Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

Drybird hope you feel better soon. I am also becoming an Annie Grace bore. I find her so engaging. Over the last two weeks I’ve been listening to the podcast on my commute. I found the one on moderation really interesting and explained a lot for me. No way I can moderate. Uses up too much brain space! Ulysses, I can’t remember where I heard it (probably Annie Grace again!) apparently if you dream about booze it’s a way of your brain processing past trauma. That is a positive thing as it will help you to get your demons out whilst your asleep. Something along those lines anyway! Happy Monday all, I’m off to the gym!

@ulysses that dream must have been a good one to wake up from! I used to have similar ones when I was pregnant and would wake in a panic that I had harmed the baby.
@HowlsMovingBungalow the sleep is wonderful, isn't it? Sleeping is my new hobby. Someone described Winter to me as "the season of dreams" and I can really see why, now that I am not waking up in the wee small hours, full of the wine sweats and self loathing and tossing and turning until dawn!
I'm still feeling wiped out with this bug but the kids are low energy too, so it's manageable. It's when I'm ill and they are on top form that it becomes impossible.

I hope everyone is doing well on their sober journey. Spring is just around the corner, and Lent begins tomorrow in case anyone needs a further excuse for staying dry.

Just checking in! Day 74 here. Still not sure I'm going to give up for ever but equally I'm loving it at the moment and very keen to get to 100 days.

Sleep is so much better. As is overall mood.

On the downside I've gained a pound or so (jeans tighter) as I've become obsessed with sugar. But I've been recuperating after a small op so reckon as soon as I get running again I'll run the flab off!

Checking in. Everyone is doing so well!

@Drybird2020 the sleep is just wonderful isn't it. You described to a t my old sleep pattern.

I'm coming up fast on 6 months (16th March).

Today in the supermarket I wondered past a huge display of wine on offer and it caught my eye due to the pretty pattern on the label. And that's when I it hit me again that I just don't really think about it at all from day to day. I had just clocked a pretty label, like I don't even see the wine anymore.

I'm just back from visiting my closest friend abroad. It was the first time I've been over since I got sober. She's not a big drinker at all, but I very much associated visiting her with wine and drinking. It took me maybe the first day to totally find my feet and relax into things, but then I was fine. It's doing things I've always done regularly but for the first time sober that occasionally throws me. Just in a 'oh this now a new but familiar situation' way.

Things I've gained:
Sleep
Minimum anxiety
Confidence in myself/my mind
General healthy glow
Joy in life
Better relationships
Better social life (yes really!)

So I did an online quiz that said my drinking was worrying. Honestly I was drinking a bottle of wine a night and then Friday and Saturday probably two bottles. Averaging 9-10 a week. Insane.
As I was getting up every morning I didn't think it was an issue.
Until I went out Saturday got so drunk that I couldn't get up on Sunday and spent all day puking and hating myself. I need to stop.
It's now Tuesday. I haven't had a drink since Saturday. It's three days. But also the longest I've gone without a drink since November.
How do I keep this up?? Any tips. I need to stop altogether. What happens after a "stressful day" or long day, or birthday or any excuse that I had to drink before. When will I start to feel better?

Welcome to thread Cheesecake you'll get a lot of non-judgmental support on here.

It might help you to read the full thread, there is lots of useful advice. And all our stories will resonate with you I'm sure.

My top tips - lots of quit lit and sober blogs (I highly recommend Allen Carr's quit drinking book and the Annie Grace 30 day alcohol experiment online). Take it a day at a time, if you can get to 30 days, things start to fall into place. Be mindful (Annie Grace is good for that). Make sure you have some lovely non-alcoholic drinks in the house. Be kind to yourself and keep reading and posting here.

Best of luck!

Oh, and giving up drinking entirely is so much easier than trying to moderate.

Agree, moderating is a whole lot of work, and also not for this thread ideally as everyone here stopping, but there is a moderation thread.

Stopping full stop is easier.

Something to think about is trigger points/habits. Making sure you have something in place for when a trigger happens - a walk around the block, a puzzle, a game, a cup of tea - whatever takes your mind away from drinking.

It sounds like you had a habit of daily drinking, so change your habits up. When you get in from work do something different than you used to. Not the straight path to kitchen where the wine was.

addictionresource.com/alcohol/recovery/relapse-triggers/

Oh and good luck Cheesecake, we are here to support!

Thanks ladies. I love the non judgmental atmosphere. I know I can't moderate. Once the bottle is open it's fair game. I've been frightening myself by looking up fatty liver etc. Last night I had chamomile tea in bed. I'm thinking of saying I'm giving it up for lent so not only as my first challenge to myself, but to not look like a raging alcoholic to my family.
How long did it take before everyone started to feel physically better? I'm still waking up groggy and have lower back ache (may be my period but still worrying me).
I want to be fresh and notice the 10 billion calories less I'm consuming each week!

Hi @CheesecakeFactory87, it took me just over a month to start feeling better, although I started to sleep better straight away. I didn't lose much weight to begin with but it's now coming off gradually. I'd say don't worry about that side of things in the first 30 days, just eat what you want and do whatever helps, your one job is not to drink - everything else will fall into place afterwards.
This thread and the previous have loads of great tips, so it might be worth making a pot of tea and giving over an hour of your life to reading them! There are some inspiring stories from long term sober folk who kindly drop in to provide support, it helps to keep your eyes on the main prize.

Good idea to use Lent as a springboard, it will mean you can delay having The Conversation with people until you feel stronger. And yy to the suggestion above to do the 30 Day alcohol experiment, it's free. I'm reading the book at the moment and loving it. I've been reading back to back quit lit since December, and posting on here every day to keep me accountable, I need the external support I get from the thread.

For alcohol free drinks I like lime soda, expensive herbal teas, and becks blue - sometimes. I drank loads of it to start with but have less desire for it now. For me the ritual is important, so a nice glass, ice cubes or frozen slices of Grapefruit or a sprig of mint in my soda. .. Anything to make it feel special. Then I sit down to drink it so I am ACTUALLY RELAXING!! This is difficult for me 😊

Congratulations on the start of your journey and a wonderful alcohol free life!

Great post @Drybird2020

I think 'treating yourself' when going AF is absolutely key. If you feel you're denying yourself, it won't work. Some of us bought Kindles as we had more time to read - I did, and it is a real joy.

Also try to exercise - it helps with endorphins and combats the handfuls of Jelly Babies I felt compelled to shovel down my gob.

Thanks for you support ladies. Loving reading these tips.

Day 4 sober. I already feel less bloated but I've been with the GP as I've got a kidney infection so explains why I've been feeling so awful the last couple of days.
Strong antibiotics for me for the next ten day's.
Any other time I would forgo the drinking and antibiotics advice and just do it anyway.

But here I am. Sober. And plan to remain sober as I've told everyone I'm giving up alcohol for Lent. I even went to the supermarket yesterday to get pancake treats for the kids and didn't go near the wine aisle.

Currently have a thing for peppermint or camomile tea which is helping!

You're all awesome.

Checking in for day 60. Can't believe I have made it this far

Excellent stats, it's so encouraging to see how everyone is doing.

I'm currently pashing on tea-pigs teas. I never used to buy them on the grounds that they were too expensive, despite the fact that I was prepared to blow many times that amount on wine over a week.

Hi Everyone and well done on the AF progress, i am very impressed. And welcome Cheesecake. I’m back here with you all at AF Day 1 (third time lucky). I’m the first to admit my foray into the world of ‘moderation’ for February went pair-shaped. So, as promised to myself, I’m off the drink again for Lent, but hopefully much longer. Let this be a warning to those tempted - moderating is much harder than I stupidly imagined. My units per week for 2020:
0; 0; 0; 16; 19; 27; 18. And I only got it back down to 18 as I joined a diet club. My moderation limit was to be one bottle of wine a week. Epic failure. Didn’t even manage a week sticking to it.

Hi @iamyourequal, don't worry, the main thing is that you are back here and being honest with yourself.

I had several false starts, but eventually things fell into place and, honestly, you will never want to go back to drinking once that happens. After the first sober month you do start to develop better habits and start to see the benefits, so that's why I recommend the Annie Grace 30 day alcohol experiment, it's free online.

I used to find that I was looking for excuses to drink before. But now I'm just not interested in alcohol at all. It's very liberating. And I was sceptical about all the positive stories I had read, but truly you will be a better person in every way once you have nailed this.

Hi everyone, I'm another newbie! Like Cheesecake today is day 4 of no drinking. I have cut down significantly over the last few months, but still drinking too much at weekends. Monday morning I woke up feeling shit AGAIN, and I'm just so tired of it.
So, coming up will be my first sober weekend in I don't even know how long, and while I'm excited at the prospect of a clear-headed, productive weekend, I'm a little nervous. I did get some AF beer in, just in case I'm tempted...at least then I can feel like I'm having a drink without having a drink! I'm hoping that will get me through the first weekend, then I can carry on with lots of water and tea.
I am trying not to look to far in the future, but I am nervous about social events where there's lots of drinking! Fortunately, it's a couple of weeks until an outing is happening, so I may feel stronger and have built up some good habits.
I'm glad to be here, and so inspired by so many long term quitters!!

Can I join the quit last weekenders. Day 5 for me after a 3 day bender where 6 bottles of wine were consumed. I vomited, was abusive and wasted time I could spend doing things hungover and waiting to be sober enough to drive.

Scarily this is the first time I haven't had a drink for 5 days in over a decade. Although my drinking has only really escalated in the last 3 years.

I've ruined family relationships, I've seen the hatred in the eyes of my DH and kids. I've drunk away the savings. My love is the sunshine and I'm wasting a couple of thousand a year that I could be spending on sitting in my happy place relaxing.

This week has been spent getting over the hangover I've been delaying. I'm still not sleeping great and feeling sluggish and not seeing any real benefits yet.

But I can't ever drink again. I've not hit rock bottom and if I change now I won't.

Oh, Foxes, i am so glad you're here. I'm sure that there are people here who have been in your shoes, and will be better able to support you, but I want to say that you are brave for coming here and sharing your story. Maybe that doesn't feel like a step forward, but it really is. Keep us posted on how you're doing, and look after yourself.

Welcome, sweet and foxes, I'm so glad you've found the thread, congrats on the start of a new and better life 😊

@iamyourequal I felt for you, reading your post. That sounds gruelling. Moderation is so much harder than not drinking at all, and the first bit is very difficult. Here's Clare Pooley's obstacle course analogy (again) I keep referring back to it, and I know lots of others have found it useful.

mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-obstacle-course.html?m=1

I'm almost 2 months dry and starting to see that's it's going to work. I feel lighter and more free all the time.

Thanks for the welcome.

I decided to pop out to Primark this afternoon to spend the money that I wasted on drink on other stuff. It's scary what I've bought for what my wine would've cost.

Gym leggings, shorts, sandals, a handbag and some undies.

Even if I only use them a couple of times before they wear out it'll be still less of a waste and a more positive use of money than a glass or 10 of white.

Anyway off to the gym tonight for a class, then home to the bottle of schloer that's been hanging around since Christmas.

Welcome Foxes! Thanks for your kind words of wisdom (as always ) Elsa & Drybird. I’m just kicking myself as I could have been up in the 2-month-plus-club by now if I hadn’t taken an ill-judged detour into moderationville. I am doing Annie Grace all over again. She is soo inspiring and clearly very intelligent which makes it easier to believe she totally knows what she is talking about. Is anyone planning their holidays differently this year with the lifestyle change in mind? Any bookings already? I’m looking forward to maybe booking somewhere with sport activities and being up early playing sport with the kids. I’m definitely not going to book an all-inclusive, as that will be a rip off as a teetotaller and my DH would spend the whole time pestering me to drink! No!!!!!

And thanks Drybird. I have just reread Clare Pooley's obstacle course and it resonates more than ever now...

For anyone who’s been going since new year, the end of lent marks 100 days 🎉🎉 I’m finding short term goals really helpful so that’s my next one.