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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

newborn adoption

642 replies

BrightSunshineyDay · 08/06/2014 06:22

I gave birth yesterday and immediately relinquished responsibility. I have so much going round in my head right now that I hope no-one minds if I blurt it out here.
I will be speaking with social workers tomorrow so I want to think of as many questions as possible. I know without a doubt I am doing the right thing. He will go to a foster family for a few weeks until new parents are found (I was in denial about the pregnancy until only a couple ofdays ago)
How quickly will he be found a new family? Will the new family be in my local area? Should I write him a letter explaining my life circumstances and his birth story? Should I get him a keepsake? Is letterbox contact the best thing for him and his new family? Thats all I want. What is best for him. I want to do whatever is best so he can grow up not feeling abandoned or deserted. I want him to know I love him but I want him to have the best life possible.
Please tell me there are parents/a parent out there who are just about to receive into their life the most perfect beautiful boy, and they will be kind and loving and settled.
Sorry for the brain dump - I've been awake for hours and this is all going round in my head.

OP posts:
TessDurbeyfield · 17/06/2014 17:12

Exactly what Monserrat said. Get legal advice ASAP and make it completely clear to the SW that you withdraw your s20 consent for them to keep him. Make sure that anyone you speak to knows that he is only there through s20 and there are no court orders in place.

They have to have a legal basis to keep him against your wishes. To get that they would need a court order - an emergency protection order or a care order - and from what you've said they don't have one and haven't applied for one.

Without a court order they have no right to keep him for any time at all without your consent. Of course, as Catticals says, it is best to be co-operative, talk about your situation with them and have a managed transfer. This will reassure them that your DS will be safe and that there is no need to apply for a court order. Fundamentally though it is your right to have him with you, they can't just decide it's a bit inconvenient or that they're not yet sure what should happen.

Good luck and get good advice.

scarletoconnor · 17/06/2014 17:26

please please get legal advice bright the first 30minutes is free with solicitors if you are worried about how much it will cost and get your health visitor involved. Your health visitor will be on any panels that take place for your baby.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 17/06/2014 17:29

No advice to offer, just offering a hand to hold - good luck!

Berryglitter · 17/06/2014 17:30

Have you given the family rights group a call? They were brilliant when my friend was in a similar situation. Big hugs to you x

MerryInthechelseahotel · 17/06/2014 17:58

Normally, in Scotland anyway, there has to be a review within 72 hours of a child being accommodated. You should have been invited if there was one. Even if you were intending to relinquish. I must admit I have heard some horror stories but nothing quite as wrong on so many levels as this. I hope you get to see your baby and take her home.

MexicanSpringtime · 17/06/2014 18:16

Just read this thread, and am shocked, this is starting to sound like kidnapping.

Just wanted to say, OP, that my cousin was a doctor in a very poor country and they would give orphaned babies to women who had already had children, even if not breastfeeding at that time, and after three days of putting the baby to their breasts the milk would flow again. So when you get your baby back, you should still be able to breastfeed it.

You are very brave and I wish I could help in some other way, but am on the other side of the world.

Fortheloveofralph · 17/06/2014 18:37

Hoping this gets sorted quickly for you

maccie · 17/06/2014 18:37

Have pm'd you

hotfuzzra · 17/06/2014 18:55

Oh my gosh you are awesome! You are a strong woman facing so many problems. Please keep strong and look forward (don't be negative, see it as a reality!) to seeing DS again and getting things back on track. You can do it. Please have faith in yourself.
Lots of love and hugs X

babybarrister · 17/06/2014 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TessDurbeyfield · 17/06/2014 19:03

Here is the website to find a Resolution solicitor resolution if you put in the details of where you live it will come up with those in your area and it tells you which do legal aid.

Cornettoninja · 17/06/2014 19:14

I've no practical advice, but wanted to offer another voice of support.

You sound amazing and I've got my fingers crossed for you now and for the future when ds is back with you. You will look back on this as a distant, horrible memory.

Xx

Jomato · 17/06/2014 20:29

You need to make an appointment with a solicitor first thing tomorrow morning. You need someone to advocate for you ASAP. I'm a social worker. It's completely unacceptable that you haven't had contact, even in situations when the baby is unlikely to be going home we would generally put in contact 5 days a week to begin with. Please, please, please get legal advice and instruct a solicitor tomorrow. It's great that you are getting emotional support here but you NEED legal advice now. Good luck.

s88 · 17/06/2014 20:34

I have read all of your posts from start to finish and I think you are such a strong woman ! I really struggled when I had my ds 4 months ago and fortunately had a great support system and came out the other end with a smile on my face.

everyone is supporting you on this. I wish you all the luck in the word

SamWitch336 · 17/06/2014 21:24

Hey ((

BelleateSebastian · 17/06/2014 21:44

another one rooting for you Thanks Thanks

500smiles · 17/06/2014 21:45

I'm sorry I've no useful advice for you, just hoping that you have your wee one back with you very soon.

You are an amazing woman, you've been through so much xxx

ClairesTravellingCircus · 17/06/2014 21:48

I have been following your thread from the start Bright, but haven't commented as I felt I had nothing useful to contribute, but just wanted to add that I also think you are an incredibly brave and strong woman, I truly hope it won't be long before you're reunited with your baby.

You must have been through so much, you deserve help and support.

Thanks
choochootrain1 · 17/06/2014 22:26

Bright you are an amazing woman - you CAN DO THIS! all the MN'etters are rooting for you and cheering you on. YOU are exactly the kind of mother your DC4 needs.

get legal advice straight away! there might even be 24hr solicitors (I'm not sure but would expect so)...your no1 priority is getting contact with your DS to start bonding with him.

There are out of hours duty social workers too.

This is incredibly out of order, and I imagine many solicitors would jump at taking on SS when they will so clearly win against SS in front of any judge!

EverythingCounts · 17/06/2014 22:32

Another person willing you on. Put your tiger mother face on, get a solicitor on board, and go and tell then you are ready to start being a mum to your son right now. All power to your elbow. You can do this.

HilariousInHindsight · 17/06/2014 22:51

Oh bright really hoping for something positive tomorrow.

Thinking of you.

marriednotdead · 17/06/2014 22:56

Please hang on in there. You WILL do this and one day the current nightmare will be a distant memory. Sending positive vibes for a better day tomorrow Flowers

missmakesstuff · 17/06/2014 22:59

Just adding my support, you sound like an amazing woman and I have been in tears reading your thread. I hope you kick up a stink and get all the support you need to get your baby back.

This won't have been the first time that a mother has felt like they couldn't cope directly after the birth - I remember being alone at night in the hospital and thinking 'What the fuck have I done' looking at DD - and I didn't have any of the background you have. A day or two later I couldn't have loved her more - but I still have up and down days where I think I must be crazy to consider having another.

Fight, keep making noise and get your son back, you are obviously a thoughtful, caring mother who only wants the best for her children.

happydazed · 17/06/2014 23:05

Just adding my support and hoping this all works out very soon for you. Please get legal advice and any other help that you can x

Original poster
BrightSunshineyDay · 18/06/2014 00:03

Thank you all so much. I can't sleep. So much going round in my head.
SamWitch what can I say? I sent my sister in Australia a link to this thread within minutes of me telling her I'd had a baby and she then told her best friend over here. So SamWitch your post made me cry, but I will do my best to be tat strong person you described. Dsis and i have always been so close (she was my birthing partner with dc1 and was there on Skype from Oz for the home birth of ds2. But I distanced myself from her since getting pregnant and didn't talk to her for months. Sad I thought she would hate me for messing up again. The same reason I didn't tell my closest friends. Now my dsis knows and so do my 3 closest friends and they have all been so kind that I feel shit for thinking they would turn their back on me. But I can't dwell on that now. I should have given the more credit.
I inherited my mums looks, dsis inherited her kick ass attitude.
I need that attitude now please. Thank you so much for all your advice, and links to Resolution. I know I haven't done things right, but no way am I going to be fobbed off another day. I need my baby and he needs me Sad
I struggle with people I perceive to be above me and assume they know better than me. I have to get over that.
I'm going to tell dad tomorrow night (dsis you will hear the reaction over there!) But really what can he do? Make me hate myself more than I do now? Not possible. Plus he would face my sisters wrath and I wouldn't wish that on anyone!
So my plan of action tomorrow is phone solicitors first thing, see what happens at 10am,cry,then pull myself together and go in all guns blazing albeit in a calm and polite but very firm manner.
I feel fired up now,disappointed because I thought ss would help my family, but fired up to get my baby back and not take everything ss say as gospel.
Will stop rambling now and really try to sleep.
Thank you so much everyone who has given me advice.

OP posts: