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Adoption

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Original poster

Im having my baby adopted....is it the right thing to do?

203 replies

changedid · 17/08/2008 21:21

I've just found out that I'm 18 weeks pregnant. I didnt know until now as Im still breastfeeding DD and wasnt having any periods anyway. I also have a DS who is 2.
I know in my heart that I wont be able to cope with another child. I have decided that adoption is my only option. I have spoken to my GP who told me to go away and think and come back next week for a chat to discuss my options. I dont see I have any other option.
Im not sure how other people will react to it though....i will be pregnant and not have a baby at the end of it. How do i explain that to people? My DP is upset but agrees that it is the best thing to do. can anyone understand my position? Will everyone think badly of me?

OP posts:
idontbelieveit · 27/12/2008 17:05

Congratulations Changedid. So glad things are working out for you.

ChristmasPresence · 27/12/2008 17:24

Congratulations, how fantastic for you . However down you were at the time, I still think you were being very courageous and sensible - putting all of your children before yourself is something to be very proud of.

Time to celebrate now - lots of love to baby Reuben and your whole family xx

Zebraa · 27/12/2008 17:35

Congratulations!!!! What a lovely name too.

Milliways · 27/12/2008 17:57

Congratulations!

hertsnessex · 27/12/2008 18:03

HUGE congratulations! xx

mumoverseas · 27/12/2008 18:34

congratulations changedid, so glad you decided to keep him. He sounds gorgeous and I hope you treasure him. I'm expecting a boy in around 6 weeks and I can't wait to meet him. hugs to you all xxxxx

mousymum · 29/12/2008 09:52

HI I was just going to leave you a message and then realised you had had your baby, congratulations!.I had a 2 year old and a 15 month old when I had my 3rd baby, and the first year is incredibly difficult with the amount of practical stuff you have to do.I wished during my 3rd pregnancy near the end when I was tired and things were very tiring that I wasn't having the baby,and I said it out loud,and felt guilty after she was born,but its just extreme tiredness that makes you think these things.You will need help from your partner during first year especially with shopping.My youngest is 6 now and a much loved and adorable little girl.Things will get easier,but remember these r early days so be kind to yourself.All that matters now is that you love Reuben,so no guilt.look after yourself.

ninedragons · 29/12/2008 10:10

How lovely!

Try not to get hung up on what could have been. As with everything in life, what could have been is irrelevant; it's what actually happened that matters.

Enjoy your little son!

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 10:14

Oh this is excellent

Fwiw I posted a couple of years ago about having my baby adopted.

I kept him, he is the light of my life...along with his big brother of course

I'm really glad we both changed our minds! Best wishes to you all xxx

hayley2u · 29/12/2008 10:32

changed i have nly just read your blog. congratulations and it is so lovely for you. just shows what depression can do, i had it with both of my two pregnancies, congratulations again x

Squiffy · 30/12/2008 09:31

many congratulations.

Just lay off the guilt, eh? You went through hell because you were being protective of your family, that lioness attitude comes in many guises. Your little boy is lucky to have you as a mum. Enjoy your family and - if you ever need it - lean on the support you know is there.

orangehead · 30/12/2008 10:01

I wouldnt think badly of you, but have respect and think you very brave.
Like others have said it is only you and your husband who can make this decision. But please get lots of support and remember you dont have to make decisions now. I was suffering from pnd when I find out I was pregnant again, as the pregnacy progresses so did the depression, infact I think I had some sort of breakdown. I felt totally unattached to the baby and felt I could just give him away the moment he was born. But the moment he was born the instincts kicked in, I latched him on for a feed and the feelings I had of giving him away were a very distant memory. Funnily enough the depression lifted almost immediately when I gave birth despite the fact that my husband had just left. I know this doesnt work like this for everyone, but you just dont know how you will feel. So give yourself a break, gather info, get support dont worry what people will think and try and relax and dont make an absolute decision in your head. Sending you hugs

Squiffy · 30/12/2008 10:30

Orangehead.... read the full thread. It has moved on. With v happy ending.

lovelysongbirdie · 07/01/2009 10:51

congratulations
wishing you all the best

didoreth · 07/01/2009 20:50

Congratulations changedid!
I remember reading this thread back in August, didn't post as others had already said everything. I'm so happy to read your news, and wish you all the best.

princessmel · 07/01/2009 20:54

Wow what a lovely happy ending to this thread

Congratulations changedid

I am very happy for you and your family

BEAUTlFUL · 07/01/2009 21:19

I think it's a Sign that Reuben was born 3 weeks early, on Christmas eve. He might be your angel, sent to help you. I might just be writing sentimental tosh, of course! But I don't know... something about the date feels very special.

Anyway, congratulations!

noonki · 07/01/2009 21:32

oh I am so happy for you, I remember your thread and was so feeling for you then.

Goodluck with the two and congratulations what a strong person you are

Smine · 07/01/2009 22:07

I agree with everything that is being said here.
Try finding other people who have gone through with adoption, as they are the one's that can tell you what to expect. What I mean is how they felt a few years on. You may struggle for a few years, but that's out of a life time.
You say you don't feel the same since before having DC. You may find a lot of women feel that. HANDS UP I'M ONE OF THEM.
Try going back on med's if you feel you need them.
Regardless of what others think, your decisions must be based on you and your family.
Good luck, Thinking of you and in full support.

Smine · 07/01/2009 22:11

Sorry posted without looking at date and reading posts to end.
Congratulations

SimpleAsABC · 09/01/2009 23:27

Congrats. Sending you wishes of happiness and hugs x

1dilemma · 09/01/2009 23:44

congratulations I'm so glad this is going well for you, look after yourself too.

LuJay · 02/04/2009 13:32

Changedid, please listen to what i have to say and please don't take it as a personal attack on your morals or your character in any way. I'm sure you are struggling with this, but you have the potential to decide right now, who you are and who you will be in the future. I am an adoptee and this is only my opinion, but i feel i am qualified to give it.
Please don't give your baby away, you will regret this until the day you die, whether or not you choose to admit it to yourself or to anyone else. Your child will also regret this until the day they die, whether they admit it to themselves or to anyone else. There will always be a part of your child that asks, why did my parents not want me, why did they give me away? There will be abandonement issues on both parts. There will always be a part of you who cries for your lost child and asks why did i do it, could we have gotten by? This child is YOUR flesh and blood, YOUR child. I understand your situation with the pnd, not through experience of my own, but through the experience of my sister and i know that this is a really tough issue. BUT, i think giving up your baby will be worse for your mental state than the stress of keeping an unplanned child. This is a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Please think carefully, this is NOT all about you and what you can handle. In my opinion, if there is any way on god's earth that you can keep this baby, then you should do it.

bran · 02/04/2009 13:34

Umm, LuJay, perhaps you should read the thread and not just the OP.

thelionmummy · 02/04/2009 13:44

ahh, how nice - you kept your little boy Really happy for you. For those mummies who can't - they have my utomost respect.