A bit more background, here.
I divorced exH three years ago due to his treatment of our DC (we have three teenagers - one at university and two still at school). Shortly afterwards, I became romantically involved with another difficult man (um, think there may be a pattern here). Absolutely magnificent in many ways, but also a self-confessed commitment-phobe. Unfortunately, he's also a dealer in fine wines.
I have never been a great drinker (drank very moderately at university and in my early 20s, when I first met DH; then had DC and just wasn't bothered about drinking at all). Since our divorce, though, I have become anxious and depressed (have long suffered from anxiety which has manifested itself in all kinds of ways over the years, and is currently fixated on my current relationship and money worries; I am taking prescribed ADs). That, and the combination of being involved with an international wine trader, means my consumption has somehow slithered into something far beyond normal. I have probably been having about a fifth of a bottle of gin (Tanqueray Export, so the strong stuff) per night. Gin, because it's relatively low calorie and I also have a history of eating problems. Though I've sometimes then just gone on to drink whatever else is available, and sod the calories. Needless to say, this then ends up with me eating crap late at night, because I'm desperate for crisps etc by that point.
I have never passed out or vomited as a result of this kind of consumption, and for some reason have never really had a hangover (if I had, that might have put me off!)
However, I do know I have sent texts to people, which I wouldn't have done while sober, and have made drunk phone calls. 
I have convinced myself that my DC (3 teenagers) don't notice that I've had one too many, but I think I'm almost certainly lying to myself about that.
I realise alcohol makes depression and anxiety worse, so I know that drinking is the last thing I should be doing (even though it takes the edge off it for that blissful half hour or so, before I then can't stop and feel even worse). I also know that if I'm worried about money, an expensive alcohol habit is completely stupid. It's probably costing me about £4-5 per day, which is ridiculous when I go to bed crying about money. I also know that a sure-fire way to torpedo my current relationship is to become anxious, clingy and paranoid - all of which are exacerbated by alcohol. I also know that I don't want my DC to follow my example.
All that said: I don't want to go completely AF. I want to go back to the way I was before, where I could enjoy a glass or two of wine or one G&T with a friend and then stop. When I go and see my DP (he lives in a different city a fair distance from me, so it's by no means every day - more like once a week or so), I want to be able to enjoy a nice bottle with him. I just (just?) need to break out of what has become a habit of drinking excessively at home every night. I have even started to bore myself with the nightly to-ing and fro-ing from gin bottle to glass.
All that said, last night (the second AF night) felt about a million years long. I keep trying to think of the benefits, but I think I need a bit of extra encouragement from MNers who are trying to do the same. I haven't told any RL friends, for sheer embarrassment.