Wankerbastards and summer sunshine will make us want the bloody wine. But tryers to be dryers won't give up, and ice cold becks blue we will sup.

[Frouby]

Thread 7 for the tryers.

Join us for tips and support for encouraging a more healthy relationship with alcohol. Whether you want to drink less, or not at all, stay in your units or just cut down this is the thread for friendship, support, tips and ideas.

Absolutely no judgements here, but there will possibly be swearing.

Other threads are dotted around but I have yet to master a clicky link.

Oh NC4, what is stressing you? Can you put a finger on it? I am still feeling a bit low/anxious. I think it's mostly around the kids' futures - brexit and Trump and the climate and so on, but it infects the day to day. I find myself pushing the fuck it button quite a lot in different walks of life and I think it's because I've lost all my optimism about the bigger picture. Need to find an outlet somehow but it's hard. I think maybe Mumsnet is not helping, apart from this thread. It's a window into a world without the veneer of social graces and you get to see people's inner thoughts. They are not pretty - so much judgment and resentment and anger directed at each other. It also feels like this ugliness has grown somehow over the last few years but maybe it's me and I have lost some of my capacity for joy. Sorry, I must try not to be so gloomy all the time. I used to be quite a cheerful soul really. Or at least, I had a cheerful window between my angsty teenage years and my angsty midlife crisis.

Dion, go pony riding! They let kids do it for free in return for helping out, does that work for adults too? I am going to check out the sailing club with dd1 now she's 8, I really fancy learning that and hopefully it's be something fun to do together.

Flossie, I do do that every day but it's a bit different if you're coming for a hospital appointment I think. You'll be anxious and that will colour how you imagine yourself coping. Public transport is generally less stressful than driving though. Might you get the train? Do you need to bring both dds or might someone mind dd1 at home?

NC hugs lovely and am sorry you are feeling shit. It's horrible when you feellike that. It sounds really cheesy and unhelpful and like it won't work but get out and go for a walk or a run or a bike ride or anything at all. Just out of the house and tire yourself out physically. I feel really down if I don't get fresh air and some physical exercise, it really does help. Write down before you go what's worrying you, big and small things. Pick one thing a day to think about/solve or decide that you can't. If you can't mentally write it off. If you can solve it, make your plans to solve it. Then stop thinking about the problem, think instead of the solutions.

I know that's probably not helpful but it's what I do when I am stressed.

Think after 2 weeks of ds bouncing off the walls have finally broken him. This week he has been riding x 3, rode his new bike every day for at least 30 minutes, been to the allotment every day for between 20 mins to 3 hours, been swimming, been kayaking, been to softplay and lunch, nature reserve and a picnic, been on at least 7 dog walks and today rode his bike approximately 1 mile, then had 2 hours on the allotment.

He fell asleep in the car on the way home, got in, put his pjs on and went back to bed 😂😂😂. Luckily he's only watching TV but at least he isn't mithering to do something.

Dd been dragon boating this morning. She's as happy as a sandboy as has been asked to be the drummer for the senior team. She's not old enough to row in the boat but the captain doesn't think there are age restrictions on the drummer position so it means she can take part in the senior races until they get enough juniors to fill a boat.

She's much more enthusiastic about drumming in a boat than riding her pony, so I have to accept that those days are behind us and BabyPony will be my ride. Ds is as keen as mustard though, keener than dd ever was and much braver so at least I still have him to play ponies with.

Any dryers that can get to me are more than welcome to come play ponies as well, though I would wait until September when BabyPony is more established in her work, they can be a touch unpredictable when starting their ridden careers!

Just cooking sunday lunch, have a billion french beans to use up. Any recipes gratefully accepted!

NC4, I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this. Everything Frouby says is very wise - but sometimes it's hard to motivate yourself to do anything at all. I know it's a cop-out catch-all thing to say, but could it be related to hormones?? I know you've just had your second coil-free period, so I just wonder if that's playing a role? Not that there's any real way for you to know whether it is or not. Sodding midlife hormones. Mine have just given me 3 periods in 3 weeks, after a 2-month drought. Nice. Keep posting, because we can at least all give you a virtual hug.

You and Flossie and Longest are right about riding, too. I suppose I'm thinking that my time is completely filled by work, DC and DP (it would, weirdly, be less filled by DP if we actually lived together), which leaves me no time at all. But if he wanted to go riding, he'd go riding without any reference to me. I will look into it. I can come and be your stable girl, Frouby. I'm very good with a yard brush. I'm glad you have finally managed to wear your DS out. Plus it's fantastic that your DD is enjoying the dragon boating.

Now I think about it, I quite fancy coming for Sunday lunch as well. Everything I suggest here gets sighs and groans from at least one DC.

Longest, I know I sound like a dinosaur, but online sites just seem to bring out the worst in so many people. Nobody, surely, would say these things IRL? I think it also encourages people to make a big drama out of something that could easily be passed over - putting it on a chat site gives minor stuff a kind of validity which it doesn't really merit.

I doubt I will be dry tonight. I feel a bit crap and very, very tired.

Argh - was reading to the end, and pressed post without finishing.

Flossie, it's good that your DH is being nicer on holiday - it does suggest he still has it in him. But I'm sorry he can't go with you to London. As Longest says, is there any way DD1 could stay at home? Presumably not, due to the time and distance - but it's very hard for you, especially when you are bound to be stressed and anxious. I wish I could come with you.

Dion you are more than welcome to come anytime. Definetly book some riding lessons, even if it's just once a month. My life is jam packed full, but have realised how much easier it is when I carve out a couple of hours to myself. Once the dcs are back at school I am taking 3 x 2 hours slots to ride BabyPony. Will get up at daft o'clock to work if I have to, or go when dh home from work if it's still light, but I am taking that time. 6 hours a week isn't a lot out of the 144 available really.

Forgot to say, these boards are depressing sometimes if you believe half of what people post. But people aren't actually like this in real life.

I used to be a moderator on a big horsey forum years ago. I used to recognize members out and about at horseshows and be surprised when they were actually nice people, because their online persona was pretty vile. Only 2 people I ever met out of probably 50 were like their online personalities. The horse world is pretty small, especially the showing fraternity and it was usually pretty easy to work out who was who.

I read through some of the mn posts and I think if it wasnt for this thread, I wouldn't bother with any of it!

Thanks lovelies, you are a kind bunch.

There are a few things stressing me - DS1 is at a point where he has no course or job to go to in September, having the boys at home is relentless tidying up (although they are away this weekend), I keep having massive anxiety dreams about my best friend who I’ve still not seen - and it’s come to a point it can’t be ignored as a mutual friend has a 40th holiday coming up which we’re both on.
I’ve been asked to take on a lot more responsibility in one of the jobs I do too - more than I’m really comfortable with, but it’s a bit of a crisis.
And I really just wish I had someone to talk these things through with.
I speak to the boys dad sometimes, and he’s pretty supportive when I do, but he’s got his own wife and life so there’s only so much I can ask of him.

It could well be hormonal Dion. It feels a bit like that, the tearfulness. I think I might see where I’m up to once I’ve had this colposcopy (another thing looming) and if I’m still struggling I might get another coil. I did read about ‘the Mirena crash’ which is a thing, apparently.

Sorry for the self indulgent post - you’re all lovely and wise.

Hi everyone,
Been a little absent due to lots of work this weekend and a little tired now as I was up at 5am to accompany a friend who ran a marathon (I was his 'porter' on the bike, so the 42kms were easy for me!
Not AF, but not drinking to excess. Hoping to have a few days AF next week if DP goes to his forest for a few days as he has promised, to clean it up and not eat.

Dion DP deserves you less and less. But I know it's difficult to extricate yourself due to work etc. Just try and be less available to him. Treat him mean to keep him keen, something like that. I agree with the others, go riding instead, find a passion that doesn't wear you out emotionally like DP does.

Frouby those photos are wonderful, both DS and pony very cute!

Flossie don't worry about your medical appointment yet, enjoy your holiday

NC Sorry you are feeling down, are you seeing your personal coach again soon? I hope your DSs are looking after you.

Longest this is the only Mumsnet thread I like, I've looked at others but rarely post. I don't really like the virtuel world, it can bring out the worst in people. FB groups are the same, some people just overstep the boundaries all the time and there is no way they would be as rude in real life.

Yes totally agree Dion. I sometimes even say as much on posts - advocating tolerance and just letting things slide sometimes rather than expecting everyone to be paragons of consideration and being outraged when they are not. It tends to go down like a lead balloon. I should learn to keep quiet.

Feel better after a lido swim with the family but they are still bouncing around wanting me to play shops and I just want to sit quietly for a while. Luckily when I gave in and came up (they even set the egg timer to make sure I didn't overdo my "minute) they decided they weren't ready after all so have plonked me in dd2's room to wait my call to order. She has a comfy beanbag and I have coffee and wifi. Bliss.

Frouby, I hope you don't feel too sad about DD and baby pony. I probably would a bit. A new interest always seems more exciting but it's hard to find something with staying power. She might well find renewed enthusiasm after a brief pause?

longest I don't feel sad actually. Relieved more than anything as BabyPony had a lot of pressure on her to be foot perfect for dd, who is very dramatic when things go wrong. Now I know she isn't interested in riding I can crack on and get her going. Am very rusty and unfit but I feel confident on her, and always rode either babies or knobheads, so I don't think I will be fazed by baby behaviour. My last horse was an absolute buffoon, a big, stroppy, strong, arsehole who wasn't shy about letting me know his feelings. Granted it was 20 years ago and I was a lot younger and fitter but BabyPony is sweet and kind and only has 3 gears compared to the 37 and 3/4s big horse had.

Dd still wants to be involved but on the ground which is where she is happiest and it's supposed to be fun so she can stay on the ground.

But the first time I take us all on a picnic ride and she asks to ride home because its a long walk back (she says she still wants to do stuff like that on foot) she can bugger off 😁😁.

Love the final para, Frouby. PMSL.

I have just googled 'local riding lessons for adults'. So I may yet do it. My mum's second sister had a pony, so I rode a lot as a child, but not officially - more ambling through the woods (though did have some lessons when I was about 11). I'm bearing in mind everyone's comments, though. Plus I aware of the fact that DP would never, ever not do something on my account.

Thank you to you lovelies for encouraging me (not dry, unfortunately).

PS I think 'dramatic' is a 15 yo girl thing, Frouby. It certainly is for mine.

Dion - I’m thrilled to read you’re looking into riding. It will do you so much good. Something for you. It will boost you and instil confidence you deserve. Keep us posted.

Frouby - your dd sounds like mine!!!! My dd1 is currently refusing to drink much ‘because she doesn’t like drinking’. So she now has pain in her kidneys and is passing flakes in her wee ffs. And she’s remaining in the ‘but I don’t like drinking!’ camp!!

NC4 - sending you a huge hug. Sounds like the coil change has added to how you can cope with the growing stresses you have. Be kind to yourself and let yourself have wobbles. It really does help in healing. Hugs.

Longest - I totally get your feelings over online groups etc. I’m not on any social media for that very reason. This is the only online ‘thang’ I let myself into. I find online media etc so derogatory and upsetting. People say things they would never say IRL and can be so cruel and blunt. However I love this group. It’s so warming here.

So I’m worrying about my liver. Just having such a health worry right now. Feeling vulnerable for some reason. Had 3 glasses of wine last night. Which considering I’m
On my jollies, surely isn’t awful. Just feel so guilty!!

Oh Flossie, please don't feel guilty. 3 glasses on your holiday is definitely not awful in the least. If you want to resolve to drink less on your return do it because it's what will make you feel better, not because you have anything to feel guilty about.

Talking of guilt, I have dropped Dd1 at free multisports camp in the park. It's brilliant really, it's at the athletics track, there are loads of instructors, they are doing archery, dodge ball, football and others, but she had a massive moan about going (even though she chose it from an admittedly limited number of options) and another massive moan went I went to drop her sun hat and cream off because I had originally sent her dressed for a grey day. I didn't want to bring her home because it'd leave her pal there all alone and she'd just be under my feet bored and having too much screen time while I try to work, plus exposed to germs because dd2 has woken up with a fever so I have had to keep her home. She's currently asleep on the sofa so not being any bother.

But now I feel guilty for "making" her go to holiday camp, even though rationally I don't think she would be having a better time stuck at home. Even if I wasn't trying to work we would still be stuck here with poorly dd2.

Kind of worried about DM again. She is on holiday in Yorkshire with unsuitable dp and claims to be having a good time. She was due here by tomorrow to take dd1 out for her birthday treat before going to dsis for her childcare stint tomorrow. Now she has told me she is coming just for the day (a six hour round train trip) because has got out of sitting for DN tomorrow and wants to spend longer in Yorkshire. This feels like madness and can only be because her unsuitable dp is putting pressure on her. But I don't really want to let her off the hook entirely and let dd1 down in favour of her dp, as this is not a one off (this is already leaving dsis in the lurch) so I am currently inclined to go along with it.

We are also supposed to be all going to her house up north for the weekend but she has said they "should" be back in time and if not she will get a train so she's not late.

It's not the end of the world if she's late - we will go and see MIL for a bit and no doubt dsis and bil can find something to do as well, but we were only going for her benefit really as she likes getting the dgc together on her home turf (we see her regularly but generally here) so it all feels a bit mad and again I smell a dp-shaped rat. I suspect more surprises to come. Sigh.

Fml. Fml. Fml.

Had one of those days.

Phone like a fucking hotline this morning. Mate being her usual drama queen self. Dramatising problems caused by her. Expecting everyone to fucking rally round.

Then dh phoned moaning about work. I can't get no fucking work done because ds is feral.

Did some wholesome baking with dcs. At 15 I expected dd to not kick off about cracking eggs in a fucking bowl. Then first attempt at courgette and lemon drizzle didn't work. So had to do another as dcs were desperate to decorate it and the first attempt wasn't worth decorating.

Then my fucking car wouldn't start to take dd dragon boating. Dh talked to me as though I was fucking stupid because I have a vagina and not a penis so therefore know nothing about cars. And I know more than him. And I know it's either the line from the celluloid to the starter motor or the celluloid itself. Told him this and he was very fucking patronising and asked if I had googled it. Cunt.

Told him I didn't need to google anything as ex boyfriend was a mechanic, and had diagnosed exactly the same fucking click on my old car. And he was right. Should I call him maybe to mend it 😂😂😂.

And he hasn't built my fucking shelves.

And I used his car to take dd and the fucking window wouldn't go back up. Mended that.

Then my fucking vape broke and wouldn't charge. So asked dh where the spare one was and it's at his work. Broken. So borrowed next doors one and dh broke it and denied fucking breaking it.

Fucking fucker.

Ds is fucking feral. Dd fucked off dragon boating. Took me an hour to clean kitchen after baking.

So sat with dhs vape, he's trying to get an old one going for him and have opened and drank a can of lager in the time it took to type this post.

Got a lovely courgette and lemon drizzle cake topped with lemon cream cheese on the side though, and a cheese and courgette loaf.

Fml.

Agh can I join you in FML Frouby? Dd2 has taken a turn for the worse and has been vomiting all afternoon. Quiet work day got busier so have been juggling email with clean up. DD1 to be fair did save the day by dealing with supermarket delivery while I was emptying a bucket. She has continued to grumble about holiday club but in a lower key way. When I commented that she used to be good about going to clubs she said ,"that's when there wasn't a choice but now there is - I can just stay at home when you work from home". She is too sharp really. Dfriend saved the day by fetching her plus boy I was supposed to be minding and keeping them in the park away from vomit covered house, and they enjoyed the new playground that's just opened with zip wire, so I have another favour to add to my growing debt.

Ignoring own slightly gripey tummy and have made a minor inroad on Tu pigsty of house. Found my car key which has been missing for a couple of weeks, so that's a relief.

May join you in beer too, and vicarious cake. I had a pancake earlier as dd2 requested one after not eating all day and I am a softie so made it against my better judgment but she couldn't face it in the end. Probably not vape as have never vaped but you never know.

Oh Frouby and Longest. I'd be in full on FML mode, too. I hope your DD gets over it quickly, Longest, and that she doesn't share it around. Thank God for friends who will step in.

I hate, hate, hate wholesome family baking. It always ends up with someone shouting and flouncing, even at the age of 17. Then there's a sodding cake that has to be eaten, and nobody actually likes cake that much anyway.

I know you've had a shit day, Frouby, but you write it all up so well. 🤣

Not AF, but have moderated due to feeling absolutely rotten after the usual over-indulgence last night. Was given a small glass of wine at lunchtime, but had no desire to have any more. Then had another small glass with DS this evening. Again, no desire to continue. Hangovers are very useful.

Completely agree, too, about 3 glasses being nothing, Flossie. Especially on holiday!!

3 glasses is definitely fuck all.

longest FYL too. (fuck your life). Fucking hate sickly dcs. Ds just decided he feels sick too, well 2 hours ago he did. Because he didn't want the tea I had made for him. Cycle of me saying eat your tea or no pudding, him saying he felt to sick, me saying no pudding, him saying he doesn't feel sick now, me saying eat your tea, him feeling sick. Until he announced he only feels sick if he doesn't breathe, panting a bit, then saying he will just breathe and eat his pudding, it will be fine.

Just chucked a bit of cake at him tbh. He deserved it for perseverance and sound effects that made me smile.

Cake was lush though. Looks rustic but tastes pretty damn good and is a lot lighter than it looks.

Oh and dh cooked the steak he was supposed to cook on saturday. It was nice but he went on about it as though it was a fucking 3 Michelin star meal. Was steak and roast new potatoes ffs. Do you know how long it took to make that fucking cake?

Fuck sake dh.

Has that cake got courgette in it? Only my friend brought me this bad boy at the weekend and I’ve no idea what to do with it 🤣

F (Our Collective) Ls

Yep its full of courgette! This is from bbc food website, courgette and lemon drizzle cake with lemon and cream cheese frosting I think it is.

I would say though that I added another 100g of self raising flour as the mixture had a lot of moisture in it despite squeezing the courgette out first. I would also say to add the grated courgette last, if you add it at the beginning it's a tendency to effect how the butter and sugar creams, and curdles everything.

Did this savoury loaf as well, which will be lovely with cream cheese and chutney on.

Loads of different courgette cake recipes around if you google. I always find having the oven slightly hotter than the recipe suggests helps with the rise, squeeze out the courgette first and maybe add more flour if the batter looks too wet.

I basically just generally wing it. Courgette works like carrots in carrot cake and makes a really light fresh sponge, even though it looks a bit heavy it isn't.

You could also make chutney, ratatouille, Mediterranean veg tray bake, add it to just about any stew or mince beef recipe, or dice and freeze to add to bolognese etc later on.

Despite all todays baking I still have 7 of the fuckers to use. 🙈

Savory loaf

I'm changing my mind about cakes if I can come to yours, Frouby.

I am starting to think Mr Courgette might be a better bet than DP, NC4.

Frouby, my DS is obviously related to your DH. He also cooked a steak this evening (I didn't want one, as I had some leftovers). I have never known anyone be such a know-all about cooking a piece of meat. Apparently, I know nothing at all about cooking (this is kind of true, but I have managed to feed him for 17 years, so he might be exaggerating). He then said that women don't know how to cook meat properly. Because he has a meat thermometer, he is a Michelin starred meat-cooker. Obviously. FFS.

I’d have told him what he could do with his meat thermometer if he came into my kitchen spouting such twaddle Dion.

I definitely think Mr Courgette is your man. I mean... just look at him!! Isn’t he splendid. Lovingly grown on my friend’s allotment. Unfortunately no-one in my house likes them In ratatouille of roast med veg, so cake could be the best plan.

I’m still in awe of all your wholesome summer activities. I never seem to stop working. It’s good in one sense but not in another.

Ha ha NC4. If any consolation, I have not done one single wholesome activity with mine. It has been work, work, and more work. So they have just had to get on with it and find stuff to do. I do feel constantly bad about it, especially given how much I did with them when they were little, but there's not an awful lot of choice now I'm single parenting. FML.