newborn adoption

[BrightSunshineyDay]

I gave birth yesterday and immediately relinquished responsibility. I have so much going round in my head right now that I hope no-one minds if I blurt it out here.
I will be speaking with social workers tomorrow so I want to think of as many questions as possible. I know without a doubt I am doing the right thing. He will go to a foster family for a few weeks until new parents are found (I was in denial about the pregnancy until only a couple ofdays ago)
How quickly will he be found a new family? Will the new family be in my local area? Should I write him a letter explaining my life circumstances and his birth story? Should I get him a keepsake? Is letterbox contact the best thing for him and his new family? Thats all I want. What is best for him. I want to do whatever is best so he can grow up not feeling abandoned or deserted. I want him to know I love him but I want him to have the best life possible.
Please tell me there are parents/a parent out there who are just about to receive into their life the most perfect beautiful boy, and they will be kind and loving and settled.
Sorry for the brain dump - I've been awake for hours and this is all going round in my head.

Bright, really glad you will see him tomorrow. You said you now realised you had underestimated your friends and the support they could give. Can you ask one of them to go with you tomorrow? Many posters here have offered - and I am in the north west and will gladly come with you if you're in reach of my bit of it - but I can't help thinking that a long-standing friend would be able to support you most effectively and show SS that you have people backing you up. Don't think you can't ask them - I bet they would want to help if they could.

Is it Friday you have the solicitor's appt? As someone said, get your DS in your arms tomorrow, then hand them the letter and tell them you are revoking the S20, you want to leave with him right away and as the S20 is voluntary you can't see any obstacle to doing so. If they try to flannel you, say you will only be back with your solicitor the next day if they do't co-operate. Use the exact words about revoking your consent. Very very very best of luck and much courage to you.

Another happy to help, I'm in Cheshire and have quite a few baby supplies that I can give you.

May I just say as a word of caution that we should still be wary of offering to help strangers on the internet.

Not to doubt the OP, but in your own interests everybody, think carefully about what you are prepared to risk.

The OP has had marvellous advice. I'm sure she is taking it now.

We're all with you on this Bright.

Write down exactly what you want to say about reevoking the s20 etc, so even if you get emotional, you can keep focused.

I will be thinking of you. Good luck, it won't be long before you have that wonderful little boy in your arms. You are a wonderful mother.

If I was close I'd come with you.

Make sure you have the essentials and take your boy home.

I'm in cambs and have a cot and brand new unused mattress (still in wrapper). And so much baby stuff! Let me know if you need it, been thinking of you all day.

One thing that you need to be aware of and prepared for is that while the advice is correct re section 20 no one has mentioned the emergency powers the police can use. If the sw (and their team manager etc) is not in agreement with you taking him the action they are most likely to take is to contact the police. The police have the power to grant a police protection order which lasts for 72 hours, giving the social worker time to get into court. Police protection is less tightly controlled and is basically at the discretion of the police who will make a decision based on info from the social worker. I'm not saying this will happen but need to be aware of the possibility. My advice would be to call to solicitor you are due to see on Friday, tell them that you plan to revoke s20 tomorrow afternoon and see if they can give you some urgent advice.

Please please please get proper legal representation as your number 1 priority tomorrow am

I agree that it is vital that you get some legal advice because it is correct that if the LA are not happy with you removing your child they can seek an order to prevent you or ask the police to exercise their powers to keep your child in a place of safety. But this can only last for 72 hours.

But if they go for an Emergency Protection Order or an Interim Care Order they have to go to court and you will be able to argue your case.

You might find this post helpful.
www.childprotectionresource.org.uk/category/the-law/key-legal-principles/interim-removal/

And while people are very kind to offer to go with you, nobody in children's services is going to be very impressed if you pitched up with a random you have chatted to on the internet shouting the odds.

You need proper support. Spero's link is very useful.

have been lurking on this thread and agree with Madam. It would be a spectacularly idiotic idea for the op to take along a mumsnetter she has never previously met to help her to regain her child from the care system. If SS had any doubts about the op's ability to look after her ds, these would be magnified by the fact she is prepared to engage with a total stranger from the internet in order to get back her child.

It's also not helpful to suggest that SS want any reason to keep hold of the op's baby and that she shouldn't admit to any difficulties. The fact is, the op relinquished responsibility for a reason. For her to say that she has no issues is unlikely to be believed anyway - nobody relinquishes a baby lightly - of course SS will know there are difficulties.

Op I do hope that things go well tomorrow... but you really do need to tell your dad and your other dc, probably before you actually go and see ds, in case you do get to bring him home.

Bright has already disclosed all her issues and fears to the SS, she said so way back at the beginning of the thread.

Morning. I can't sleep. Thank you for your posts.
maccie is right - accommodation is the issue. Even when I tell my dad I know I won't be able to bring ds back to his. I don't even know how to start the conversation with him?
Thank you for all your kind offers of coming with me but I agree with pp that I don't think it's a good idea. I will speak to HV and solicitor this am before I go to see ds.
I hear what you are all saying re just walking out with ds today but I am petrified about antagonising ss. I have been 100% honest with them about our problems and the reasons I was first considering adoption. I don't want to push them and risk the fallout. I just don't know. My head is just swimming with it all.
Re baby stuff' my friend has a pram and Moses basket I can have so I just need car seat, baby ros and nappies to get me started. Again thank you for the kind offers but I can get those things in the space of a couple of hours.
I can't see passed holding ds right now. In just a few hours I get to hold him and smell him and kiss him. God I'm so desperate for that!

Given the situation you are describing your priority must be addressing the housing issue. A good place to start may be to get in touch with Shelter or your local homelessness advice centre to discuss what options you might have.
Do you have any local friends/family who may be able to look after the baby on a short term basis? Children's services have a duty to assess anyone you suggest and that might be a short term solution as you would then have a much better chance of having good quality contact.

Failing that do you have a friend that would be prepared to be assessed to supervise the contact? Or point out to the SW that you are have not been assessed as a risk so there is no grounds for them to say that contact needs to be supervised. Reading between the lines it sounds like understaffing is hugely contributing to the lack of contact. The SW doesn't seem to be thinking creatively about this so provide some them some solutions yourself.

I am a bit worried that this thread is running away with itself a little but it sound like you are being sensible and not getting ahead of yourself. The most important thing for you at this point is getting proper legal advice. Good luck today.

Hey bright

So pleased you will see your baby today. I really hope your HV can come too as this is your very best person to take.

I would consider telling your dad before you see your son. This done you can honestly say you have achieved this to SS, not doing this makes you look like you are still in denial. If your dad reacted better, this would help you. If he didn't nothing worse can happy. Today might help you find a bit of anger at him that your fear of his judgement helped to force this issue-keep hold of that anger and use it block his judgement.

You are doing brilliantly. Your hv should be helpful. Enjoy today.

Jomato is really would be best if op didn't suggest another career for the baby, it is important that SWs see the op wants to parent her baby. Housing isn't a huge barrier, it is an issue for babies all over the uk. Families are over crowded in flats, in B&Bs and some hostels.

Thank you.there is nobody who could look after ds short term.
I want the happy ending today too and I really appreciate everyone rooting for me, advising me and just generally supporting me. I can't get it straight in my head how bringing ds home today, taking him from the only home and carer he knows into my shit situation is the best thing for him. That's what I want. The best for ds. I want to be sorting out my problems and reducing drama not increasing them. I want to do right by my son. I just don't know the best way to achieve that. I want ds home with me, I want all my DC together but I want to do it properly.
Thank you for calling me sensible - I think we can agree that my actions the last few months have been anything but sensible! But I want to do the right thing now. I want to be the mum ds deserves.

You have shown every time you post that you are the mum your son deserves.
Good luck for today, you have most of MN rooting for you and that's pretty rare :)

You clearly are a great mum. I wonder whether you need to be more generous in your self appraisal. You said up thread you have been a bed sharing, baby carrying ebf style mum. At the same time your physical circumstances were really different and when you then envisioned life for your newest baby you felt you couldn't meet your own high standards.

I did this too without ever having parented. I felt I couldn't be good enough in my circumstances and new what type of mum I wanted to be. I also had no support. I was wrong I would have been great even if a bit different to my imaginings. You will be great too, the needs of your family might be complex but your baby's needs are simple. The earlier you get back together the easier bonding is for you both.

You have to be ready mentally, the rest can be sorted.

Good luck

Lovely Bright - at the moment, although his needs are being met by the foster carer, nothing can quite compare to you.
Your Dad is hardly going to turf you and a brand new baby out, is he? But just supposing he did, then he'd be making you homeless and the Council can step in and find somewhere for you to live (this is what my sister had to do to her MIL when she couldn't stand having her live with them any more - the Council found a place for her MIL quickly). Your HV might be able to help with info on that, and if not, the solicitor certainly should be able to.

I get what you mean about "pissing off SS" - but how would you be? You only lent them your baby, now you want him back - you'll be freeing up a foster care place for another baby, your baby will be with his mum who now wants him - what's not to like from their point of view? So long as you're not taking him into danger (and if you were, there'd be protection orders on him and your other DC) then they should be happy that you're taking him back.

So get the car seat and get him back today. xxx

I think there needs to be plan to address brights situation,eg housing etc and offer adequate support
No one here has access to all facts and as much as folk want no definitive statements about outcomes or progress can be made
I'd advise brights instruct solicitor and taking hv is good suggestion

Good luck brights

I am a children's social worker. I am horrified about csc's treatment of you here. They are being unlawful in not promoting contact! I have had to arrange contact within 24 hours on every occasion I have taken a child into care. Sometimes I don't get forms completed on time, and sometimes other admin doesn't get done, but contact is a right, for parent and child and should be prioritised.

Do you have the section 20 agreement? My team would request 48 hours notice from birth parent to withdraw s20 consent. Legally - we did not need to be given 48 hours notice by the parent - the parent with PR has every right to care for their child at any point.

You need legal advice right now. Csc are not treating you and your son adequately, and I would say they are on shaky ground legally.

P.s. for a newborn, contact with parent should be daily, particularly if no child protection concerns - this is just so shocking that you have waited so long. And I cannot believe the sw will make you meet with them before your contact session, in my opinion this is just insensitive.

PM me if you need any advice re sw, but your best bet is a family solicitor, you will qualify for legal aid so don't let finances worry you.

If you're in the South Wales area, then I can highly recommend Avery Naylor solicitors. They really know their shit.

Good luck today, Bright. Thinking of you.

Hi I'm a child sw as well and although I've on,y skimmed the thread I would reiterate getting urgent legal advice.
Do not take your son, it will on,y make you look unbalanced.
Seek help with housing and any other outstanding needs and keep a record of what you do eg, calls to housing etc.
Ask your solicitor about an advocate for yourself.

Good luck.