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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

newborn adoption

642 replies

BrightSunshineyDay · 08/06/2014 06:22

I gave birth yesterday and immediately relinquished responsibility. I have so much going round in my head right now that I hope no-one minds if I blurt it out here.
I will be speaking with social workers tomorrow so I want to think of as many questions as possible. I know without a doubt I am doing the right thing. He will go to a foster family for a few weeks until new parents are found (I was in denial about the pregnancy until only a couple ofdays ago)
How quickly will he be found a new family? Will the new family be in my local area? Should I write him a letter explaining my life circumstances and his birth story? Should I get him a keepsake? Is letterbox contact the best thing for him and his new family? Thats all I want. What is best for him. I want to do whatever is best so he can grow up not feeling abandoned or deserted. I want him to know I love him but I want him to have the best life possible.
Please tell me there are parents/a parent out there who are just about to receive into their life the most perfect beautiful boy, and they will be kind and loving and settled.
Sorry for the brain dump - I've been awake for hours and this is all going round in my head.

OP posts:
HappySunflower · 18/06/2014 20:08

I was about to post something similar Thumbwitch. Not that that will surprise you! Grin

MagpieMama · 18/06/2014 20:10

So glad to hear you're seeing him tomorrow. Some very wise and knowledgeable people on here with good advice. I just wanted to add, please don't feel you're letting your baby boy down at all. You're a loving mother doing her very best in difficult circumstances, enjoy your reunion Thanks

VisualiseAHorse · 18/06/2014 20:11

You are not only seeing him tomorrow for an hour. You are collecting him to take him home. They can NOT hold him.

Please take someone with you, give them your withdrawal of content and Take Him Home.

WeAreEternal · 18/06/2014 20:17

That is fantastic news Bright I am so glad you are finally getting to see your son.

Can you get one of your friends to go with you for support?

In your situation I would go to the SW meeting and make it clear that you want your son back and you no longer agree to the voluntary care order.
I would also take a car seat, a nappy bag and a change of clothes and a letter stating that you withdraw your consent for the care order and that you are taking you baby home with you.

I also echo what others have said, if you are anywhere close by I would be happy to offer some real life support.

Original poster
BrightSunshineyDay · 18/06/2014 20:23

Vmy phone is shit and taking an age to post.
No I'm going on my own tomorrow. Can I really just take him?
Yes I know where he is (the town) I am seeing ds at the council offices which are in the town half way between us.

OP posts:
maccie · 18/06/2014 20:27

Bright

Could your HV go with you tomorrow ? Maybe it's worth asking her. If not the HV then any other friend that could come with you. Just the moral support can help you feel braver and stand your ground and also as a witness to any strong arm tactics they might pull.

Also see if you can get a telephone consultation with the solicitor you have lined up. Tell the receptionist/clerk/solicitor(whoever you manage to get through to) that you ARE going to hand over written withdrawal of consent to the section 20 and you need to know if there is anyway that they could stop you leaving with your ds. This should prompt them to advise you of the outcomes.

If SS do say you can't take him home with you tell them you want his reasons for that decision in writing to take to your solicitor straight after contact otherwise you will be leaving with him. Even threaten to call the police as your are the SOLE PERSON WITH PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR DS not them and they have no court order to give it to them.

You are doing fantastic bright. Your getting there bit by bit. Your efforts are what has made this contact happen. Don't forget that you were told it would be next week at the earliest. You did this. You can do the rest.

How are you managing bright ? You need to look after yourself too. Make sure your eating properly and resting as much as is possible in the circumstances.

Everyone here is rooting for you and will be here cheering you on

Itsfab · 18/06/2014 20:32

I am offering to come with you tomorrow to carry all his stuff home so you can carry him. Please take the advice and YES and you can just take him home.

PLEASE anyone, help Bright make this happen for her and her son.

(apologies, I know I am being stupid and over emotional).

maccie · 18/06/2014 20:34

Bright you really need someone with you tomorrow. They are actually powerless to stop you unless they are applying for an EPO. they know this that's why when you say you want him back they discuss contact to side track you.

I withdraw my consent to the section 20. This is what stops this charade they are going through.

They are keeping him from you right now with your permission.

Remove that permission and they are just strangers on the street keeping you from your ds. You would not stand for that !

AnotherStitchInTime · 18/06/2014 20:35

That is great bright, you must take someone to be a witness for you to both the meeting with the social worker and your baby.

Be very careful, if they intend to issue care proceedings they must notify you formally in the form of a letter inviting you to attend a meeting with them and advising you to attend with a solicitor. Write down everything they say in your own notes or get whoever attends with you to do so, ask the SW to sign them and you and your witness sign and date them.

If you can I would get legal advice before the meeting. Brendan Fleming offers immediate call back.

Oscarandelliesmum · 18/06/2014 20:36

Well said Maccie - We are all here cheering you on Bright, you are doing a fantastic job! He is an amazingly lucky little boy to have a wonderful mum fighting so hard for him. Just keep repeating to your self 'calm and assertive' when dealing with the shitty social worker....YOU are in the right and they have no right to continue mucking you around. GOOD LUCK!!xxxx

maccie · 18/06/2014 20:36

Seconding what itsfab said. I will come with you.

Can you give us an idea of your area.

I'm in the North west. Merseyside

Itsfab · 18/06/2014 20:41

PLEASE take someone with you. Even if you have to pay them, ie a solicitor.

FreeLikeABird · 18/06/2014 20:45

Stay strong bright, please take your son home with you.

andsmile · 18/06/2014 20:46

Your posts have really moved me. They sound so heartfelt with concern for this baby boy. You have time to get everything straight in your head. Im pleased you have support. I really just wanted to post to wish you and the baby well. You sound very brave. x

andsmile · 18/06/2014 20:47

OP Im sorry I read the first page and posted after that. I can see your situation has changed - my heart lept Smile

Itsfab · 18/06/2014 20:49

SS are not your friend. They are not trying to help you get your son back. They don't appear to have offered you any support once you signed the form. Remember that when you go tomorrow. Call the police if you have to but don't leave without your son. You have 100's of posters behind you. They have very little.

maccie · 18/06/2014 20:57

Maybe ring 101 and forewarn them that you are withdrawing your consent tomorrow at the council offices on blah blah street in brights town and you are expecting them to be resistant due to already telling them you no longer wish for them to accommodate your ds any longer, and ask them what they would advise in that circumstance. Then take their name and officer numbers so you are ready for tomorrow.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 18/06/2014 20:59

Good luck tomorrow. I'm disappointed to read about your experiences and very much hope that you get a resolution soon.
You are completely entitled to take your baby home tomorrow and be assessed from that perspective, though it might be better to wait a day or two to give you time to tell your children and get everything ready.

TerrysNo2 · 18/06/2014 21:00

bright I've been following your story. When your see DS tomorrow, as long as your feel able to care for him (and it sounds like you do) then take him home. I know you said earlier that you have issues confronting people you perceive to be in a position of power but remember they are only people and from what I understand you still have your rights and considering how long it's taken for you to be able to see your baby I would not trust that they would "let" you see him again quickly.

You can do this, please please believe in yourself, we all do!!

HappySunflower · 18/06/2014 21:01

I wouldn't advise involving the Police at this stage. No crime has been committed, nor order breached, therefore it could rather backfire as they work very closely with social care teams.

BelleateSebastian · 18/06/2014 21:02

have you got everything you need for a newborn? don't let this be a barrier to them letting you bring him home ... again something local mn'ers could help with, I havent got baby equipment but if I had I woul d help out Grin

elfycat · 18/06/2014 21:03

I'm in Suffolk if you need someone to go with you. I have to do the school runs but am free apart from that.

I agree you need someone with you if you can manage it. Someone not immediately emotionally involved who can stick to the line 'Section 20 has been withdrawn, is there anything else? No? Right bye' as you leave.

Take a change bag with everything you might need. Nappies, wipes, change of clothes, nappy bags, a bottle, carton of milk etc, so SS can't suggest you are not ready/prepared. If you have everything you need to look after him it weakens any argument they may have about that.

elfycat · 18/06/2014 21:04

ex-post Belleate

AnotherStitchInTime · 18/06/2014 21:05

Also The Family Rights Group might be able to advise you, their helpline is open from 9.30am.

andsmile · 18/06/2014 21:05

I have just read the whole thread now bright.

Get him and bring him home.

Please take somone with you.

Is there anyway we can help?