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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

newborn adoption

642 replies

BrightSunshineyDay · 08/06/2014 06:22

I gave birth yesterday and immediately relinquished responsibility. I have so much going round in my head right now that I hope no-one minds if I blurt it out here.
I will be speaking with social workers tomorrow so I want to think of as many questions as possible. I know without a doubt I am doing the right thing. He will go to a foster family for a few weeks until new parents are found (I was in denial about the pregnancy until only a couple ofdays ago)
How quickly will he be found a new family? Will the new family be in my local area? Should I write him a letter explaining my life circumstances and his birth story? Should I get him a keepsake? Is letterbox contact the best thing for him and his new family? Thats all I want. What is best for him. I want to do whatever is best so he can grow up not feeling abandoned or deserted. I want him to know I love him but I want him to have the best life possible.
Please tell me there are parents/a parent out there who are just about to receive into their life the most perfect beautiful boy, and they will be kind and loving and settled.
Sorry for the brain dump - I've been awake for hours and this is all going round in my head.

OP posts:
Fortheloveofralph · 18/06/2014 12:41

Send one email with everyone attached - so general SS email, nice managers email, new managers email, health visitor, GP, midwives.

Add a log of every time you have phoned SS, general comment about what they have said they would do etc and what the outcome has actually been. So people reading can see that you are getting nowhere despite trying.

Send this email on to your solicitor and the MP for your area.

Fortheloveofralph · 18/06/2014 12:44

What would the police say? Is it a police matter if you have withdrawn consent

BuntyCollocks · 18/06/2014 12:49

I've pm'd you.

Good point also about MP for the area. I got mine involved for my daughter's healthcare, and he was amazing at getting wheels moving.

MrsSpencerReid · 18/06/2014 12:59

I have no practical advice to add but wanted you to know I'm rooting for you, sending you strength and offering a hand to hold should you need another Smile

Itsfab · 18/06/2014 13:08

Rooting for you both.

Deleted my post but ^ that is safe to say.

ClairesTravellingCircus · 18/06/2014 13:18

Still thinking of you Bright. Xxx

Nonnimouse · 18/06/2014 13:24

Thinking of you too, this is totally unacceptable. I agree with also contacting the police, copying emails to MP etc. This is NOT normal practice, and it is NOT acceptable.

Original poster
BrightSunshineyDay · 18/06/2014 13:31

Thankyoh all. Nice manager not returning my calls now Sad got an appointment with solicitor first thing friday and waiting for other solicitors to call me back. The only emails I can find are all general ones. This is all beyond belief. How can they do this,really? The solicitor I have an apt with said our county is so understaffed with ss that they are getting more and more phonecalls asking for advice. Sad

OP posts:
PumpkinsMummy · 18/06/2014 14:08

I don't think Friday is quick enough Bright, you must be feeling so desperate. Can you go down to their offices? It's alot more difficult to refuse to answer someone in person.

BuntyCollocks · 18/06/2014 14:10

Bright,

As a suggestion for a plan of action:

Email/call your local MP now. They are generally excellent. Seriously, go do this now. Phone them, in fact, and follow up with an email regardless.

I would also be phoning 101 - see if this is something the police can get involved in. You have expressly advised you withdraw your s20 consent, you have repeatedly asked for your child back, at this point I wonder if it would be classed as kidnap, as there is no EPO in place?

I'm more than happy to write emails/phone if you need someone in your court. I am quite eloquent and scary, apparently.

Oscarandelliesmum · 18/06/2014 14:10

This is crazy, I can't believe what unproffesional, useless idiots you are dealing with. I am so angry on your behalf, Bright. How close is the office to your dads house? Could you just pitch up there and pleasantly but firmly demand some action?

Fortheloveofralph · 18/06/2014 14:10

Can you ring SS and ask for email addresses?

GothMummy · 18/06/2014 14:11

I cant believe how badly you are being treated. I am hoping for a good resolution to this sad situation before the weekend.

Whiteshoes · 18/06/2014 14:17

Just on the email address, dh (not family lawyer, just lawyer) thinks sending copy of "I withdraw my consent" letter/email to head of social services and any other general social services email address willbe fine. It's got to be worth doing anyway.

God, I wish I could help. This is such a crazy nightmare. It makes no sense. Babies are best off with their mothers. Why aren't they facilitating that for you, offering support and encouragement, not making it impossible? I'm angry and terrified and it's not happening to me.

Mama1980 · 18/06/2014 14:18

This is absolutely ridiculous. I'm so sorry you're being treated this way bright.
I would call 101 now tbh and ask for advice.
I have had my 'adopted' dd placed with me since birth when her birth mum a relative relinquished her to my care and The amount of checking and paperwork needed to be signed and sorted was immense. Without all this I cannot see how they are not breaking the law by failing to communicate with you at the very very least. I have had years of dealings with ss if you think I can help in anyway please don't hesitate to ask.
Thinking of you x

Itsfab · 18/06/2014 14:23

I really feel for you and this all stinks with the "this is your doing" comment. I feel that is quite bullying and worried me as to what their plans are for your baby.

You have had some good advice and I would say do ring the police. You are being kept from your new born and no one is calling you back when they say they will. I know how crap that is (I am waiting on the police ringing me back Hmm) and I would keep on.

Note names of people taking messages, it is funny how quick people help when you want their name Hmm.

SuperScrimper · 18/06/2014 14:29

I've just read this entire thread and I am so so happy you've changed your mind.

Now you just need to get him back, gosh I am rooting for you so hard today.

VisualiseAHorse · 18/06/2014 14:51

Just read the entire thread three minutes, so apologies if I've missed anything.

Can you straight to the HV office?

RedCherryPie · 18/06/2014 14:58

I have no experience of this but wish you well
Good luck
I hope you get him back

LadyCelia · 18/06/2014 15:19

Oh Bright, this is all bringing back some horrible memories for me (not quite the same situation as you but the same treatment by SS), I really feel for you. Just to give you a bit of hope, we got there in the end and SS have left us alone since. It can be done, hang on in there, keep on going.

scarletoconnor · 18/06/2014 15:22

I was really hoping to come on here today and read you had got to see you baby. Thinking of you

EverythingCounts · 18/06/2014 15:28

I second the call to contact your MP, or your local councillor, try both. They ought to be able to speak up on your behalf.

I also think if you can physically go to ether your HV's office or the SS office it might help. Much easier to not call back than to avoid dealing with someone in front of you. I accept that might not be possible with your other DC to consider though.

Also try 101 as had been said. If nothing else it will show that you kept trying avenues when SS didn't call back.

LadyCelia · 18/06/2014 15:38

Couple of thoughts just now.

Please do contact your GP to register what has happened, & how you feel. This could be important if the SS do decide to ask your GP for information, plus your GP may be able to pull some strings for you with them.

Also, check your solicitor doesn't have a conflict of interests. Some solicitors who specialise in SS cases often work for the Local Authority on child welfare cases with the local SS and may not be able to act for you if they are tied into a contract with the Local Authority. Just something I came across when trying to find a solicitor with experience in our case.

Damnautocorrect · 18/06/2014 15:46

This is just awful, how the hell is this delay helping anyone.
Sorry I've no advise or help, but Jesus this is awful

Thumbwitch · 18/06/2014 16:18

Definitely go to the GP for your own benefit and support, and the local Councillor may be able to help push things along for you as well.

I suppose there is no way you can just go and occupy the SS office until someone does something for you, is there? Or at least the Council office.
Understaffing is absolutely NOT a good enough excuse for this delay - I'm outraged on your behalf!

Make sure that you tell EVERYONE that you speak to that this is an EMERGENCY now as it has been X days since you have had any contact with your baby and you're getting desperate - now is NOT the time to be brave, polite and accepting on the phone to any of them. This might expedite things a little.

Hope you have better luck soon!