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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

newborn adoption

642 replies

BrightSunshineyDay · 08/06/2014 06:22

I gave birth yesterday and immediately relinquished responsibility. I have so much going round in my head right now that I hope no-one minds if I blurt it out here.
I will be speaking with social workers tomorrow so I want to think of as many questions as possible. I know without a doubt I am doing the right thing. He will go to a foster family for a few weeks until new parents are found (I was in denial about the pregnancy until only a couple ofdays ago)
How quickly will he be found a new family? Will the new family be in my local area? Should I write him a letter explaining my life circumstances and his birth story? Should I get him a keepsake? Is letterbox contact the best thing for him and his new family? Thats all I want. What is best for him. I want to do whatever is best so he can grow up not feeling abandoned or deserted. I want him to know I love him but I want him to have the best life possible.
Please tell me there are parents/a parent out there who are just about to receive into their life the most perfect beautiful boy, and they will be kind and loving and settled.
Sorry for the brain dump - I've been awake for hours and this is all going round in my head.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 19/06/2014 07:22

When did you give your consent op?

Hels20 · 19/06/2014 07:23

Bright - remember that the best place for him as the courts repeatedly say (even if SS aren't behaving like this) is for children to be brought up by their birth parents - if they can. I think everyone thinks that you can - you just had a wobble (hardly surprising in the circumstances).

And you don't know what the circumstances of the foster carer are - my adopted DS came from a v cramped house - he was 2.5 years and still had to share bedroom with foster parents.

Some foster parents are amazing, some really aren't (just as some parents aren't great). Even if your DS has amazing foster parents, by taking him back - remember that you are taking him back to where he belongs. You said in your original post that you want to do what is best for him. As you have revealed your true strength, I personally think that you taking him home is the best. Remember that.

It will also be far cheaper in the long run for SS to return him to you.

Good luck today.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 19/06/2014 07:44

I don't want to be insensitive but let's hold on to the fact that bright relinquished care a week ago. Social services need to be confident that she's mentally well, prepared to raise her son and has everything in place. Of course they have no right to keep him without an order but they could easily apply for one (not saying they would get it, but they might)
It's better to work with them than go in all guns blazing. They are being outrageously remiss in their lack of communication and lack of contact arrangements and that needs dealing with. I assume when they placed the baby they weren't thinking about regular contact and this has caused them to flail around trying to make arrangements.
The best outcome is daily contact to be put in place for the next (for eg) 7 days with the aim of Bright getting everything in place for him to return in 7 days to a suitable home, with all the necessary equipment and to a family that knows about him and is prepared for him.

McPhee · 19/06/2014 07:50

Still rooting for you.

Head up, shoulders back x

BrainSurgeon · 19/06/2014 07:55

I've got everything crossed for you Bright, I've sobbed reading through your story, I hope your reunion with DS today will be amazing and give you the strength you need to get him back.
Sending good vibes from far away! Thanks

Spinachfly · 19/06/2014 07:57

You are definitely sensible, Bright, cannot imagine many people remaining as clear-headed as you sound just now.

You are right, of course, about the stranger off the internet thing. Although I was saying that too, I agree it would look pretty bad. I think we've been suggesting it just because we are all so concerned that you should have some support for yourself and an independent witness there, particularly if you get emotional (under the same circumstances, I reckon I'd be totally in pieces) and because we all wish we could do something. But that doesn't make it sensible of course.

It might be worth speaking to one of the homelessness charities, Shelter or someone? There must be advocacy or similar support available from somewhere. Hopefully someone who knows more may make suggestions soon.
But in the meantime, you will at the very least be seeing your son today and you have a solicitor appointment tomorrow. So things are moving in the right direction.

As Pps said, please try to take care of yourself too, as best you can. It can be harder to reach out for support from RL friends, but, well, they're soon going to know you have a new baby, so it must be worth asking for help now. Take care Bright, and good luck for today.

TheNightIsDark · 19/06/2014 07:59

Good luck today xx

BrightSunshineyDay · 19/06/2014 08:05

Ehric No that isn't insensitive. Its true. I relinquished responsibility within hours of giving birth and hadn't told anyone I was even pregnant Sad so nothing had been put in place for the care of ds. I feel sick writing that but its true.
I signed the section 20 the day I gave birth but the paperwork wasn't submitted so I signed 3 days later.
I'm going to do this properly and with a clear head. No rash actions from me, no impulsive decisions. My ds deserves more.
Have to sort the other 3dc now for school then phone solicitor and hv and get ready to see my son. Im looking forward to seeing him so much i can't breathe!
Thank you again so much for all your advice. I have written questions down that I want to ask - I will be ready.

OP posts:
Fideliney · 19/06/2014 08:10

Just a random thought and have only skimmed the thread so sorry if it's already been said but might the www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/ be worth a ring if you don't make firm progress today? They can signpost and a bit more on top.

HappySunflower · 19/06/2014 08:10

I wish you the very best of luck, Bright, not that I think you need it.
Enjoy meeting your son again :) get someone to take some photos of you together.

Spinachfly · 19/06/2014 08:21

Great to hear you sounding so collected. :)
We're all still rooting for you.

scarletoconnor · 19/06/2014 09:09

good luck today bright

Littleroobe · 19/06/2014 09:22

Been lurking on this thread and hope everything works out the best for you bright and your son.

bright clutching at straws here to help with ss but could it have been possible you were suffering from antenatal depression and perhaps this was the reason for your original choice? (This next bit may sound insensitive but it's not meant that way) I only ask because your first post you were adamant this was the correct thing although you had been in denial and hadn't discussed the pregnancy with anybody you knew and who knew you well. Now that the pregnancy is over and it became "real" you can see clearly again, that you are the best source of care for your son. People have terminated pregnancies due to antenatal depression then regretted that decision almost immediately. Have a look at the symptoms to see if any of them related to you and perhaps that may help with explaining (not that you have to explain this to anyone!) to ss.

So much is emphasised about post natal depression but little about antenatal. I can't help but wonder if this was a contributing factor to your original decision and if you were not given the correct help during your pregnancy to help you make an informed choice.

Good luck with everything.

Spero · 19/06/2014 09:34

Thanks very much for that link Fid, I had not heard of that organisation before, they sound very good.

I have updated the 'legal advice' section of links and resources on the CPR site, which might be of interest to the op or anyone else who has child protection services in their lives.

If anyone has any other useful links to organisations that would be helpful, please do let me know and I can include them on the site.

www.childprotectionresource.org.uk/category/legal-advice/

mumteedum · 19/06/2014 09:47

Thinking of you bright. Thanks

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 19/06/2014 09:49

Bright, you must know I'm completely behind you. I was just addressing the posters who are posting very emotionally and advising you to take him today. It's tempting and I can understand how you would be wanting that. If I was the social worker I would be doing everything in my power to get him back to you but safely. I would be worried about the fact that you hadn't sought ante natal care and had kept the pregnancy secret. I would be concerned about your bond with DS and would want to observe you together a couple of times. I would be very worried about the pressure you have been facing and will face and would need to be assured that you had emotional and practical support in place. I would advise you to access mental health support and housing support and anything else that can boost your resilience at this time. I would want you to be fully prepared before DS came home but at the same time I would be pushing for daily, quality contact until that happened.
Good luck with it all xx

Mama1980 · 19/06/2014 09:53

Good luck today bright. Thinking of you. Thanks

fasparent · 19/06/2014 10:05

Agree with EhricLoves , Its unfortunate that ss did not follow up next day and were lacking in normal expected support you would not be in this situation , had they followed normal procedure's , and most likely baby would be with you now., Take your time important you get baby back if not today some time soon. Be routing for you.

dibly · 19/06/2014 10:07

Good luck today Bright.

In terms of housing, please call your local council and let them know you need urgent suitable accommodation for you and your children. Then contact your local councillor and ask them to keep on top of your requests and stress the urgency. And let SS know you have done this.

I really think it will all work out for you, and think you sound very balanced FWIW.. xx

MagpieMama · 19/06/2014 10:11

My thoughts are with you today bright. Take one step at a time and enjoy your little boy Thanks

andsmile · 19/06/2014 10:11

thinking of you Bright. Im so moved hope so much you get a lovely cuddle.

Your are right about being clear and not rash. Wow you are great. x

OpiesOldLady · 19/06/2014 10:15

Spero - That's a great link, thank you - really helpful.

Provencalroseparadox · 19/06/2014 10:18

Delurking to wish you the very best of luck.

Glenshee · 19/06/2014 10:50

All the best Bright xx

ChestyNut · 19/06/2014 10:52

Wishing you luck today Thanks

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