Any Birth Parents want to talk and support each other?

[darkriver19886]

I had a look around the different forums but, this seems the most appropriate place. In the absence of outward support (been six months since After Adoption shutdown) looking to turn to other birth parents who are wanting to support each other positively.

This thread can be a basic chat, a check-in or whatever you desire. I just don't want to be a thread bashing social services or adopters.

Hi everyone, I am new here but I am hoping for some sort of advice / guidance....

I am in the process of finding my sister who was adopted at a very young age, we only share the same father.

I am working with an intermediary agency in terms of trying to make contact and so far they have been a great help, I started the search last year in July.

Today I have had an email saying that a social worker will visit my sister and he family to tell her that I have been looking for her etc.

However I am now worried as to why children’s services/ social services are still involved as she is now 19..

Is this normal for them to be involved still considering she was adopted and not fostered ?

I have so much worry that maybe there are problems with her home life, that something isn’t right or that she’s just really unhappy..

If anyone could advise on this I would be ever so great full.

Thank you in advance

Hi @cakey101 as a birth parent of a child under 18 i am probably not best placed to answer this but at a guess I would say it was probably the local authority who was the adoption agency and they would be the ones who would support your sister with contact should she wish to have it and would support it what she feels is appropriate.

And whilst social services wouldn’t be involved in her day to day life- they would probably be the first point of contact for an intermediary to try to establish contact.

You may find it more helpful to start your own thread and get advise from adoptive parents as they may have experience of this.

Thank you, I have now made a new thread.

Apologies I am new to this forum so still finding my feet.

Hello. I've read this entire thread. I just wanted to let you both know that you are cared for. I always find it strange that we care so much about children but once those children grow up, society is done with them. I'm sorry you were not treated better as children yourselves. You deserved better. It's hard being a parent -- and ten times harder if you've suffered trauma and abuse and have no support, so not too surprising that things did not go well for you as parents.

Anyway, I hope what I said is not offensive in some way that I didn't anticipate. Just sending love and care your way. Here's to a healthy, stable, happy 2020.

@NotALurker2 thank you for your support it is appreciated. I just hope that my son will one day see that by losing him I was able to access the support and services I desperately needed and that I did get my life on track. It was a very heavy price to pay and a heart break I live with daily but one day i hope he will be able to say “yes she’s my birth mum, she messed up badly, but I’m proud of her and how she rebuilt her life BECAUSE of ME ” I hope my son will know he was the reason, the motivation and always will be.

@darkriver19886 hope you are doing ok. My weeks been very full on but productive. Time seems to be passing so fast.

bumping for @xrosiex

Thank you @Ted27

Hello everyone, I am Rosie.

Birth mum to two girls ages 7 and 9.
They were adopted in 2014 and I have had no contact since with them since.

I am struggling immensely right now and would appreciate any support / advice anybody can give me.

I miss my children so so much and for the last 5 years it’s as though the world has kept moving and I have been stood still.
I don’t know how to let them go.
I don’t know how to accept they have new parents now.
I just don’t know how to live without them.
I survive and get through the days yes but I feel a massive amount of loss and a physical ache in my chest that just seems to worsen with time, rather than get better.

Who ever said time is a healer?

Bump

Rosie, I have no answers for you but do understand and I know others here will do. Sending you my sympathies.

Hello Rosie.

I am also a birth mum to a son who is almost 10 now. I had intensive therapy which has helped me to accept and move forwards from the place I was at in my life when my son was taken into care and subsequently placed for adoption. I recognise that the decision which was made was in his best interests and also mine as well. For a long time I worked hard to better myself for my son, but eventually I accepted that I couldn’t do it for him, because the foundation of making him proud was not a stable one- at 18/21/30 whenever he could turn round and say he wants nothing to do with me. He has loving caring parents and he doesn’t need or want any contact so my focus changed and it became about making myself happy and doing well for myself with the hope that in the process of that should he wish for me to be a part of his life that it would make him proud of me.