Anyone else stopping completely in 2020?

[Drybird2020]

I don't mean moderating or cutting down, I know that I can't control my drinking this way and I need to stop.

I have stopped for periods of time before and enjoyed the peace of not thinking about alcohol, or stressing about my consumption, or negotiating with myself about whether or not to get a bottle of wine on the way home on a Wednesday night.
There's no point in doing dry January, because I will just use it to justify a wet February.

There used to be a series of threads for total abstinence, think it was in Relationships but it seems to have tailed off. I could really do with a place to talk about this, but with an emphasis on being dry, not moderate. And if nobody else is keen I can use it as somewhere to witter away to myself.

Can I also join? Like many of you all I'm a mum of 2, youngest is two and very demanding! I simply can't moderate - going out for 1 drink doesn't happen, I end up drinking way too much and make a tit of myself. I also have the added pressure of owning and running a cafe/ bar so the temptation is very very strong! However I'm determined to stop, my skin is 10 times better when I don't drink and my weight is easier to control and keep stable.

I think I'm going to find it very hard socially - friends almost expect men have a drink when we are out and we have holidays coming up where I would normally drink.
Day 2 here

That should have said me to have a drink not men!

I've been lurking for a few days - well done to all of you for doing so well!

Today is my day 3, I managed until mid April last year which I was very proud of and thought I could then start again in moderation - I think I drank more in the remaining 8.5 months of 2019 than I did in all of 2018!!

I would love to be AF - I am just taking it one day at a time, I'm sure that being on this thread will help immensely - it's so reassuring to know I'm not alone in my relationship with alcohol. Also enjoying being hangover free.

Keep going everyone 💪💪

Annie Grace does a video on why your brain does not allow you to moderate. And for those of us with drinkers around us she did a podcast about why you feel separate from those who are drinking. I found both these useful - I’ll link if I can later today as I’m at work right now.

@ineedtostop that's very moving and the best possible motivation for you. My own mum quit drinking when my first child came along, for similar reasons. Sadly, her example didn't stop me from developing my own issues, until now. There's a strong hereditary streak of addiction in our family.

a proper sober thread, the 'Dry' one that already exists has become a moderation thread. I can see how it happens, because we struggle so not complaining, but still glad to see this.

@lamentations thank you for making this point, it's what I really wanted when I began this thread and am keen for it to be a place for people committed to complete abstinence. I would find it difficult if posters were discussing moderation as that invariably involves discussion of drinking alcohol, planning how much to consume, and congratulations on sticking to pre-arranged amounts, all of which is likely to be triggering for anyone struggling to maintain focus. The Dry thread would be better for anyone with those needs.

Can I join too? Like someone else upthread, I don't actually often drink very much (I used to), but I feel like I have an uneasy relationship with booze. Moderating plays on my mind, and I have a tendency to drink too much in social situations where I'm not very at ease. In addition, booze ruins my sleep, gives me acid reflux and sometimes brings back the anxiety and panic attacks that I have otherwise conquered.

So, even though I rarely overdo it and almost always stay within weekly recommended limits, the question is why haven't I knocked it on the head altogether when it clearly does me no good?

Btw I find a good way to avoid temptation in the evenings is to get hooked on a hobby that requires a bit of concentration- I love knitting and can't knit if I've been drinking. Plus it keeps your mind and hands occupied, but in a relaxing way.

I can’t remember how to do a click link - is it this?

[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vm9t_Kz6wGg]

Aha it is! So this is the video about the science of moderation if it helps anyone. Basically it’s not a personal failing not to be able to do it

I’m not an Annie Grace evangelist but I’ve not really tried anyone else (I fancy that unexpected joy of being sober actually). I wondered if this video might help. She is very much saying don’t say you’re giving up for good. Just make a start and see how it feels. Her 30 day experiment is free and really good

[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3UwzbMCg394]

I’m reading a book at the moment which isn’t related to alcohol but has some really relevant themes.

One is that being human, we are all susceptible to issues of self-control and temptation, specifically that issues are most likely to arise when choices and consequences are separated in time. So we are much more likely to make bad choices when the costs are immediate but benefits are delayed (ie not having a drink now so that we are healthier in future), and also when the benefits are immediate but we don’t suffer the consequences until later (ie the pleasure of having a drink now and potentially having higher levels of drinking or health problems in the future as a result).

So I just wanted to share as it really struck a chord with me and reframing how I think about decisions as they arise (looking at you 7pm on Friday night!!!).

@StillDumDeDumming thanks for those links I’m going to watch them when the kids are in bed
How is everyone getting on?
I’m approaching prime wine witching hour: weekend 7.30-9pm enjoying my cup of tea

Evening all, just realised it's Friday night.. normally I'd be on my second glass by now. Nope not today I'm not!! Tonic water with frozen lemon and lime slices. Thanks whoever suggested those.. very refreshing indeed. Ditto what OP said, I don't want to hear stories of moderation as that's likely to tip me over the edge. All or nothing girl 🤪 hope you all have lovely plans for the weekend.

Another poster definitely here to avoid any talk of moderation, I am making the commitment to be totally AF. Friday nights always difficult but so far so good.... I really hate 5 to 7pm Friday though. If I can get thru that time I can manage just about anything. Supporting everyone here to get through the witching hours and come out the other side AF. Think of how good we'll feel tomorrow morning!

Can I join too please. Day 3 for me. No desire to drink yet as I managed to get so drunk on NYE I fell over, so now I’m sporting an injury that is serving as a timely reminder of just how irresponsible I am when I drink.
I did a couple of months dry last year after getting ridiculously drunk at a party. I can manage to stay dry a while, I just have a real problem moderating or stopping once I’ve started drinking. Once I’ve been dry, I get all complacent and think I’ve got it cracked. Not, this time though. I really need it to stick and stop completely.
I’m fed up with being the drunkest one at a party. I like my friends, it would be nice to remember what we chat about.
I also don’t want my kids to witness my shitty habits as they get older. Change has begun!

Currently drinking a coke zero & letting our kids sit up late to watch Mr Peabody lol,, usually we would be shuffling them off to bed to crack open the wine, no rush tonight we are all actually enjoying a movie together

Enjoying a nice cup of tea this evening. Quiet night in so I feel fresh to go walking with friends tomorrow.

Hello everyone, I have just caught up with all the fantastic and inspiring posts. They are really helping me maintain my focus. Thank you.

I'm also glad this is a totally AF thread. I don't want to moderate, I want to stop.

As of today I have done a week AF as started on 27/12. I just feel relieved mostly.

Friday is usually my wine day, to my shame I would start around 4pm, and drink one bottle by 5.30pm, then the second by 8pm, put my son to bed then go up myself. Utterly irresponsible, I'm ashamed writing that. What if something happened? My DP never said anything but if the roles were reversed I'd be seriously concerned about his ability to parent.

Anyway, no judging here (just my own), but I'm seeing things a bit differently right now.

Off to bed, wishing you all a peaceful night.

No judging here, we all have shame over our consumptions otherwise we wouldn't be here.
Another day/night done - felt really fucking angry today - everything pissed me off. EVERYTHING. I guess it is the frustration of addiction and not picking up to drown it all out of my head.
Day 12!
Onwards.
Hope everyone sleeps well tonight!

That's why people need support at times as often the drinking is masking emotions. It's good to work through those feelings.

Thanks testing, I agree, my drinking was totally self medication.

Thanks to this group I went to a house party... Friday night after work... And tried the Becks af beers. I'm home already and have the whole weekend wide open in front of me! Wow. I never would have thought that I could do this. This group has held me accountable...I got away with no cocktails or shots by saying I felt run down and I just hid the labels on my beer. Feel have achieved something sad as that is. I'm not embarrassed or shameful about my behaviour. I did get a few comments about 'when I get drunk' but I can't change that now but I can change me now. So glad to have the group who understand. We beat Friday night!

Oh wait! I failed! Just checked online and Becks af are 0.5%!!!! Does anyone know if this means I have broken my run? I thought I was doing well too. :(

Well done Spongeface! I’d overlook the 0.5% on this occasion

Thanks @TarnBlue :) just looked again mad it was 0.05% which is really nothing.. it was also horrible so I won't bother with that! Hope your night is ok.