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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

newborn adoption

642 replies

BrightSunshineyDay · 08/06/2014 06:22

I gave birth yesterday and immediately relinquished responsibility. I have so much going round in my head right now that I hope no-one minds if I blurt it out here.
I will be speaking with social workers tomorrow so I want to think of as many questions as possible. I know without a doubt I am doing the right thing. He will go to a foster family for a few weeks until new parents are found (I was in denial about the pregnancy until only a couple ofdays ago)
How quickly will he be found a new family? Will the new family be in my local area? Should I write him a letter explaining my life circumstances and his birth story? Should I get him a keepsake? Is letterbox contact the best thing for him and his new family? Thats all I want. What is best for him. I want to do whatever is best so he can grow up not feeling abandoned or deserted. I want him to know I love him but I want him to have the best life possible.
Please tell me there are parents/a parent out there who are just about to receive into their life the most perfect beautiful boy, and they will be kind and loving and settled.
Sorry for the brain dump - I've been awake for hours and this is all going round in my head.

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Original poster
BrightSunshineyDay · 17/06/2014 13:41

Thank you all so much. It helps to write thngs down as they happen. I appreciate the support Thanks

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MadameDefarge · 17/06/2014 13:43

Can you get one of your friend's who knows to be with you when you tell your dad? It would give you the support you need, and might put a break on his negativity.

Also contact MIND for support, they often have advocacy services so you could have someone on your side when dealing with all this.

MadameDefarge · 17/06/2014 13:43

brake not break! gah!

maccie · 17/06/2014 14:20

Make the SW be there to tell your dad. If he does not allow ds to live with you. It becomes their responsibility to make sure that housing is not the reason you cannot keep your child

Spinachfly · 17/06/2014 14:23

Delurking to bump, to add my admiration and good wishes, and to say please, please get in touch with a solicitor today. That way, if ss continue to let you down, you're already on the front foot.

Original poster
BrightSunshineyDay · 17/06/2014 14:31

Oh shit. Just called new sw office and spoke to man I spoke to earlier. I asked for an update and he said they were waiting to hear from contact centre and it probably won't be this week. I said I have a right to see my son and I would take legal advice. He said yes I should get legal advice and that all this that was happening was my choice. Shit shit shit. I could vomit. I have to do the school run now. I told him I want to bf and I want him back. He said he will case the contact centre for me. I am losing faith in me and as Sad

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Original poster
BrightSunshineyDay · 17/06/2014 14:31

*ss

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CailinDana · 17/06/2014 14:31

Hang in there Bright. They're fucking you around good and proper, judgemental arsewipes.

BuntyCollocks · 17/06/2014 14:37

Bless you. I really hope you get DS back.

I don't know how this all works, but my reaction would be to make an absolute pain of myself - phone every half an hour to an hour with the same speil; "I want to see my son, I want him back, you are keeping him from me, and I will not stop calling until he is in my arms."

maccie · 17/06/2014 14:38

Bright

You need legal advice immediately. Pick up your children and go to your nearest family solicitors now.

Lilka · 17/06/2014 14:41

Really not acceptable. You need to seek legal advice now, don't wait. Have faith in yourself - you are strong, and you can do this. Keep pushing xx

maccie · 17/06/2014 14:45

Does anyone know if bright could go to a police station and tell them she no longer consents to the section 20 would they force SS to hand her ds back.

Otherwise this is kidnapping isn't it ?

They have not got an EPO or care order so surely as the only person with sole parental responsibility they cannot refuse to hand him back to her. This is beyond ridiculous

lentilpot · 17/06/2014 14:45

Call the manager again as soon as you get the chance.

I am so angry on your behalf. Would you be able to share the area of the country you are in so we can help find you resources?

Spinachfly · 17/06/2014 14:46

Yes. Solicitors, now.

Do you have someone you can call, who can be with you in RL?

Stay strong. You have all of us on your side. 9 pages in, everyone here is on your side (pretty unusual for mumsnet, that's gotta tell you something, right?) We have faith in you.

Ss is the problem, not you. Find a solicitor to help you.

LadyCelia · 17/06/2014 15:21

Just to add to all the good advice above, have you also contacted your GP about this as well as your HV?

My GP and HV were the key forces in getting SS to leave my family alone, I couldn't have done it without them. They were the ones on the phone to them, writing letters & providing evidence to back our case up no matter what rubbish SS threw back at me.

Also - do you want to say whereabouts (roughly) you are in case someone can recommend a solicitor? (happy to recommend mine if you are local to the SE)

Thumbwitch · 17/06/2014 15:36

Hang in there, Bright - keep phoning, pester them, get the legal backing, tell your Dad, maybe leave telling your DC until you have it more sorted but tell your Dad, he might be able to help. I know you said he's a bit judgemental but it's still his grandson, when all's said and done, so hopefully he'll not ignore the situation.

What about the friend you spoke to - is there any chance she can help out, maybe do the school run for you, or do your DC have friends whose houses they could go to, give you a chance to get down to the SS offices in person and stage a sit-in until they sort it?

Thumbwitch · 17/06/2014 15:37

Oh good idea to get your GP involved too!

Catticals · 17/06/2014 15:42

I spoke to a friend today who recently retired from working as a sw manager. She confirms that you have the right to take your baby today. She says you could be expected to talk about the situation and made aware of expectations etc a managed transfer could've suggested but there is nothing to stop you from demanding your baby back.

I would speak to managers again. Demand your rights, explain that you were happy to discuss their concerns but that the current situation is terrifying and illegal.

Speak to your hv now, speak to a lawyer and keep challenging.

LadyCelia · 17/06/2014 15:45

Oh, and another thing - after every call to SS, make a note (keep a diary if you like) of when you called, who you spoke to & exactly what was said. Even if it is only a call to chase things up. It helps to have a record & to use it to look back if you need to back up your case at all, particularly when your emotions are all over the shop and you forget things.

Thinking of you.

Oscarandelliesmum · 17/06/2014 16:03

Hi Bright, I just wanted to add my voice of support (and dismay for this nonsense you are dealing with) XX I will be thinking of you and your lovely family tonight

Italiangreyhound · 17/06/2014 16:34

Bright - no wisdom just a hand to hold [hand emotion icon!]

MonserratCaballe · 17/06/2014 16:36

Oh Bright, you are being messed around. I am so sorry.

I think you need to email tonight and say that you withdraw consent to the S20 accommodation provisions and will be attending their offices tomorrow to arrange contact (to happen tomorrow) with a view to having your DS returned to you this week. Remind them that you alone have PR for him and that they cannot keep him in the absence of an EPO or a care order, neither of which they have applied for. They would have to tell you if they were applying as it is not so urgent as to go behind your back. Remind them of their duty to promote the upbringing of children within the family and remind them of the need to obtain a court order before they can keep DS against your will.

Then tomorrow morning drop the children at school and seek immediate legal advice (by phone if necessary) before pitching up at council office tomorrow. The switchboard should give you an idea of which bit of the offices to go to if they are at different address with only a box no.

I agree that taking someone with you to help you put your position forward is a good thing. If you gave us an indication of where in the country you are we might be able to find some advocacy services nearby which might help.

You are doing brilliantly. Keep fighting. Your DS will be back with you soon Flowers

Original poster
BrightSunshineyDay · 17/06/2014 16:59

Thankyou. I feel strangely detached right now.
I called the manager. She said not seeing ds this week is unacceptable. She has spoken to manager of new swand stressed the urgency for me to see ds. She also said that new manager was going Into meeting so the message may not have passed down yet to the man I spoke to today. She asked that I give her till 10 tomorrow morning then if still no joy she will escalate things. She seems to be on my side and sounded pissed off (not at me) she seems like a good'un but I don't know who to trust.

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Original poster
BrightSunshineyDay · 17/06/2014 17:03

Sorry, thankyou for all the advice. I'm struggling to takeIit all in. I want to curl up and rewind 2 weeks. Sad

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maccie · 17/06/2014 17:10

You need a solicitor bright. Get someone who is being paid to fight for your and your ds rights. That's who you can trust. Please please start getting them on board.

Even if SS manage to arrange contact tomorrow you will still need someone who knows your rights when it comes to arranging housing and the return of your son. If SS can take 6 days to arrange some very limited contact in a contact centre then can you imagine the delays they could have when sorting out the rest of this with you.

You really need a kick ass solicitor getting on their case ASAP and you can be doing this now whilst still giving the manager till 10am tomorrow to make the visits happen

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