Less booze. More AF days. But still a bit damp. Not dry jan, but not a soggy summer. Support thread for reducing alcohol.

[Frouby]

New thread in case the other fills up while I am busy this weekend.

Did I mention I get married tomorrow? 😁

Rubbish at clicky links but sure someone clever will be along to link the last thread.

This is a support thread for those wanting to reduce the amount you drink. There is no judgement on here. We are all struggling along with our own problems and lives and looking to cut down. You might only want a couple of weekends off. Or reduce the amount of days you drink. Or the amount you drink. Or both.

Whatever your starting point and whatever your goal come and join us for friendly chat and support.

Oh It’s lovely you had such a great time though Dion. You really needed and deserved it. X

I neeeeeeeeed wine....

Oh, Flossie, that is so sweet of you. I really needed him to bring tap water. . But it was a good lunch. Sad to say I have continued slightly since, because of the defective off-switch. But am feeling quite mellow rather than weepy/cross, as there is no gin involved. x

Me too Flossie. Sigh.

Am telling myself it will be worth it when my alarm goes off at 5am tmrw.

Am going to have a.tonic water and ice instead.

I fell off this thread a while back as was feeling a total failure. Will mark my place to catch up later.

Ah but Dionysa you had a nice time!

I'm in bed with a huge jug of iced water with slices of lemon. So as long as I don't drink tomorrow night, which I won't, I will have been AF Sunday - Thursday inclusive. So I'm pleased with that. Dh and I have agreed we will have wine on Friday. He is one of those who has one glass and no more. Envious!

Flossie and Frouby, hope you both feel ok tonight. Agree about not having a half bottle cold in the fridge, it's too tempting. I have a wine fridge and turned it off when I started this.

Btw I noticed today that I'm sharper, faster and generally all round more on the ball (at work and otherwise) when I'm not drinking. I mean, durr, I know that seems obvious but I realise that actually, I've been making life harder for myself by drinking a bottle of wine, then having to get up at 6am, leave at 7am, be on the ball, attend meetings, etc. I was dragging myself through it some days, it's so much easier to cope with when I'm AF. blindingly obvious I know!

Water, I love the idea of a wine fridge. And your DH is what I used to be like. Sigh.

I did indeed have a nice time, and am still feeling rather cheerful now. Not sure if it's the wine or the prospect of school tomorrow after 10 sodding weeks.

Cotton, glad to have you back. You are so not a failure.x

Frouby, you are doing far better than I am.l

Woosey, thinking of you and your DD tomorrow.

Awww Dion thanks for your thoughts. Really sweet. Am nervous. Have agreed to drop her there and basically go home and wait for the call. Such a horrid horrid feeling. The call could be she needs to come home or the call could be they’ve called an ambulance because she can’t breath. It’s shit. First time in 4 months that she’ll be out of my sight and care!!

Dion..I do know the eurphoria tho that ending of summer hols brings. Ds goes back to uni next weekend and I’m literally counting down the mins!! If I say that IRL, friends think I’m an evil witch of a mother. They’ve not got children that age yet so don’t get it!! Dd1 went back today, so was a third quieter and calmer.
However had a shit meeting with school. Well it wasn’t shit in one way..they will do anything to help. It was just shit because I had to say how things are and how bad things could be. Conversations such as stopping breathing and action plan were had. I don’t want to have to think about that as a mummy. I want to just have normal things to think about when my kids go to school!! Fml.

So yes...the half f-Ing bottle of wine is now floating round my blood stream!!

Anglais - hope you’re doing ok. 💐

Frouby 💐 for tomorrow xx

I noticed today that I'm sharper, faster and generally all round more on the ball (at work and otherwise) when I'm not drinking

Yes, water I have noticed this too on day 3 AF... I am able to prioritise tasks, finish tasks and stay on point. I didn't realise what a fog I'd been under as I'm usually quite a methodical person and a bit of a perfectionist too. Back to work a week on Monday after 8 months maternity leave and those skills will definitely come in handy haha!

You are very brave to admit that you need help. I would admit it

@Dionysa if I'm perfectly honest, I wish I hadn't. I had some MH issues going on pre pregnancy which obviously got scrambled with the drinking and a very scary blackout when drinking that resulted in a week of panic attacks and baaaad juju all round. I sought help then as I thought I was having a break down, and then got pregnant soon after. My MH issues got worse but by then I was dry (because pregnant) but I was still flagged at my community alcohol and rehab. Post pregnancy, I got assigned a truly horrible key worker who made some very flying assumptions about me and threatened to get SS involved. So. I went back to my usual MH service and begged them to take me back, which they did... But Mr Keyworker has already made contact with SS, without my consent. Horrible situation. They haven't turned up and I have nothing to hide, we are a professional couple with a naice home on a naice street with a fantastic support network of friends and family, known in the community, kids happy clothed and fed... Blah blah blah.

However... Just being pushed by my counsellor on Monday to 'just stop' (she isn't trained in alcohol or addiction!) made me think... Yeah. Why not. I wonder if I will end up tee total somehow although at the moment I can't imagine my life without alcohol in it.

Day 3 though!

Frouby, hope hospital is ok tomorrow. Or as ok as it can be, in the circs.

Flossie, it's good that school is taking it seriously - but I also wish you didn't have to think about it at all. And sorry to revert to the 'wrong' username. Habit!!

Have had 3/4 bottle of wine (confession time) and now just feel a bit heavy and tired, but barely drunk. Have had two glasses of water, as I couldn't be bothered with anything else and just feel thirsty now. Interesting to realise that I am quite pleasant when on the wine, but horrid when it's gin. I feel bloated, though. Ugh.

Cross-posted with LittleWing. Thank you for sharing all of that. What a time you have had. At least you are on Day Three. We are all here with you. I will be starting again tomorrow. Bed now, as 5 AM school alarm...

Ds goes back to uni next weekend and I’m literally counting down the mins!! If I say that IRL, friends think I’m an evil witch of a mother. They’ve not got children that age yet so don’t get it!!

@Flossie44 I don't have a teenager yet (10 year old tries, it though!) and I feel exactly the same way! Lots of my mum friends are on that wavelength too. And with uni I guess he's been hanging around the gaff a lot longer than 6 weeks

@Dionysa I have a habit of oversharingbut gives a bit of back story! Sorry for long paragraph

LittleWing Well done on a few days AF already. I'm the same as you, I don't want life without alcohol and have been moderating successfully for a year now so I don't think I'll have to go AF completely. Some people are incapable of moderating and being teetotal is the only alternative. I like being AF in the week, feel so much sharper when not tired and fuzzy especially now we are back to school and getting up at 6am. When I drink it is never more than 2 glasses, so my stop button still functions, 3 or more and it probably wouldn't. I'm also addicted to sport especially running and it is a lot easier doing that without alcohol in my system most of the time!
Dion I'm glad you had a nice time with your old friend yesterday. That is how alcohol should be drunk, not every night as a crutch as it is too easy to do.
Flossie good luck for today with DD
Frouby busy weeks are a lot easier when you are AF. Had my first egg on Tuesday! It was a double yolker too. Am now getting eggs daily
Saw Forest Man on Tuesday after the weekend he had with his GF and party, of course it was wonderful and he reassured me he would finish things, it is me he loves, he needs time blah blah blah etc. Sometimes I can cope with it, other times not. And the worst thing is being at someone's beck and call, it is always the other person who decides when we will see each other. I hate that. I know the best thing to do would be to stop seeing him until he has finished things (IF that ever happens) but we have a great time together. And my life really isn't that exciting otherwise. I'm not tempted to drink, though, just keep busy and try not to think of him when he is with her.

Good morning all .

A quick post to say that I have been reading and thinking a lot this week and you are all helping me to switch my thinking.

Today will be my 4th day af since I joined the thread last tuesday. Not brilliant but I honestly can't remember being dry 4 days out of 10 for a very long time.
The ideal for me would be the norm to be dry but if it's a celebration of occasion then a bit soggy is fine. LIke most of us I guess. Not sure when that stopped but I really want it to be my new normal.

Good luck with dd today Flossie

Howlong, four days out of ten is fantastic. I would be very pleased with myself if I managed that. I am already wavering about tonight, even though I absolutely should be AF. I have no reason whatever not to be, other than deeply ingrained habit. Plus I really need a good night's sleep, as DD was up at 1 AM worrying about going back to school, which meant I was too.

LittleWing, I am an evil witch too. DS departing is almost reason enough in itself to crack open the Champagne.

Anglaise, I am going to try to have you in my head this evening. I think you are kind of there already. I was thinking the other day that DP will behave exactly as he behaves, and that me having a drink will not change anything about his behaviour. If he's shitty, drinking will dull the agony for an evening (and will make the waiting feel less long) - but the shitty behaviour remains and still has to be dealt with at some point. And it is probably better dealt with sans hangover/beer fear etc.

Frouby... I am thinking of you and your aunt and cousin today.

Flossie... And, needless to say, am thinking of you and your DD2.

Hello all

Not good news from the hospital. It is lung cancer in both lungs, however, bizarrely 2 different types of lung cancer so not ome type that has spread. They are cautiously optimistic that they can treat it, she is having an op on the 25th of this month to remove part of 1 lung, wait until she has recovered from that, then remove part of the other lung.

So not worse case scenario. If it had been 1 type of cancer that had spread it would have been stage 4 and palliative care.

Tonight will be wet.

Oh Frouby . I was just checking back in to see if there was news. I am so sorry to hear it's definitely cancer - though if it has to be cancer, thank goodness it isn't the second scenario you describe. No words, really. xx

Epic fail here.

DD (who is a right madam 90 percent of the time) has stood up to a girl with whom she has had a toxic friendship for ages (i.e. said girl is Queen Bee who tells everyone else what to do, who they can be friends with, picks DD and others up and drops them as she feels like it, etc). DD said she was going to do this when she went back to school, and has done it. She has of course come home in floods of tears, saying all her other friends stuck up for [Queen Bee] because they're too scared not to, she (DD) has no friends, spent break and lunch in the loo so had nothing to eat all day, etc, etc. FML.

Teenage girls are so vile. DD is no exception, of course - but she has been so brave today, yet it seems (to her) to have made no difference as she now sad and friendless. I am glad I am not 14. She is such a bold and courageous girl, as I have told her, and has done with Toxic Queen Bee exactly as I should do with DP. Only she is braver than I am.

But it's awful to see her so upset. I can't go in to school, as this would make matters even worse, so she says. Even the gentlest word would apparently be social death. I disagree, but I will have to go along with her. I know, because I'm ancient, that she will in due course make other friends - but it's impossible to convey this to her now.

Then DP, who was far too tired to do something with me this afternoon, has rung to say he has all of a sudden been invited out for a friend's birthday. There is more to this than he is saying. He must think I'm stupid.

However, none of this compares to sodding lung cancer and poorly DD2, Frouby and Flossie.

Oh frouby, I’m so sorry. How sad. She’s so lucky to have you. And so is your cousin. Moving day tomorrow then moving onto treatment for your aunt. Horrid thoughts but fingers and toes crossed for you all.

Dion - sounds a dreadful day!! How is dd now? And as for Dp!!!! What did you say when he let you down? Does he ever acknowledge your feelings or are you so nice that he feels he doesn’t need to. You are such a kind person.

As for me..I just want to swear and scream and cry!! Dd got to 3pm ok. She finishes at 3:30. Hasn’t done a whole day in over a year. At 3pm I got a call. She had needed adrenaline and the school were on the phone to the ambulance services. She’s had anaphylaxis!!
First bloody day back!! First day!! It’s so bloody unfair!!
Off to hosp!! Just don’t know a way forward. Just have no idea how to deal with this. She needs school, emotionally and socially. I need her to go. We all need normality. We were so so close. And now dreams are shattered. So back to square one. Her shiny school shoes and crisp uniform will be redundant for a while. We await further advice!!
And as for me.....SW out the window and wine and pizza in!! Too much of both sadly!!

Oh lovely Flossie. I have been sitting here crying my heart out for the past hour (gin and sodding, sodding, sodding, effing DP responsible, if I want to be weak and say that it's his fault rather than mine) - but he is not a patch on your problems. I have absolutely nothing useful to say, but just hugs. Lots of them. Forget about AF. Just do whatever gets you through. xxxxx