Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

Wow! 34 years! That's amazing.

It's important to hear that you've tried living with alcohol @GreenTeaMug and that it hasn't worked out for you. I'm not sure where I'd be without this thread and checking in. I've told a few folk that I'm not drinking until the lockdown is over and then that's when I'll be celebrating because saying that I'll never drink again seems so final.

And you've cemented the reason for that - that I can't manage to drink and live the way I want to. I can't have just one G&T or one glass of wine when then the rest of the bottle is there.

Hope you enjoyed the shows @Pensylvan - welcome and keep coming back.

I googled PAWS @Drybird2020 and yes having a supplement seems a good idea. I keep forgetting to take my well woman multivitamin.

I love people popping into this thread @littlemeitslyn - that's a fantastic achievement.

Day 103. There’s plenty of alcohol in the house, but I’m no longer bothered by it. 🎉🎉

Thanks everyone and good morning!

Morning, @greenteamug! Have you read anything supportive? Annie Grace’s books are on Audible, and if you’re not a member already you can have a book for free:

www.audible.co.uk/pd/The-Alcohol-Experiment-Audiobook/000829349X

Good morning.

Thanks I have got a little collection of quit lit which i am going to get really stuck into when inspriation is needed. :)

I loved Clare Pooley;s sober diaries. She is doung a facebook live chat this week I think which I want to sign up for also.

I have signed (in some cases re-signed) up for some facebook groups as well.

I had aminor wibble as i am about to start my working day again and it is likely to be a stressful one...... deep breathing.... on thing at a time.... don't panic...... my office has furloughed 70% of our staff and the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack (as much as possible). I just have a pit of stress in my stomach all the time which alcohol just really did not help- no matter how much I thought it was!

I hope everyone has a great day. :)

I don’t want to appear evangelical (I am though ) but I’ve posted on this thread. But I’m tired and dp just had the dreaded breathlessness attack so I’m a bit distracted m.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3880005-How-long-before-I-start-feeling-the-benefits-of-quitting-alcohol

Thanks for posting on my thread StillDum!

I haven’t read this thread yet but I’m keen for company and support. Have developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol over the years and am now on Day 3 AF. Not sure of my long term goals. I guess I hope to be able to drink in moderation some day😳😳😳

Hope you’re all hanging in there.
Will catch up with the thread in a bit.

Morning all. I popped onto the thread to say congratulations to all of you who have successfully hit your 100 day milestone in the past week. So impressed!
It’s great to see new folk have joined too. I’m back again, at AF 1 today. I’ve been really stressed out by the pandemic and started almost daily drinking again, but of course it’s not helping at all! So here I am. This would have been my 100day AF if I’d kept going from Dry January, so I thought it seemed a good place to restart from. Have a good day all. I’m, like many of you , back to the homeworking tomorrow, and homeschooling next week (I’m in Scotland too), so going to have a nice calm day today to plan this all out.

The best place to start again from, @iamyourequal! 👍🏽

@iamyourequal so pleased that you have come back to the thread.

What are your triggers? For me, it was everything! Feeling happy, sad, bored, stressed, you name it, I used it as an excuse. I found the thought of never drinking again very overwhelming at first. So I took things one day at a time, and did a lot of soul searching. After about a month, I realised that moderation was definitely not for me. Alcohol gave me nothing.

Best of luck, hope that you can crack it this time.

Done day 1. Of course am feeling much better already but the tricky bit for me is always about day 5 or 6 when I start thinking I've cracked it but of course I haven't.

I like the thought of staying dry for lockdown. Shorter term goals are easier to manage and get me more in the sober zone.

Have noticed that BBC are re running Wolf Hall which saw me through my first successful DJ even though there was a lot of quaffing of red wine. Immersive/ crap TV is my AF crutch.

Looking forward to last episode of the Nest tonight.

Will try to check you all out properly when can post on computer. Phone posting is a bit tricky.

Have a nice evening all

I've come to believe that alcohol is a big lie, a big con.

When you are the sober one in a group, you can see how alcohol changes people, and not always for the better.

Losing your inhibitions, not seeing the danger in situations, being, quite frankly, obnoxious at times are not good behaviours.

I've not mentioned on here before, but I lost my DF and DSIS to alcohol (aged 64 and 52 respectively). And they weren't the loving and kind people at the end, when alcohol was all they cared for. I didn't see myself going the same way, but I did recognise some patterns of behaviour that I was ashamed of.

I now live my best life. I know it's a cliché and I don't want to preach, but if you want to cut back or stop drinking, you're halfway to recognising and realising that being sober is the way to go.

Children don't drink alcohol and they are fun and spontaneous, happy and free. That's what not drinking is like as an adult. We've mistakenly bought into the alcohol industry and got trapped by them.

Such an interesting post Elsa, I love how you describe your alcohol free life.

Day 3 and as I said I am not really seeing or feeling the benefits (though others have now explained to me this takes a while), but today I did go for a run at 6pm. I would never normally run this late as I would likely already have had a drink😳 I’m very slowly and unfit😂 but it felt great to be able to go running at the time because I was still sober.

Excellent post, @ElsaCragg, I have come round entirely to this way of thinking over the last few weeks and months.

Good call on Wolf Hall, @Pensylvan. I've just finished reading The Mirror and the Light, wonderful stuff.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies, one of the immediate benefits. Pre-lockdown, one of the things I loved most was the feeling that I could just jump in the car any time I wanted, knowing that I was not over the limit. It's very freeing to have that control.

Thanks for welcoming me back sparklinglime and Elsa, and for another inspiring post Elsa. I’m sorry to hear you have lost close family to alcohol before their time. Was that a turning point for you?

My DF has cirrhosis but is still drinking, albeit less than he was. My mum is happily enabling him, because he is miserable and virtually mute without a couple of drinks in the evening. My husband does the same when I give up, tempting me with wine until I cave. I must be no fun at all sober, but I don’t really know how to change my personality at mid-life . Any tips from others whose partners still drink at home would be gladly received!
Stick in Bunnies you will feel the benefits of more energy, calmer nerves and better skin after a few days. Others will tell you the longer term benefits, as I never get past a month

@iamyourequal, sorry to hear about your DF. There really is no way to help someone, it does have to come from them. Do you think your DH may be sabotaging your efforts so that his own drinking is normalised?

In answer to your question, surprisingly, no, my family's relationship with alcohol was not a factor. In fact, I always thought that if I drank less than they did, I was normal.

The turning point for me was at a wedding last summer. Despite being only an evening guest, I soon caught up with those who had been drinking at the wedding all day. The evening ended with me falling down a flight of stone steps, god only knows how I didn't do serious damage. I managed to bluff my way out of it, and started cutting back on my drinking after that.

But I still thought I could moderate. A few months later I had the mother of all hangovers after downing two bottles of red wine in the pub, and I finally decided 'no more'.

Best decision ever.

I really don't mind being around alcohol at all, my DH drinks and I don't feel the need to judge or comment. I think it's because I no longer feel I am missing out. Quite the opposite, life is so much better now.

Oh, and @iamyourequal, it was a total revelation to me to find that I could enjoy an evening out sober. And that I was just as much fun too, not boring, as I had always imagined. The real you will be able to shine through once you take control.

Lots of familiar stories here. Good to remind myself of them. I actually enjoy socializing more when sober because I feel more in control. I love being able to drive home and not worry about it the next day

I need to have a little moan - I hope you don't mind?! My husband has been really supportive of me giving up, as, over the years he has tried many ways to get me to stop drinking, and has wanted me to stop. Over the last week / few days I've told a couple of friends - no one knows how much I use to drink, not even my parents. He has got a cob on saying people will think I'm an alcoholic, and that I wasn't, as not drinking all day and night (was an evening drinker when kids in bed) and, I am never going to have a drink again? And do I think that's relastic? I said to him that I'm not thinking of that far ahead as I can't, going to get to 100 days first as it seems achievable. Also asked him not to give me an out , if he says anything like that to me it's like a green light (I'm too far in now and at the mo I wouldn't drunk as to scared to) had to remind him all the times he begged me to stop and thay I can't just have 1 drink - I can't drink like a normal person. Rant over.

@jess38170, rant away!

I used to kill the conversation by saying that I was not drinking for a while, to see if I could manage 30 days / 100 days or whatever.

There really is no comeback from that. You are not saying forever (even if you think that). And it gives others time to get used to the idea.

I'm a great believer in using the considerable time and effort I used to spend drinking and thinking about drinking in now working out why I felt the need, doing a fair amount of soul searching and developing better habits and more productive ways of spending my time.

Hmm @jess3817 there’s a lot going on there with your dh. Is it the first time you’ve sustained AF? I have to admit even though I had given up, I felt uncomfortable with him cutting down- I just felt more familiar with him drinking. Your dh maybe scared of the changes you’re making. It’s no excuse.

Also there’s something going on with him not wanting you to tell people. It’s like they may stick their oar in and usurp him from the position he’s familiar with.

I am in no way slagging off your dh. These feelings are really common but quite surprising.

My husband does the same when I give up, tempting me with wine until I cave. I must be no fun at all sober, but I don’t really know how to change my personality at mid-life confused. Any tips from others whose partners still drink at home would be gladly received!

This reflects badly on your DH, not you, @iamyourequal. You don’t need to try to change your personality! But partners and others can be rattled and unsupportive of positive changes. Have you asked him directly not to undermine your efforts?

Hi All. How are we today? Thanks for responding to my post yesterday. It’s a great comfort to be back in good company .

I’ve been thinking about my situation. I’m sure my DH would admit he drinks too much too. I don’t want to be making him out as a baddie in all this. I think our difference is I think I have an inherent problem with alcohol and he just thinks we need to cut back a wee bit. He probably just sees a wife who should be drinking 2-3 nights a week with him, instead of 6 nights a week cause she is stressed. I am wondering if he has similar views to yours Jess thinking that we should just drink socially when it suits them!?
Thanks for sharing your turning point Elsa. I haven’t fallen down with drink, but I’m sure we all have memories we are not proud of due to drinking. Anyway, I will look forward to all the catchups later. Best get back to some work.