Day 4 of giving up alcohol

[Saltypotato]

Hi all,

I am on another thread that started in Jan and is still running. We all started together and the support was immense, it was the only thing that got me through the first month. At the end of Jan/beginning of Feb I started having 'just the one' and we all know how that goes if you have a problem. The group are now at 100 days and whilst I love checking in they aren't at the starting stage I am at the moment.

Lockdown has meant I am out of routine and haven't had a reason to keep my drinking under control (no work, not driving etc) so after drinking every night since it began I ended up passing my last full bottle of booze to a friend a few days ago and making an attempt to give up.

That was a few days ago, I am just starting my day 4. It's been easier than I thought as there isnt the option of just popping out to the shop so I'm not taunting myself. I have got a bottle of vodka and one of gin in my amazon cart that I keep hovering over buying but its on a few days lead time so I don't want it to arrive when I'm a week in and undo my hard work. That thought is stopping me.

But we have to go out today for essentials and tonight I have a zoom call with friends in the "pub". I am really tempted to get something whilst I'm out and my brain is doing the 'oh you deserve it, its a stressful time' and 'you can just have two to join in' (from experience, I can't)

If anyone else is feeling similar or just started their journey into the wonderful world of tonic water please join me. Strength in numbers, right?

That sounds good Gimme. I have AF Kopperberg (?) in chilling and my Becks Blues. I am toying with the idea of ordering an Asda Nosecco as someone recommended it (perhaps on here).

Yes indeed Avoiding there have been plenty good phrases on the thread. I’m wobbly all over at the moment, body mind and spirit! It’s lovely going to bed sober and getting up fresh though. It’s really just that couple of hours in the early evening where the pain kicks in!

My bitter lemon is in short supply so dh suggest lemon and lime, so I’m happy with that.

Morning all
@Gimmeashake I agree planning ahead is key - I'm still in the mindset where it's the weekend, so I deserve a drink...I need to change this, because I (WE) deserve to be sober and happy, but it is hard. 11 days is really good.
'Twas me @iamyourequal who recommended the Nosecco, be interested to see what you think if you order any, I think it's far better than the other AF fizzies available. Chill it really well.
What is quite nice for a change is a drop or two of Angustora Bitters in a cold glass of tonic. You get a little bottle for about a tenner, but only use a couple of drops and it lasts months. It does contain alcohol, but because you use such a tiny amount, it's negligible. Just a thought.

So, I read on another thread that a poster compared this lockdown to feeling like a spider trapped in a jar, scrabbling to get out. That's me, I feel stifled and trapped in a jar too. So today, after I've done the food delivery for my parents, I am going to go for a really long walk, take a flask of coffee and a book and find a quiet spot to enjoy the countryside. Perhaps it'll help me get a sense of the bigger picture.

Anyway, I'm rambling as usual, so I hope you all have a great day, and whatever you do, stay alert, otherwise Bozzy will be very cross.

Morning everyone. I ate healthy all day yesterday AND had no alcohol!!!! I cant believe it! Its our family quiz night on zoom tonight and I have some pink gin in the fridge so will have to try and resist.

My witching hour is about 5pm but I had a becks blue yesterday at that time and it helped. Then fed kids and did some yoga and had a bath (which I never do) Had dinner at 8pm and told myself I could have 1 gin and tonic but when I sat down for the evening I told myself I didnt need it and plus I didnt want to ruin it because I had eaten well all day.

Hello everyone well done to everyone achieving runs of af days. I was af last night and really feel I’m turning a corner mentally. I’ve had at least two or three sober nights a week for a while which would have been unthinkable a year or two ago. Keep going if you’re not quite there yet.

I'm curious as to how we will feel at day 90 as I understand that this is when a lot changes as the alcohol is completely out of the system, physically and psychologically.
That's interesting @Gimmeashake. Day 90 is 19th July for me. That sounds a long way away. I'm at day 25 so far. Fingers-crossed though.
I think the biggest issue will be socialising again once Lockdown is over.
I bought some AF drinks to try from Tesco. They're quite small so would be handy to take if invited to a bbq or similar. Will report back on them.
I was feeling very tired but that seems to be going.
The best part imv is not feeling angry with myself for giving in once again, and drinking more than is good for me. Never could stop at one or two.
Keep up the good work everyone. And if you do slip up, jump straight back on the wagon for another go.

@edwinamay they sound lovely!

Morning all, just off to work 5 days today and I am exhausted, can't sleep properly at the moment so that's fun. I think I remember the sleep takes time to return got a 13 hour shift too 😬.

Anyway, been checking daily good to see you are all still doing so well. Have a great day.

I'd like to join. Have had various episdes of stopping in recent years, always do dry January and find it a lot easier than in the past but have found drinking creeping up during lockdown.

It has always helped not to have alcohol in the house and my DH used to be helpful when I was trying to cut down by buying small bottles of wine. But the need to do once a week only shopping has scuppered this and I am hopeless at stopping once I have started.

I need to read this whole thread but just thought I'd get on here and start trying to focus my mind on it more seriously.

I'm going to abstain 5 days a week and only drink twice a week (try I say) I am goin to drink on a Wednesday and a fri or sat ,
It's starting to add to add to my anxiety and just make me feel like crap and I hate the way I feel the next day !
Has anyone got young children on here ?

Thank you, @SophieB100 and @Gimmeashake. I'm still here and also looking forward to day 90 - which I think is around the 18th July. I'm definitely sleeping better so that's a good start. I've had a few wobbles. They seem to be getting further apart but stronger when they do happen.

Welcome to the new posters

I've just realised its day 28 today. 4 weeks!

@teetotally snap! Although I have a confession. I asked DH to get me a bottle of wine when he went shopping yesterday. He said “I will but you know you will regret it tomorrow. You will be back at square one”.
I knew this. And he was so right so I said don’t then. “But if I feel like this tomorrow I am going to have some wine.”
Which is today. I am just off to work and planned on doing the big shop afterwards.
I know I probably won’t buy the wine.

@dollface19 I have young children. DH is going back to work soon after being furloughed for several weeks so it will be a big test being on my own not being able to go anywhere with them.

Hi everyone. I posted in a previous thread and think I need to come back for a boost. A few years ago I quit for 10months after reading this naked mind, before eventually drifting back into drinking. I'd like to do the same again but I seem to be stuck in a loop of 7 day or 10 day streaks and then thinking 'what's the harm'. I do have an off button so this might look like happy moderation to some (the last three months I've drank on average once a week and the most has been 10 units usually 6)
but I'd really rather get rid completely.
I listen to podcasts about being alcohol free, I've read the alcohol experiment and Quit like a woman, I feel like I'm gradually building up a life where alcohol isn't a feature (eg exercise and hobbies for being sociable and happy). I'm not sure why I'm stuck in this loop though! There's no 'fuckit' or white knuckling, it just seems like a good idea every now and then to join my partner for a few while on the sofa watching TV, but even though it's small amounts it leaches my motivation and good vibes for a full 24hrs - as well as the day after being the only day I now crave a 5pm drink because I'm tired and cranky!

I think one of the myths I'm still struggling with is the idea of drinking with my partner being an activity to do together. Lockdown doesn't help that. Anyone else have this issue or and ideas for getting past it?

Welcome Pensylvan and Dollface
Nothing to report today. Another day of lockdown up here. I am going to sew some more face masks. If anyone had done this already I’d be glad of tips. I’ve made the round-pattern ones using a plate but thinking of trying the rectangular ones. I have opposition from my family who are appalled at the brightly coloured patterned fabric I bought for the masks!

Well done, @Ghostonthedancefloor. I know how hard it is to come back when you're that close to the edge. But you did it! I don't know what the answer is but hopefully we will figure it out as we go along. I definitely can't look ahead more than one day at a time though.

Welcome @Threeflyingducks. I know what you mean about drinking being an activity to do with your husband. I almost feel guilty for not drinking with my husband - like I'm letting him down or disappointing him. I read in one book (I think it was The Sober Diaries or Mrs D Goes Without) about focussing on what the event has to offer. So spending time with your husband, talking to each other, feeling relaxed. And none of those things change depending on what's in your glass. It will be different, and it might take time to get used to it, but it can still be very much about having time together, relaxing and talking. Except you'll be able to properly listen for longer without falling asleep in a stupor. Or is that just me? Sometimes I find it easier to do this than others so I'm definitely not claiming to have cracked it - not by a long shot!

Morning all.

Welcome @Pensylvan. Good to have you on board!

I’m on day 34 and I think my fifth weekend of not drinking. I haven’t gone this long without booze for many years and I have to say, it feels very, very good. I haven’t felt this clear headed in a long time.

Having said that, I’ve been slightly twitchy the last couple of days - not wanting to drink especially but feeling the need to seek a quick hit of pleasure or relaxation from somewhere/something... and I realise now it’s because my period is due! I had a noticeable pattern of wanting to drink more when I had PMT, and I think it’s tied up with feeling slightly low, tired etc and needing that ease and comfort that the the first glass of wine brings. Thankfully, I’m in a good place right now with being able to project ahead to how I’ll feel after the fourth or fifth drink...and further forward to the next morning...and I’m able to quickly realise I don’t want to go there.

It’s all work, though. I can’t really rest on my laurels.

Anyway, that was a bit of a me-me-me post, sorry! Soothing forehead strokes to anyone feeling stressed or struggling. One day at a time, remember. That’s all you need to do right now .

You are right @teetotally. It will be one month for us on Tuesday!
I really want to get there and passed it to see if it does start getting easier. I know the cravings pass. They have every single time.

I have been shopping, and bought stuff for a roast lamb dinner. Which means I will be in the kitchen for the next few hours. I haven’t cooked a roast since I went AF purely because I loved cooking with a bottle of wine on the go.

But.. I am going to be totally honest here, I bought two of the ready made cans of pink gin and tonic How I feel in the next few hours will determine whether they are opened. I feel so stupid writing it down as of course I don’t want to ruin my progress. I know all this. I want to be AF for the rest of my life. DH likes them too so hopefully I stay strong and let him have them instead.

@Teetotallyimperfect I've had all the same thoughts about the DH thing, including that I'm daft for thinking that its quality time together as I'm quite an irritable drunk so I'm more likely to get snappy with him than anything else!
It occurred to me today that I think I'm not wanting to let go of Saturday nights being our time together, and as he still drinks and has no interest giving up it's felt like I join him or lose it - tbh I don't enjoy time with him if he's drinking, I mean it's nothing terrible but he tends to drink quickly and then start repeating himself and that gets on my nerves! My new plan is going to be planning to do something nice together in the day time, even just something simple like going for a walk, and think of the evening as me time eg treat myself to a good book.

@Ghostonthedancefloor how did you get on with the gin purchase? Sorry if it's too late but even if you've bought things you don't have to drink them. Oddly I find it easier to abstain when there's booze in the cupboard than if there's none in the house, I think knowing that I could takes the pressure off somehow. (Might not suprise anyone to know that stress is my trigger!)

Hi ThreeFlying. I totally get the drinking with DH bit. Drinking has been a huge part of our relationship since we met many years ago. I feel extra pressure to put on a ‘fun & relaxed’ face on evenings I don’t drink when he does, because if I don’t I know he will say or imply I’m being miserable and boring and should have a drink as I would enjoy it. It’s very difficult.

The roast was cooked and I am pleased to inform no gin was consumed

Thanks for all the welcomes 😀 I feel really pleased to see this thread as it's very honest and we all have slips I had a very heavy night Friday night with my dp I'm not seeing seeing right now as we live apart 😫 but at a 2m distance (hell) we had like 7 hours of drinking and eating on Friday and the mother of all hangover yesterday which made me post, right now I'd say I'm strugglin as last night I didn't drink as I was so hungover but tonight dd was so horrible to me all day so I caved and had a small vodka and a small cider! I immediately had right side pain which makes me think I have fatty liver disease at 35!!
I drink to relax to release my stress I don't smoke I eat ok so I think Fuk it! My sister had a drinking prob and now been sober few months so proud of her! I only drink a few nights q week and can stop at 2-3 glasses of wine, but it's slowly getting to me now ! XX

Evening all. After my intial post I am planning to properly get on board tomorrow. I'm working from home so keeping a clear head for work is always much easier and will give me 4 days start.

But this thread title is very telling because so far I have been rubbish at getting past day 4. I get into that mood of "I've been good/ its the end of the working week/ have just done big shop and bought a bottle of wine" - excuses excuses.

We have started this whole family cocktail night thing do which has introduced a whole new dimension of bottles of spirits in the house - so easy to pour a rum and coke or similar and not even feel like it is an alcoholic drink.

I always found that having a plan of what to do in the evening helped for DJ and as it is Chelsea Flower Show next week, which I really enjoy - that is my plan. Watch Chelsea, go to bed with book. Do not have small rum and coke or gin and lemon or whatever ridiculous spirit drink that I never even contemplate in normal times.

Have still to read the thread and get to know you all but that is also part of the plan.