Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

Well done you @StillDumDeDumming - horrendous for you. Keep going. That's amazing and the best of luck to you. 💪🏻

Hang in there, @StillDumDeDumming. Take care of yourself. Remember to eat.

I walked up the wine aisle today. Didn’t bat an eyelid. Thank you for your kind messages.

That's wonderful, still, sobriety will help you through this time far better than wine could.

I'm over 50 days alcohol free now, which is the longest time in my adult life, and probably my adolescence too. I thought I was one of those louche teenagers in a Jilly Cooper novel, smoking marlboro lights and swigging vodka. Tragic.

I'm still occupied with introspection, looking back at the times I've made a tit of myself or alienated people, or felt ashamed. It's all so unnecessary and I feel guilty about the time I have wasted.

Dry - I know the Jilly Cooper characters you mean! In reality those teenagers would be very up and down, extremely moody and depressed with a high alcohol intake. And have bad skin, and problems later in life.

It's true - alcohol is really pushed on us from every angle. It does seem as though being AF is becoming more of an accepted 'thing' these days, which is great.

I think don't be too hard on yourself and with your previous boozy antics. All we can do is make the best choice we had with the information we had at the time. We all thought it was benefitting us in some way, but now the cloud has lifted. We have clear heads and the rest of our lives ahead of us to decide how we want to spend the masses of extra time and space we have now that alcohol isn't sucking stuff out of it.

Still - that is so admirable, you sound so strong, which is amazing. You must be going through hell with everything else, so what a relief this isn't one area that's adding any additional problems for you. Hoping you are OK.

I've been OK and got through last Friday night (big trigger) without alcohol. I think I'm something like 13 + 11 :-) i.e. 13 days then a lapse one Friday night, then on aprox 11 days now.

Feel like I'm coming out the other side of a sad and flat phase. Feeling like being AF is more normal now. Definitely having an increased awareness about my anxiety but I'm feeling quite calm about it - it's just me, and that's what I have, and now I have a clear head to deal with it in whatever way I can.

A keep noticing times when I previously would have been impatient and grumpy with DC but now I'm calmer. That is nice.

Haven't lost any weight. Maybe put on a slight bit from more treat foods. I think this will settle down. Skin is OK but didn't really have problems there anyway. Sleeping well. Enjoying not putting poison into my body. Love waking up feeling fresh, although I do seem to get weird phantom headaches when I first wake - like my body is remembering how I used to wake up with a hangover! They fade quickly.

Enjoying the Raw Brain (?) book which someone recommended. Very similar to the Jason Vale book which I also really like.

Naked brain. Duh.

Still dry, despite lunch at pub today! Feel pretty pleased with myself. That’s 11 days dry in a row and only one drinking day over the whole year so far. Although that was a pretty shocking bender which I’m still feeling really awful about.

Peaches I was just reading Annie Grace on how the lows from alcohol last for up to 10 days so maybe you're emerging from that phase. I'm the same with weight, I've been back on intermittent fasting but on the non-fasting days I've been filling my face so it isn't working, funnily enough.

ooh yes I hope so. Really want to put lots of distance between me and my last drink. I'm observing with interest all the changes.

nicky well done managing the pub lunch, and on the re-set. Although in general I agree with the philosophy of forgiving-self-and-moving-on, I can also see the value of holding on to the memory of the worst times. I think if I don't do that I'll be more likely to start drinking again.

I absolutely thought I was a Jilly Cooper character too aspirations to be a Flora, but expect I’m more of a Dependable Old Boot these days...

Day 49. Nothing to report, really. I have ticked off another couple of trigger events that I’ve survived - dinner with some particularly boozy friends, and a plane trip, which would generally always involve wine if the sun was over the yardarm...I’m working my way down my list of places, people, events, emotions, times, situations etc that I can get through AF.

Well done on dry pub lunch nicky!

I haven’t really lost weight either, pamela. Not sure if that means I didn’t actually drink all that much, or if I have my nose in the trough more at the moment!

Indeed, sophocles, I am more Dame Enid than Caitlin o'Hara these days. And I totally agree that those teens would not have been in a good way! I always thought my low mood in my late teens and early twenties was down to the contraceptive pill, but its just as likely to have been the booze.

I'm enjoying This Naked Mind, in particular the chapter on spontaneous sobriety and how successful it is. I also like that she has pulled together so much research and presented it so accessibly. I recommended a read if anyone hadn't had a go yet.

Realised I was on day 11 it's nice to be in double figures!

I've been following Annie Grace's alcohol experiment, though I missed a few days due to an email glitch. Also been listening to the naked mind podcast. Love love love her! I think it's great the way she covers 'rock bottom' drinkers but also anyone who is on that train... because as she puts it, alcohol is addictive, so it doesn't matter where on the spectrum you are , drink enough and you will get addicted.

As a relatively moderate but drink when stressed drinker, the bit stuck out for me recently was:

'if alcohol is so good at helping you de-stress, then surely the more you were drinking the less stressed you'd be?

The way she examines all the things we believe to be true about alcohol is a great way of learning not to want it in the first place. I know its early days but I'm starting to feel about alcohol how I feel about smoking (as a non smoker I just don't 'get it', all I see is that it's expensive, makes you ill and is a bit gross!)

I’m on day 50 so 7 weeks AF. So pleased, and very grateful to this thread for boosting resilience! For a lot of January I felt really flat and low and slightly... ‘well, I’m miserable anyway so what’s the point of not drinking’ But having stuck with it, I realised yesterday that I do feel a bit clearer in my head, a bit more ‘here’. So it just took a while longer to feel it.
I got through two days of pretty bad anxiety this week which was quite a test.
I can walk past the wine aisle without any interest, but I don’t have much of a social life and I expect that would be more challenging.

Good to hear from you, sparkling, we're at a very similar point, I've emerged from the gloom recently and am not bothered by the wine aisle. Also, I have no social life to speak of but Sophocles (thanks for the excellent idea!) has inspired me to make a list of all the situations and relationships I need to meet in my sober state. Most of my friends live a long way away so when we do meet it has always involved a very boozy catch up, and I'll need to manage all those as they come around, plus holidays, birthdays, Christmas...its quite a long list but works as a set of milestones. By the time I reach them all I'll be totally bossing sobriety. So far I've been out to the pub and for a curry with DH, had New Year with fairly hedonistic pals, and been to stay with my parents. Coming up I have a 40th birthday party, and the Easter Holidays. I've also "come out" to a long term sober friend, who has been supportive.

Just catching up. Well done to everyone still here. I've lost count on what day I'm on - haven't had a drink in 2020.

Had a major wobble yesterday- had a hard week at work, it was my partners birthday (and he loves nice wine) and some worrying health news. I even chose a bottle of wine that I was going to have a glass of (just one)

Anyway got home, made dinner and something stopped me. I just didn't have one - no drama just had a fancy lemonade instead.

So I'm still here. A few tricky situations coming up and I plan to take one day at a time. 'I'm not drinking today' gets me through.

Ah, DryBird, that’s a much better approach - seek out the social occasions and treat them as a challenge! That hadn’t occurred to me. I’ve been more likely to avoid, but will follow you and Sophocles - thank you.

Excellent work, @ aprilfoolsbaby!

I hope everyone is having an enjoyable weekend. I watched the rugby with a Becks Blue and am just settling down to a film with a decaff coffee and some green and blacks chocolate. Wonderfully tame 😊

@aprilfoolsbaby I think a wobble overcome is a big step in the journey, well done!

Hi everyone - can I join late please?? I mostly stopped drinking in June last year and think I've done pretty well - have reset my relationship with alcohol and now drink within recommended levels - but actually I think I'd prefer not to drink at all. I was thinking of stopping for the rest of the year, so am pleased to have found this thread.

I have a huge life change coming up in July (a much awaited one), so I really want to make this the year things get on track for me.

Whatwouldrowando You’ll be very welcome here! I never really expected to want to give up alcohol for good. I just increasingly found it impossible to just have one or two drinks. It’s crept up over the years and I just want to feel what life is like without it now. I do agree that it’s been fairly easy so far as I don’t tend to socialise much! Good luck everyone with the coming week. Let’s look forward to clear heads and a better ability to focus on the things we have to power to improve on.

Welcome, @Whatwouldrowando. Such a helpful thread.

Hello @Whatwouldrowando, and welcome. Abstinence is so much easier than moderation! I've just been reading Annie Grace on the science behind that... Did I mention that I've been reading Annie Grace?! I'm becoming an Annie Grace bore, but this is the place to do it. If you haven't yet read This Naked Mind, then I thoroughly recommend it.

Am currently in bed with a sick bug, caught from my children. This is the house of vom. 🤮

So that's me on 44+11 with one glass on wine in that time. I had a dream the other night that I was back on the wine and was hiding empty bottles (and finding full ones that I had stashed) and in the dream I remember the shame and humiliation and urgency that came with doing so. When I woke up I couldn't have been more aghast with it all.

It wasn't so long I was that person though. I used to hide glasses under the sofa when DH came in from work. Before New Years he picked up a mug which had the dregs of white wine in it and called me out on it and I nonchalantly said that it was because I only had a mug to hand when it would because I didn't know I was drinking so early on.

Eurgh. I hated being that person.

@Drybird2020 hope you all recover quickly

Signing in.
I've hit 2 months! Really surprised at how far I've come with just good old determination. Not at all interested in taking up drinking again, the thought of buying wine is quite a alien concept now let alone smelling it and then having to drink it?!
I'm enjoying my sober evenings, I'm one of those now that can drop off to sleep with little issue - that in itself is utter bliss.
I like ticking off my completed sober days so the app I'm using is keeping me determined and completely on the straight and narrow.

Good to read others achievements on here!

New week all! ( hope you feel better @Drybird2020 )