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Adoption

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newborn adoption

642 replies

BrightSunshineyDay · 08/06/2014 06:22

I gave birth yesterday and immediately relinquished responsibility. I have so much going round in my head right now that I hope no-one minds if I blurt it out here.
I will be speaking with social workers tomorrow so I want to think of as many questions as possible. I know without a doubt I am doing the right thing. He will go to a foster family for a few weeks until new parents are found (I was in denial about the pregnancy until only a couple ofdays ago)
How quickly will he be found a new family? Will the new family be in my local area? Should I write him a letter explaining my life circumstances and his birth story? Should I get him a keepsake? Is letterbox contact the best thing for him and his new family? Thats all I want. What is best for him. I want to do whatever is best so he can grow up not feeling abandoned or deserted. I want him to know I love him but I want him to have the best life possible.
Please tell me there are parents/a parent out there who are just about to receive into their life the most perfect beautiful boy, and they will be kind and loving and settled.
Sorry for the brain dump - I've been awake for hours and this is all going round in my head.

OP posts:
spiderlight · 18/06/2014 21:08

So glad you are seeing him. As others have said, turn up prepared - full change bag, changes of clothes for him etc. - and if you can, take a friend with you who will be able to keep a cool head if you get emotional. I so desperately hope you can take him home tomorrow and start to move on with your lives together. I've not posted much but you've been on my mind all day.

choochootrain1 · 18/06/2014 21:08

Oh Bright this is awful this is happening to you, but I'm so thrilled you are seeing him tomorrow. As I said to you earlier in the posts, I've had some experience of SS, as have other ladies.

They are human. They get things wrong. Most of the time But as mothers, we see them as the law, we're frightened to rock the boat in case they swoop in and remove all our kids etc.

They really can't do that without a judge granting them permission, and no judge in the country would do that here, unless there's a lot more to the story than what you have told us (it doesn't sound like there is)....but I wouldn't wait for meetings on friday with a solicitor, I'd be on the phone now demanding someone act on my behalf, just in case they are stalling you while trying to go to court to get anything in place that would mean you'd have to jump through a lot more hoops before he's home. They have been known to be sneaky that way, and at least with a solicitor on the case they'd be on top of that.

Withdraw consent to the section 20 immediately. You get yourself ready tonight with everything you need for your baby, and you go collect him tomorrow. You don't need permission - this is YOUR baby x

Please please try and take someone with you. This is an emergency. The harder you fight, the more kick ass assertive you are, the better!

We're all behind you! heck most of us would like to come to the SS office and stage a protest until he's in your arms I expect!! x

duchesse · 18/06/2014 21:11

Good luck tomorrow Bright.

RustyParker · 18/06/2014 21:12

Your story has really touched me.

Please take a friend with you tomorrow and go home with your DS. You need each other.

I'm shocked that ss are doing this and misleading you. Stay strong

AnotherStitchInTime · 18/06/2014 21:12

I agree with Happy do not involve Police at this stage as they work closely with SS and will believe whatever SW tells them.

You must also talk to your Dad tonight if you haven't done already, his support will be invaluable as a family member, but also because you live with him with your other children therefore if he is on board it is one less obstacle they can claim is a barrier to you taking your son home with you.

I also agree with others that you need to show that you are ready to take home a newborn, just let us know if you need anything, I have seen MNetters do some amazing things with pulling together stuff for people in need. Can you talk to your close friends/sisters friend about this meeting and help you need?

andsmile · 18/06/2014 21:12

Take a copy of your right under this order. Make sure you know them to bounce back at them if they suggest otherwise. - Im apalled at you being kept from him.

I know its not considered PC but take some ready made forumula (square cartons) and bottles just in case.

Ask for all his weight and height measurements, ask for every detail focus on him and his progress - show how you know as an experienced mum what/where he should be.

I hope none of this is patronising just hoping to help in some way.

I really admire you x

scottishmummy · 18/06/2014 21:12

No need to involve police,or 101.dreadful advice.its civil matter not police matter
You need a case conference to discuss how to support you,and your preferences
I imagine you'll be feeling scared,and all the what-ifs going round your mins.do disclose about your difficulties,finances and accommodation to the sw

And good luck,i hope you find fortitude

Bicnod · 18/06/2014 21:14

I've been thinking about this thread all day. So glad you are seeing him tomorrow and really hope you are able to bring him home. You are so strong. I'm in Hampshire if I can help in any way then please just ask. Wishing you lots strength for tomorrow.

maccie · 18/06/2014 21:18

Happy sunflower I would say an order has been breached here. Bright voluntarily asked them to accommodate her son. She has repeatedly stated to them she wants her child back and they have not returned him. They have legal ways to refuse to do this with an EPO but have not taken that option.

A crime has not been committed but I said ask for their advice given the circumstances and previous refusal to do what they legally have to

Spinachfly · 18/06/2014 21:19

Yes choo, I think everyone here would like to show up, link arms and sing "We shall overcome" until Bright walks out of there with her son. I've been thinking of you all day too Bright.

I agree with everyone that you should take someone with you if at all possible - even one of us.

That sw you are seeing tomorrow sounds like an arsehole. If he comes out with another "This is your fault" type of line, then I think the best tactic might be to rise gracefully above it - I mean that I suggest you go for a "Let's focus on where we are now, and on what is best for my son. I withdraw consent to the s20." type of response, rather than either defending yourself or attacking their shit behaviour - staying calmly focused on the outcome you want.

Good luck. You are doing so, so well, even if it doesn't feel like it. You will get there.

AnotherStitchInTime · 18/06/2014 21:24

24 hour helpline here www.keepingfamiliestogether.org.uk/

Celia1978 · 18/06/2014 21:27

I barely ever post on Mumsnet but I really felt like I had to add my voice to say how impressed I am by your courage and how much I hope you get your DS home as soon as possible. I don't know much about child protection so I googled the Section 20.

First link: "Any person who has parental responsibility for a child may at any time remove the child from accommodation provided by or on behalf of the local authority."

Second link: "Some children are looked after by the Local Authority by agreement with, or at the request of, their parents... The parents retain full parental responsibility."

Third link: "Section 20 accommodation is very different to your child being removed from your care under a care order. The LA do NOT share parental responsibility for your child and under section 20(8) any person who has parental responsibility can remove the child from LA accommodation at any time"

Fourth link: "If a child is accommodated the parents retain full parental responsibility. Nothing can be done with the child without the consent of their parents. If a parent asks for the child to be returned to them this request should be complied with."

And this is the actual wording of the Childrens Act 1989:
"(7)A local authority may not provide accommodation under this section [Section 20] for any child if any person who—
(a)has parental responsibility for him; and
(b)is willing and able to—
(i)provide accommodation for him; or
(ii)arrange for accommodation to be provided for him,objects.
(8)Any person who has parental responsibility for a child may at any time remove the child from accommodation provided by or on behalf of the local authority under this section."

As I said, I'm not an expert but even to me it is ABUNDANTLY clear that you have every right just to collect your son tomorrow and bring him home. No doubt SS will want to be involved and check up on him and you - but whatever, let them. Just get him home with you. Good luck!

MagpieMama · 18/06/2014 21:29

Agreeing with the others, take someone with you. I'm in Cambs at the moment. Feel free to PM me if you need anything, baby stuff etc.

Maiyakat · 18/06/2014 21:30

No advice to add to the excellent advice already given, but praying strength for you for tomorrow

andsmile · 18/06/2014 21:31

yeah ring that link OP ring

andsmile · 18/06/2014 21:33

Greta post celia OP memrise that bit in bold.

Im going to be thinking about - havnt felt this storngly about something in ages.

Im in the Midlands - if there is anyway I can help do let me know, if I can I will.

LJBanana · 18/06/2014 21:39

North west here with a house full of baby stuff. Feel free too pm me if you need too. Good luck Bright, I bet you cannot wait too hold your boy.
I think you have shown amazing courage and admirable restraint and calmness throughout.
This time tomorrow he'll be where he needs to be. I'll be thinking about you.

Itsfab · 18/06/2014 21:41

I can't help thinking that telling SS of any difficulties is terrible advice. Do that and NO way will they allow you to take your child Hmm. They are being obstructive so will be delighted at any excuse to keep hold of your son.

Do you think you could try and feed him tomorrow?

LJBanana · 18/06/2014 21:46

North west here with a house full of baby stuff. Feel free too pm me if you need too. Good luck Bright, I bet you cannot wait too hold your boy.
I think you have shown amazing courage and admirable restraint and calmness throughout.
This time tomorrow he'll be where he needs to be. I'll be thinking about you.

Anotheronesoon · 18/06/2014 21:48

I'm in London and have a loft full of baby things - happy to help if I can - keep being strong and go get your little boy!

BrightSunshineyDay · 18/06/2014 21:54

Thankyou all so much. My head is swimming with all your posts.
I will speak to HV in the morning and see if she is available to come with me.
The awful thing is, if ss had communicated with me better then I was ready to accept that ds might not come home with me for a week or 2 to give me time to help the 3dc (and dad) to the news, time to get further on with accommodation, time for me to see ds regularly and get him used to me again before I take him from the only home he knows. I felt 'happy' (in the loosest possible term) with that. I really thought they would support all 4dc and me. I still think that is what should have happened. Can't believe I got it so wrong.
Right now I can't think further than holding him Sad
I really do appreciate all your support. I am channelling your strength. I will get my ds back, I'm in no doubt about that now.
Early night for me, need to be on form tomorrow. Thank you again.

OP posts:
maccie · 18/06/2014 21:55

The only difficulty that would prevent bright from revoking the section 20 is accommodation. Even if it is not ideal accommodation. That then becomes an issue they are supposed to help with.

mummyof2munchkins · 18/06/2014 21:55

Bright, I'm sending you hugs. Your are the right person to parent this little boy. Nobody can change or refute that.

Lets get practical. Can you give an indication of the region you are in and I suspect you will have a team of MN's offering support to stand side by side with you tomorrow.

Do you have everything you need, for a new born who is breastfed there isn't really that much, few changes of clothes, nappies, somewhere safe to sleep. The rest you will gather as you need it.

I know you don't need reminding really - you've been there 3 times already. If there is anything you don't have please post and I'm sure one of us will be able to supply it within 24 hours.

You have a very strong support network here. Please let us help in any way we can. You are not alone in this, it might be advisable to slip that in to your conversation with SW, many of us are watching and supporting you.

xxx

jkhj · 18/06/2014 22:06

Bright I'm so happy you will be getting to hold/feed you dear son tomorrow and be strong - take him home.

Like others are saying a few clothes and nappies is all you need. Take the change bag things and formula incase you need it (hopefully not).

I'm in London and have loads of baby things, can arrange to get them to you.

We are all there with you xx

feetheart · 18/06/2014 22:10

I'll throw my name in too. I'm in Bedfordshire and free during school hours if that is any good.
Please take someone with you.
Good luck tomorrow.

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