Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

hello 👋

i don’t know how many days but i last drank on november 3rd so i’m a good three months in.

i listened to the How to Fail podcast this morning featuring Marian Keyes, talking about her alcoholism and recovery and i loved it, it gave me tremendous hope and joy. i thought i would recommend.

xx

@PamelaPeaches all power to you for stopping. I had one evening like that in January. I actually didn’t start again either. I saw it as testing whether I was missing out - nope!

I had parents evening this week- it’s always so painful. All the mums there with their daughters and I’m on my own. The last one I was dutifully texting dd the positive stuff. And then I didn’t see her for months. All the mums were avoiding me then thinking I was some awful person- this year they come up to me full of pity for me, having realised what they’ve been told is not true 🙄

I survived...as I do and she may well get some GCSEs if I can get her to calm down for a few weeks.

Went straight to teaching yoga so it was ok really- beautiful slow and nourishing class. The nidra was lovely- ended up singing to my sleeping babies!

Tonight is dp’s birthday gig in a pub. Winter is crap for being AF in a pub. Everything is so cold! He’ll be hammered too! His best mate is around 3 months dry so that’ll be fun.

I found out my ex who was an alcoholic died yesterday (not the father of my kids). It’s sad.

Dumdedumming, you are doing so well.

Just wanted to say that and send a hug.

Day 41 for me. DH has not re-started after dry Jan either. He says a combination of health and money saving - says he’s not ‘feeling better’ yet... I feel we are getting old! All aches and pains. But this month we have really reconnected- got the giggles a few times together in the evenings which hasn’t happened for months and months. We’re much more productive. I am a better mum. A better version of myself. Also, maybe just me, but when people are getting drunk round me, I go with it. Become a louder, more confident version of myself. On lime and soda. It really works. Surprised me, but feels easy, knowing those drinking can’t tell the difference.

Day 41

Have a great day everyone xx

Peaches don't stay with the self recriminations but use the experience as a springboard to get going again, think of what you've learned in the last 2 weeks, most of all the real desire to be alcohol free.

Growing how are you feeling? I hope things are going smoothly at home, sometimes it can be a good thing for the other parent to have to step up, there's no option if you have to be in bed with Good Housekeeping!

@Spl0ink, welcome and congratulations on your first 3 months+

@StillDumDeDumming that's a lot to have going on. I'm sorry about your ex, and the difficult parents' evening. I'm glad about your DP's mate, that must surely help. Have a great time this evening. Can you turn into a pumpkin at midnight?

I'm feeling positive today, looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend with not much planned except tying down a few things in anticipation of storm Ciara.

@PamelaPeaches, don't be discouraged, it's not a failure, but a learning opportunity. I found the Annie Grace 30 day alcohol experiment really useful. It encourages you to examine your feelings about alcohol and I found that worked for me.

I was at the pub last night, got talking to someone who had decided not to do Dry January, but had just started 'Dry February'. They were doing fine and already seeing some benefits. It got me thinking of all the benefits I had found so far.

Better quality sleep. Not waking at four in the morning feeling dreadful. Waking up refreshed and positive about the day ahead.

Having loads more energy, not falling asleep in the evenings in front of the TV. Clearing dinner pots, loading dishwasher and tidying round before bed, so getting up to a tidier home.

Always remembering what happened on a night out, and never feeling embarrassed or worse by your own behaviour.

Improved mood, feel so much more positive day to day. This is a big one for me, a real game changer.

My rosacea has disappeared, my skin is clear and spot free for the first time in ages. I can get away with a light makeup when I go out.

One slight negative, I have lost zero weight. But I am eating better and more mindfully most of the time. I don't snack so much and who knew, you don't have to eat a meal if you aren't hungry?

Never having to worry about being able to drive at any time, should the need arise. Sick child, family emergency, run out of milk, just jump in the car. No calculating alcohol units the morning after.

Moderation is harder than giving up. So much time, effort, money and head space is now freed up.

Day 108 here.

Oh Still, you've had a tough ol time of it. Thinking of you and fuck those women who've suddenly come to their senses - arseholes. Sorry to hear about your ex, it is always a shock to hear of the death of someone we once loved .

Smashing it Trees!

Day 47 here and the 'loss' of drinking is really ebbing away now, I am very much preferring my new routine of not being intoxicated every night. I'm knackered but not feeling like shit.

Have a grand weekend!

I'm here! And feeling ok. Apart from being in the middle of an argument with DH. Will post properly later

What ElsaCragg said!

It's always a struggle to get up, but once I'm up I feel positive. Nothing has changed, but my outlook.

Hi. 45 days without alcohol and it's getting easier every day

Same as @HouseTornado I'm lurking still AF but spinning a few plates right now.!

Will get through the weekend and catch up with you all properly soon. Love and AF happiness to you all xx

Morning all from windy London! Day...ummm..39?

I am quite a proud little abstainer this morning

I was out at a 40th birthday yesterday, with a group of friends that are quite boozy. The schedule was drinks in a pub, round to someone’s house for fizz, then back out to the pub for more drinks again.

I did it all AF! I just said, hey guys, you know what - I’m taking some time away from drinking right now, so I’m going to pass on the booze. And it was all fine! There was a bit of interested chit chat around why I want to do it, everyone was very supportive and positive, and nobody honestly cared that much in the end! There was one “are you sure I can’t tempt you” while waving a bottle of Moët under my nose, and I just said “no thank you (fucking hate Moet anyway, the worst of all champagnes 😂 so it was easy).

It made the journey home easier because I didn’t fall asleep or need a wee on the train, I had exactly the same conversations through the evening that I would have had if I’d been drinking, but I remember exactly what they were, I spent a lot less, and I feel fine this morning.

Ridiculously proud of me!

Apologies for lack of individual check ins, I am way behind on the thread news.

Well done @SophocIestheFox - what an achievement!

I am having a nice time post op lying in bed reading the internet/my new kindle and having DH do all the hard work. What a treat!

Day 59 here. My skin is finally looking rather good and I now wish I had a 'before' pic from a couple of months ago as I think I'm looking better all round. You know those before and after pics they do on the sober Facebook groups? Wish I could do that but am not a selfie taker so don't have any before shots on my phone to compare and contrast.

Anyway I'm enjoying listening to the storm here in west London and slightly wishing I were in a cottage by the sea for maximum effect. DH is refusing to tie the trampoline down as he says we're so sheltered here but I bet it flies across the garden later.

I've just downloaded Adults onto my kindle as it has got good reviews so might start that later.

Have a good day all.

@StillDumDeDumming I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're having such a shit time re: DD. That must be so tough - well done for trying to go AF on top of all that.

We have a child with SEN and forget that other people have other troubles different to ours. We are all fighting battles and yours sounds tough at the moment. Good luck with your battle and your daughter is lucky to have you x

Thanks growing

Hope you feel better soon, and in the meantime, enjoy your peaceful kindle time, and make sure you get waited on hand and foot!

Great hearing all the positive AF stories - great hearing everyone's news, even just quick check-ins.

I'm feeling OK after my 3 beers on Friday night, and am treating it as a learning curve. I'm not berating myself - but trying to see it as something interesting to think about and... well, yep... what I can learn from it.

I'm still in the middle of an argument with DH, but hoping to have it out / clear the air later. I do wonder whether I'm projecting some anger / disappointment at myself for drinking onto him. I feel as though my strong sadness before drinking was mostly to do with there being an atmosphere at home, which I am blaming him for. hmmm. Still some more thinking to do on this one.

I didn't have a hangover from drinking, which actually hasn't helped. It's giving me creeping thoughts about moderating.

The down-side about drinking away my sadness on Friday night was that it robs me the chance of working through this feeling naturally. And helps hides the reason, thus, making any problem harder to solve.

I think I ideally want to get to a place where I can work out what I should have done differently instead of drinking. On the plus side I'm about to have a chat with DH about his moods which annoy me... so I suppose there is that realisation and action point...

Like your analysis @Pamela - but don't take encouragement from the no hangover. I don't really get hangovers from a few beers, but I DO get a low level sadness, which is obvs bad in a different way.

I am finding myself much less grumpy with DH now I'm not drinking. He definitely prefers the AF me - he still drinks every night, usually just one drink, and is perfectly happy doing that.

Morning. Well, just.

I didn't drink last night at s dinner party with friends. It wasn't quite as raucous as usual. But:

I had some good conversations where I didn't repeat myself constantly

I haven't got a headache

I don't have palpitations

My mouth isn't dry and my breath doesn't stink

I can remember the evening

I slept well

I've got energy today to spend with my sons.

I find it useful to reiterate the plus points as sometimes on a Saturday night, when I'm feeling tired, it would be so easy to have a livener. But I just realised that maybe I shouldn't go out if I'm that knackered!

Hope everyone else had good Saturday nights.

Excellent excellent point Growing...it's not just about the hangovers. Stuff like that I need to concentrate on.

Had the chat with DH and it cleared the air. I feel very emotional and quite fragile after it, but lighter. Am I feeling so emotional cos I'm in the wake of a low-mood sadness? That has been exacerbated from Friday night drinking? Maybe.

Went to a big party last night and felt fantastic about not drinking, or wanting to..was getting pressured but just laughed it off. I know for a fact one pal thinks I'm boring when I don't drink, as he's told me. No regrets here though. Looking forward to a week ahead of a clear-head and being kind and gentle with myself.

That's good that you were happy not to drink PamelaPeaches. And was the guy who said you were 'boring' actually himself quite boring?

I find it interesting how the defensive people are actually the ones who are either bothered about drinking too much themselves, or people who are actually quite boring and you don't notice it when you're pissed yourself!

I wanted to share this at the risk of flaming.
I made it to 38 days dry until yesterday. I fell off the wagon in a humiliating way. Drank nearly 2 bottles of white wine when visiting mil. Then on the way home I vomited Out of car window getting it all over me and the inside of the car. I was covered in my own vomit and dh had to help me shower and clean me up. I did the car this morning in gale force winds. I’m so disgusted with myself. I didn’t really miss drinking so god knows what I was thinking. I just thought it’d be ok to have a couple but now I remember that I just can’t moderate and the only way is to be completely dry. I’m so horribly ashamed of myself. The worst thing of all was the kids were with us and saw it all. This is my rock bottom, I know this is it for me and booze now. I hope my story serves as a warning to anyone thinking they can risk a drink or two.
Bookmark

Don’t know what the bookmark at the end was all about , I copied my post from the old thread and it must have pasted that as well! Killed several brain cells last night.

Thank you Dottydolly. I’ve copied and pasted my thread when I realised there was a new one. I feel absolutely wretched today but I need to remember this feeling.

No flamings from me @Nickynackienoo. It's good you are posting and what you've said resonates with me deeply. Have humilated myself many a time like this and I can't seem to moderate my drinking either so for now I am keeping dry and I thank you for sharing.

Absolutely no shaming here either Nicky. Pull up a chair - you are very welcome. Good work on anticipating a future hurdle by remembering this feeling today - that's a fantastic start