All my friends can have a couple then stop - it's a standing joke that my idea of pudding is another large red. I'm fat, tired looking and fed up of being hungover, irritated, dehydrated. I also make some very questionable choices - I live alone most of the time so pre lockdown got into some situations that could have been very unsafe.
And still I drink. I drink because I am bored, i drink fast because i don't put the glass down, just lurching about like Patsy on Ab Fab. I drink because it's the only thing that separates my work day from my non working time. I don't relax easily and if I do, it's because I'm drunk.
I stopped 9 days ago because I had a drink after work that went out of control and threw up at work the next day. I then went home and slept through an important work 'meeting'. I restarted on Thursday because I deserved a drink for doing so well for 6 days.
Apologies for droning on. I've never said it all before and that isn't even half of it. Day 1 for me today - I will not drink today.

Hello @bananasplitlady. Welcome to the thread! I have been quiet of late because I’ve not done very well at all! pil bought us a box of wine for a birthday so we have been ploughing through that. I’ve bought lots of literature to read and am still determined I’ll get there. Well done to anyone else who is doing so well-I’m still stuck at two nights in a row but hopefully that will improve.

And I have realised If there is wine in the house I will drink it, so that’s my next step is not buying any.

@Bananasplitlady poor you!. It is an addictive drug - don't beat yourself up so much, and some have more addictive temperaments/bodies than others. So for some of us we can't just have one. I was the same in some ways, the drink was a reward for getting through the day. I probably should have had counselling to work out why my 'day' was so bad I needed a drink to get over it!! But that is with hindsight.
I find having something to do in the evening that I prefer to be sober for helps.

Dh is on so much for various things over the years it’s caused it, still niggles of pain did think of getting hot water bottle night but it passed. We’re sitting outside our flat today, we’re ground floor at least it some sunshine.
Hugs everyone struggling please don’t beat yourself up, it’s a terrible feeling on top of the hangover, I know it’s very easy to do,.

Hi banana split! I feel for you.
I need some help! Have managed to get beyond anxious and am now seriously looking at a quick swig or two. It will make me..feel rotten, almost immediately. Fall asleep. Not help mood or energy or grumpiness levels. Hoping writing this out will calm me down xxx

@bananasplit, it's horrible but You are probably describing life for many people there.

First social outing to see relatives today. Enjoyed sitting in their garden for a change. Subject got round to drinking and why I was abstaining. I told them that I am sober curious and enjoying the weight loss and extra energy that comes with not drinking. Feel better for telling someone else other than DH. They didn’t cracked any drink open though. That’s the next step for me. Will I feel deprived or not.
How’s everyone doing?

Day 5 here & had a bit of a wobble when I saw my friend who I ALWAYS get sloshed with. But DH kindly reminded me that this was just a trigger & we have come home to drink a nice chilled bottle of AF fizz 🙌😎
So kind of proud. One day at a time eh?! 🤷‍♀️

Oh and have ordered a crate of these AF drinks made from wonky fruit & veg:

https://dash-water.com/collections/shop

I am finding that having interesting treats like new AF drinks to try and ice cream help me feel less hard done by in the pm.

Well done to you all, and sorry that some of you are struggling.
The mornings are great, but the evenings, for me, still a bit flat.

I still see wine as a treat, something I deserve, and I still feel deprived when I don't have any.
And this is after a month or more of being AF. I know it's better, but old habits die hard I suppose.
I'll carry on, and I do feel better. I just feel meh.

I know I can't moderate, and that's what's driving me to keep on. When will I just not miss it though? Can anyone who has stopped for a long time answer that please?

Love to all

I can’t talk for alcohol but cigarettes had a similar feel, especially after meals and while having a drink. It did pass after about a year (sorry- better to be honest). I had the very odd occasion where I had a cig and felt sooo shit after that it gradually just became not worth it. I still occasionally think ‘I’d like one’ but it is pure habit after 11 years not smoking!

@Haggisfish
I quit cigarettes after 20 years of moderately smoking, more of a social smoker, I could get through a packet on a night out - and a drink always needed a smoke back in the days! Then just one or two a day in between. I haven't had a cigarette for 10 years, and once I was over the first couple of weeks, I managed ok. Just the occasional urge, but nothing like the urge for wine.
I wonder if it is because, when you quit the fags, you get a lot of "well done" and stuff, and most people, even smokers admire you. When you quit drinking, it is almost like you're judged for it, because most people who drink, drink normally, and don't see an issue at all. And those that drink heavily, need you to drink heavily too - to justify that their intake isn't so bad.

If I have to have another evening with dragging pain I’m going to scream that diary’s been written I can tell You and where’s my bitter lemon 🍋 local sop? Luckily we’ve got loads of lemonade