Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

*settling.

Did anyone else feel quite up and down for a while, when they first started?

Not touched a drop for 6 weeks now. We have a family break to London tomorrow for a few days and I guess there is temptation to unwind with the hecticness of it all by having a glass or two whilst out for a meal. This will be a hurdle but I'm determined to overcome it.

I'm up and down in general @PamelaPeaches. I've been doing running and yoga since I stopped drinking and I find myself getting antsy if I haven't done anything. Sometimes when I'm feeling a bit low I do kind of think how sustainable all this healthy living is for me and that maybe I am going to be on the slide. I was like that a couple of days ago and even a couple of hours ago I was stressed out but went for a run and I'm fine now.

I'm in London @Drybird and yesterday was glorious - blue skies and sun! I even got my first load of washing on the line this week.

I have a challenge looming next week with two of my favourite girls friends coming for dinner. And DH said to me maybe I should think about not giving up totally but moderating 🙄

Feeling better this morning. Yep I normally go for lovely outdoor walks which helps with the old mental well-being, but this weather obvs stopping that at the moment

So hard when you get 'helpful' comments like that!

I had a meal with some good friends a few weeks ago which I thought would be hard but wasn't in the end. I really concentrated in properly listening to them and what was going on in their lives. I was able to remember everything and respond with a clear head. Previously I would have gotten a bit excitable and blabbered on about me a bit too much. This time I was - hopefully - a calmer and nicer friend to be around. Interestingly, the drinking friend was ready to go home before I was

Hello everyone. I think I need to take the plunge and join you all. I am a sporadic drinker - go a few weeks where I'll only drink half a bottle of wine at the weekend, then a few weeks where it's half a bottle a night (which is where I've been since Christmas). I'm sleeping poorly, lacking motivation and tbh not enjoying it. So today is day 1. You're all a total inspiration and I'm hoping you'll inspire me to stick with it and help me to feel accountable

Morning all, day 43 here! I can't frigging believe it.. 😂

Welcome newbies, this is a lovely supportive group. I wish you love and AF happiness on your journey.

SNOW dry..!! Amazing, I love the snow. Awful weather over the weekend here but it's brightened up now and the gardener even popped by yesterday to do his first cut of the year. I really need to get out there and have a tidy up..

Feeling a little better now after the god awful cold I hard, half term looming so pleased to be on the mend in time for chaos next week!

Plodding on AF quite happily, it's now not something I think of every evening. I never thought the wine witch would leave me alone but she's buggered off completely. H still downing a bottle a night and the snoring when he passes out irritates me! That said I'm drowning him out watching trash tv in bed (something I'd never done in my wine stupor). The feeling of waking up refreshed far outweighs the dizzy life of wine. Crazy dreams have calmed down to!

Half way through the week, need to be ticking off some of the to-do jobs.. happy Wednesday all xx

Meant to say - welcome all newbies! Happy to have you here. Let us know how you are getting on, good and bad.

growingboys don’t listen to your DH! How many days AF are you? I ask as twice I’ve got to almost 30days AF thinking I’d totally cracked it. The first time I had a couple of drinks at a work conference so people wouldn’t keep asking why I wasn’t drinking. I was then back on the sauce for 8 weeks, drinking most nights. The 2nd time I had wine as my DH kept making digs that I was taking it too far and should have a couple at weekends. I wish I had stood firm because now I’m back to having to quit all over again and it’s rubbish. I find when I drink at the weekend I just want to drink during the week too.

Wow this thread is amazing! Well done to everyone! I'm on day 3 but honestly I'm liking forward to being AF everyday from now on. I'm currently experiencing a really dry mouth and aching gums. Did anyone else experience this or other symptoms after going AF?

I think some partners will find it hard to accept that we have relinquished alcohol permanently. DH is being supportive but I don't yet think he's convinced that I'm serious. Growingboys I hope yours will stop trying to talk you into moderation, have you asked him to desist?

I've had waaaay too much cake today 😋. Cheerfully sober, though.

Hello to @justfornowiguess and @grace1989x, and welcome. I was terribly thirsty for the first part, and headachy too. I think both were detox symptoms.

Well done pamela, ulysses and dolly, Feb is indeed looking fab

My DH is similar, very supportive, but occasionally asks if I've really given up for good.

I just tell everyone that for the moment I'm not drinking. That seems to work.

Welcome to the newbies, this really is a lovely and non-judgmental thread.

Thanks @Drybird2020 @iamyourequal @ElsaCragg - v helpful. I had an anxiety dream that I cracked last night and god I regretted it! A relief to wake up (from a fitful night's sleep) to realise it was a dream.

I've done two whole months AF! My Sober Time app tells me this so today is day 63. My goal is 100 days. Then hopefully I shall go on from there, but I am not daring to be too ambitious. Half my problem is, I'm not sure if I want to give up for ever as there were definitely times when I had eg two glasses of red and a really lovely time. I'm sorry to sound weak, but I just don't know.

On the other hand, I am so much happier not even thinking about drinking now. (Well, mostly!). I sleep better (again, mostly) and love feeling clear-headed and not ashamed of any stupid loud things I've said while drunk.

Basically 98 pc of me wants to give up for ever, two per cent thinks I didn't really have a massive problem in the first place (I can have two drinks, or no drinks, and that's fine. What's not fine is when I go out for a big night - THEN I am totally unable to stop).

Argh oh well, it's not a massive problem as I do really want to quit - I think. Better get back to my quit lit!

Good luck all - hope you are all more resolved than me!

@Growingboys, 63 days is awesome, well done!

I also thought about the times when I enjoyed one or two glasses of wine, but to be honest, those occasions were very rare. Mostly, I would drink to get drunk. I don't think those one or two glasses are worth it, that would mess with my head, and I'd be back at square one.

Hello everyone! You're all doing so well.

I'm now on day 23, after making it to January 21st then having a few beers at my grandads funeral. The hangover was awful and has definitely helped me see I'm not missing anything.

Something that has really surprised me is how bad my anxiety is now I'm not drinking, I thought stopping would be like taking a magic pill and all of my problems would go away. Now I don't have alcohol as a crutch I appear to have no coping mechanisms for stress whatsoever so this is going to be a big learning curve. What does every one do now for stress release? I have a 10 month old so finding the time is hard.

Also, I found a really good article that resonated with me so thought I'd come and post it : )

www.nytimes.com/2020/01/31/sunday-review/alcohol-drinking-problem.html

That's a great article @rosieposies . Very interesting and I identify more with the writer than with the quit lit authors who seem 'worse' than me before they gave up.

I also did that quiz she talks about and got 11, higher than her score of 8, which surprised me as I was expecting to be negligible. (I answered as if I were still drinking, obviously).

Thanks, and thanks too @ElsaCragg for very sensible, relevant advice. I feel my resolve stiffened now. Much appreciated.

Thanks for the link @rosies - interesting read! I scored 29 on that quiz ( ex drinking life ) just proves that this sober path is the only way for me.

I'm a 26 @HowlsMovingBungalow, sometimes I think I could just end all of this ridiculously hard being sober lark now and go back to how I was before - no one could really see how bad my problem was (apart from my OH). Answering hard questions like these show me how important it is I stay on this path. I fell down the stairs twice when my drinking was bad, the second time an ambulance had to come out. Mortifying.

You and me both @rosieposies, I once slipped down stairs and ended up waking up in a drunken mess at 3am at the bottom ,the bruising that came out over the next week and the agony of coughing for the next month or so? Too ashamed to seek medical advice naturally, I presume I broke a rib if not several ... hid that one because of shame.
There is a whole bloody list of shame and mortification that seeps back in on dark days.
I don't want that shit anymore.

Great article and thank you for posting. Wow mine was interesting. My score came out at 7 - although I don't think it allowed me to explain my (previous) 'pattern' fully - 1-2 drinks on 4 nights per week, and one night I might have 4-5 drinks. There was a question about having 6 drinks or more, so my 'binge' night went under the radar of the questions

So anyway, the interesting bit was saying 1-2 drinks are good for your health!? This was what my results said:

Congratulations on this. It is important that we all ensure that any alcohol we consume does not lead to a pattern of hazardous drinking or addictive drinking. Your score indicates that your consumption is within the low risk "safe" range. Indeed, there are some health benefits from moderate amounts of alcohol of the order of one or two standard drinks per day. It is important that , although your alcohol consumption is in the healthy range, you do not increase it. Doing so can easily result in your drinking becoming hazardous, serious health problems can occur and addictive drinking is the end result. Paying attention to your alcohol consumption and ensuring it remains within the low risk range represents a great investment for your future.

Anyway. Completely know what you mean about anxiety coming out when not drinking. I'm really feeling all over the shop. Some days I feel fantastic about being AF, and others I could cry at the drop of the hat and am just feeling anxious about life in general. Maybe it's hormonal. I'm 41, so a little early for peri-menopause yet, but who knows.

Someone else up-thread said about the danger zone being when the down-sides to boozing are starting to fade. I'm in this at the moment, I think. I must get back into some quit-lit.

Great work all of you doing really well with dry days! keep posting your positives to inspire us!!

Note to self: it's not the lack of alcohol causing the anxiety, and sadness. IT WAS JUST MASKING IT. So now I am in a better place, going forwards, to deal with it in a natural and longer lasting way, without the shitty side effects of alcohol, which is a depressive in itself.

This may take time, and experimentation. Lets swap tips Rosie, and anyone else going through these feelings.

Plan for today: eat all the chocolate. Deal with an email that's been hanging over me. Tidy kitchen with minimum effort so I can relax and slob for the rest of the day and catch up on Love Island (already done some work and chores this morning).

As soon as the weather is better I'm getting straight out there to go up on the moors and get some walking in.

I was shocked by my results in that quiz, I did it twice for different drinking patterns and got 18 for my excessive/party season periods and 11 for my "moderate" spells.

I don't know why I'm shocked, I knew I was bad. 😳

Hello all- I’m still here . Just a lot on. Thank you so much for your messages. Still sober too and dd has made it to school every day this week. Her GCSEs are looming and she has to work hard. Meanwhile dd is trying to wing a levels

I’m feeling much more capable at the daily stuff if a little prone to over work. I too wonder if I could moderate but it’s not worth it. I don’t get very drunk or sick or embarrassing really but I cannot stop.

If I tried to moderate, the first two or three times would be great but then it’d defo slide.

I scored 24!

Morning all,
Just done the quiz and got 24 😳 awful really thinking I'd be able to drink daily and sink at least a bottle of wine!! Some mornings I'd get up have coffee and say to myself not long until 5pm when I can have wine..!

Completely agree with what others have said about the alcohol being an emotional crutch for blocking stuff out. I've spent the best part of two years doing so and I'm really not sure why I did it or how I functioned like that for so long. I must have looked shocking!!

Onto Day 45 .. feeling hopeful I've got this 🙌

Have a fabulous Friday all xx

Morning, day 48 here. Cannot believe it! It gets way easier once you start to break the habit.

Have found the book 'This Naked Mind' great for reprogramming my brain and attitude to alcohol. Once you've read it you feel like you've been lied to your whole life and the whole of society is awash with a sickness they aren't even aware of!