Not dry january. But less booze in general. Anyone else?

[Frouby]

I am posting this thread because I really want to reduce the amount of alcohol I drink.

I was going to do dry January but think that is too much for me. And when I do drink again I will revert back to bad habits.

On a normal week I would have 1 or 2 g and ts mon to thurs. Bottle of wine on a friday. Then either a couple of beers or a couple of g and ts on a Saturday night. Nothing on sunday.

Over Christmas (which started for us mid December as we had a holiday) I have drank every day. Never been drunk drunk but 4 or 5 drinks every day.

I feel fat, bloated and lethargic. I want to cut my drinking down to a couple of nights a week. Friday and Saturday. Or thursday and friday. DP also drinks most days (more than me too) and we both need to address our relationship with alcohol.

I didn't drink last night and won't tonight either. And I feel 100% better already. We get married in May and I want to lose weight and improve my health.

Does anyone else want to join this thread for support? I know there is the dry January thread but I will be drinking (probably) 2 days a week so dont want to post on there and knock any penguins off the ice.

Currently drinking ginger ale with loads of ice and contemplating a shower and a cupp of tea later with the last of the Christmas cake (diet starts tomorrow) 😁

Also, did I mention how in awe I am of how well you all are doing? Whole week (days) full of not drinking an sleeping well, while all this other stuff is going on. You ladies rock it!

Aprilivy- a warm welcome from me!! You really have found the right place to commiserate together about the lack of off switches we have, and hold hands in moving forward with AF days. Everything you say has rung true with us all. The drinking ‘because’ is a definately problem I have. There’s always a reason I can bend the rules for a glass of wine!!
Anyway....welcome!

Aprilivy welcome from me too. I'm really boring and drink the recommended units a week, which is one bottle of wine but I'm older than a lot of posters here, the menopause makes sleeping difficult enough without adding alcohol into the equation too. I'm a single with my kids so don't have the temptation of drinking with an OH every evening (been there, done that!) and I live in France where you are considered an alcoholic if you drink in the week at home, if you drink alone and if you are a woman if you drink more than 2 drinks during a social event (lunch, dinner, apéro). I'm quite shocked at how much British women drink now, although I used to do it myself when I lived there (and enjoyed it...although less so the hangovers and weight gain)

Welcome from me too, Aprilivy. No compulsion to post - but if you can get something out of all our woes, that is great. I am sadly not really in the 'days full of not drinking' camp, and have yet to work out how to sleep properly without a drink, but even odd AF days are better than none (which is what it was before).

Woosey, you have far too much going on at the moment to worry about AF.

Last night was a mixture of failure and success. Failure in that I polished off the remainder of a bottle of wine (probably a bit less than a third of a bottle). So that was bad. Then I set off for Book Club (hosted last night by a friend who doesn't drink for religious reasons, so I knew there would be nothing on offer there). I had to walk past a Spar and a Co-Op, and was sorely tempted to go in and buy gin and crisps. In fact, I kept playing two different scenarios out in my head: 1. I keep walking, go to Book Club, and return sober, or 2. I buy gin, drink swig it in the bathroom at Book Club, feel instantly better, then return home and feel much worse (and will wake at 3 AM with Beer Fear). It was a weird walk - I had a good mile or so of playing the scenarios out in my mind. It was almost like watching two people do different things in a TV play or something. In the end, I just kept walking. So while I wasn't AF, I didn't go any further. I am glad today.

^Meant to say that the wine consumption was brought about because I found something out about DP via a friend. Nothing major, but something he (evidently deliberately) omitted to mention. This made me very upset...

Welcome Aprilivy. I hope you do post, more the merrier in here. And we are sometimes too merry but keep trying really hard.

Not AF last night. Ds was continuing with being a wee shite theme in his swimming lesson. After 20 minutes of me saying 'Ds you should be kicking your legs, stop riding the waddle like a pony' etc etc etc he was on his final warning 3 times before I removed him kicking and screaming from the pool.

Huge tantrum and a stand off in the.changing room which I finally won and I came home and tipped the rest of the bottle of wine into my huge oversized glass and glugged it down. I then had a 440ml can of lager but restrained myself from opening more wine.

I feel really fat and bloated atm. Which isn't brilliant considering I get.married in 3.5 weeks 😮😮. Need to stay off lager and wine.

However tonight is dds parents evening which will take hours. And will be stressful.

But I need to be strong. Had an awful nights sleep again full of weird dreams. And tomorrow I am off to the Bobbi Brown make up counter for bridal make up whatever the fuck that is. And take my mam shopping for her MOB outfit. Which will be almost as bad as taking dd bridesmaid shoe shopping. I also need wedding shoes and hair accessories for dd and me.

So am hoping to be AF tonight. Or if I do have a drink stick to 1 g and t at least.

One is usually enough to take the edge.off the day. Especially if it is 1 bottle of wine.

Thanks for the welcome, folks!

I'm currently sipping some coffee and rueing last night's indulgence. Well, at least the last hour or two of it. I have a day off today, so I was planning on cutting loose a little, but I also want to get stuff done.

Athena, I really like your description of the inner conflict. Just having that discussion with yourself is a huge win in my book. I usually think about drinking or not during the day, but by the time I've had a couple the deliberation goes out the window, particularly if I'm heading to book club! Keeping the pros and cons in mind throughout the evening is a big part of figuring out when to say no, as you did last night.

Have any of you experimented with a piece of jewelry or other memento to remind you to slow down when you're in your cups? I had a friend in college who would wear a "munchie charm" so she'd be prompted to not overindulge during our late night sessions. I've tried with a bracelet, but I can't seem to wear it regularly enough to make a difference.

Just saw your message, Frouby. I applaud your effort during this stressful time. It seems like you're striking a good balance between restraining yourself (and seeing the benefits thereof,) and having a bit to take the edge off without going overboard.

Athena - the ‘scenario’ is how I live my life too!! Constantly deliberating!! I think you did fab to walk past two shops!! Especially after having bad news. 🌷
Frouby - wow today deffo sounds a stressful one. As does arranging a wedding and others clothing!! Hope parents eve goes well. I hate going to them!! Like pulling teeth half the time!!

I had two hospital appointments for my dd’s today!! Had really horrid news about dd2 and then had to go to dd1’s appointment which was just a clinic app, and act as if I was giving it my all!! While Dh and dd2 finished dd2’s appointment. Apparently dh lost it a little after id gone. Have come home and thrown supermarket pizzas in oven for both girls. Dd1 moaned about the pizza being the wrong one etc etc blah blah!! It’s a bloody pizza!! After the day we’ve all had I’m surprised I’ve stayed off the vino!! Going to Zumba this eve in order to delay the alcohol intake but have every intention of NOT having an off switch tonight and have pencilled in a hangover for tomorrow!!!!!!

Not dry but more damp than soaking. 2 small glasses of wine.

Parents evening was interesting. Dd is ultra bright. Despite going to very average schools she is on target to get 7s and 8s in her gcses. However every teacher (apart from French and Maths) have said she really needs to improve her essay writing skills and her confidence. When she is working to a deadline she struggles to get the information down on paper. Because she is so intent on answering every question perfectly she may answer 60% of the questions 100% perfectly but obviously is limiting the amount of marks she is picking up.

She is also really struggling with her confidence and self belief. I would rather she be working at a lower level but be confident and believe in herself.

Then have had a snarky txt from my best friend. Saying everything is fine, thought you might possibly be interested. Best friend has been in a relationship for the last 3 years with a heroin addict. I have distanced myself. Because no matter what I said or what support I offered for her to leave him (or kick him out). Have enough on atm without anyone elses problems. And am the least Bridezilla person I know but she has not offered to help, show an interest in or even ask about the wedding planning. She came to my hen, left after 2 hours and I hardly spoke to her. Even my dsis commented on her lack of enthusiasm.

Sigh. I don't know what to do or say to her. Am really cross and pissed off and a bit hurt. She is a witness too so involved in the wedding party.

So as usual have resorted to wine. 2 glasses so not a bender. But not dry either.

How's everyone else doing?

Frouby, blimey. DC are not easy. I have just iMessaged one of mine with some home truths which will not go down well. As a result, gin has been consumed (no DC here tonight). DP doesn't help. I can't say too much as it would be outing, but he has not responded to any of my little nudges for him to tell me what my friend told me. He would be a thread unto himself, though it would invariably end with "LTB". As for friends... But honestly, your wedding will be lovely. You certainly deserve it to be. x

Woosey, what it is with kids and food (or everything)? Wrong pizza, wrong effing everything. Add any kind of SN to the mix (my DC1 has Asperger's, so I've been round the block - it killed off my marriage), and FML is the only answer.

Aprilivy, that's an interesting idea. I will investigate further.

Here, it has been a spectacular fail as I had to walk home from work via Tesco and knew I wouldn't have the DC tonight so bought Tanqueray Export on special offer. Sigh. DP has much to answer for, I think. One day, when I am feeling stronger, I will ask the MN Jury what to do about him.

Further thoughts, Frouby. Nothing useful, needless to say, but I think things are, weirdly, harder for girls. I have one doing GCSE this year. His take on it is that he is bound to get a string of 9s/A*s. He certainly has the ability, but no idea whether he has put in the effort. Either way, the thing that strikes me is that boys seem to think that top grades are their birthright, regardless of how much work they put in, whereas girls are more likely to worry whilst putting in all the relevant work (and, arguably, more than that).

Frouby - parent eve is horrid. My ds made my life hell with parents eve in the form of being difficult and abrasive at school. Dd1 is the opposite and the staff are concerned as she’s so vulnerable and has no confidence. Either way it’s a worry isn’t it.
As for your friend..I hate to say this..but this is your special time. Your special day is looming. It’s about your family and your future. Focus on that lovely....your friend seems to be draining. I’m so sorry she’s not in it with you and living the excitement. So tricky. You deserve a lovely day.

Athena - so sorry you’re going through shit re dp. Life can be shit sometimes. You seem to be doing an amazing time with your kids, work and managing in general despite shit being thrown at you. 🌷

I’m not damp, wet.....I’m soaked!! Had such an emotionally awful day. Dd has a neuro muscular disorder but no one can put a name to it. They just say it doesn’t matter about a name, the treatment is the same. But it DOES matter. I want a name, I want to know what’s wrong and have a plan to move forward. I can then accept. In the meantime I’m left frustrated. I look at my poor dd who’s struggling. We have no support. Sorry frustrating rant over. Finished my Pinot and not feeling any better....obviously!!

Morning all.

Just wanted to share my failure with you. I was so very unhappy last night (re relationship and children) that I caved in and bought a bottle of gin. I didn't drink the whole thing, obviously, but I shouldn't have had any at all. I now feel unhappy and fuzzy headed as well, as I knew I would.

But anyway. I am going to have to resist the temptation to go back to bed and wallow in self pity.

Woosey, you really do have things to worry about. I am so sorry to hear about your DD. It's so awful when there's something wrong with one of your children, and it must be all the more so when you haven't got a name for it.

Athena . You will have to tell us about your dp one day. Then we can all raise a toast of cheap wine to you ltb.

woosey that must be so difficult for you all. Your poor dd. for you cos you will work it off in a class later. My little niece has epilepsy and had several life threatening seizures before they formally diagnosed her and although we knew what it was it was a relief to get that diagnosis and subsequent treatment.

I do think it is harder for girls. And especially bright girls. Dd puts so much pressure on herself and is very literal. So if a piece of work says 'expand on the following statement using x, y and z' she expands it using x, y and z but excessively so. Or if she struggles with something it forever becomes an issue. I remember when she was tiny, maybe 5 or 6 and we got her school report with an ABC format for each area. All As apart from one sub section on PE which had a B for 'throwing and catching a ball'.

She was so upset with that 1 B and spent ages practising at home throwing and catching a bloody ball. And still says now 'I am rubbish at PE, I couldn't throw and catch a ball until I was 7'.

I need to do something before she gets to her main exams. Am going to look for a tutor to work on her essay style questions. And need her to believe in herself which is slightly trickier to do.

Have sent a text to my mate too. Just asking if she is ok. Am not apologising for not being in touch though. She knows she can call me whenever and I never know what shift she is on so don't like ringing her.

Probably finish the wine I opened yesterday off. Got The Shopping Trip From Hell today. My mum is an awkward sod, got to have make up done and try and finish off the last few bits of wedding shopping.

Will need bloody wine by IV drip I reckon.

Hi all. Been following the thread with interest and enjoyment. This would make a great drama on TV
Seriously though, im sorry Woosey, Athena for your troubles. I'd be hitting the bottle big time myself. Everyone has their reasons don't they and Frouby you have so much going on as well.
Talking of GCSEs, both ds and dd did very little work at home for them. Ds pretended he was revising and dd didn't even bother pretending and did fuck all at home. Just as well they did a lot of revision at school because both of them got excellent results. I was none the wiser when ds was doing his but dd drove me nuts at the time with her lack of effort. I was a regular poster on the teen threads then.
I've been a bit up and down with the drinking. Did 5 nights AF, including a Friday night, the week before last. 3 nights AF last week but some nights only had half a glass when I did drink. However, pretty anxious atm so last night was scrabbling around in the cupboard for anything to drink. Even poured myself a sherry because that's all we had in, apart from gin which I don't like. But I didn't drink it!
I definitely am drinking less, which is a good thing but because I don't drink a lot anyway, my anxiety is just the same whether I abstain or not.
Best wishes to you all

Hello. Any room for a small penguin?

I did dry jan several years running (and remember you frouby from there) but I found 2017s tough and didn’t attempt 2018.
Why? Because overall I need to cut down, not just ditch it for a month. DJ does not reset any habits for me and never has.

I’ve always drunk, most days of the week, to a lesser or greater extent. It’s just a terrible habit. But since 40 things have changed. I can no longer brush it off the next morning, my sleep is appalling, my energy levels are suffering, and I’m starting to LOOK like a drinker - sallow and red skin in the creases of my nose. I’m struggling to loose weight. And above all else my tolerance is through the roof. I used to drink a glass a night and be happy, but last year or more I can drink a bottle and it doesn’t feel anything like sloshed, it just rounds the edges. It’s costing me a fortune I don’t have. I carb eat the next day to compensate. I don’t read at night I just hit the pillow. I’m sure I must stink of booze the next day. And there have been a few situations where I’ve had stress at work, drank that night ‘to relax’ then the next day the stress situation feels way worse, so it’s affecting me mentally too. It’s just got to stop.

All I want is not to drink mon-thurs. I just want to feel sharp and rested and not find these constant excuses as to why it’s okay to do this. I want to look forward to a glass at the weekend rather than it just being another night.

I easily have a dry night on Mondays, that’s not an issue. Tuesdays I’m already saying ‘well I was good last night so....’. So if I fail Tuesdays I’m usually good Wednesday (dry as a bone tonight) then by Thursday it’s ‘well, it’s ALMOST the weekend and I was good last night’ - and when I write it like that in context it’s just stupid. I use it as a reward or as a stress relief.

The nights I don’t drink I am genuinely okay - I tend to know I won’t be drinking that night so I hydrate well during the day and don’t replace or compensate. I did enough ‘substitutes’ during dry jans and ended up just drawing my own attention to still needing ‘special’ drinks so now I just have fizzy water or squash and I’m fine with that.

But still a 1 or 2 / 7 isn’t okay. I need it to be 4 or 5 / 7.

So tonight I’m okay, but tomorrow I might be wanting a wobble, so I may well be around for some support?

Have read the whole thread. Think being here might be just what I need.

Hello Albaster! I do remember you from dry january, I really struggled with it too. This is a lovely thread for support and encouragement. And like you say dry jan is good but not enough.

Shopping trip went surprisingly well. Loved my bridal make up and spent far too much on it all. About £170. Gulp. But it will last me at least a year and I wont buy anything else until it needs replacing. Its Bobbi Brown stuff so really lovely.

Also found my mum an outfit. She has ended up with a lilac trouser suit which really suits her. And my dsis found a few outfits she liked but couldn't decide so is going back next week.

Not quite dry as expected. Took the dcs out for tea and had 2 halves of lager. Happy with those and switched to tea when I got home. So not ideal. But not a disaster either.

As of Saturday it's 3 weeks to the wedding. I want 3 weeks of 4 dry days a week. Possibly more. Lots to do still plus usual work/house/business/ponies/allotment/pets so want to be bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Plus my lovely new make up deserves to be on peachy perfect skin not a puffy bloated face.

Alabaster hi and welcome - what you wrote is exactly where I was 8 months ago, except for the fact I'm 10 years older and had just hit the menopause which made sleeping even worse. I decided to cut down drastically from my 6 bottle a week habit ton one bottle over the weekend. I never drink in the week now, and never more than 2 glasses of wine in one evening when I do drink.
I don't make excuses to drink any more like I used to - I've had a good work out I deserve one, I've had a tough day I need one, my life sucks a drink will make it better...well it doesn't, you cope less well with everything if you are pissed, hungover, tired, irritable - which you inevitably are if you drink every evening. It makes things better for maybe 5 mins after the first glass then it is a downwards slope. I was less able to cope with problems and anxiety in my life. I was bad tempered and counting down to the evening when I could have my next drink. I was dependent.
I didn't want to set a bad example to my kids either, who are old enough to realise that their mum drank wine every night and their friends parents didn't - was that normal? No most people don't drink every night.
So I stopped the habit, kept busy at the usual 7pm wine o'clock time, mostly by doing even more sport than I did previously. It is now a habit NOT to drink in the week. I sleep better, run faster, have better skin, shout at the kids less, am 5kg lighter and save 80€ a month. Good luck 🤞

Evening all,

I have been keeping a low profile today, as ashamed to see I had forgotten that I blethered last night on here about my epic fail. .

Felt awful all day. Why do I do this? Why don't I remember how bad it makes me feel? DP is, as I have said, several threads unto himself. I know LTB is the only real solution. At least I will have you lot to hold my hand if I ever get to that stage. Otherwise, yesterday was made hideous by the fact that I was trying (and failing) to broker some kind of peace treaty between DC1 and 2, who cordially loathe one another.

Anyway, I'm glad your shopping went ok, Frouby. Can't believe the wedding is so close now. It seemed ages away in January... Interesting to read about your DD. Mine (same age) is at the moment in a 'can't be bothered' phase. Sigh. The GCSE one is of course bursting with confidence in the way that boys so often are.

Alabaster, welcome from me too. This is the nicest, most supportive thread (though you will know that, as you have RTFT). I for one could have written your post myself. I drink to console myself, and to celebrate. And just because it's a very bad habit. I am by no means out of the woods, but I think it's true that I am overall drinking less since Frouby started this thread. Not that 'less' is 'normal' by most people's standards. I for one struggle to stop once I've started. If I can get through the evening, the battle is normally won. But for some reason, I get stuck after two nights. Tonight was easy because I felt so lousy. But tomorrow will be wet, as I am meeting a friend. If I could do as well as PinkCoat, I would be very pleased with myself.

Hi frouby and thank you anglaise for writing that. It’s certainly inspirational as that’s how I want to be.

I know it’s been said through this thread but it’s very much the curse of the witching hour. It’s that time in the kitchen that does me! 5-7. I can’t avoid the kitchen because that’s cooking and packed lunches and homework time, but I’d love to be just not thinking about it!

Also wine o’clock has been slipping too. For years I remember it was 6.45 and we ate at 7. Now with young kids we eat at 6, so wine o’clock moved to 5.30. Then 5. Not okay.

frouby are you going away after the wedding? I do look forward to gardening in the warmer evenings too, after supper. Not quite sure I’m brave enough for an allotment though!

Albaster we can't afford to go away sadly. Can't take dd out of school as we had a sneaky week away before Christmas but are hoping to go away in December again.

The allotment is brilliant but hard work. I took it on for ds who needs as much outside time as possible and also to try and get dp to drink a bit less.

Problem is gardening makes you thirsty 🤣.

It's hard work but rewarding.

We took it on may last year and it was 6ft high in nettles, brambles and junk.

And it now looks like this. Backbreaking but rewarding.

Oh wow frouby, that’s absolutely incredible!! You’ve done amazing work!!

Thanks woosey it's very much still a work in progress. We are building a chicken run and house and will have a polytunnel next year too.

It's been brilliant for DP. We have ponies too and while he is interested enough to come to shows and will occasionally come and watch the dcs ride it really isnt his thing.

Pre ds we were out every weekend as dd went to her dads friday to sunday eow. Once we had ds all that stopped and he didnt really have any hobbies. He used to potter around the old garden with me but when we moved we only had a tiny one. So stuck my name down on the waiting list and took it on May last year.

He loves it. Still very gung ho about planting stuff. Wants to squirt weedkiller on everything and generally go in like a bulldozer. But it keeps him off the lager on a weekend until teatime if we are up there and busy. He drinks when he is bored like me so keeping him busy is good.

The plot is bang opposite a pub tho so we have been known to have a swift half before coming home. Then a few cans when he gets in. But it's less than he would have had plus the physical exercise. He had a heart attack 2 years ago so although he is a builder and strong as a bull, digging amd weeding is better aerobically.

Ds also loves it and it tires him out a bit. The ponies are good but because obviously he has to behave around them there is much opportunity for him to razz around. On the plot he can dig, and hunt for creatures and he loves harvesting what we have grown and looking after his strawberry beds.

It's been really positive for all of us. Hard work and we have spent quite a bit so far on timber and a shed and so on but less than we would have sat outside the pub all last summer.

I really would recommend anyone who is interested in gardening at all even if you know nothing much about growing veg like us to consider getting your name down. There is a real mix of folk on our plot. From families like us to the older generation (who know lots and usually more than willing to share their knowledge whether you want it or not!) to younger folk.

DPs big dream is a solar powered fridge for the shed to keep some beer in tho. Which isn't going to happen but a boy can dream.

It would have wine and tonic in .