Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

You're all smashing it.

I'm now on day 6. The longest I've done in probably a year. Usually I would do two days to convince myself it wasn't a problem then hop right back on the wine train.

I'm reading the links they are really needed right now. Plus I just googled how many calories in 9 bottles of Prosecco so I just need to keep reminding myself that.

Next challenge. The weekend.

Yes, Cheesecake the first weekend booze free is a challenge for me, too. I've treated myself to some AF craft beers; normally, I just have regular soft drinks, but because DH only drinks on a Friday night, I thought I'd better have some as back up, just in case.
Good luck! We can do this!!

Sweetbaby then it's the Mother's Day lunches!!!
I might buy some becks blue on the way home.

Cheesecake day 6 here and also facing the first weekend. Good idea about the craft beers. I'm not sure if that'd work for me I'm not a big fan of beer. I'm a gin or wine drinker and I'm not in a place to drink the AF version of them yet.

Anyway I'm still sober and for the first time in many months I've been able to drive to do the weekly shop.

Along with the weekly shop, a selection of AF drinks have gone in. Pineapple juice, pink grapefruit juice, posh squashes and sparkling water and a pair of trousers bought with last night's wine money

Here's to another sober day.

Foxes I tried the AF wine and its was vile lol. I added some blackcurrant just to make it palatable, but I might as well just have the blackcurrant in a wine glass. Good point though about not feeling ready for some of the AF stuff...i like beer, but it isn't 'my' drink...so I think it will help the habit of wanting a drink, without tempting myself to get the real thing. Good luck!
Cheesecake I haven't tried the becks blue, but I can tell you that Brewdog Nanny State is the closest to real beer I've ever had. It's a little overly 'hoppy', but it has the right mouthfeel and I didn't miss the alcohol at all.

I've had Beck's blue before during pregnancy. It's not too bad and tee total friends swear by it.

Fellow first weekers are you finding yourself going for a pee every 5 minutes. My bladder seems to be in overdrive today. Far tmi but is my body finally clearing the toxins out or finally rehydrating itself.

On The positive my skin is looking better softer and less wrinkly, and my eyes are whiter today as well.

@Foxes157 I'm peeing LOADS. Is that what it is? I thought it was just because I have a kidney infection but it does seem to be working overdrive.

I have no idea but I'm drinking less water than normal and going loo more.

On drinking days I used to drink orange juice, coffee and at least a litre of water by noon.. more water throughout the afternoon and the bottle plus of wine at night.

Today I've only had a coffee and 3 glasses of water, maybe another 3 soft drinks before bed and that's it.

Very strange.

Checking in, Day 61.

Hey all! Also checking in - also day 61!

Congratulations guys!

I drank last night and I feel a little bereft today, though not for reasons you might think. Im 18 days in to the alcohol experiment. In that time there were two days that I had an alcoholic drink, so not an abstinent streak, but i used it as part of the experiment. Not wanting to tell people I was stopping, that was two occasions where someone bought me a drink before I'd realised and I politely drank that one before finding an excuse to switch to a soft drink. Each time I didn't feel any benefit of the alcoholic drink - sipped slowly, examined what I was feeling in AG style, noticed the taste actually wasn't as nice as I anticipated etc. Felt it was proving that the path was a right one. It wasn't about moderating, that's not my goal, its more about a gradual long term shift.

Third weekend in, DH has my favourite drink, I'm feeling quite happy (not stressed, usually my go to is stress drinking). I listened to the craving, it passed, but while I felt I could 'take it or leave it' I also felt like it would be a nice thing to do, where's the harm etc?

So, I drank. Drank very 'sensibly' - 5 units total, on top of food. Drank slowly. But you know what? I didn't enjoy it. It wasn't fun. I felt the effects, but when I noticed them objectively they really weren't enjoyable! What used to feel tipsy and warm was translated into feeling fuzzy headed, which was irritating. I noticed I didn't feel relaxed, actually my heart beat was faster than normal and I was struggling to feel sleepy when I knew it should be bedtime. I didn't feel that there was any benefit to the connection with my partner - tbh we were scrolling on phones more than watching what we'd put on the TV. The taste was cloying. I woke up at 3am struggling to sleep & now recognise that (again from learning the science with Annie Grace) that that would be me sobering up.

So, I feel a little bereft because I realise that some part of my brain must have assumed that going back to social drinking was an option if I changed my mind. Now I realise it isn't, because the mask has well and truly slipped. Its like meeting a friend who you used to have loads of fun with and then realising that you've changed and they haven't and the traits you used to like about them are now just a bit annoying. I know this is good in the long run, it just wasn't something I was expecting, especially so soon.

I know it'll be good in the long term as I know the whole point of the alcohol experiment is to take away any interest in drinking, so that willpower is no longer required. I just didn't expect it to happen so quickly!

Brilliant and vey very interesting post. You've given me a lot to think about there x

@pamelaPeaches, honestly I remember thinking when I was a kid 'why do adults drink it tastes disgusting and makes them stupid' and it's like my mindset has reverted to exactly that, it's the only way I can explain it. Next Friday I'm going to buy myself cake instead!

How are you doing with your dry journey?

Thanks for asking. It's in the experimental stages, I'd say. I've been experimenting with being dry since mid-January and the longest I've done is 13 days before 'breaking' and having a few drinks maybe 3 times a week.

The times I have had a drink have been about 30% stress/anxiety/PMT and 70% just for the sake of it and 'because I'm back drinking again'. I admit that I still do get SOMETHING out of the stress drinks, but not the 'for the sake of it' drinks.

I'm watching myself with interest :-) I never actually have more than two drinks when I DO drink, and I find that I just don't want more after two (be it two beers, say, or one cocktail).

I don't know whether I'm deluding myself thinking that I can moderate, but it sort of feels like I can. So my reasons for experimenting with being completely AF... well, I'm really questioning what even those two drinks gives me. The older I get the more I'm finding that it just gives me a slow, fuzzy head, makes me grumpy, gives me a hangover, reduces my patience... I want to be accepting of the real me, anxiety, warts and all, and handle stress in life without the false confidence of alcohol. I do go up and down with my feelings about being dry though. So this it how I'm just feeling today!

Like you say... it's like I've grown apart from a previously cherished good friends and we're no longer compatible....

Sorry this is a bit rambling! kind of feels nice to check in with where I am with it, even if it is all a bit conflicting!

I've read the Jason Vale book, and I'm currently reading Naked Mind. I tried to sign up for the 30 day experiment thing but nothing came through to my email, nor in my junk folder. Wonder if I can just find the videos people are talking about online...

Just thinking... also many other reasons to go completely dry too... don't want to make drinking alcohol seem all grown up and sophisticated to my DC.... the increased risk of cancer...the empty calories and bad food choices that go with a hangover...

Good to read these posts this morning! I made it through my first Friday night in a long time with no drinks...it's nice to be clear headed this morning.
I understand the "annoyance" of being a bit drunk...that's what made me decide to abstain for a bit. I wanted the taste, but was starting to hate the feeling during and after.
I don't have a plan, per se in terms of giving up forever, or just taking a break. It's definitely a day by day thing. I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic, but I'm pretty sure I am headed there if I'm not careful. Moderation sounds like a great thing in theory, but I don't actually know if I can be moderate! Anyway, feeling great this morning is definitely a big motivator, so I need to keep this feeling in mind.
I like the sound of the Annie Grace book, so may check that out this weekend.
Thanks all...have good weekends! 😊

@sweetbabycheezits that's what I'm missing today - I've loved how happy and calm I've felt recently, today it's sunny outside but my sleep was crap so I'm grumpy and cba doing anything. Previously if I hadn't had drinks on a Friday night I would have felt 'cheated' out of my weekend, now because I've drank on a Friday I feel I've lost my Saturday!

@PamelaPeaches I know that the AG site had problems with the emails. If you can find one of the emails to get to the site, under the menu there's a list of days. Click in and you'll find the lesson. I don't tend to follow the emails because they're sent overnight and mornings are busy, but I set a link to the page on my phone homepage and read them on my lunch break.

One thing I'm definitely realising is you don't need to be an 'alcoholic' to be teetotal. I agree about questioning what a couple of drinks actually gives you, mine was two and a half drinks last night for an evening of tetchiness and a full day of tiredness today. Last year I drank frequently in the week to deal with stress, it was a horrible year, yet I read 'if alcohol was actually so good at helping with stress, surely the more you drink the less stressed you'd be?' Clearly that was not true! I do need something to help with stress but I want a different way. One thing that is very noticeable to be with having a break is that when I'm not drinking I have more energy/motivation to do things (gym, hobbies, see friends) which I think helps reduce my overall stress levels, or maybe leaves me less vulnerable to stress in the first place (my job is one that can feel all consuming if I don't actively foster a life outside of work)

I'm enjoying reading these thoughts and reflections, thank you all. 😘

Clear headed weekends are the new normal for me! I certainly don't miss the crappy physical effects of drinking the night before, or the sense of having cheated myself out of a better time with poor choices.

I'm super pre-menstrual and have just consumed a large bag of pick n mix, which isn't great, but is better than the cheeky afternoon spritzer of old, which would inevitably become a bottle of wine and then half of another one.

Enjoy your alcohol-free Saturday, Sober-Sisters (and brothers, maybe? I'm not sure if we have any men or not!)

Some interesting thoughts to mull over today, about what does drink actually bring to your lives.

You're right kids do live their lives happily alcohol free so why is the norm to drink as adult. Although in my teens friendship groups there doesn't seem to be as much drinking as what we did as a teen. My eldest drinks but has never thrown up. One of my others has absolutely no interest in drinking at all. She hates the taste and will happily drink a posh coffee or hot chocolate.

Anyway day 7 here, a first early morning work day since AF. I won't say I jumped out of bed but the shift seemed a lot easier.

Went shopping afterwards and bought a book, nothing particularly how brow, just chick lit. I always used to read before bed but recently I've been far too addled to process anything. So I'm looking forward to getting back to it

I've also got a notebook to scribble in my thoughts in each day. I'm guilty of over thinking and analysing things and it leads to anxiety, hopefully that will help.

Going for a soak in the bath and a pamper in a minute and put my PJs on and settle to watch crap tv with some bottle green raspberry and elderflower spritz

Here's to a AF Saturday night

Loving reading everyone's up-dates and musings too. Thanks everyone for sharing

Three - thanks for the tip on the AG site. Will try that way

I am getting more stuff done and finding it so much easier to stick other routines, like exercise. I've got better concentration as well and I really enjoy dressmaking but it would always take me ages, whereas today I've made much more progress than I would have a few months ago.

Still no notion for a drink.

I’m on day 59 all bar one tiny detour for dp’s 50th which made me realise I don’t really miss it.

My dp is still in intensive care. They’ve been very interested in his drinking levels to manage his recovery from sedation. It’s horrendous. He can actually speak and it seems problem solve. He tells me to shut up and fuck off and devised ways to get at his tracheostomy to pull it out so he can leave (he can’t because he can’t walk and he’s on a ventilator - but he doesn’t understand language so he doesn’t understand what’s happened). It’s a waking nightmare for him really. Anyway a bottle of wine would blot it out for a bit but I’d still wake up to it, and I don’t think I’d stop. So here I am still. I’m not keeping up with the thread I’m afraid but I’m so glad you’re all still here. I had been able to sleep while dp was sedated but now I’m not.

Hi I'm a lurker so I've changed my name.
What made you give up?