newborn adoption

[BrightSunshineyDay]

I gave birth yesterday and immediately relinquished responsibility. I have so much going round in my head right now that I hope no-one minds if I blurt it out here.
I will be speaking with social workers tomorrow so I want to think of as many questions as possible. I know without a doubt I am doing the right thing. He will go to a foster family for a few weeks until new parents are found (I was in denial about the pregnancy until only a couple ofdays ago)
How quickly will he be found a new family? Will the new family be in my local area? Should I write him a letter explaining my life circumstances and his birth story? Should I get him a keepsake? Is letterbox contact the best thing for him and his new family? Thats all I want. What is best for him. I want to do whatever is best so he can grow up not feeling abandoned or deserted. I want him to know I love him but I want him to have the best life possible.
Please tell me there are parents/a parent out there who are just about to receive into their life the most perfect beautiful boy, and they will be kind and loving and settled.
Sorry for the brain dump - I've been awake for hours and this is all going round in my head.

Its mot cheesy or wanky, it is completely understandable.

OP I admire you. You sound as of you have been through a tremendous amount of shit and you are still keeping it together.

You can do this a million times over. I hope you see ds soon, I'm sure you will.

Bright have you tried posting in the legal section of mumsnet. They should be able to give you some idea of the immediate steps to take to get your baby returned to you.

Have you told SS that you want your ds returned to you ? Or just that you want contact at this stage ?

I am in no way legally qualified but it is my understanding that at this stage you should simply be able to state that you want him back and that unless they feel he is at risk of harm(and can prove this) then they must comply

I just want to say I'm so moved by your story...and am sending heartfelt best wishes to you...your DS..and your DCs....xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bright, I don't have any useful advice but I've read the whole thread and am in awe at what an amazing woman you are!

Is your name inspired by the Jimmy Cliff song?

I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

I know nothing of SS and how these things work, but I'm willing this to come true for you Brights... My only suggestion, and again I'm sure others have much better knowledge and ideas, would say be persistent but nice, be consistent, communicate clearly as you have on here, ask for clarity from HV / SW - keep asking questions if you feel you don't yet have the answers you're looking for, keep working and fighting for your DS - don't be put off or put down. I'm so touched by your strength and keeping everything crossed for you!

My dearest Bright, i have been following you from the beginning, I wish you strength with this chapter in your life. You sound an amazing strong women who deserve happiness, love and peace in your life and your 4 DCs lives, wishing you all the luck in the world

I fostered a relinquished baby ,and after five weeks mum had changed her mind, and within three days the baby returned to her care and ss no longer played a part in their lives.

Bright, I am a family lawyer. So far you have signed a s20 statement saying that you would like your DS accommodated by SS as you are not currently in a position to look after him yourself. That is completely understandable as you were in a difficult position because of various factors. However, you and YOU ALONE have PR for him which means that no one can take / keep him without either your consent or a court order. You have said there are no orders in place at the moment.

You have now realised that you were hasty in your initial view that you would not be able to cope and would now like your DS restored to you. Your DS should be allocated a SW to help and support you - you might benefit from the provision of services to help you with 4 DC and a possibly complicated family situation (as I think you mentioned that your DH was in hospital and you are not in a relationship now with DS's father). However, the LA cannot keep your son without your consent or a court order.

If you had decided to proceed with the adoption, they would have your consent to keep him until he was a little older (6 w) to enable you to be sure that adoption was the right path. However, you have now decided that you want your DS restored to you permanently. I don't see how SS can refuse as they don't have any court orders showing that DS would be in danger if he didn't remain in foster care (Emergency Protection Order) or that the care he was likely to suffer significant harm because of the care he would receive from you not being what it was reasonable for a parent to provide (care order).

I would therefore get on the phone to SS first thing and make these points. Can a friend or relative make them for you if you are not feeling especially bullish? I would recommend legal advice but it may be that you don't need this if you can state your position firmly and clearly.

Good luck - I shall be thinking of you and checking in regularly to see how you are getting along

Yes thats where my name comes from. I chose it when I knew my marriage was over before H became ill. I opve the song!
I've told ss I've made a terrible mistake and I want ds back. Thats when they suggested m/w/f for access with a view to him coming home with me once I've passed all their assessments.

I'm going to call them again in the morning to find out how soon I can see him - when I spoke to them today I felt so pleased that they hadn't ruled out me having ds back that I think I just went along with what they said. I need to woman up and be polite but more forceful don't I?

Sorry cross posts. Thankyou montserrsat that is very helpful and kind of scary at the same time. I need to dry my tears, stop wishing the past happened and start dealing with the here and now - which means getting my ds back asap. Thankyou for all the advice. I really do appreciate it.

I think you should push for every day contact. You will need that to bond with your baby and esp if you want to breast feed. That is not unusual when a new born is fostered. Esp as you will not need the contact to be supervised although they may want to sit in on the contact to help them in their assessment.

I have fostered a relinquished baby who was then adopted. The sw was bending over backwards trying to offer support so the mum could have baby at home. It is my understanding that once you have asked for your child to be fostered/adopted there would need to be an assessment if you changed your mind but it won't be lengthy and the sw should be focused on returning the child to you asap.

I wish you lots of luck now and hope you have your baby by the end of the week

If you know you want your baby back, then I think you would 'give notice' (I would do it both over the phone and by email so it's in writing) to SS that you've withdrawn your consent to adoption and you would like your baby to be returned to you - make sure they know you aren't just asking for contact to help you make up your mind, but you have definitely changed your mind

Normally if you do continue with adoption (and didn't change your mind) you sign consents to adoption after 6 weeks. And the Adoption and Childrens Act does say that if consent is withdrawn after the consents are signed (but before the baby is placed for adoption), then the council must (not could, or should) return the baby within 7 days, unless they have applied to the court for a placement order. I know you haven't even got to the signing consents stage yet, and I'm not a lawyer and I have no idea what the law says about the period before consents are signed.

See what SS say tomorrow and seek legal advice if you aren't happy with it.

You sound stronger with every post. That's great.
Have you told your Dad about the baby yet? As you're currently living in his house it's rather essential he knows what's going on..
I'm surprised none of your friends and family guessed you were pregnant. It's often not easy to hide. Do you think more people may really know and be waiting for a cue from you to become involved and perhaps offer their support? It's worth a thought. There may well be a lot more support out there for you than you realise right now.

Was homelessness one of the reasons you gave to SS for opting for adoption? If so, you will need to satisfy them that you have adequate housing, and that you are able to care for your baby. If you can tick those boxes then their 'assessment' of you will be much easier and quicker.
You do need to consider what other information you shared with them, in terms of the reasons that you gave for (initially) feeling that you couldn't keep him. They will want to be confident that there are no potential risks to his emotional and physical well being-and environmental factors such as housing would be considered within this.

I would call, and keep calling them to insist upon seeing him.
I would also hand deliver a letter withdrawing your consent for adoption and stating that you wish to see him as soon as possible, and to bring him home.
It will be important that you have adequate support, so telling people will be essential I think. If they do decide to proceed with an assessment, they may well want to look at your support network, and to meet with some key people in your life.

Oh and I agree that you should be having contact with him every day, but I would hope that he will be home with you by the end of this week to be honest!

Here handholding and rooting for the outcome you deserve. You sound so much better than when you first posted and I'm so pleased that you've had some good advice here
Have you chosen a name for your LO yet? obviously don't post it here

I think you are right, Sunshine, that you will have to push firmly and insistently to see your ds sooner and more often. Whatever your final decision, you need this now in order to be able to make the right decision.

If you want ds to come home (or to have that option) you need to start get practical too. SS will need to know that you can look after him and are prepared for a newborn at home. He'll need somewhere to sleep, a car seat, bottles and steriliser (if the expressing isn't enough), nappies and clothes. By sorting these practicalities (second hand or borrowed is fine) and showing you are organised SS will have far fewer concerns about returning him quickly.

For this reason too, it's really important you talk to your dad. You can't bring a baby home to your dad's house without his knowledge. Telling him could also help to convince SS that you will have some support.

Could you go and tell him right now while your dcs are asleep?

I am rooting for you.

Push and push to se e him.

Brights good luck today. I hope if you state unequivocally that you withdraw consent to the section 20 and want your baby returned that the social workers understand that this is your right. Showing that you recognise their reservations about the speed with which you have changed heart is helpful as is showing an ongoing willingness to accept any help or support offered.

Good luck

Wishing you strength BrightSunshineyDay

Thank you for your messages. I need advice please. The crap initial assessment worker just rang. Case has been handed to another sw. Tried to phone her but she is off I'll today. Spoke to someone else, apparently new sw needs to visit me in next few days before they can arrange for me to see ds. I asked why but they couldn't give an answer until they read my case and are going to call me back.
I've not seen ds for a week now. What do I say when he calls me back? I'm going crazy here

*ill

Bright.

I am a social worker. I don't work with children but you need to phone the manager of that team right now, this is not good enough.

You are doing so well and being so strong but it is not good enough for them to just fod you off with sickness - there will be a duty social worker, they will be able to see your file and they will be able to see that you are not a concern - your DS is under sec 20.

As someone said upthread, they cannot do this without your consent.
Can you go to the office in person?
You need to (politely, as calmly as you can) kick up a stink about this.

you can do it.

I'm trying to get through to CORAM but no success so far.

Cross post. Thank you. I have the number for the manager of the initial Assessment worker - she assured me I would see ds yesterday or today. Should I phone her?I feel sick.

Seam's may have a hidden agenda stalling may be for slot in court for
too instigate care proceedings or care order, contact your local family law centre or call Corum for advice, Email SS say you are initiating legal
proceedings. and want contact today. also phone ss with same information