Anyone else stopping completely in 2020?

[Drybird2020]

I don't mean moderating or cutting down, I know that I can't control my drinking this way and I need to stop.

I have stopped for periods of time before and enjoyed the peace of not thinking about alcohol, or stressing about my consumption, or negotiating with myself about whether or not to get a bottle of wine on the way home on a Wednesday night.
There's no point in doing dry January, because I will just use it to justify a wet February.

There used to be a series of threads for total abstinence, think it was in Relationships but it seems to have tailed off. I could really do with a place to talk about this, but with an emphasis on being dry, not moderate. And if nobody else is keen I can use it as somewhere to witter away to myself.

Morning all,
Day 18 for me. Cravings not too bad but I find they can strike intensely for a moment, especially early evening.
I’m another writer - have a paper to write for a training, by April and I am so much more productive when I don’t drink and I know my paper will be a lot better. Apart from being less tired I’m also more creative and have more ideas.
Not done so well with the running since back at work after Xmas but I need to.
Chin and jawline spots have cleared up!

Re socialising, I went out with a friend recently and it was nice but I realised that she was disappointed I wasn’t drinking and then that drinking together has probably been the basis of our friendship. She relied on me as someone to legitimise her drinking to herself. I think there are tough choices to be made with giving up - some relationships will blossom and others might fade away, and that’s just how it is.

How did you handle it, Shingle? Did you tell her first?

Well done on 17 days, I'm on 18. And I agree with being more productive with writing!

Completely agree with @Ontheshingle. Stopping drinking often sees the end to all manner of relationships. Good people in your lives want you to be healthy, happy and content and the not so good want you to continue drinking because ...that is what you do/you are no fun without/who will I drink with now?

Thanks House and Howls
I didn't tell her beforehand - I think there's a subterfuge about drinking culture that we pretend the amount we drink isn't a big deal. So then to say 'I'm not drinking' seems to make something out of something we're all pretending is nothing.
She did question me having a soft drink and I said something vague about not being much of a drinker these days which is a formulation I find useful.

Very true, Howl.

I am confident my friend is the former - I just need to find the right words to tell her (and work out when to tell her).

I've found long term ( like your 30 yr one House ) solid relationships are strengthened as it opens the door for people to talk honestly about alcohol and their intakes. There are a hell of a lot of people like us out there, and lots close to us with their own booze demons.

I'd embrace the opportunity to talk if the friend wanted to listen.

Howl I think I have something in my eye! This is the most likeley situation, I think, with her, I know she'll understand.

It's not like we have a boozy relationship - we meet three or four times a year, and always usually drive. But cos DP will have DS he'll need to car.

Thank you for the wise advice and support everyone.

House - don't overthink it - I'm sure she will see how not drinking is massive positive to your life!

I think so, too Howl. Just talking to you all has helped me to sort it all out in my head, and how I want to approach it - which is honestly.

Anyway! How are you?

Honest conversations - def!

I'm good. Day 22. Procrastinating here I need to do my days yoga and then walk the dog (raining and gales - meh!)
My sober app tells me I have saved 110 hours NOT drinking ... mainly spent now watching shite tv and doing all those housework bits and bobs I simply couldn't be bothered with. A hotbed of excitement here .

Have a job interview lined up am hoping I get the position so I am back to the world of the living and earning. Boredom was a massive factor in my consumption so a job will so help with that.

Here's to another day sober, we are all pretty amazing I think.

Hey everyone, day 14 for me today. Not sure why but after feeling bloody amazing,, no anxiety & great sleep I have woke up today completely down in the dumps. Didnt sleep great last night worrying about some family stuff and feel so sad today, like I could burst into tears maybe I'm coming down from the initial high of being sober, or maybe it's just life and I need to suck it up (cant expect myself to feel happy every day)

Anyway sorry if I'm bringing negativity I just need to give myself a good shake today

Everyone is doing so well

Day 13 and it's hard, but I have deleted the 'sober' apps as I cannot stand the platitudes they repeatedly send me - especially when one arrived at 6am.

I think up and down moods are the norm - remember we have deleted a huge part of our previous life away - a part that numbed/relaxed/medicated/brought a high/excitement.

I think you should allow yourself to grieve/get pissed off/tearful a whole gammut of emotions to feel, I haven't found it a straight forward journey so far, bloody far from it.

Unmumsetty hugs to all.

Exciting about the job, Howl - good luck! And my life is equally glamorous.

Boots I agree with Howl (and sorry you are having a low day). Can you factor in a treat today, a nice chocolate bar, a book or whatever else lifts your mood?

seltaeb I don't blame you. Last thing we all need is that!

I agree about anxiety coming back in with being smothered by the duvet of drink. It’s good (I think I’ve been a lot more present for one of my kid’s anxiety since I stopped) but hard! I woke up for no reason in the early hours too.
Have you looked at Lotta Dann’s blog, Mrs D is going without. She doesn’t update often now but all the posts from her first months post booze are in one place and very useful to see her journey - feeling like a different person in some ways.

I got quite excited at Redemption and then saw it was vegan. Which is good if you're vegan. And some vegan food is lovely but I wouldn't travel an hour for it.

I do wish bars/restaurants in general would have a more inspiring choice of alcohol free drinks. Mocktails, fresh unusual juices and the like...

Life still has it same ups and downs and stress sober. But you are better placed to see them for what they are and deal with them sober and that's the key.

Thanks all for the nice words. Went out and bought myself some sweets & chocolate for tonight and some nice bath pamper stuff. Feeling better already & have talked some sense into myself (was promising myself I could have a glass of red wine tonight but we all know how that ends)

Thanks all

Well done @Boots20 - that's the spirit! (ha). I have discovered these incredibly strong ginger biscuits covered in dark chocolate and they are my substitute - really recommend them: www.sainsburys.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/gb/groceries/top-rated-44/borders-biscuits-dark-chocolate---ginger-175g?storeId=10151&langId=44&krypto=tZXtaeqJynaGnJPU%2FBKIXhfNiqYvYrxBqOfi4ZApKw98Ymx0Fop0S%2FrLPrbe4k%2FvbyiaTT6oma57yHRAOPRAsEygbQJiq4JuEeC9hL3HCsy1FtWpqzAIIImQWPh%2FQJbKalE%2BazCaZrtPqotTLN6Y3ZVrKK2cvF9%2FSGzFwoQLPKM%3D&ddkey=https%3Agb%2Fgroceries%2Ftop-rated-44%2Fborders-biscuits-dark-chocolate---ginger-175g

God sorry I don't know how to do a clever short hyperlink on here.

My husband was annoying me so I have just ordered a Kindle even though I don't get paid til tomorrow. Very excited indeed - anyone got any good books they're reading atm?

Agree about the vegan thing at Redemption@theemmadilemma - fuck that. Great for those who are into it but I don't necessarily think that vegan = healthy. And just because I'm not drinking doesn't mean I might not want a massive juicy burger!

growingboys if you like a thriller I recommend

Into the darkest corner - Elizabeth Haynes
Behind closed doors - BA Paris
I let you go - Clare Mackintosh

Another one which is slightly thriller but also heart warming and sad - Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

Nicely swerved, Boots.

I'm reading The Muse by Jessie Burton. Intriguing so far (only started today).

Well done @boots. It's tough!
@house understand where you are coming from... The expectations of friends is going to be hard but here is a really good friend she should understand and support. Good luck, let us know how it goes. Lots of worry now about not drinking! :) Just remember it's for future you

I work til 9 on Tuesdays and have often had a glass or two of wine with DH when I get home, especially if work is stressful which it can be.
For me not drinking with DH is the hardest bit, but ibtgink our relationship has been top based around drinking together, and stopped us talking about difficult things together. Anyone else?
I hope everyone has a lovely sober evening as witching hour approaches.