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Original poster

Any Birth Parents want to talk and support each other?

212 replies

darkriver19886 · 10/10/2019 21:19

I had a look around the different forums but, this seems the most appropriate place. In the absence of outward support (been six months since After Adoption shutdown) looking to turn to other birth parents who are wanting to support each other positively.

This thread can be a basic chat, a check-in or whatever you desire. I just don't want to be a thread bashing social services or adopters.

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OurChristmasMiracle · 29/12/2019 17:33

@darkriver19886I understand that. Christmas Day in itself was nice but Boxing Day I was a complete mess. It’s always a day I dread, as unfortunately I suffered 2 missed miscarriages and Boxing Day was my firsts due date. She’d have been 13 this year and being at the crem I had a lot of emotions, including a massive sense of resentment and bitterness towards my ex husband. Someone offered to come with me but I feel like no one has the right to be there other than me because no one loves her like I do. I’m the one who carried and still carries her, I’m the one who was there through it all. I was alone when I had the medical management and actually lost her (my ex was in the pub getting screwed on alcohol and cocaine)

I hope you are doing better Flowers

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 29/12/2019 18:03

Lots of love Miracle. Please take care of yourself. I understand about the pain. My MC was very traumatic (as they all are) my ex-husband was less than useless and then afterwards I was accused of making up the MC by the due date group for my eldest which was awful.

I am doing okay; I am on a countdown for therapy (12 days) I really hate these long breaks.

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OurChristmasMiracle · 31/12/2019 11:07

@darkriver19886 I hope you are ok and have a peaceful new year, hopefully once new year is here therapy won’t feel so long away and the wait will be more manageable for you. Flowers

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 31/12/2019 19:58

Thank you, @OurChristmasMiracle and to you too. I am feeling a bit jittery tonight. Fireworks have started.

I was meant to write this yesterday but forgot. I realised last night as I am wiping my PC that it's been three years and three months since the girls went into care for the second time. I had already told the social services at this point that it would be better for the girls to be adopted. Its been so long but still so horribly fresh.

The reason I recall this was because I bought the PC as a distraction from losing the girls. (Which didn't really work) and I replaced it today with a newer model.

I want the 20s to be the decade where I gain some happiness. i am planning to turn my writing into a full time career and also improve my computer skills. I also want to start dating.

The problem is my mental health is still hugely problematic. As you might have guess from the story i shared it's not easily fixed.

I bumped into an old friend and we were discussing my symptoms and she said "you would know it as you were really poorly but (the eldest) used to be terrified when you had an episode."

It makes me feel like crap.

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OurChristmasMiracle · 01/01/2020 19:47

For me it’s been 7 years and 4 months since my son was taken into care. It still hits me very hard on the anniversary which is complicated by the fact that it was also the day that I was raped by the person who hurt my son.

I hope you are doing okay and New Years was gentle with you. For me there’s been an awful lot of tears and I’m feeling very lost and distant from everyone right now. I messaged my best friend and told her I need a few days alone but that I’m ok. It’s my Father in laws birthday tomorrow and as I lost my dad when I was just a baby he was the only father I ever knew. I miss him so much. New year was my mums favourite time of the year and my dad was a Scot so it all feels like my heritage but this year I really didn’t feel up to doing anything.

I hope 2020 will bring you lots of very positive things. Thinking of you Flowers

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 03/01/2020 10:04

Hi @OurChristmasMiracle
Sorry for not responding sooner, I have been struck down with an awful cold.

I hope you managed to cope. I am sorry its so tough.

Do you keep all the social services letters, assessments and court orders? I have a huge pile of them and I dont know what to do with it all.

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Original poster
darkriver19886 · 03/01/2020 16:28

Booked to see view only picture on Tuesday.

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OurChristmasMiracle · 03/01/2020 18:39

I’ve kept the adoption order but not much prior to that, mainly as most of it was at my mums and was destroyed by my older sister when she died a couple of weeks post placement order.

I do have every email, letter, photo that I’ve sent and ever letter, drawing, email I’ve received. As well as the complaint I made in regards to the social worker repeatedly losing drawings and letters. (3 drawings went missing in 1 contact, they had to ask for a new one each time!)

I hope you get over your cold soon. I was ok until last night. Walking home from the gym I was robbed of my phone. I’m fortunately ok, but a witness has said that the person who robbed me did have a knife so I’m feeling very blessed. It was on a main road, outside a Tesco as well so not somewhere you’d be on your guard at about 6:15 at night. I wasn’t up to going work today. I had to take a diazepam to control the shaking from anxiety and I haven’t faced going out at all since.

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 03/01/2020 18:53

Oh gosh I am sorry! How terrifying. I have been mugged twice and it's awful.

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OurChristmasMiracle · 03/01/2020 22:22

I took today off work. I have no option but to leave for work in the dark and return home in the dark. I’m also the one who opens the building and I’m not sure how I’m feeling about that right now. I’m due back in on Monday so I’ll see how im feeling.

Think tonight I’m just going to watch films and be kind to myself. I went out earlier with my best friend to the click and collect shop close by cos I had a parcel to send back but I haven’t ventured out alone yet so I need to tomorrow

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 04/01/2020 19:11

How are you doing today?

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OurChristmasMiracle · 05/01/2020 09:32

@darkriver19886 I still haven’t managed to venture out but I’ve not taken any more diazepam. I’m due back at work tomorrow but not sure how I’m going to manage.

How are you doing?

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 05/01/2020 10:34

Can you afford to take a longer break? Being mugged is pretty serious and you might not some time to cope.

I am still sick. Not as bad as I was though, I have managed to declutter a shed load of stuff so I am happy but pushed myself way to far. I need to finish chapter five of the book today as Its due to be published soon.

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OurChristmasMiracle · 06/01/2020 11:13

I could afford to take a longer break, my sick pay is actually really good and I hadn’t had a day off in over 2 years (and even then that was due to having Surgery) but i know the longer I left it the harder it would become so I’m at work.

Sometimes you need to take a break. I too often push myself too far and did a lot of (anxiety) tidying but at least it was a positive way to deal with it.

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 06/01/2020 18:24

Cold has developed into chest infection. Got view only pictures tomorrow. I hope i am up to it.

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runforcover · 07/01/2020 07:43

Hi I'm an adoptive mum too and happy to support you in any which way I can. It's scary being an adoptive parent too, it's a strange world we live in it really is. How people respond amazes me everyday. Xx

OurChristmasMiracle · 07/01/2020 10:17

@darkriver19886 oh bless you. I’ve had chest infections and they make you feel awful. Hopefully you’ll feel better soon

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 07/01/2020 10:17

@OurChristmasMiracle thank you. How are you doing?

@runforcover that's kind. Thank you

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OurChristmasMiracle · 07/01/2020 10:25

@darkriver19886 I’m coping. I actually managed to sleep properly last night without any medication to help me but I struggled to get up this morning.

How are you feeling about the photos?

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 07/01/2020 10:30

@Ourchristmasmiracle. That's good you managed to rest. I got a better night sleep.

I feel a bit flat about it — 50-mile round trip to look at a picture in a dusty council office. I am glad I am allowed pictures but still.

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OurChristmasMiracle · 07/01/2020 10:48

I completely understand that feeling. It’s a long journey, and it very much depends on the social worker and how they treat you to how you feel at the time. Some are a lot more sensitive than others.

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 07/01/2020 12:29

Well, that's done. The lady was nice and helpful. The girls look really happy. Which is all that matters

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Original poster
darkriver19886 · 09/01/2020 16:39

Hi @OurChristmasMiracle
Pretty wiped out and been sleeping a lot. I hope your doing okay.

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OurChristmasMiracle · 09/01/2020 18:08

@darkriver19886 hope you are recovering and feeling a bit better. I spent most of yesterday in bed just wiped out from everything and in pain with my stomach so I called in sick. Work was fine about it and I went back in today but was gentle with myself.

Hope you feel better soon. I’m Glad the girls looked happy and the woman was helpful, hopeful that brings you some comfort.

OurChristmasMiracle · 13/01/2020 13:50

@darkriver19886 hope you are doing okay x