Less booze. More AF days. But still a bit damp. Not dry jan, but not a soggy summer. Support thread for reducing alcohol.

[Frouby]

New thread in case the other fills up while I am busy this weekend.

Did I mention I get married tomorrow? 😁

Rubbish at clicky links but sure someone clever will be along to link the last thread.

This is a support thread for those wanting to reduce the amount you drink. There is no judgement on here. We are all struggling along with our own problems and lives and looking to cut down. You might only want a couple of weekends off. Or reduce the amount of days you drink. Or the amount you drink. Or both.

Whatever your starting point and whatever your goal come and join us for friendly chat and support.

I feel like I have found my people I would love to join, yes yes to the fear the next day and the shame.
Beautiful photo frouby I love a good wedding.
I'm hoping to moderate not give up I do love a white wine and sitting in the sun always makes me need wine. Hopefully I can add to the support on here oh and get some too.

Woosey Five thanks, it was the toughest race I've ever done, a marathon is a stroll in the park in comparison!
I'm on 10 units Woosey, fewer this weekend because I didn't drink the maximum one bottle of wine I allow myself.
Welcome Thomas and Rupert it isn't always easy to moderate but setting rules about when and how much you drink when you do drink can help. As can several days on the trot AF.

That's it I know moderation is hard so, I'm trying not to drink in the week just need to work out how many units to allow myself. Trouble is if I open wine I always finish the bottle. I have no will power however I know that multiple AF days make me feel amazing so why do I self sabotage?

Frouby, I am so, so glad you and your DH 🎉 had a lovely day.

It's good to find some new people on this thread. We can do it, one way or another. Rupert, you speak for me too with your last post.

Anglaise, congrats on your race. That is seriously impressive...

Woosey, thank you for asking. I can't write much at the moment as I am sitting here sobbing at the kitchen table, trying to compose myself before DD comes home from school. My heart hurts. I have never, ever experienced anything like this.

Anglaise, was there anything in particular that caused you to call time on Mr Charming, or was it just the cumulative effect? How did you cope once you had done it? At the moment, this is hellish, but not having him at all is equally, differently hellish.

Thomas, I do the same as Shelties, and log my intake on Drinkaware.com (no app). I did it this morning, and added shame to my misery. But I have to face up to it.

Athena - bless you. You really don’t deserve to be treated like this. Please take care of yourself.
I too am interested in what made anglais leave? Was there a single trigger or did you just wake up one day and think ‘this is not how it can be forever’. How did you realise that the mr charming thing was indeed superficial??

Know I’m not AF tonight. Am in a f* it mode again!!

Athena Frouby it was more like there was a gradual build up of things that happened which I was unhappy about, coupled with comments from friends that made it clear that they didn't like the person or what he was doing to me and that I was really blind to the truth. So doubts got stronger, I spent more time being sad than happy and then in the first case I had a suspicion that he wasn't telling the truth about where he was one evening and I got up really early, drove to his house and found his 'ex' girlfriends car outside. I took a photo sent it to him and finished it. That gave me the proof I needed. With charmer number 2 he was too crafty at hiding everything so I never really had proof of what he was doing if indeed he was cheating, but his charm started to wear thin and I no longer trusted him.
Once the trust is gone in a relationship there is nothing left to do but leave.

Af day today. Although dh did buy me a bottle of sipsmith gin today. Not feeling it tonight though. Maybe Friday. After I’ve met mil....

Af here too. And only had 2 bottles of bud last night so almost AF.

Am off to bed shortly. Got up at 5am to get some work done, had poorly guinea pig to vets and probably at docs tomorrow with DS who is still off. Been almost a week now and he still keeps getting random temps and is coughing a bit more now and keeps being sick when he coughs. He also keeps falling asleep which isn't like him so wanted to get him checked out.

I also bed to get up early to make sure little piggy is still with us. He has an upper respiratory tract infection and possibly pneumonia so it's pretty serious. Been handfeeding him all day to try and keep hos gut moving.

And if he is no more I need to find a similar looking one before ds notices.

Oh frouby poor piggy! And poor ds! Hope both get well soon.

I bloody love guinnea piggys. Always wanted one. Never allowed. If I had one now catface would eat it.

Looks good (or bad!) Doesn't it? But I'm up at 5 to drive to Cork- so it's the new AF Heineken, and is surprisingly nice.

Anglaise, you are very wise. And braver than I am, I think. My friends are unanimously of the opinion that Mr Charming is bad news for me (verdicts include "selfish and shallow" and "a right tool"). I am a people-pleaser, and seem to seek out people who can never entirely be pleased. My self-esteem is completely shot.

However, I don't want to bang on about poor me. I could do something about it, if only I were less feeble.

Frouby, I am keeping everything crossed for your piggy. We used to have them, and I love them to bits. They are the perfect pets! I hope all is ok with your DS, too. Think you are wise to get him checked (they are more or less bound to say it will clear up of its own accord, but that would at least put your mind at rest).

ememem, it's just as well nobody has bought me a bottle of Sipsmith. AF tonight. Resisted a glass of wine when it was on offer at lunchtime, too.

Woolly, I will try it. Beck's Blue is my usual substitute (low calorie, too...)

A bit late to the game, but congratulations Frouby! It sounds like you had a lovely and meaningful time. And your hair looks top notch!

Anglaise that trail race sounds absolutely absurd and you're a wonderful woman for doing it, let alone getting on a podium!

I've been plugging along with a bit more beer than necessary. Today I was almost ready to go to bed at a decent hour, but the cat I'm watching decided to get itself lost. After assuring my cousin that he was bound to come out soon and she could go home I proceeded to spend the next two hours searching the house and bushes, rattling dry food around, and obnoxiously calling for him, irritating the neighbors (and probably dh) to no end. Then I find the little bastard snuggled up behind the tablecloths (where I'd already looked, by the way) with nary a care in the world. Now my calm down after a hectic day beer has turned into several and I'm hoping my cousin didn't drink all the wine before leaving me with her demon beast. (He's really not that bad. I'm just spoiled by my relatively well behaved, non-vase threatening felines.)

Frouby I hope your guinea pig is OK. They are great pets I had loads when I was little and have a couple now because I have a lot of families with young children who stay in my gites. Did you know that in Switzerland it is illegal to own only one guinea-pig? They need company. Not sure what I'll do when one of mine goes as the kids don't really look after them and I want a couple of hens which will take up even more time.
Athena you will know when it is time. Your patience will eventually give up and your friends and family will still be there. I didn't do anything for ages even with facts staring me in the face - love really is blind.
April it is so stressful looking after Other People's Animals (or Kids) much more so than your own so I understand your beer blip.
I have no desire to drink alcohol or even eat much following Sunday's race so no problems at all being AF. Just want to drink lots of water.

Little Piggy (he is called Rubble after paw patrol 😁) is still with us and looking everso slightly brighter.

Haven't interfered with him yet as the dog was milling around my legs but he isn't laid down or wobbling as much.

Can I join please. Self medicated for far too long.

Woolly - ooo I will give the AF Heineken a try. I tried necks blue and found it a bit metallic.
Frouby - so glad piggie is brighter. Let us know how ds is doing? And you of course.
Anglais - I think it proves you’re well over alcohol. I’d be rewarding myself for doing the race....with too much wine again!!
Athena - how was yesterday eve? Did you see dp? Thinking of you. You certainly aren’t ‘banging on about poor me’. This is big shit!! And we are here to hold your hand. 🌷
Wrong way up - welcome. We’ve all self medicated for way too long.
Apriliviy - I’m with you on drinking last night!!
I had a bottle....again!! Fml

Can't say much here due to deep distress. Would like to be AF tonight, but I am not.

Frouby, I am thinking of your piggy, though. I hope this morning's slight recovery has continued.

Woosey, you will make me cry. Again. This is what I have been doing all day, despite being at work. Everyone must think I'm a complete loon.

I evidently can't do relationships. I left XH because he was abusive (to the DC, not to me, though this is arguably worse). I couldn't leave until they were old enough to choose where to be and when, as I could only know they were safe if they were with me the whole time (I know this seems bonkers in MN world, but I didn't leave them for a second at home with him, never mind overnight, until they were teenagers and could decide for themselves. Just because I had to be sure they were ok). Then The Charmer seemed to offer me everything XH couldn't. This, too, was a lie. Possibly worse, in its way, because he made me think things were possible which evidently aren't.

Wrongwayup, I am not normally this miserable. Honestly. You are more than welcome to join us. None of us is perfect when it comes to alcohol intake, but we're a very nice crew and you will find nothing but kindness and support here.

Anglaise, I am listening. I am sorry you went through all of that. It must have hurt terribly. I will try to derive some strength from you.

Athena .

You will get through this I promise. I left charming, funny, clever, emotionally then financially then physically ex when dd was 3 months old. I left everything. My career, my friends and support network (we worked for the same company), any savings I had and any possessions that didn't fit in the back of my brothers car. I went back to my mams, shared the spare room with dd and got a job as a barmaid then on a butcher's counter. Lived there 2 years before I scraped enough for a deposit and first months rent.

Be kind to yourself. You are not the problem. He is. Walk away now and save more heartache.

Reading through more tears, Frouby. I gave up a huge amount (financially) when I left XH. The DC are still aggrieved. We had a huge house, land etc, and are now in a tiny house with a yard (mortgage free, as I am unmortgageable, having spent so much time as a SAHM, partly due to one of the DC being autistic). They blame me for this change in circumstances. Believe me, all the shit is piled on me, although XH is the one who killed our marriage by being emotionally/physically abusive to the children. They claim they can't remember any of this. He only hit me once, when I stood between him and DC1 because I thought that if he was going to hit anyone, it was going to be me.

Sorry, bit of an unnecessary rant about XH. That situation is ok now. DP is the current problem. Ridiculously, he is the only person I have ever loved to whom I am not biologically related. I didn't love XH - I was young and trapped.

Frouby, I agree that he is the problem, though. At the moment, the situation I am in is completely unbearable. But the idea of not being with him at all feels even worse. Is it baby chickens who fixate on the first thing they see when they hatch out? I feel like that. We had been friends for years, but I had been in love with him for a long time before I left XH. A friend asked me why I didn't just have an affair, but that's not me (which is not a judgement on other people - entirely my issue). I had no idea that there would be any prospect of anything happening, until he made a move.

If you don't mind me saying, he sounds a cunt. He will have seen how vulnerable you were, will have known your feelings and set out to manipulate you. A decent man would have waited until you were stronger.

Get 2 jars. For every day he makes you feel happy put a penny in one jar. For every day you go to bed miserable put a penny in the other.

A relationship should make you more happy than unhappy. DH is no angel. But 99% of the time we make each other happy.

Have had those obsessive relationships where it doesn't matter how vile they are you hang onto the good things. It's bloody horrendous. You lose all respect for yourself never mind anything else.

Your kids will forgive you over leaving DH. When I was a teenager I hated my mum for staying with my stepdad. I know now it was horrendously difficult to leave. And we are very close.

If you can't bear to end it completely could you maybe change the rules to a FWB or have a temporary break?

Frouby I am crying too much to reply in any meaningful way, but I am taking it all in. Also aware that you have ended up with a good 'un. xx

frouby thinking about your 'jars' suggestion, too. It could be pounds, and there would be nothing in the 'happy' pot. Sadly.