Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

@rosieposies even if you could moderate it doesn't mean it's worth it... Trust me on this, I am (was) the grumpy moderate drinker who would be finding excuses to get irritated at people by drink 3. (Congratulations by the way!)

I posted on the previous thread and well, disappeared because I had a few evenings out or nights on the sofa with drinks. Two Saturdays in a row where I just felt really tired and flat. For the first time I think, boyfriend clocked how much booze affects my mood and felt bad that it has that impact on me. So, renewed and refreshed I signed up to Annie Grace's 30 day experiment and started listening to her podcasts. It's really helped me switch to seeing alcohol free as a positive, and a relief, than a burden. It's early days still but I'm on day 7 and it's feeling a lot easier than last time. BF still drinks but he isn't buying with the expectation I will join him which is only a subtle difference but helps. Last time he bought a bottle, he bought me a big slab of chocolate
Simple things too but I've added a widget to my home screen that is a day counter and it's just called 'happy days'. I look at my phone lots (too much!) and that standing out at me helps.

Feeling much better already, mainly the difference in sleep I think. Feel like my default mood has switched from slightly negative to mildly positive. As a natural pessimist it's quite a revelation.

Sorry to read your news Dumde, Wishing you all the best.

I have found just saying "I am not drinking, had got into the habit of too much and wanted to reset" seems to go down fine. But then I am past the age where people try to persuade you.

Congratulations Rosie!!

One thing I have found weird is that after the cinema or theatre we would quite often stay in town for a glass of wine. I felt fine doing this and me not drinking when my partner had a drink. But when we both order soft drinks it feels a bit odd, like we're in the wrong place.

Obviously I can get over this but it's interesting how central alcohol is in the UK.

@rosieposies, congratulations!

I had quite a few Day 1s, but learned a bit more about myself every time, so all is not lost.

@testing987654321, you're so right about alcohol being everywhere. I think that's why moderation is so difficult. And it's only when you are not drinking that you see that it is all pervasive in our UK culture. A drink to celebrate, a drink when we are bored, lonely, feeling down. The pressure to conform or be thought of as a boring killjoy. All lies. I asked my DH if I am less fun when sober and he said not. I still enjoy social occasions and nice meals, but without alcohol, with the added bonus of not talking crap, not getting annoyingly loud and staying safe. And no hangovers or regrets the next day.

Day 116 here.

Hi all, sorry, haven’t had time to catch up - hope everyone is doing well. Day 50 today. Laid low with a horrific head cold for the past 4 days so haven’t missed it! DH and I shared a bottle of non alcohol wine on Valentines Day, but actually agreed we prefer just standard soft drinks.

I’m surprised DH is continuing dry - we always do Dry Jan but usually he starts again in Feb. His snoring is soooo much improved though without wine that I hope he carries on forever!

I'm back to day 3 after had a glass of wine at the theatre on Thursday while on our city break to London. I'm regretting missing my 100 days goal (was on day 44) but hey ho. Hopefully I will get beyond that this time and I'm still pleasantly surprised that I've had one glass of wine in a 6 week period.

It's the whole getting sucked back into it that fills me with dread though, hence checking in today. Hearing from everyone else at their points in their journey, really helps bring a sense of positivity about going AF.

I’d call it 44+3, @ Ulysses.

Always thought that the only way I could do this was with no wine in the house. But a couple of days ago I noticed a bottle of cava lurking, probably left over from Christmas, and I’ve had no urge to open it. 🎉🎉

Congratulations, rosies! Lovely news.

I have struggled hard this weekend. I’m away from home for a few days and I am staying somewhere that is heavily, HEAVILY associated with alcohol for me. I’ve been in tears at several points, the urge to drink is so strong. And it’s stirred up all these emotions in me about how I felt when I used to be here, and the feelings that I was using drink to try to numb. And all those feelings came boiling back up again, and they’ve knocked me sideways. I expected this weekend to be a bit challenging, around the places and people where my drinking was quite bad, but I hadn’t expected to be totally ambushed by getting such a clear insight into exactly how it was that I came to drink too much. I just feel so, so, sorry for former me who felt so bad she thought that drinking would make her feel better I wish I could giver her a hug.

I think I am past the urges now, but Christ almighty, I could taste the wine, the craving was that strong.

Day, um, 46 I think. Wobbliest of wobbles, but I have stayed focused, and remembering that drinking won’t help whatever ails me.

Asking regarding a friend here

They have had to give up drink during to discovering early stage liver problems

How is best to support them?
When going out etc?

I'm not interested in alcohol and never have been. Wouldn't miss it if I never drank again so obvs would never drink in their presence

@rosieposies congratulations 🎊. I take it you like him a lot when he hasn't had a drink?! Don't be too hard on yourself, most people need to feel the disappointment a few times before stopping for good. I certainly have.

This weekend was a milestone as I went out to the pub and for a curry. I mourned in advance the beers I wasn't going to have, it was hard to imagine curry without them. But obviously I was fine and had a good time, then drove home-no hanging around in the cold! I noticed my skin felt great this morning, without the tight, dry feeling I'm used to the morning after going out.

@SophoclesTheFox that sounds really, truly difficult. Well done. Hugs to you, and your younger self.

@MyuMe your friend would benefit from help online or in real life, why don't you suggest they post on here?

Thanks for the congrats everyone.

Yes @Drybird2020 he's wonderful when sober 😂 how was your curry??

@SophoclesTheFox well done - if you've made it through such a triggering time without drinking you can do anything!!

Got quite bad hangxiety tonight, and also weirdly cravings as I know a glass of wine would sort me out. Not happening though!

Thanks drybird. I have managed, but it’s been really hard.

And thanks, rosies, we x-posted!

Friend is having professional support in real life.

I'm just wondering what I can do in terms of being a friend.

How are you getting on @StillDumDeDumming and how is your OH?

Hi. I can see people are asking but the specifics of who is a blur. But thank you so much. I’m very tired. Uncertainty is endless. He’s still in medically induced coma. My auto suggest words are all things like haemorrhage and coma and survive. I need a bit of rest before the next Groundhog Day

Not drinking though. His pissed mates are severely fucking me off. We’re all doing so well and the benefits definitely outweigh what we’ee Giving up.

Not drinking as well is a good start Myu. I think suggesting activities so the focus isn't just sit and drink. I.e. dance class or bowling or theatre or art galleries or walking tour etc etc. So you can socialise, have a couple of soft drinks and have something to talk about.

I find just sitting in a pub with no particular focus is boring especially if the rest of the group are drinking and both finding inane stuff funny and getting locked into repeating conversations.

I wanted to ask advice from anyone who has managed to go to a hen party or wedding and not drink. I’ve got an upcoming hen weekend and I’m really unsure whether to come clean to the group that I’m not drinking or whether to try and pretend that I am and hope they’re too pissed to notice! I’ve got plenty of time to plan for this event so I want to make sure I’m well prepared. The people going are heavy drinkers and people who I’ve got drunk with numerous times. I think they’ll see me as a bit of a traitor and accuse me of being boring. At least if I’m driving I can escape if need be!

Not been to a wedding or big 'do' sober because I'm antisocial but I wouldn't ruin my sobriety because of so called 'friends' not liking me not drinking - says a lot about that type of friend.
Too long in the tooth to placate others these days so I would go and tell others that I'm teetotal and anyone questioning or remarking negatively would be knocked off my Christmas card list.
Your health is far more important than some drunk having a 2 minute strop over you not being pissed up.

I've found being upfront is the best approach. Tell everyone that you are not drinking (I mean in conversation, not in a 'big announcement to the group' kind of way). Don't have an alcoholic drink in front of you and pretend to sip it, that isn't necessary. Just order a soft drink and repeat that you do not want a drink if anyone tries to pressure you.

If someone pesters you for a reason, don't engage with them, they are trying to get you to cave in to normalise their own behaviour and make themselves feel better.

Ride it out. By the time everyone else is on their second or third glass, they'll only be interested in themselves anyway, that's what drinkers are like, in my experience.

Thanks @testing987654321

That actually suits me fine in terms of socialising as I find sitting in pubs and bars very boring anyway.

Lots of good advice above, Nicky and I'd add that it would be perfectly OK to come up with an excuse if you can't face those conversations yet. "Dental abscess; antibiotics" would do. I have in the past taken medication that clashes with alcohol so I'll say I'm taking that again, if need be. Or "I've got to drive early tomorrow" or "one of my kids is sick so I am bound to be up in the night and want to be alert". I think it's fine to fake it till you make it. I haven't yet been in a position where I need an excuse but it's reducing my anxiety to think I can use one if I want to.