Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

Woohoo for still and sparkling, for smashing it, and being stalwarts of this threa. 🎉💯🎊🎉💯☕🍫🎊🎊

@GreenTeaMug welcome and congratulations on realising and being ready to start.

Thank you, @drybird2020. Your thread has been a massive factor 👍🏽 I do feel a bit ‘what now’ though I know, I know... end of April, Sober Spring etc but 🤷🏻‍♀️

@SparklingLime Dry Lockdown surely??

Thank you. I’m ‘celebrating’ with news that dp has got Covid! I’m hoping for some good fortune. He’s at least a week in and so far he’s very tired, bad eye pain, breathing a little faster but not too bad. I’ll be livid if he survives a massive brain haemorrhage and then gets taken by this!

I forgot to clarify that he has been tested- Monday night so he’s a little way into it

Gosh, still what a litany of hardships he has had to face. How are you doing? Do you think you have had it, or have symptoms? Love and healing vibes to both of you.

@GreenTeaMug how are you managing today? Have you got a plan for the evening? Comfort food, lots of cups of tea, something distracting and mindless on the telly or doing something to my unkempt carcass (face mask or similar) and then an early night with my kindle all helped me in the early days. Be very kind to yourself, your one job is not to drink today.

@SparklingLime can you make an adjustment to your thinking? How about the 100 days you've just completed is the initial training period for the rest of your life and now you're ready to progress to the next level of benefits. I'm giving it a go - I think it might work better for me than a series of goalposts.

He has! I feel ok - a few symptoms. I’m assuming I have it or have had it. It’s unavoidable as I’m doing his personal care. I’m not sure if I should be taking more precautions- but I literally have to take him to the loo so I don’t see how. I can’t leave him in the night to sleep elsewhere or stay 2 metres away. I’m presuming it’s too late for all that.

Oh @StillDumDeDumming you poor sod. What a year you're having. I do hope he gets it mildly - maybe you're hopeful given he was tested nearly a week ago?

Best of luck to you.

And hello @GreenTeaMug - this is the place for you!

So glad I'm booze free to cope with this time.

Yes these are my thoughts @Growingboys. There’s nothing I can do now anyway.

I’m still so grateful I’m not drinking!

@StillDumDeDumming your sobriety is indeed something to be grateful for and also to be proud of, amongst all the shite that life has thrown at you.

Is anyone else completely exhausted? I'm sleeping loads and still feeling knackered all day long.

Sending AF solidarity to you @StillDumDeDumming, and the hope that you get a break from such challenging bloody times.

Thanks, @Drybird2020, will try looking at it like that. I haven’t read any sober lit, probably time to.

Have you finished up for the Easter holidays @Drybird2020? I'm in Scotland and the schools have been off for a week now and I'm savouring the lack of home schooling and juggling it with WFH. I was exhausted before this though and remember having to have a lie down in the middle of the day because I felt so worn out.

I've had a few days off myself, including today, and have and a couple more off this week. The good weather has gotten me out to the garden and getting jobs done. I'm an early bird and enjoy the house to myself before everyone else gets up later on in the day.

I'm trying to catch up with people as well and so many tell me how much they are drinking now. The general consensus is, as soon as it hits 5pm, the wine bottles are opened. One of them called me an inspiration and as of Monday she is trying to calm it down. There's so much freedom to be had in not drinking. I remember all too well dwelling on in when it was socially acceptable to be starting on the wine.

You really are due a break @StillDumDeDumming. I know life doesn't work like that but fingers crossed things take a turn for the better.

Morning everyone. Sorry for going awol. The reason is because today is Day 1

I am reading an absolutely brilliant book by Holly Whitaker called 'How to quite like a woman'.

My first aim- to get through Day 1.

Today I plan to dust off my vitamin tablets (particularly vitamin B) and focus on nourishment.

Ulysses like you I really struggled with WFH amd home schooling. I am dreading the schools going back - if it is at home anyway! I've alreayd discussed with my line manager that I will work 5 am-9 am when the schools start and then just try and make up the rest of my working day 'somehow'.

StillDum i hope you and your DH are okay.

Drybird thanks so much for the welcome. I am here and a full funcitoning member of thread. :)

Now to hit Day 1 out of the park....

Thank you @Ulysses - it feels calmer for now. Just need to keep him motivated til the physio restarts. He’s very honest with me. He said he knows I’d never do the lie. He’s getting there. We need to find enjoyable stuff along the way which is tricky in isolation.

I’m very glad I’m not drinking in lockdown. Motivation is hard enough. I would feel I was wasting my time. I’m missing my children very much. We talk on the phone but I need to see them.

@GreenTeaMug you’ve got this! It’s hard at the beginning and it definitely gets easier. It’s so bloody worth it

I home Ed’d My son. How old are the children- if it were me I wouldn’t worry too much about school work. Unless they’re year 10 or 12. They will get through loads more at home. Could they instead work on projects that they enjoy. I loved home Ed. We did lots of kitchen science and local history. And music. Film making - that sort of thing.

Thanks StillDumDeDumming they are 7 and 10. The school has put together a really good programme with google classroom and all that. But I am already stressing about it.

That's part of my problem really..... i am always trying to do everything and be everything for everyone. I was just thinking about how to manage the housework.... maybe I need to demand less of myself (and also to be honest of others around me).

I like the idea of work projects.

You can do it @GreenTeaMug. We've all had our Day 1s here. I've had two myself since 1st January. It was a small glass of wine 7 weeks ago but I've learned the I didn't need it after all. I drank to relieve stress and anxiety and I am still stressed but hand on heart not nearly as much as I was or would be given the circumstances.

And I am also learning that the dutch courage it gave me, to make decisions and get in touch with people, was there within me all along and I no longer recoil or cringe at my behaviour towards other people because I can own it, not the alcohol.

I'm glad you've got some calm, @StillDumDeDumming, you must be exhausted. Hopefully, it will allow you both to pick up some energy for the enjoyable stuff. I'm a homebird anyway and quite enjoy being around my sewing and garden and baking. All very gentle pursuits but sometimes I do get the urge to run too. I'm missing going to the garden centre and getting plants - my garden is tidier but has very little colour!

@GreenTeaMug Is google classroom live? If not they can do their school hours at anytime. It doesn’t need to be 9-3. I would say don’t worry too much. Do the stuff they enjoy.

The naked scientists are ex Cambridge University- they do great kitchen experiments- loads of fun and they will learn a lot. Also horrible science and horrible histories are good for learning. You will be doing more than most families. I would say with your 10 year old, allow them to make decisions about how s/he wants his home school to be.

Morning all, hoping everyone can find the strength to get through these difficult times, and sending positive vibes to everyone, in particular @GreenTeaMug and @StillDumDeDumming.

As for being all things to all people, I've been the same. It's exhausting in every way, the mental, emotional and physical load is just not possible to sustain.

You can best support the ones you love and care about by looking after yourself first. It's not selfish. You need to put your own oxygen mask on, metaphorically, before you can help others.

Day 173 here. It's now just a number, I don't think about wine o'clock at all, or look forward to alcohol as the cure-all I mistakenly thought it was. Quite the opposite, I'm no longer being dragged down into negativity and guilt. And I don't mind being around alcohol, it's just not my thing any more. Have a good week and hang on in there everyone.

Yes the google classroom is live StillDum. The school has quite a good programme and they did say that if the children only do their English and Maths then they will be pleased with that. So it takes a bit of the pressure off. It comes back to trying to be all things to all people!

I asked the DCs today to think of a project they wanted to work on this week (school is not yet abck) in the hope that it gets them off the devices a bit and also into something they can be enthusiastic about. DC1 is planning to learn about hospital ships during World War 1 and DC2 is still deciding. Totally random!

I have asked them to help me repot some plants as well. Usually I just crack on because i am trying to do so much in a day. But it was really good doing it with them and explaining how to use crocks, and tease the plant roots out. I will check out the science and history ideas also thanks!

Thanks for such a lovely welcome everyone. :)

Oh just to add. i feel so glad I am here and have joined you all.

I feel utterly beaten by alcohol. I have spent so much time trying to have it in my life in a way that works for me and it simply does not work for me.

It's over. it HAS to be over.

Day 1 done. :)

Once I have eaten dinner I am no longer interested in wine so that is that over.

(I may have eaten dinner at 5.30 mind).

Day 2. I'm ready for you.

Thanks again everyone.

@GreenTeaMug love the hosptial ships project well done on day one. Day 40 here (wich is nothing short of a miracle!)

Evening all. Am joining. Did DJ and meant to carry on but only with limited success. Recent weeks have not been good due to Covid anxiety. But I've done long dry spells before and know they help both physically and mentally.

Just got to crack on and stop letting those life is shit thoughts derail me.

Looking forward to The Nest and Quiz tonight to get me through.

@GreenTeaMug that's a good start, we'll done on day one. I absolutely get this I feel utterly beaten by alcohol. I have spent so much time trying to have it in my life in a way that works for me and it simply does not work for me, it's precisely how I felt. The best thing for me about being alcohol free is the headspace, I can manage everything else so much better now I'm not giving over so much of my brain to the futile effort of managing my relationship with booze.

Ulysses I'm in Scotland too so we are more than half way through the holidays. I'm dreading work starting again and having to juggle that as well as looking after and teaching my own kids. I wonder if I'm having an attack of the PAWS, and have ordered some B vitamin complex spray which I never got around to at the start.

Pensylvan hello, and welcome 😊. This is a good place to be.

Sober for 34 years, am 70