Any Birth Parents want to talk and support each other?

[darkriver19886]

I had a look around the different forums but, this seems the most appropriate place. In the absence of outward support (been six months since After Adoption shutdown) looking to turn to other birth parents who are wanting to support each other positively.

This thread can be a basic chat, a check-in or whatever you desire. I just don't want to be a thread bashing social services or adopters.

Oh sorry to hear about the pain. Yes I am home, doing some journalling and then will be heading to bed.

I slept until 4 then couldn’t sleep any more but I’ve slept a lot with the pain this weekend and think that’s probably why.

I’m glad you meet went well and hopefully you’ve gotten lots or positives out of it. I would say to include it in the letter as a positive thing. I felt very much the same when I got back into work but I did share because my son (and your girls) deserve and will probably want to know that we are doing ok and these things provide “proof” that we are.

Sigh... After spending 31 minutes on hold to letterbox service this morning I gave up and sent an email. I got a response back saying that the adopters haven't sent anything yet! Plus the service is on training so can't check anything today.

I get life can get in the way but, this just sucks.

I completely understand where you are coming from and how frustrating it is. I often wonder if I stopped chasing whether it would happen at all.

I wonder that as well. Its soul destroying and I know we are lucky to get anything at all but, it doesn't mean we don't build ourselves up to letterbox and then it's devastating when it doesn't arrive on time. I wish I was capable of just being gentle about it but, I can't right now, as my brain doesn't work that way.

I did get some good news this morning at least, the cat that I took in for a couple of weeks but, stayed a year has become officially mine. The owner has asked if I could keep her. Of course, I said yes!

You know your cat is looking at you think “perrrllleaase like I was ever going anywhere 🙄😂”

That’s good news though. I think sometimes having a pet can really help

Oh of course she wasn't but, still lol.

I have a lovely day of annual leave for today, they are supposed to be coming to do my plastering and unblock my kitchen sink.

So I thought wonderful. Been told between 1 and 5 so I thought nice lie in. Bit of computer. Cooked breakfast...... and by 8:30 I’m getting calls from work.

I hope that you managed to resist going back in to work!

Yeah I managed to resist. I had a plasterer coming and a plumber to unblock my kitchen sink and there wasn’t much chance of me rescheduling.

I think moving forwards I need to ignore calls on my annual leave days.

Agreed!

@darkriver19886 hope you’ve had a good day. I’m at doctors for a medicine review which seems a waste of time if I’m honest about it. The neurologist has said I need to remain on the same dosage as last time they dropped it I ended up having seizures and tbh it’s just not worth the he risk especially as I have no side effects from it.

Yes, I am okay. A little tired but, I will be fine. Therapy tomorrow.
I never understand the medical reviews either, it seems a waste of money sometimes.

Morning Miracle, hope you have a good day at work. I have therapy today and hopefully, it should go well.

Hi @darkriver19886 hope therapy goes well. Even the negative sessions are a positive thing. They Sometimes are outside your comfort zones but that’s what helps to make the changes too

It went reasonably well. I feel that I am declining at the moment. Struggling in so many areas and then in the last ten minutes I got dissociated. My therapist said I was talking normally and then I just stopped. I got triggered by a memory.

Something to deal with next week.

I had some flashbacks triggered by a memory This week. A friend of my boyfriends came up and something he said took me right back to being with my abusive ex husband, but I’m ok now.

It's tough isn't it, you never know when your getting to get jolted back. I have only managed to use grounding techniques successfully once.

Well, I don't know if to laugh or cry. I finally got a letter from the letterbox service to say that there is correspondence waiting for me. However, I had to send a letter back to say I wanted the letter!

It's such a waste of paper. Oh well it means it's on the way at least. I am going to stop saying my letterbox is due in May and November as it never arrives on time!

I had a rubbish night. Fully been triggered and I’m pushing people away right now and I know I am but I can’t stop myself. I was awake and went for a walk at 4 this morning. Couldn’t sleep couldn’t rest. Head was going a million miles an hour. I’ve somehow managed to scratch myself in my sleep too, ridiculous how one little thing can place me so far back.

I’m fortunate that they’ve never asked me to confirm I want to receive it- I mean you would think that by you chasing where it is that would mean that you wanted it surely? And surely they could have given you a call and asked rather than writing letters which then takes even longer.

Letterbox is rarely on time. I’ve learnt to mana from my expectations of it, and it is disheartening. Hopefully your letter will arrive quickly. Mine are now emailed straight over to me- maybe that’s a possibility for you as well so you won’t have to wait- to do it via email.

Oh sorry to hear. I have had a rough night myself. I know it's hard but, remember that they care about you. Do you have any mental health support?

It seems to be a new system in place, they send a letter to the BF: I had a choice of whether wanted the letter, whether I have a new address and whether I didn't want it and to be left on file. It seems silly and tedious. Maybe if they had checked the email I had sent two days earlier chasing it up, they would know that I wanted it.

Oh well at least I will get my letter by next week all being well, I guess I have to be grateful.

It’s ok, I’m going to take some time alone tonight to work through it. I’ve spent a couple of hours on the phone to my wonderful best friend, boyfriend popped in briefly and I’m now home alone.

I suppose they have to confirm the address they are sending to etc. It’s frustrating they can put these systems into place but they can’t put a system into place to remind the family to send the letter at the beginning of the month- just an email letter to them saying “just a reminder letterbox to bf is due this month, please send it to xxxxx when ready”.

How are you doing today @OurChristmasMiracle?
I have had a bit more of a positive day. Been really creative and wrote the first chapter of my novel. I have been brave and posted it on my blog and another story site (being vague) I am hoping to write once a week for a year and then I will finally have a book. :)

@darkriver19886 I am doing better today. Spent this morning with my best friend and the kids, which always tends to help and have had a film afternoon with my boyfriend cuddled up in bed, think I needed the tlc if I’m honest. My eating is slowly improving so I’m on the route to recovering (again)

Your book plan sounds like a really good idea. I’ve often wondered about publishing my own story. Think what I’ve been through could potentially make a good read/film. I do think that in general birth parents do get a lot of bad press- even down to not maintaining contact it’s generally “the birth parents never engaged” but the reality is often very different to that- had I not had mental capacity or addictions I’m pretty sure my contact would have broken down too.

I am glad you have had a better day.

As for my book, it is kind of based on my life but, more internal than external. If you like I am happy to pm you a link but, I don't want to post on here just in case the adopters find out prematurely. I discussed it at the meeting about sending a copy as I think it would help the girls understand when they are older. (plus the picture on the website has my real name on it and that would make me really identifying.)

I don't think I could cope with writing my autobiography as there are still so many patches in my memory. I do agree that my life could make a good few films but, I would love a happy ending for a change.

I hope you have had a good day. I feel like today has gone by like a blink. Had my best friend come for lunch.