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Alcohol support

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Tryers to be dryers spring into spring, not as much wine, beer or gin. We sow our seeds of hope for a dryer season, but if we drink, it's for a reason.

978 replies

Frouby · 02/04/2019 07:27

Thread 5 for Tryers to be Dryers. A thread for those who want support for moderating or reducing alcohol. Whatever you hope to do, whether it's to have more dry days, or be less wet when you do drink, come and join us for support.

Absolutely no judgement here, just friendly support and chat, the odd swear (lots of swears to be honest). All welcome, new and old tryers to dryers.

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21
Dionysa · 16/04/2019 21:16

Desperate Housewife with a gambling problem @Frouby. PMSL a thousand times over. I have explained, repeatedly, to DC1 that matched betting is NOT gambling. It has fallen on deaf ears.

Cushings is shit, too. And jealous of the tidy house, whatever your reason. Grin

Flossie44 · 16/04/2019 21:28

So pissed off. Sat here on my bed crying into my wine glass. Try so often to be cool and in control. Try to cope with all the shit that’s thrown at me. My girls have argued all day. Proper bitch fest. Dh came home and was on edge because wanted to get in shower and plant in front of tv for football, as soon as he could. I was left to be kitchen slave again. My girls had already eaten. I dished up dinner for dh and I in half time. He was furious with me because I’d dared mention the tv was sooooooo loud that no one could even speak or hear each other!! Then as I dish up, dd1 screams for someone to rescue her from a spider in her room, and dd2 crying that her breathing is so off the wall and she hates it!! Fml.
So dh doesn’t move a muscle and carries on eating. I hadn’t even put bum on seat..went to sort dd2 out while trying to talk dd1 down!! As I do this, dh manages to speak and says ‘oh poor poor mummy having to wait on us all..poor little miss hard done by!’

All I do is slave. I do nothing for me. I go nowhere away from this house, and these children. Nothing. My life is my kids. Poor dd2 has significant health issues of which I try to battle thru alone. And then he sarcastically shouts that!! Wtaf!! I can’t believe he can be so cruel. I stupidly mentioned that an old friend had come for coffee this morning. It was lovely. So he shouts also that how can I moan when I’ve had time to have coffee with a friend. Yes....but in the same fucking walls with the same fucking responsibilities!!

I seriously don’t know what to do. I just want to run and run and never come baxk

Frouby · 16/04/2019 21:43

Oh Flossie what an utter, disrespectful, snidey, selfish lazy wankerbastard of man your dh has been. It's not normal lovely and so fucking unkind to speak to you like that.

Tell him to fuck right off. I would go fucking nuclear on dh if he came out with that shit.

Stop cooking for him to start with. At the very most give him dinnerding for a week. Tell him to sleep on the sofa or in the spare room or you bunk in with one of your dds. And don't be afraid to tell them why. It's because dad is a lazy fucker and disrespectful and unkind.

Have 🍹🍹🍹and 🍫 and hope he chokes alone down there. Knobber.

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Flossie44 · 16/04/2019 21:52

Frouby Flowers. He has to audacity to abide that I’m pissy about the ‘one game of football he wants to watch’. He has watched football tues and wed last week. Then golf Thursday, Friday, sat and Sunday!! All of which means we have to pussy foot around him.
It’s not even that which is killing me inside right now. It’s the fact, I wasn’t moaning. I merely asked him to turn it down a bit so I could hear dd talk!! Then he starts shouting about me being ‘little miss hard done by’. So ducking cruel. I stayed calm and just calmly asked ‘what the fuck makes you
Think you are so much better than me that you can speak to me like that?!’ To which he clapped in my face, told me to fuck off and moan somewhere else!!
As I left the room I told him if I hadn’t of had wine, I’d get in the car and fuck off for good!!
This is more poignant because I had my first major meltdown Friday about my life being Groundhog Day, and how I fight and fight for things for dd2, and how I try and make everyone else happy to the exception of my own needs. He hasn’t changed one bit. Here we are now!! Just so gutted and lonely IRL

Flossie44 · 16/04/2019 21:53

Just read back....so many typos....blame the tears and Pinot!!

Dionysa · 16/04/2019 22:11

Oh God, Flossie. I wish I lived nearer to you so I could give you the most massive hug. I know it isn't the same when we are all so far off and not RL friends - but you do so much for your family, and you deserve love and hugs and kindness in return. In spades. Sending you massive virtual hugs, lovely. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. xxxxxxx

longestlurkerever · 16/04/2019 22:21

Oh Flossie, it breaks my heart to read how cruel your DH is to you. You don't have to put up with it sweetie, truly you don't. I know that's not an easy route and you have a hard enough road as it is, but it's an option for you to leave if you can face it. Huge hugs.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Anglaise your post made me laugh about not having time to squeeze in your wedding. I hope it's fabulous xxx

Home now. Dd1 is in Cambridge with dsis and DM. She cried, but when given the choice of coming back with us and occupying herself tomorrow while we work she chose to stay, and apparently has been very sweet. Dd2 got her school place thank goodness. Have been talking to DH about how to tighten our belts if he permanently reduces his hours. Will be a bit dull. Trying to weigh up whether to move somewhere cheaper but not sure I want to. At least, if I did, I would want it to be somewhere lovely by the sea, rather than any kind of practical compromise. So I think we will go for tighten outmr belts option and see how we go.

longestlurkerever · 16/04/2019 22:22

Ps tightening our belts means less nice wine and fewer meals out, which I suppose can only be good health-wise.

Canshopwillshop · 16/04/2019 22:22

Flossie, I’m sorry your DH has treated you like this. I certainly would not be pussyfooting around whilst he watches tv - it’s your home too. Can he watch on another tv/tablet/his phone somewhere else? I think you need to stop doing so much for him and make him realise what you do do - he probably has no idea until it actually stops! Big hugs.

Canshopwillshop · 16/04/2019 22:25

Anglaise - good luck for your wedding. I hope you have a fantastic day.

Flossie44 · 16/04/2019 22:29

Thanks you lovely lot. I do everything in the house. He’s never done washing or ironing or loaded dishwasher or cleaned etc. But then he goes out to work so that’s been our kinda unwritten rule. The only thing is when it comes to our children..that’s totally falls on me too. He gets the fun part, I get the day to day crap. Then he asks why I’m stressed and tells me to get over myself. Thing is..I rarely put any of my stress into him. I try and be upbeat and listen to his day. He didn’t know how I truly felt until Friday when I opened up. Hence why I’m more hurt than ever tonight by his selfish horrid ways towards me. All I ask for is respect. I’m evidently not getting it. 😢. Thing is I lack confidence so badly that I’d be worried to do anything but try and be patient. I’m worried he would walk out. How pathetic is that!! He’s so soooo cold when he’s cross. Then he can be full of warmth and lull me in again!!

Longest..it sounds like you had a really lovely break. Did it refresh the batteries??

NC4Now · 16/04/2019 23:09

Oh Flossie Flowers
You deserve better, you really do. How dare he speak to you, the mother of his children, like that?

Dion you also deserve better.

Staying single gets more appealing by the day.

Frouby · 17/04/2019 06:54

flossie I don't give a fuck if he is working 25 hours a day on the coal face, he still has to speak to you with respect and love.

My dh works hard. A builder so lots of driving, physical graft and the stress of being self employed and running a business. He still cooks on a Saturday and does the ironing on a sunday while I cook dinner. And I am at home too, messing about on bookies websites and slot machines. That's because we are a team, and he knows it's hard doing the house and the kids and everything else and that's without a poorly child thrown into the mix. My dsis is in a similar position to you with her dd and her partner who also works long hours, supports her as well.

You don't have to accept that this is your life, and don't let him speak to you like that, especially in front of your dds. Flowers for you lovely, you are stronger than you know.

Wasn't dry last night. 2 beers and a gin. Very much in holiday mode. Which will get worse as dh finishes today for the easter break. He's at a funeral this afternoon and then will get pissed as a fart at the wake. Depending what time dd needs a lift home from the train station I will probably be dry. And as its just me and ds for dinner, we are having a date night. Told him he could chose between local pub, frankie and bennies, pizza hut or anywhere else he faniced nearby.

We are going to fucking McDonalds 🙈🙈🙈

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Flossie44 · 17/04/2019 12:06

Thanks NC4 and frouby. I absolutely know you’re right. And I absolutely know I did nothing to provoke him last night. Maybe I asked him to turn the tv down so I could hear dd talk. His reaction was way way over to top. I haven’t spoken to him this morning. I text him a long text about not respecting me and how he looks down on me and makes me feel worthless. I said maybe he needs to review what I do in a day, including looking after dd2 24/7 which is a toughie in itself!! He replied ‘don’t want to argue, love you’. So cold and still not reacting to the things I’m struggling with. I feel so lost. There’s no acknowledgment at all. He believes I can’t live without him so he can talk to me like utter shit.

Frouby - you’re such a good mum. Sounds like ds is having a fab time. And to choose date night tonight is great idea. Sorry to hear he chose McDonald’s!! I’d be mortified!! Frankie and bennys all the way!!

ScatteredMama82 · 17/04/2019 12:12

Joining in here, as I'm keen to cut down. My DH works away and it's all too easy to use the 'relaxation' excuse for a glass of wine when I've made it through another day of work, school runs, PTA meetings, packed lunches..... Trouble is, it's rarely 1 glass. I'm in my 2nd week of trying to be AF Mon-Fri. I managed last week. I doubt I will this week, I'll probably have a drink with DH when he gets home tomorrow night. We'll have a takeaway on Friday and we're out with friends on Saturday. Then Easter Sunday roast dinner.....

I've found a couple of AF wines that I like, that helps. Also I have a glass with the glass sizes marked on it so I can't kid myself about how much I am drinking. That has helped massively. Do any o fyou count how many units you are having a week? I started counting about a year ago and it worries me! I rarely manage to stay under the recommended 14. Most weeks I'm averaging about 20.

longestlurkerever · 17/04/2019 12:43

Hello Scattered. Well done on week 1. Impressive stuff! I have been quite bad on holiday so going to try and turn over a new leaf now. Was AF yesterday. Tonight will be more of a challenge because DM is staying and will definitely want a drink but I have some nanny state in. Thursday DH will hopefully go out as then it's easy to have a bath and crap telly in bed, but all bets are off for the long weekend.

ScatteredMama82 · 17/04/2019 13:06

@longestlurkerever thank you, good luck tonight!

Frouby · 17/04/2019 18:16

Scattered welcome. We are all in a similar place. Well done on a week AF, I can't seem to manage 2 days at the moment.

AF here so far, though if dd didn't need a lift I would soooooo be on the gin right now.

Dropped dh off at a funeral the decided to call in at my mams. She had a house full, 3 of my sisters and my lovely niece, plus assorted kids.

Dsis asked me if I knew her news. She was buying a horse. Did I have any advice about what to look for? Told her not to do it.

Sis is one of those people that says shes an animal lover, but is more a collector when something has status or appeal. Then gets rid when she's bored. She is also the absolute worst kind of equestrian. She's very, very novice (despite have had a few on loan down the years, and actually owning a pony about 13 years ago. And not only is she very novice, she thinks she Charlotte Dujardin. She won't listen to advice, definetly does not want to listen to me (I am pretty knowledgeable, know what I know, but will also listen to anyone who knows more). She can't ride, can't do basic stable management, wouldn't know a lame horse if it fell over in front of her waving its leg.

She also has a 6 year old ds and a 10 month old ds. And her partner has recently been signed off work for MS, for at least 10 years and hes a builder so no hope of ever returning. On top of the MS he has additional neurological issues and is declining healthwise.

They have recently gone onto full benefits (absolutely no judgement here, they should have had them months ago). But even when they had 1 baby and were both working full time in decent jobs they were fucking shocking with money. Always borrowing to get to payday, always too skint for anything.

So why she thinks its a good idea to buy a money pit is beyond me. Told her she should have lessons for 6 months then decide. Lessons are too expensive. Told her to part loan for 6 months. Can't find anything suitable (after a week of looking). She quoted a livery figure at me, told her to double that by the time she has done with everything else, and only do it of she has another 50% on top of that figure.

Cheeky mare said I was being negative, it's her life long dream, she will be able to afford it because she can earn £200 a month without it affecting her benefits so that's what she is going to do.

Told her if she could earn £200 a month it's enough for a lesson a week, and she's better doing that. Then she threw a wobbler, said she hadn't asked for my opinion and I was a hypocrite cos I have 2.

Fuck sake. Pointed out I can always pay my bills, never borrow of anyone and have money stashed for emergencies, plus dh working ft, I work as well (and can up my hours if necessary) and I know what I am doing.

Shes going to end up with either a manky, worm infested cob with capped hocks, big knees and no teeth sold as a 9 year old. Or a scatty thoroughbred dopped up to sell that will splatter her.

Told her for what shes looking for she needs around 3k, plus another 1k for tack and rugs and equipment. She says she's seen some nice ones for £800 🙈🙈🙈. She phoned me last week to see if she could borrow my boots and hat ffs.

My mum asked me to have a word. Said no way, cos she won't listen. And I don't want to know what shes bought as it will be at best knackered and at worst dangerous.

So yeah. Bit of a rant.

Been to McDonald's and feel slightly ill now. Ds on fine form, dd been playing Build Me Up Buttercup on Alexa so he's put that on and is dancing around singing.

Ffs. Dd better not be late!

Tryers to be dryers spring into spring, not as much wine, beer or gin. We sow our seeds of hope for a dryer season, but if we drink, it's for a reason.
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Frouby · 17/04/2019 18:17

Oh jesus, now he's got Neil Diamond Blue Jeans on 🙉

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ScatteredMama82 · 17/04/2019 18:54

@Frouby I love your post, that’s hilarious! I had horses too but when I had kids they cost too much time and money so they are now living the life of Riley as companions on a nice farm. I’m soooo tempted to have a wine. The sun is out, the kids are happy and I’ve finished work for Easter. Going to do my chores now and take my mind off it...

longestlurkerever · 17/04/2019 19:33

Gah Frouby! I have no knowledge about horses (are big knees bad, who knew?!) but have similarly financially irresponsible relatives and it's so effing frustrating. My DM, who likes to play saviour to the world, has spent all her savings propping up various branches of the family and they never learn. Nor does she, mind, I have told her to stop enabling them so many times. I have a secure job and a mortgage I can afford and they are always wanting to come and live rent free and so on. Erm,my house is stressful enough thanks. But then you feel like a big meanie.

Mind you I can't talk about failing to learn from your mistakes. Just had minor heart attack over DM going awol with dd1 and DN. Bil arrived home to give them lift to station and they were nowhere to be found and not answering phones. Obviously they were somewhere in Cambridgeshire countryside having got on wrong bus and weren't answering because she never answers, but in my imagination she had lost DN or DD or both and was too worried to answer phone. They are now on train and DD will be tired and hungry but hopefully ok.

Frouby · 17/04/2019 19:47

That's the sort of thing my dm would do longest. I am glad dd has declined the annual weekend away with my mam and auntie. Last time they took her she got sunburn on her legs, in Skegness ffs. This is after listening to lectures from my mam for 10 years about making sure I put suncream on blonde haired, blue eyed, half Scottish and very, very fair dd to go abroad.

Fucking sunburn in skeggy. It wasn't even that hot!

Big knees are bad if they aren't genetically big knees. Usually means arthritis etc. And can be an issue. Can have meant a lot of wear and tear and a lot of miles on the clock.

Dd got a lift home now. Debating a gin 😂. But don't know if we have any ice so it might end up being lager.

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longestlurkerever · 17/04/2019 20:01

DH has opened wine. Quite surprised because he normally has better willpower than me but I doubt I will be able to resist now. Still feeling v anxious about DD. Can't start yet though as need to fetch the from station.

I would burn in Skeggy. DD1 has dh's Asian genes so has never burned but dd2, despite same Asian genes, is blond and blue eyed, so I need to up the sun care ante.

longestlurkerever · 17/04/2019 20:04

Yes DH has opened wine. Quite surprised as he normally has better willpower than me but quite glad as nerves still jangling. Need to fetch them from station first though.

I would burn in Skeggy. Dd1 has dh's Asian genes so is a bit more sun resistant, but dd2 despite same Asian genes, is blond and blue eyed.

longestlurkerever · 17/04/2019 20:04

Hmm, posted twice. Thought the first one had vanished!