Not dry january. But less booze in general. Anyone else?

[Frouby]

I am posting this thread because I really want to reduce the amount of alcohol I drink.

I was going to do dry January but think that is too much for me. And when I do drink again I will revert back to bad habits.

On a normal week I would have 1 or 2 g and ts mon to thurs. Bottle of wine on a friday. Then either a couple of beers or a couple of g and ts on a Saturday night. Nothing on sunday.

Over Christmas (which started for us mid December as we had a holiday) I have drank every day. Never been drunk drunk but 4 or 5 drinks every day.

I feel fat, bloated and lethargic. I want to cut my drinking down to a couple of nights a week. Friday and Saturday. Or thursday and friday. DP also drinks most days (more than me too) and we both need to address our relationship with alcohol.

I didn't drink last night and won't tonight either. And I feel 100% better already. We get married in May and I want to lose weight and improve my health.

Does anyone else want to join this thread for support? I know there is the dry January thread but I will be drinking (probably) 2 days a week so dont want to post on there and knock any penguins off the ice.

Currently drinking ginger ale with loads of ice and contemplating a shower and a cupp of tea later with the last of the Christmas cake (diet starts tomorrow) 😁

frouby that's amazing!
Hello Albaster and aprilivy welcome!
I'm day 2 AF today. Had a night out with my DSis for her birthday on Tuesday but I managed to take it easy although it was a struggle. Was so tempted to just start smashing the wine but instead had a couple of proseccos then a few long, gin based cocktails. I was so thankful for that yesterday when I was fresh! Terrible sleep though. I plan to be AF right through this weekend but have a very stressful wedding on Saturday so I'm going to struggle. May be on here quite a bit! DH is driving which will mean he's not a temptation though. I'm now trying to hold off until my holidays a week on Tuesday. Very optimistic thinking but would make me 14 whole days AF if I can manage it!

frouby i am in awe! Way bigger than I could do. Plus I’d break my nails 😂

Twitching a tad.

Trying to stay busy. Bad, cold weather forecast tomorrow but today is pleasant. I’d stupidly planted seeds a couple of weeks ago that have already germinated, so after supper I might have to go outside and cover all the pots over! Then I want to get some chores done tonight to save doing them over the weekend. Keeping busy.

Wine tomorrow. It really shouldn’t be that hard to just have another 24 hours off it, but that twitch is definitely there 😩

Epic fail here due to another emergency with dd again today. Fml a million times over!!

Been lurking here........hello everyone. This thread really strikes a chord! I could not go totally af.....definitely. I have started to make some changes (this last couple of weeks) Not been buying wine..buying gin! Gin is lower in calories and lasts longer-i need to loose a bit of weight. I now only have 2 gins. Cans of beer-i'll been buying bottles and generally this has reduced my 'thirst' as the bottles are smaller and I would have 3 normally. I have started to have AF nights as I feel rotten and tired the next day. I think I'm peri menopausal and feel a wreck- just more knackered after I've drank as when i wake up hot in the night I start to think about how bad i feel because i have drank...then even more difficult to get back to sleep. I love this thread as I cannot go AF totally...i like drinking a nice cold alcoholic drink! Just need to stop drinking so much. We are doing a house renovation and I have a 3yr old ds. Some days are really hard.

Hello everyone.

I can barely type as I am in such deep distress re DP's latest. But I don't want anyone to think I have just vanished.

Frouby, I love the allotment. You have done such a fantastic job. I used to have one. Very therapeutic.

Wet here, needless to say.

Oh Athena - you know we are all here for you. Really feel for you. Don’t know details, but just for you to be feeling that horrific isn’t good. Can you reassess your situation? Sending mahoosive hugs. X

Thank you Woosey. That is very kind of you (though kindness seems to make me cry even more!) I wish I could give more detail, but it would be too outing. But the fact is that I have proof that he wasn't where he said he was (I don't mean he's having an affair - he isn't: he just edits the truth to give himself the maximum possible enjoyment and the easiest possible life).

The fact that he’s lying to you is utterly painful. Trust is essential to feel that you’re respected and in an equal relationship.
You really don’t need to give details. But you must know we are here for you.
Hey we could ‘chat’ over a bottle of wine!! 😉😂

Welcome Mama I hope you find this thread helpful.

Woosey hugs. I hope your dd is ok. Xx

Athena I don't think your dp is good for you. But you know that. A person can be thoroughly nice and lovely and loveable. But still be a cunt. Been there, done that, got the t shirt. Not got time to type much as dp is wittering in my ear but back soon. Be strong.

Thank you, Woosey and Frouby. The thing is, he has so many good qualities (generous, funny, clever, interesting, charismatic). The complete opposite to XH, who really was a thundercunt. And there is evidently a part of him that loves being in a warm, caring relationship with someone who constantly puts herself out for him. But there’s also a big and selfish part of him that wants to have all the benefits of a quasi marriage (in separate houses), but none of the crap bits. He doesn’t want to involve me in his wider life, although we have been together for three years, and will evidently just lie rather than run the risk of me nagging him about who he’s seeing and what he’s doing. For him, any kind of serious conversation would count as a “crap bit”.

You have my sympathies Athena. It's a horrible place to be. When you are with them it's brilliant. Fun, you feel valued and appreciated, loved and part of a unit.

However once you are not there you might as well not exist. It's as though a switch oa turned off for them. And it's soul destroying.

You know it's not a good relationship or what you want but because ot can be so good you carry on anyway.

You will find the strength one day to end it.

Not dry here. Couple of cans of lager but done now. Meant to say yesterday but check your b and m out for naice soft drinks. I found belvoir rasperry lemonade in 200ml cans for 39p, fentimans cola and an elderberry tonic for 49p and something else but can't remember now.

Apologise for shit spelling too. Am trying to grow my nails for the wedsing and am not good at typing with them yet. Off to paint them now (and file a bit off 😂😂)

Athena it must be very hard being in that situation. I had an exh who was basically a child but manipulating enough to be a total arse. I hope you find the strength to decide how to move forward.
I've been out for a meal....had 1 bottle of beer and now having 1 red wine. Just the one as I am so guilt ridden I can barely enjoy it. Hmmm and I'm climbing a very big hill tomorrow morning early.

Happy Friday all xx

Thank you, Frouby and Mamma.

*When you are with them it's brilliant. Fun, you feel valued and appreciated, loved and part of a unit.

However once you are not there you might as well not exist. It's as though a switch oa turned off for them. And it's soul destroying.

You know it's not a good relationship or what you want but because ot can be so good you carry on anyway*.

That is so, so well put. It says everything I am too tired and incoherent to say today.

At least I am AF, as I feel so shit (absolutely no sleep at all and was horribly wet last night so am also hung over). Small consolation.

^^ Bold fail. Trying to quote Frouby. Goodness knows why it didn't work.

Part of the problem, for me, is that it took so much strength to leave XH and try to keep the cart on the rails for the DC that I have none left at all now. . I'll shut up now.

Athena I'm so sorry, been there got the T shirt twice with charming bastards. The last one moreorless moved in, but would disappear odd weekends with no contact whatsoever. But he was so charming and funny when he was around I was hooked. The doubts eventually became too much and I kicked him out, it hurt for a few months but I really knew he wasn't good for me and so did friends and family. I have had the opportunity of going out with 'nice' guys, but sadly only fall for charming no good ones. I think I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life. I hope you make the right decision. I think you know deep down he isn't right for you and you'd be happier without him.

Congrats on the successes (however partial) and so sorry to hear of the trials you all are going through. Athena, being in a limbo state like that is rotten. I hope your man can manage to get his head on straight (I would have resorted to stronger language, but we've just met :))

My willpower hasn't been particularly strong this week. It's normal, everyday aggravations, but my resilience is a little lacking. I've managed to keep the drinking in some semblance of check since the other day, but it's still not great. I have to work tomorrow, so I'm trying to go to bed early but am enjoying a few drinks til then. It'll have to be a few drinks since I'm running low

Thanks, Anglaise and Aprilivy. There are about 1,000 threads I could start on him and my misery. However, I have said enough and am not going to de-rail this lovely thread.

Aprilivy, I hope you managed to get up ok today!

Mamma, did you climb your hill?!

AF thus far this evening, so Day 2 will be over at some point. For once, I can't be bothered with drinking so am having my 25th cup of tea. I had no sleep at all on Thursday night, so I think I'm still exhausted.

How is everyone else doing?

AF here today . Did have a bit of a wobble earlier but had some rasperry lemonade in a prosecco glass and got over it.

DP out on his stag do and has been since 10am so he is very not AF. And will be irritating and drunk when he comes home. Ds not brilliantly well either. Think he is coming down with something. He is clingy and stroppy and mardy. And most of all he has eaten very little.

Not sure how I feel about my drinking this week. I have had a drink every night except tonight. But the most I have had has been 2 glasses of wine and a can of lager. And I think that was only yesterday.

Am finding AF more difficult than I was. But moderation easier. The last time I was actually drunk was the sunday after my hen and that was only mildly tipsy not drunk drunk.

I just feel a bit stuck in limbo atm. Everything seems to be counting down to the wedding. Am busy, stressy and juggling a million and 1 balls. And the only time I feel as though I can stop is with a glass in my hand.

But tonight is AF. I don't have a hangover from yesterday. Hoping ds is just poorly enough to justify him getting in bed with me and dp can have the sofa or his bed and snore and drool drunkenly to himself all night.

Athena you can talk about your dp on here. I waffle on about all sorts of shite and this thread is for unloading and for support. If you think it will help tell us about him. Even if you don't want to yet the thread police will be booted off if they complain.

I will do my best northern bird kick off.

Oh Frouby, you are a love. And while you may not have been AF (tonight aside), moderation is what we are all aiming for. So if you are making progress on that front, that is brilliant. Think you would definitely be better off sleeping with your DS than your DP tonight.

Today is almost over, so Day 3 will be my next hurdle. I have a family event tomorrow at which alcohol will be on offer. I know already that I will say yes, so my challenge will be not consuming any more once the event is over.

One thing I am quite sure about is that having too much to drink played a role in my problems with DP on Thurs night. I would have been upset if I'd found out what I found out while sober. But being quite drunk (we both were) undoubtedly magnified it.

Oh Athena, sounds likes it’s a mega shite time for you!! You really can chat to us. We are the least judgemental bunch going in my opinion. Sending you strength through a cyber hug.

Frouby..OMG no question....sleep with ds, NOT dp!! 😂😂

Well I’ve pressed the fuck it button way too much recently!! Usually I drink and then fall asleep. Last night. We were away with dc’s in our campervan, and I got blotto!! Had such a stressful week. Dd has had 3 anaphylaxis reactions in 9 days!! It’s been terrifying. It’s hard to talk about Cos I become a mess so I hold it in..then I drink!! Anyway last night when I drunk, my anger all came leaping out and I was verbally bitchy to dh. All the things that annoy me and I don’t say, I let out!! I really got angry with him. Know I was bitter and horrid but wine fuelled it even more. Cross I lost control. I let myself down so much. :(

Morning all.....sorry I am rubbish at remembering names! I am really enjoying thus thread you lot are Lovely!!
Woosey.....stressful week eh.....that feeling of dread the next morning wondering what was said it really is horrid. Hoping you feel better this morning.
Frouby wedding planning is very stressful.....so easy to have a drink. You did so well resisting and having raspberry juice in a proseco glass. I think I need to start doing something like that. Liking the idea if those fruity drinks with lots of ice in a big gin glass.I saw lots of people drinking sexy gins yesterday when I was out so I had a couple last night. Well 3. Could have easily had more but I was good. I definitely think moderation is the way forward. Although a curry tonight so I will have to have a beer or 2. But then that's it....hoping til Friday. I did climb a big hill at 6 am yesterday I feel so much better when I've done excersize and booze definitely hinders motivation....but tastes lush at the time.
Athena maybe 'talking' on here might help you manage your relationship and eventually make changes, whatever they maybe, to be happier.
April hope you are ok this morning? Hi to everyone else x

Woosey, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time. It’s not surprising you were “bitter and horrid” (as you put it) in the circumstances. I think women are somehow expected to keep it all in, jolly everyone else along, make sure everyone else is ok - but something has to give. We all know that drinking makes everything worse, but phases of real, horrible stress and upset are not the time to add guilt about drinking to the equation. Better to get through this, then re-assess. Inhope your DD is ok now. for you both.

Mamma, if you can manage to moderate, you will have found the Holy Grail!!!!

woosey am not surprised you lost it a bit. Your dd is having a horrid time of it. Hope you feel better now.

Poor DP is hanging 😂😂. He got home about 11pm after a 10am start so lots and lots drunk. Surprisingly not absolutely wankered tho. Drunk but have seen him in much worse states.

AF today for me! Yay yay yay! Really tempted earlier to open a bottle of wine to sip while I cooked a roast but had a wine glass of rasperry lemonade instead and told myself if I still wanted wine when I had peeled the veg I would.

Was ok after that. I think sometimes I am genuinely thirsty and want something nice and grown up to drink.

DS is still off it. No temp really but says he has a sore throat and is mardy. He also had a nap earlier which is unheard of. Am keeping him off nursery tomorrow. A quiet day at home might be enough.for him to shake it off.

Am glad I havent drank today. I really do feel better when I don't. If I had drunk half a bottle of wine this afternoon then had a sunday dinner I would be.feeling sleepy, bloated and gulity now.

Just feel bloated and sleepy instead 😂

Mammabear - ‘sexy gins’ , couldn’t have described them better myself!!!!!!!
Athena - lol at you calling moderation ‘the holy grail’!!!!!
Frouby - wow bloody hell....lemonade is a fab step forward!!!!!!!

Another bottle of Pinot down the hatch for me last night. Feel rough today with ibs. Typical if I eat and drink crap!! However am feeling mega anxious about dd and worried about what this week will bring. Makes me feel sick when I think of it all!! If I hear music, I cry!! It’s stupid and I need to pull myself together!! Am not open with others face to face Cos want to remain strong!! Thinking of going to doc for more counselling.
Anyway..yet more wine is chilling in the fridge. However going to start on plain tonic and then hopefully find the holy grail as the evening goes on!!!!!