Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

Hi all,

After a particularly bad night Friday, I need to make better my relationship with alcohol. I am going to have a dry March.

31 years old, drink maybe 3 bottles of wine a week (mainly one bottle on a fri, sat and sun).

I went out Friday and got horrendously drunk to the point of throwing up that evening and most of the morning. I need to do better for my daughter.

Any support would be great.

Also, well done to you all so far!! ❤️

@StillDumDeDumming it's good to hear from you, I have been wondering how you are. I'm so sorry that your DP continues to be so unwell, it must be heartbreaking to see him like that. You are so right that a bottle of wine would only be a temporary comfort, it's great that you have kept your focus and stayed alcohol free. Have you tried all the usual things for sleep or would it help to have some suggestions? Sending lots of love and strength x

Welcome @pasta4ever and @cravingmilkshake, there's plenty of support here. Lots of people have shared their stories on this thread and the previous one. March is a good time to start as it coincides with Lent, so there's a ready made excuse for not drinking, if you need one.

@Drybird2020 thank you 😘 how did you manage to fil your time x

stilldumde

It’s been so long since I updated, the thread had dropped off my list!

Welcome, new posters, you are in the right place for some awesome support here.

Day 59 here, and still plodding along. My intention from the beginning was to just break my habitual drinking- that feeling that Friday night, Saturday afternoon and Sunday lunch were Drinking Times that must be respected. I’ve always been literally able to put the cork back in the bottle and can stop when I’ve started, but it was this inability not to reach for a drink at certain times, or when I was stressed that was bothering me.

I feel like I’ve cracked that now, which I’m very proud of, but I’m still not sure what my actual plan is for the future. Does alcohol have any place in my life or not?

I don’t have any desire to drink and haven’t for weeks now, but I’m not sure how I feel about saying I never will again. That doesn’t feel like something I necessarily want. But then I think moderation is a tricky beast that would inexorably lead back to the habitual reaching for the wine at 6 on a Friday.

Will KOKO for the moment, and not make any grand statements one way or the other for now

Happy sober Sunday, everyone!

Hey @pasta4ever, I'm always furiously busy so filling the time isn't an issue for me, it's learning how to relax that I'm trying to discover! I've got a kindle and have been reading a great deal, I do yoga and I have been cooking better, nicer food. My kids are happy that I've had more patience for playing with them, doing art, and making things. Some people find it useful to take up a hobby like knitting so their hands are occupied.

@SophoclesTheFox it's good to see you here! Great progress 😊. The peace of not thinking about whether I'm going to drink or not does it for me. I'm not sure if I'd start drinking again if I knew I could moderate, it's an interesting question. I'd like to think not, now I have learned so much from reading about alcohol and its effects, and the feeling of not being controlled by and addictive substance is so liberating I'd rather not go back to it. Anyway, I know I can't moderate so it's a purely academic point, but I can see how in your position its something to consider.

*an addictive substance

@Drybird2020 @SophocIestheFox
Thank you so much for taking your time to respond to me.
I'm going to struggle with the change, my partner works shifts so when he's on a late or a night I grab a bottle of wine to keep me company!
I'm going to really just focus on healthy alternatives I'm just not sure what it is I will enjoy as much 😂

Hi Pasta!
My other half works a lot of hours plus late nights (80hrs + some weeks) and I used wine to be my company on lonely nights. I really worried about not having alcohol to soothe but y'know what? It has been absolutely fine, I haven't missed it and I am less bloody lonely and morose without drinking AND there is no risk of me getting hammered on my own/leaving the gas hob on/falling asleep by 9pm on sofa/calling people pissed/etc etc.
You need a little routine for those nights ... decent tv dinner/bath/hair treatment/new book/gym/cinema/tv series ... whatever you fancy.

You will be surprised at the money saved and how well you feel the following day by not drinking. All the best!

Tomorrow I hit 10 weeks sober *little fanfare! Bloody glad to just not be thinking about drink 24/7, whether what to buy or the time to drink it or how shit I feel.

Thinking of you all and wishing you strength on your journeys.

@HowlsMovingBungalow what you have written is exactly how I am.
Thank you so much for your comment xx

You are welcome pasta . Keep posting!

Sending you strength @StillDumDeDumming . What a horrid situation to still be in. Getting through this stress AF is something you will look back on some day - hopefully not to far in the future - and congratulate yourself on.

I'm not sure about returning to alcohol either @sophoclesthefox. I haven't been out much since the New Year so it's been made easy. Saying that I drank much more units in the home than out of it. I have a couple of invites for girls nights out and I'm not sure I can be bothering with it at all as they are usually big drinking sessions.

@stilldumdedumming good to hear from you and so sorry things are currently a nightmare. Can't imagine what you are going through. What's the latest on his boozy mates? Hope you are looking after yourself in amongst all this.

Welcome to all newbies! Lovely to hear from you. Let us know how you get on.

@SophocIestheFox that is indeed a fantastic achievement, and you should be very proud of yourself. Any tips for getting over the reaching for something during times of stress? Anything that particularly helped?

Funnily enough - I'm actually remembering this just now - I used to do this with sugary food, a long time ago. I broke that habit. I think it was a slow process but ultimately I realised the stress would still be there by the time any comfort from the food wore off...

With my drinking in relation to stress - I think I do/did it to just get through the end of the day. I always feel so much better after a night sleep and nothing seems as bad in the morning, and I think in my head, it's just about softening the sharp corners of those last few 'awake' hours until I'm on the home straight (i.e. sleep).

Obviously an early bed-time would make sense, but sometimes it's just not possible. I use alcohol to get through those last difficult chores of the day... making tea... making conversation with family... tidying the house... the admin of getting to bed... ruminating on whatever stress exists....

And great work to everyone form making AF the new normal! Really fantastic achievements and great to read about each and every one of them

stilldundeedumming sorry to read your post, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you! It takes some strength to give up the drink when things are this hard, so you've done really well to knock that on the head.
I'm with the others who said they aren't sure if alcohol will play a role in the future. I'm trying not to get too ahead of myself, but waking up yesterday and today feeling rested, rather than exhausted, has been so lovely. This morning, I tackled "that corner"...you know what I'm talking about...the one where everyone chucks their bits and bobs? I've been looking at it for months, but weekends meant slumping in my chair feeling shit, so the mess remained. This morning, I sorted it, and it's all tidy and clean. So, baby steps, but I'm really not sure I want to feel any other way at weekends again. We'll see!

Well done to everyone. There are some really fantastic achievements and inspiration for the future.

Day 8 here, I can't believe I've made it to here. I can't remember the last time I was AF for 8 days in my adult life. I still had a glass on a Saturday even through pregnancy.

I feel a lot better already, 4lb in weight lost and my anxiety is improving. It was affecting my health, I've not admitted to even my DH how bad I was. The right hand abdo pain and diarrhoea that accompanied a binge. Heartburn and palpitations that kept me awake at night. In 8 days I've not had any digestive issues and the pain in my side has gone.

In answer to the question why I wanted to give up. My health was failing, my relationships were falling apart, I've drank away our money, this week I've saved £45 plus. I was a functioning alcoholic, to look at me you wouldn't necessarily think it. I have a nice house, car, responsible job, husband, kids, able to go to the gym and seem reasonably fit, have several nice holidays a year. But underneath the facade, I'm struggling to pay the bills, debts are mounting, my marriage is under pressure due to my drinking and my relationship with the kids Is strained.

I cannot moderate and I may not be able to save everything. The only option to try is to be sober.

I'm on day 7!!

I put some pink lemonade in a wine glass yesterday and sat it drunk it like that.

Big test to myself. I've bought a cheap bottle of merlot to cook with (half for bolognese and half for red wine chicken). I. Cannot. Drink. It. First time there's been alcohol in the house all week.

Can't believe I've done a week. Can't remember the last time I went all week.

The support on here is to thank for that.

Brilliant Cheesecake!

Lovely to hear from you @StillDumDeDumming - what a dreadful time you've had/are having. Really impressed you're still AF - think I'd have crumbled. Well done you.

Tomorrow will be day 80 for me. I am so used to it, it's easy. Although I think it won't always be. I think when the weather perks up and people are going out for one glass of rose, that's when I'll be tempted.

One plus side: I used to take paracetamol ALL the time, as I always had a headache from the constant low-level hangover one or two drinks gave me. I haven't had a headache for ages, or taken a paracetamol.

That’s such an open and honest post, @Foxes157. Well done on your progress, and I hope you can salvage as much as possible.

Hi all,

I survived a pub trip with husband and baby today without having an alcoholic drink. We had a long walk and it's customary to stop in the pub? He had also done a 20 mile run!

Pint of beer for him and a soda and lime for me. Driving to the cinema this evening so no need for any alcohol tonight- very pleased to be two days sober!

Thanks for the good wishes. That's an summary of the situation.

I could write a novel on the bad things I've done, the people I've hurt, the friends ive lost. The abusive behaviour, both in person and messaging when drunk. The days out and holidays I've spoiled or can't remember.

It's not anything to be proud of. When sober I'm smiley, loving and attentive. Even when I was hungover. I'm even tempered. I'm nothing like drunk me. Why on earth did I choose to drink everyday. I suppose because it's been normalised to drink.

Every time you turn on the TV, go onto social media there are happy faces posing with wine glasses, big balloon glasses of gin, pretty cocktails. No one seems to be teetotal through choice.

The token alcoholic they have is always a mess, slurring all the while and a figure of pity and you convince yourself you're not as bad and you are part of the normal drinkers. You only have 3 glasses a night. But your glasses are huge and take a 1/3 of a bottle at a time.

Sorry for the self indulgence, I got a bit carried away.

I drank to self medicate and black out feelings but also to feel too. Chasing the surge of alcoholic euphoria.

I was having a laugh in the office about the big wine drinkers on tv - the main character in The Good Wife works a 16 hour day as a hot shot lawyer, always has a large glass of red wine on the go but is up fresh as a daisy and has a full breakfast ready for the kids in the morning! Never ever slurs her words that one.

Ha! Indeed. Megga unrealistic