Less booze. More AF days. But still a bit damp. Not dry jan, but not a soggy summer. Support thread for reducing alcohol.

[Frouby]

New thread in case the other fills up while I am busy this weekend.

Did I mention I get married tomorrow? 😁

Rubbish at clicky links but sure someone clever will be along to link the last thread.

This is a support thread for those wanting to reduce the amount you drink. There is no judgement on here. We are all struggling along with our own problems and lives and looking to cut down. You might only want a couple of weekends off. Or reduce the amount of days you drink. Or the amount you drink. Or both.

Whatever your starting point and whatever your goal come and join us for friendly chat and support.

[Anglaise1]

oh Athena
I'm so sorry. I agree with everything Frouby says, it sounds like he is a manipulator, he took advantage of you when you were at a low point, built you up, and is now dropping you. Has he been gaslighting you too? Mine did. Managed to make me feel like I was going around in circles, I was questioning myself as he had an answer or excuse for everything he did.
The jar idea is excellent. It is so hard. I think I really got into running in a big way after Charmer No1 left my life and it has been a lot more rewarding than he ever would have been.
Remember, when the wrong people leave your life, the right things start happening.
I used to like singing along to Beyonce's Best thing I never Had in the car too.
Big hugs to you xxx

[woosey35]

Oh Athena. 💐 I can almost feel the pain in your posts. For someone to make your hurt like this, (and I presume he knows?), is not love. I’m so so sorry that your being treated like this. You’ve put others first for years..maybe it’s now time to put you first. Frouby and Athena give great advice. Sending you hugs and love. Please know we are all here for you to help you through this. 💐

[FiveShelties]

Athena - I am so sorry you are going through so much. Have no advice to give, except sometimes you just have to put yourself first and this could be that time. Look after yourself.

[FiveShelties]

Last night (Tues) I had two single measures of scotch. So two units of alcohol - very pleased with that!

[Frouby]

Hope you are ok this morning Athena. You will find the strength to end this. It will be hard but you will get there. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom. Why not end it for a short time? Tell him that you need to look after your dcs coming home from uni for the summer and you want to reduce your drinking and he is a bad influence. That in September you can pick up where you left off.

He sounds the type of arrogant bastard that would accept that, have a summer of his own fun then expect you to be waiting for the dcs to go home.

It's not so final then. You can see how much happier you will be without him.

[AthenaAshton]

What lovely people you are. Thank you. Yes, he is indeed the type to shrug and have a lovely summer without really giving me much of a thought. I don't have the strength at the moment. But the very fact that I am wondering if I ever will do is possibly a step forward.

Otherwise, last night was a wash-out, and I am now going to have to humiliate myself by adding it to my Drinkaware log. This will then lecture me on having failed to reach my targets, and it will remind me that I am running the risk of damaging my health. Which I know, and which frightens me. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

It's lovely to know that there are happy endings, Frouby. I'm so glad you found yours.

[ememem84]

Half a beer with my curry for dinner at dparents. And I’m also roasting my friends engagement with her tomorrow evening.

[AthenaAshton]

Half a beer, ememem. That is good going. AF here, though it has been very trying. Day One, yet again.

[Anglaise1]

Half a beer, well done emen
Athena stay strong. It is easier to manage without alcohol induced anxiety, tiredness and headaches. Although it doesn't seem like it in the evening when a drunk is the most attractive option to get you through a trying time.
Stay strong and remember that he doesn't deserve you, he is the one with a problem, not you.
I'm AF as usual, swimming class tonight. Appetite is gradually returning after the race. I hope no one minds if I post a few photos from Sunday 😳

[AthenaAshton]

Brilliant photos Anglaise! Thanks for posting them. You look gorgeously fit. If this is what serious moderation does, you're a good advert for it...

Today has been full of anxiety, tiredness (was awake at 2.30, then 3.30, and finally dozed off again at 5.30, just in time for the 5.50 alarm) and headaches, plus yet another blasted peri-menopausal period. Nearly caved in as I wanted some relief from period pain, but had a hot water bottle instead.

[woosey35]

Omg anglais....you are literally made of steel!! Well done, that’s incredible!! You must be so proud of yourself!!
Athena - anglais got it spot on....he doesn’t deserve you. He’s the one with the problem. He will end up lonely. Selfishness breeds loneliness. You are amazing to be AF considering what an awful time you’re going through. That in itself is strength. You are strong. You need to believe in yourself. We are all here to help you take that step in self belief xx
Well....a bottle of Pinot a night here. I’m totally crap with this!! I just can’t do it!! But if I’m honest, the last few days I haven’t even tried. We are off to France tomorrow eve for 9 days (I’ll wave to you anglais, as we pass you in Brittany!!) so there’s no chance of being AF on my holiday!! Obviously, that’s the perfect excuse 😖😖

[FiveShelties]

Anglaise - wow, well done, you look amazing.

woosey - have a fantastic holiday.

Shared a bottle of wine with my husband last night, takes me up to 7.9 units over three days, definitey not brilliant, but better.

[Anglaise1]

How are you feeling this morning Athena It is strice moderation and also not having a man to worry about that keeps me fit
Woosey have a great holiday! I'm just off junction 30 of the A84 if you want to wave from there. Funnily enough France is a great place to live if you are a woman and want to be AF or moderate as French women don't really drink, but if you are on holiday I agree, it's difficult with all the lovely cheap wine available.
Five well done that's a moderate week. I try and stay just below the (French) Govt's 10 units recommendation which is just one bottle of wine so nice and easy to measure!

[woosey35]

Athena - thinking of you lovely. Hope you ok?

Just about to board the ferry to France. Already thinking about the first glass of wine I’ll have on board. How bloody rubbish am I!!

[AthenaAshton]

Woosey, you are a sweetheart. Hope you have fab holiday!!

Not AF here, sadly. But I am reading Anglaise's inspirational posts, so you never know. Aiming for better over half term (ugh).

[AthenaAshton]

How is everyone?

Was not AF last night, or the night before. Hoping to be AF tonight...

[Frouby]

Not AF here. Sigh.

Found this week hard. Was AF Monday but that's it. Putting it down to post wedding come down and will do better next week.

[ThomasShelbysBunnet]

Can I ask what AF stands for?
I've been incredibly restrained in my alcohol intake this weekend.
2 Coors light on Friday night, and I had 3 Saturday night with our early evening barbecue.
Usually I would be at least quadruple that
Small steps eh

[rupertpenryswife]

Hi everyone, just reading some really inspirational posts on here anglaise great photos looks like a beautiful place.
Athena how are you? It sounds like you are having a really tough time don't be hard on yourself you are doing the best you can, I find that I drink more when I have worries but actually when I am af I feel so much stronger and able to deal with life. This makes no sense at all.

Sorry not learnt everyone's names yet but the op off to France have an amazing time, I know what you mean about that glass of wine on the boat I do this, I think it's because it feels special.

Well I am starting again today had a BBQ last night and more wine than I intended, I do wonder if I will still be like this in 20 years and not actually achieved being af.

For the op who asked af means alcohol free.
Does anyone have any af ideas or brands off drink that they can recommend?

[rupertpenryswife]

One thing coming through on a few posts is that when things are tough people drink I include myself in this, what can we do to prevent this?
We need to look after ourselves our bodies and minds deserve this, I don't think we are very kind to ourselves sometimes. I really beat myself up about drinking, I say some awful things in my head to myself and the cycle continues.

Maybe before we reach for the alcohol we come on here and have a chat to motivate each other? I so need to change and am looking for answers but feel I will continue to fail.

[aprilivy]

Athena, how horrible this time is. I hope you get some peace and clarity as you decide your next steps.
Anglaise, what a wonderful accomplishment! You look so happy and determined.
Woosey, you should absolutely enjoy your vacation without worrying about a glass on the ferry (or at the inn, resort, etc.) Of course you don't want to go overboard, but how often do you get to relax on a boat with a glass of wine? Prayers that your daughter is able to make it through without medical intervention!

I made it through my book club meeting without getting too merry. Last night dh and I went out for a drink, thinking we'd just have one or two, as he had to help dss test drive a car to purchase. Well, dss's mother got done with work early so they swung by the bar to show us the car (her neighbor's. Seems like a good deal!) and then she and her husband met us out there a little later with other friends. So much for built in moderation!

Today I'm ending the night with seltzer (and freezer ravioli ,) after a number of drinks. I thought of you all as I was making my drink choices these last few nights, so I quess the community is working into my brain .

[Anglaise1]

thomas AF = alcohol free, sounds like your moderating is going well.
rupert I hope the bbq was good last night and good luck with staying dry today.
I went out for dinner with an ex BF last night and we shared a half bottle of wine, in France I don't think I've ever shared a full bottle of wine with someone else half a bottle is too much to drink.
As far as using alcohol do deal with problems is concerned - it seems like a quick fix to open a bottle and yes, for a couple of drinks things are better, but they are a whole lot worse when you wake up the next morning with a headache, having slept badly and feeling generally shit. I don't use alcohol to medicate anxiety any more, I had last few days from hell but I know that drinking would just have wasted my time and made me less effective in dealing with problems.
I use sport as a coping mechanism, going for a long run or bike ride always makes me feel better, for other people write things down, mindfulness, relaxation techiques or just talking to friends and family, or on this thread are alternatives to alcohol.

[rupertpenryswife]

You are so right anglaise I do practise mindfulness but perhaps I need to start running again, I used to but stopped, and didn't pick it up again.
Thank you for your tips I think I might write them down and try to look at this when I'm thinking about having a wine, I always feel amazing when I'm af for a few days.

[woosey35]

Just popping in to say hi from our trip in France.
Got really sloshed on the boat..way too much Pinot!! But have strangely moderates since. Despite hols. Like you all say....stress and worries make me drink more. Maybe a holiday is time to moderate!!
Hope you all well. Athena..thinking of you loads still and sending strength x

[AthenaAshton]

Woosey, thanks for taking the time to message from hols. I hope all is ok with your DD - and great to hear re moderation. If it means you are less stressed, that's fab. And, of course, drinking less will make you feel less stressed too...

Anglaise, your posts are always so wonderfully sane. I am having a bad day, and will not be AF (though I know I should be). DP is away, doing goodness knows what (not shagging anyone else, but just being a closed book).

Aprilivy, I know what you mean about the community working its way into your brain. It certainly is in the back of my mind, even if I'm still making rotten decisions.

Rupertpenry, I think you are writing my posts for me . The only thing I can vaguely recommend is Becks Blue, which tastes pretty much like the real thing (not that I have drunk beer for about 25 years), and feels a bit more 'special' than cordial or whatever.

Thomas, yes, small steps. How are you getting on this evening?