I'm giving up drinking.

[WeAreAllAdults]

I'm writing this so I can come back and remind myself why I'm doing this when I feel weak.

I don't want to drink anymore. I don't want hang overs. I don't like how irresponsible I am drunk. I hate waking up and wondering what I did last night. I hate feeling guilt and remorse the next day. I hate that if I don't get to have a drink on a Friday night I get annoyed. I hate that I can't just have one without wanting more. I hate that my friends buy me alcohol for my birthday because they know I like a drink. I don't want to end up like my dad.

I don't want it. I don't need it.

I am back to day 2. Why do I do it? I decided to have a couple of glasses on Friday evening after a hideous day. Slept terribly and felt irritable and emotional all day yesterday. I think stopping for 4 months means I now have no tolerance for alcohol and even a relatively small amount makes me feel like crap. And I'm cross with myself for drinking when I had decided I wouldn't. It's like the slippery slope gets more slippery every time you stop and then start again. I really don't get any pleasure from drinking now though. So here I go again...

Well done, Jelly. How long have you been AF? I think it took about 6 to 8 weeks before I got the anxiety under control. Hope it gets better soon.

I'm back on day one. Really sick & tired of myself tbh I felt better mentally and physically but the voice got to me. I need more support I think so will be spending most days reading sober blogs to try and keep me on top of it. I'm gutted but better to try again then just give in and drink every night. Good luck everyone.

I gave up boxin day. Read the naked mind. It makes sense

Re losing weight. I seem to weigh the same but have lost the tummy flab quite considerably.

Comfortablynumb1 - so easy done isn't it. I found reading lots of quit lit really helped. That and listening to sober podcasts. I haven't read This Naked Mind so that's next on my list...

Thanks @Whiskerychinsrock it's 4 weeks now. To be honest I don't think I was a big drinker (although I am capable of big nights) and I love the social aspect of drinking! It just made me feel rubbish and fat! I didn't think I drank enough for it to take that long for me to not feel anxious so feeling like that's because it's not related. But maybe I need to wait longer...?

Thanks Jelly.
I don’t know what age you are Jelly but could you be peri menopausal? The anxiety and poor sleep could be hormonal. I was thinking I was going that way which is party why I’ve stopped drinking. I didn’t want to go to GP with list of symptoms and then admit I’ve been drinking 25-30 units a week!
My nerves are much better already and I have lost sour feeling in my stomach. Still rather lacking in energy though.
I’m out at a show tonight and am amazed that I’m not bothered I can’t have a drink. It’s raining here so the fact I can drive and be home dry at a reasonable hour is a big plus. On the downside I have an event on Friday night (dinner and hotel stay) and I know I will need strong resolve to pick up an OJ instead of the free fizz. I’m practicing in my head already.

Hi Whiskerychinsrock and comfort. Don’t be too hard on yourselves, it’s just a blip and you are heading in the right direction and have achieved so much so far. Even all the superhealthy sober bloggers say they had set backs and slip ups. We are here to support you stay back on track. Go easy on yourselves

@iamyourequal oh you actually have reminded me that I was reading up on that a while ago. I seem to be so much worse mid month. I'm so light headed and one the edge! I'm 40, have a toddler and work full time so was putting it down to life but it's getting a bit much now! Trip to the doctors soon I think!

Thanks iamyourequal - that was a helpful reminder because I was on the verge of giving up giving up. But you're right, it's just a blip.

Jelly, it may not be related so definitely worth chatting with your GP if things aren't improving. My anxiety is definitely hormonal (45) but it's so much better without the booze. I just need to get back to where I was. I've also realised that the cystic acne I haven't had for 4 months has come back in the last 3 weeks too. Gutted.

Hi Everyone.. I hope I can join the group to take advice and hopefully give some too 😀

I am on day 4 A.F
I was drinking up to two bottles of wine every night for the last 5 years. I am overweight, bloated and miserable.
My anxiety was crippling me. I was on the verge of a panic attack every morning.
Last week I fell apart. I had collected my children from school and I just couldn’t deal with even making them a small snack.
That was my rock bottom. I always thought rock bottom meant you lose everything. I went to my gp the next morning and cried for an hour. She gave me 5 days prescription for Librium (a very low dose) she was afraid I might have withdrawals. I will be attending an out patients clinic but mostly to get me through this time and hopefully stop me drinking again, I will be remembering the awful gut wrenching feeling of alcohol, the anxiety it causes and how it was ruining my life.

I’ve had a few wobbles. Mostly I’m worried about never having a drink again. How I’ll handle Christmas, nights out etc
Today was a good day though..No hangover, anxiety or guilt.
I don’t think I’ve had an alcohol free day in 3 years, and now I’m on day 4!
I can’t be complacent though it’s going to be a long road.
Sorry for the essay 😆

Hi okpedro well done for getting to day 4 it really is tough. All I can say for now, is day by day don't think about Christmas yes, you will have to deal with that but not now.

You have the right idea, remember the anxiety and guilt associated with drinking it really is not worth it. I religiously listened to Allen Carr the easy way to quit drinking (aimed at women) and I honestly believe it was the most important step in my sobriety. I am coming up to 4 months sober, I can't lie it's tough and everyday I have to work at it. I have had holidays, my birthday, meals out and survived it sober. I am a bit worried about Xmas but will just ensure I get plenty of special alternative drinks in.

The trouble is drink is everywhere, I recently had a meal out which included a drink I enquired about the alcohol free drinks and was told repeatedly I could have wine or beer, ended up with a bloody coke. I very nearly gave in. I never tire of waking up sober. Keep checking in, read loads of sober blogs and books, you can do this.

If I am tempted I just think of my children they do not deserve mum who drinks like I used to.

Thanks so much rupert

Well done on being 4 months sober.
Have you noticed many physical differences?
I’m hoping I will have lots more energy and hopefully lose the 3 stone I be gained 😬

I have the “I am sober” app which is helping.
I will give Allen Carr a go, thank you.

I can’t believe the reaction you got when asking for a non alcoholic drink, it just shows how ingrained the drinking culture is in our society.
I’m on the hunt for a nice alternative I can drink on a Friday night. Friday nights were my favourite night of the week. Wine, crisps and tv.
I’m looking forward to reading again. I used to get through 3 books a week. I lost my concentration and preferred to get pissed
Same as you my children deserve a happy sober Mam

Well done OkPedro what a great start you are off to. I can recommend ‘sober school’ website too, where you can sign up for weekly emails from Kate, who talks a lot of sense on the subject!

I’m afraid I’m not much inspiration as I am back to AF day1. I had got to 25, on my way to my target of 30, first time trying properly. Anyway, I had a big work do at the weekend and had 3 small drinks on the Friday night (over 4 hours) I did this after much deliberation as I didnt want to tell my colleagues why I wasn’t drinking and didn’t want to lie to them either. Now this had been my Plan B - to see if I was a good candidate for moderate drinking by sticking to one bottle of wine per week. But then I had 2 glasses wine Saturday, Sunday, Monday as well. That wasn’t the plan at all.
I am now reevaluating my position as I’m really cross with myself now. I hope everyone else is having a better week!?

Well done @Rupert. 4 months is amazing :)

Hi yes lots of physical differences, weight loss being one although put it all back on as consuming my body weight in chocolate.

My face has lost that puffy tired look, no red eyes. My confidence has increased I don't suffer with anxiety problems anymore, my mood is more stable and I sleep so well.

That all being said I do still struggle and have found myself recently thinking about drinking, it may be all the Christmas ads and drink offers. I didn't realise how ingrained drinking is in our society. Which is partly what kept me drinking so long I suspect.

I do get annoyed with myself at times as I am unable to drink like 'a normal person'. I don't really miss drinking as such but, feel down when I see all the Christmas advertising that show the best social occasions all require alcohol to be enjoyed.

It is great to get support on MN it's good to talk to like minded people.

Hi iamyourequal Thanks for your reply.. I think I may have killed the thread 😬😀

Ok so you had to start over. At least you ARE starting over and not giving up. Don’t be cross with yourself, you did 25 days you can do that again and more

I’m afraid if I fall then I won’t get back on. I can’t moderate my drinking, it’s all or nothing.
I told my sister I’m an alcoholic and she asked “ Does that mean you can’t ever have a drink again” Um yes 🤦‍♀️
The lack of support and understanding from my family has been tough but I have two amazing friends and my children’s Dad cheering me on.
Let us know how it’s going @iamyourequal

@Rupertpenrysmistress
I was nodding along reading your post. I can relate so much to being annoyed at not being able to enjoy alcohol like a normal person. I was a problem drinker in my teens too but it wasn’t a problem as such because I could control it. I never drank at home until I had my daughter 10 years ago and didn’t go out at the weekends as much.
Before I knew it I was drinking 2/3 glasses of wine a night.

Anyway it’s now day 8 for me, and I’m feeling positive 💪
Hope everyone has a lovely day

Hi Rupert and Pedro - keep going you sound like you are doing fabulously well!! and hello to anyone else following the thread. How are you all doing? I’ve been keeping a low profile as I have decided to moderate Nov & Dec. If I cannot successfully stick to max 14 units per week I will lose the right to moderate and go 100% AF in January. I wasn’t sure if I should say on his thread as I know this is often a doomed/unpopular strategy, and I don’t want to put off those of you doing great on AF who are really benefiting. I am using the same thought-processes which have helped control my yo yo dieting a bit this year. Anyway enough of me blethering away. I know what you both mean about people not being supportive. My husband seems over the moon I’m back to having a couple of drinks with him, he could definitely have been more supportive of my AF trial tbh.

I think this is my 6th weekend now ... I am starting to feel good. Have done all the nights out that would test me and I loved it. Went to a gig last night which was an eye opener seeing how messed up some people were - I think that was a real boost.

Oh jelly79 well done. I am so pleased for you. I was wondering how you were doing. Are you willing to share your top pros and cons for those of us struggling to find peace with alcohol? I’m still drinking but really thinking I’d be better without it! Building up to a big AF stint but it’s a case of diminishing returns (like the dieting) so I don’t want to make half hearted efforts, when I start again I want it to be forever.

@iamyourequal ahhhh thank you that gave me a real smile! To be honest I haven't made any huge gestures to myself or put on any pressure. I've decided for now it's just not for me for several reasons. I had several nights out that would test me and I drive to them all, enjoy food and mocktails and feeling smug getting home handy to a good sleep. This week I have felt so clear and happy, no tiredness or feeling down. That's good enough for me to carry on ;)

You've got this 😘

That’s great jelly . It sounds like you are totally in control, and you must be near 50 days if 6 weeks plus. You are so chilled about it you aren’t even counting the days! See, that’s a difference right there - when I tried AF I was counting the days and turning it into a huge obsession. I will take note of that.

Hi all sounds like you are all doing really well! Managed 10 days and spectacularly fell off the wagon, have been drinking more than I ever have since my last post here. I'm so ashamed of myself and I see now that I really DO have a problem. I'd love to just drink in moderation 1/2 glasses of wine or a G&T but I need to accept that I can't. I've been telling myself I'll only have a drink on certain nights or that I'll drink lager instead of wine, just buy a 1 glass bottle of wine etc etc. Well it hasn't worked and I've drunk more in the last month than I would normally in 3, hangovers that would make the Gods weep! I need to stop I just don't know how but being back here is another start. DAY 1

Hi Nomorewine77, how are you really feeling about giving up?

I had several false starts once I decided to cut down, and also realised that stopping completely was my only option.

What things are you using to help you? Do you need any recommendations for books, websites, Facebook groups etc? I found the Allen Carr book very helpful, plus the Annie Grace online 30 day alcohol experiment. I also use a daily mood tracker.

Good luck

I gave up alcohol 15 months ago. I rarely miss it now.