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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Im having my baby adopted....is it the right thing to do?

203 replies

changedid · 17/08/2008 21:21

I've just found out that I'm 18 weeks pregnant. I didnt know until now as Im still breastfeeding DD and wasnt having any periods anyway. I also have a DS who is 2.
I know in my heart that I wont be able to cope with another child. I have decided that adoption is my only option. I have spoken to my GP who told me to go away and think and come back next week for a chat to discuss my options. I dont see I have any other option.
Im not sure how other people will react to it though....i will be pregnant and not have a baby at the end of it. How do i explain that to people? My DP is upset but agrees that it is the best thing to do. can anyone understand my position? Will everyone think badly of me?

OP posts:
imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 05/11/2008 18:30

That has really made my day.

well done you!

lamamma · 05/11/2008 18:42

You are one brave lady.

Good luck with the birth and hope you all have a wonderful life together...

KatieMorag · 23/11/2008 19:10

How are you feeling now, Changedid?

audley · 20/12/2008 14:38

Hi changedid, don't know where to start other than to send big hugs to you and your family.
I had my first dd adopted, I was 18 and thought she would have a better life with a proper stable mummy and daddy. I wanted her to go straight to them after she was born but she was fostered for 6 weeks first. Her parents were not told about her until she was born in case she had any disabilities. She stayed in hospital with me for 3 days but I chose not to see her for 24 hours, which helped me cope. I visited her often in foster care though. I was very certain of my decision but still had severe depression for 7 years afterwards, so that may be worth thinking about. What ever you decide you will probably need some extra support anyway.
Having her changed my life and who I am.
I am fortunate that she went to the best family I could have dreamed of for her and we are in contact, but, I think she is still sorely affected by the fact she is adopted, despite her wonderful family.
There are no easy answers here. Must say though that I have had very few negative comments about my decision despite being quite open about it so lots of people know.

audley · 20/12/2008 14:40

Just read through and see that you've decided to keep your baby, I must say I am delighted for you. Well done and best of luck

Original poster
Changedid · 27/12/2008 15:40

I just thought I would post an update for anyone who may be interested.

I had my baby boy on Christmas Eve. He was 3 weeks early so quite small, 6lb 2oz, but absolutely beautiful with a shock of black hair. We have decided to name him Reuben.
The delivery was very quick and I only just got to the hospital on time.

He is breastfeeding brilliantly up to now and so we were able to bring him home last night.
Everything has worked out well considering everything we went through at the beginning of the pregnancy. Although when I look at him I have waves of guilt. For what could have been. What a dark place I must have been in at that time. I feel I have come out of the other side but I'm reluctant to think it's over.....my midwife has told me I am a prime candidate for PND again. I have had a psych referral by the hospital and am expecting an appointment soon.

Thankyou so much everyone who posted....words fail me.

OP posts:
georgimama · 27/12/2008 15:43

Changedid I am so very happy for you.

Reach out for whatever help you need and if you feel you are not getting enough demand more - loudly. The fact that you know you are a prime candidate for PND means you are expecting it and hopefully can get help in advance.

ilovelovemydog · 27/12/2008 15:46

...

GreenMonkies · 27/12/2008 15:47

What a lovely end to this story, I hope you get loads of support and enjoy your new baby boy!

ThingOne · 27/12/2008 15:47

What a lovely post changedid. I am so happy for you. I hope you get the help you need with the possible PND.

LadyOfWaffle · 27/12/2008 15:49

Congratuations

GivePeasAChance · 27/12/2008 15:49

I read your thread with interest, unable to post because I would have been too biased.

It is so wonderful you have made it to this point. Who knows what tomorrow brings, but you have the strength to deal with anything. Such massive congratulations to your family on the safe arrival of Reuben

NAB3hundredChristmaslights · 27/12/2008 15:53

I am so happy. What a lovely name and great about the hair.

You are amazing.! After today, do not give what you planned to do another thought. That was then and this is now.

Enjoy your lovely new baby.

ShinyPinkShoes · 27/12/2008 15:53

What lovely news I wondered how you were getting on.

pantomimEDAMe · 27/12/2008 15:56

changedid, what lovely news! Congratulations on the birth of Reuben.

LiffeyanFiaRua · 27/12/2008 15:58

Brilliant news, I'm so glad Reuben is with you. Looks like the health professionals will be keeping an eye on you and hopefully if you do get pnd they'll be able to look after you really well.

Good luck. I posted at the beginning of this thread as longlivecuckoo. so it's lovely to come back to the thread and read that your baby is with you.

Original poster
Changedid · 27/12/2008 15:59

Thankyou so much for all your kind words.
I often think how different this situation could have turned out. It makes my heart sink. I know that I have to look to the future and not think about what I very nearly did. I honestly think that without people on Mumsnet I would not have faced up to my depression and sought help when I did.

OP posts:
TheInvisibleManDidItWithSanta · 27/12/2008 16:02

Congratualtions

Hallo to little Reuben.

georgimama · 27/12/2008 16:07

What you nearly did is completely irrelevant, there is nothing for you to feel any guilt over whatsoever. Please keep posting here for support - join a newborns thread for an online post natal group - I wish I had known about MN when DS was first born.

whoingodsnameami · 27/12/2008 16:09

Happy new year to you all

Ooooh, I feel all warm inside

pantomimEDAMe · 27/12/2008 16:11

I'm delighted that you got the help you needed and the future is looking so much brighter than you believed. You made that happen, so be proud!

roomforthree · 27/12/2008 16:14

Congratulations

wheresthehamster · 27/12/2008 16:28

What a lovely story.

I've just read from start to finish and have been sobbing since you mentioned buying a cot.

Congratulations!

Amapoleon · 27/12/2008 16:44

What a lovely, happy ending! Congratulations!

Kristingle · 27/12/2008 16:50

Congratulations Changedid and family and welcome baby Reuben