Any Birth Parents want to talk and support each other?

[darkriver19886]

I had a look around the different forums but, this seems the most appropriate place. In the absence of outward support (been six months since After Adoption shutdown) looking to turn to other birth parents who are wanting to support each other positively.

This thread can be a basic chat, a check-in or whatever you desire. I just don't want to be a thread bashing social services or adopters.

I can imagine, I would be annoyed as well. Have a nice time with your boyfriend :)

No major plans. Might play Stardew Valley. I have just uploaded a video to youtube. I have been running a channel for a few months but, I am a dabbler haha. It's mostly about my mental health and money. I have been trying a budgeted method and wanted to recorded my results. Its a pain to edit though as my computer is slow, so I do it on my phone which is mostly manageable. However, I managed to do it so I am chuffed.

No letter yet, I am impatient but, trying not to chase it up until the end of the month.

Feel like I am butting in but wanted to say hi. I am a birth parent but the old fashioned relinquishing type. Am older than you and my birth child has long since been an adult.

The time in between birth to now has seen me have a fair few different feelings about it all but ultimately it’s all something I am very at peace with. I am generous with myself and and can focus on the positives not the losses.

I send you both wishes that it becomes the same for you.

Hi @GranaryGhost all birth parents affected by adoption are welcome here. I think because it's still fresh for us we are still dealing with grief. I hope I can be at peace one day but long road before then.

Yeah I don’t think there is any avoiding that long journey.

Hey both.
@GranaryGhost of course you arent butting in. I think it’s actually very nice that someone whose much further along the journey is able to support both myself and @darkriver19886

I’m feeling a little more positive today, yesterday I acknowledged one of my old demons has reared it’s ugly head again but I know I’m able to beat it again. It will just take a bit of time and patience.

Hope you are both well. x

@OurChristmasMiracle well done for acknowledging it. It's not easy. It's a step by step process.

I am going out for lunch with my godfather in an hour.

It was really hard last night admitting it to my boyfriend although it was clear he already knew but to actually say it out loud was tough, but I did it, which is the first of the hurdles overcome.

Lunch sounds good. I’m going to my best friends for dinner which will be nice.

Hi Sorry, I just only got it together to get online. Talking about facing old demons I did one yesterday. I confronted my mother about the abuse that she still denies it. She admitted that a social worker did come and see us and asked about it but, apparently I denied it. I don't remember this encounter. I was ten but, feel I have repressed it.

I blocked her about a month ago and she only noticed yesterday. So my sister rang me to warn me that she is trying to get into contact. I decided now was the time to confront her. I have come to accept that she is never going to believe me.

Another thing is I have found my brother and his girlfriend are going to be allowed to keep the child they are expecting. He had a child removed due issues with his girlfriend etc. Selfishly, I can't help feel a twinge of envy.

Pretty tired today. I woke up at 4 am for no reason. I am starting to get anxious for the trip.

Hi @darkriver19986
I get that feeling of being anxious. It was only on Friday that I acknowledged I had an issue because I had to take my anti anxiety medication which I haven’t taken in about 2 years, and even then there was a clear reason when I last took it.

Your mum sounds toxic to be honest. Possibly at 10 you did see a social worker and deny the abuse, but that could have been for many many reasons and often children feel a sense of loyalty to their parents despite abuse.

Be gentle with yourself.

I’ve been getting support from the people who helped me though it last time which has meant being honest about how bad I actually am. It’s not an easy journey I’m restarting but I know I can do it.

I am glad that you getting support.
My mother has always put herself first. I revealed to her when I was 17 about the abuse, she immediately sided with him. I have spent about 14 years desperately hoping she will change her mind but, she never did.

The trauma has destroyed me and her refusing to believe me is worse then trauma honestly. She never came to see me when my bowel imploded and she never supported me with the girls. The twice she came to see me when I lived close the last time she rang him in my house, I confronted her with that and she was like "he likes to know where I am."

She is full of excuses and it's not good enough.

Support is what you need. One day at a time.

Sorry I didn't mean to write support is what you need. I meant sometimes support is what you need.

It’s hard to admit the abuse. It took me a long time to recognise a lot of the abuse and trauma I went through. My ex husband finally recognised the abuse he put me through at court, but my sister was abusive before him and I was abused after. Neither have faced consequences for their actions or acknowledged what they did.

I’m feeling more positive today and I’ve made positive (If tiny steps) towards getting back to being healthy. Unfortunately though I know it’s not as simple as that.

@darkriver19886

Hope this week has been gentle with you. I’ve had my ups and downs but I am back on the road to recovery and facing up to the fact that I was relapsing back into a binge eating disorder. I’m fortunately able to realise when it’s becoming/become and problem and get help early on so I am already getting a hold on it and have been eating. I think it helped by actually talking to my boyfriend and best friend and saying it was a problem out loud, although my original sentence was “it’s becoming an issue” I did then correct myself and say “no it’s become an issue”.

Work has been full on and relentless. I feel absolutely knackered from this week but it’s Friday tomorrow 😊

Well done on recognising it's a problem. I have been struggling with a mild binge eating disorder for a few years but, don't feel ready to deal with it due to other pressing issues.

I am ready for my trip. Got to get up at 4:45. 😭 Am going to be exhausted.

I wouldn’t say it was severe yet but as a teenager I was very severe at times. I am fully aware of what has triggered it as well which is helpful.

How are you feeling about your trip? It does sound like an early morning but I am sure it will be worth it

Apprehensive. Part of me is worried as I have a tendency to dissociate but it should be okay. It's going to be worth while I know it but still.

Are you going to see a therapist or a counselor?

I’ve not seen a therapist for a while but I was under psychotherapy for other trauma and for the most part that’s controlled my eating.

I’ve got access to counselling as and when I need it through work and I’ve got the card in my purse for if my eating gets out of control. My boyfriend is also aware and has said he will make sure I get help if I need it, but I don’t think I’m there yet. I spent 2 days eating but today it’s gone downhill again, but I did eat first thing and I’ve just had a little ice cream so it’s something.

Well don't be too hard on your self, your recognising the problem and that's a good thing. I know for me the shame and loathing after a binge is hard. I do it worse after a stressful episode. I try to avoid buying the food that makes it worse (crisps, chocolate bars etc.) My therapist at least has training with ED and she knows I struggle.

I really hope letterbox has arrived by the time I get back. I am going to wait to the end of month but it's depressing being disappointed everyday.

I know how hard it is waiting for letterbox.

With the eating I know I’ve got the support I need around me. Previously I had a very good friend around but I stopped talking to him because he got too involved in my relationship.

I’ve got my best friend and my boyfriend supporting me, and I know I will get better again. I’ve been better for about 3 years now so I know I can and will get better again.

I don’t throw up after a binge, I just can’t face food for a good few days and will spend hours obsessively exercising at the gym.

I hope today’s meet up goes well for you and you aren’t too nervous

It's tomorrow. I getting there early as I know I will be stressed tomorrow.

The truth is my ED isnt something I talk about much to my friends. It's usually dominated with my dissociative disorder and everything gets neglected because it can be overwheming and that's part of the issue, I don't always know if I have eaten or not due to the dissociative amnesia.

I’ve spent over 20 years ignoring it being an issue but it’s finally time to face up to the reasons why I relapse- and the reality is that it’s when I feel out of control or my emotions are overwhelming and I can’t deal with them.

I can already feel myself getting better. Fortunately this relapse has only last a month so I’m not as ill as I’ve been previously. I’m lucky that I have people who care enough to look out for me and understand me.

Hope tomorrow goes well for you. Will be thinking of you x

Thank you. I hope your feeling better today! I am extremely excited and nervous. I don't meet many people with the dissociative disorder I have (despite having many friends on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter with the disorder)

I have also taken an opportunity to write a blog post about the trip to show how it impacts my mental health. It's illuminating to see how quickly it can decline.

I went to see Frozen 2 last night. I am a huge Disney lover 😂. I felt really reassured when some grown men came in to the theatre to watch the film. I loved the film but, I couldn't help feel sad. My eldest is/was obsessed with Disney and she adored Elsa.

I wonder if the parents will take them to see it.

I am also wondering if I should put this weekend in the letter as I am worried it will look I am enjoying life without the girls. I don't want to come across as bragging or insensitive.

I am on the way home. Exhausted and tired but, I had a nice time.

Hi @darkriver19886 I am glad you had a nice time. I’ve spent most of the weekend in bed. This weekend has been the first weekend that my boyfriend has actually seen how bad the endometriosis can and does get. Think it’s shaken him a bit Cos he hasn’t seen me in pain like this before. I’m gonna do some tidying up before playing some x box and bed, and sprawling out.

Hope you got home safely.