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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

newborn adoption

642 replies

BrightSunshineyDay · 08/06/2014 06:22

I gave birth yesterday and immediately relinquished responsibility. I have so much going round in my head right now that I hope no-one minds if I blurt it out here.
I will be speaking with social workers tomorrow so I want to think of as many questions as possible. I know without a doubt I am doing the right thing. He will go to a foster family for a few weeks until new parents are found (I was in denial about the pregnancy until only a couple ofdays ago)
How quickly will he be found a new family? Will the new family be in my local area? Should I write him a letter explaining my life circumstances and his birth story? Should I get him a keepsake? Is letterbox contact the best thing for him and his new family? Thats all I want. What is best for him. I want to do whatever is best so he can grow up not feeling abandoned or deserted. I want him to know I love him but I want him to have the best life possible.
Please tell me there are parents/a parent out there who are just about to receive into their life the most perfect beautiful boy, and they will be kind and loving and settled.
Sorry for the brain dump - I've been awake for hours and this is all going round in my head.

OP posts:
choochootrain1 · 18/06/2014 00:15

If it's any comfort Bright, I had SS involved at the beginning when my son was born and initially we had a very very crap initial assessment worker, the long term worker was like night and day in comparison to her, and she put heaps of support in place. They weren't involved for very long, but long enough to get me re-homed, and linked in with agencies that have been supportive. The SW's words to me were "if you have to have us involved, you might as well get everything out of us that you can"...and she was true to her word. I hope you get one like I eventually did.

I think the initial assessment people might just be so used to trying to cover their backs that they go in with overkill from the offset rather than risk a case ending up in the papers because they didn't step in.

Original poster
BrightSunshineyDay · 18/06/2014 00:25

Thank you choo. I hope that is the case. Certainly the manager I've been speaking to has been good and positive but the rest have been worse than useless. It feels so disheartening and I have spoken to like dirt. I will use that to keep the fire in my belly going though.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrightSunshineyDay · 18/06/2014 00:27

*have been spoken to like dirt

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 18/06/2014 00:46

bright please do keep a record of all instances where their dealing with you are rude or unhelpful or where unnecessary obstacles are put in the way of you seeing your son.

Keep that belly fire going! Bless you.

stolemyusername · 18/06/2014 05:49

I have absolutely no advice, I just wanted to say that I hope that your baby is back in your arms where he belongs very quickly. I'm amazed that they can take anything that a scared, hormonal new mum says as gospel and to keep him away from you is just cruel.

ChestyNut · 18/06/2014 06:47

Wishing you good luck today Thanks

Hels20 · 18/06/2014 06:56

I re-read your thread last night - it brought a few tears to my eyes. So happy you spoke to your sister and your sister is helping you out- even if she is thousands of miles away. You can get through this, and you will get through this. You are much stronger and more of a fighter than you give yourself credit - and I don't think it was just your sister that inherited your Mum's personality.

I hope your Dad surprises you and is supportive - after all, it is one of his grandchildren. Sometimes parents can surprise you - I hope this is one such case.

Really hope you have your baby back in your arms by the end of the week.

HappySunflower · 18/06/2014 07:17

You are doing so well, it might not feel like it right now, but really, you are.
I'm so pleased to hear you sounding stronger and hope and pray that you get to see your baby today.
The social care manager that you've been dealing with sounds like a good one- I really hope she pulls out all the stops for you today.
With regards to an assessment, they should only be assessing your capacity to have him if they have any identified concerns about your parenting/housing/well being.
If you can evidence the robustness of all of the above then they really should not be wasting any time, they should be placing your son back in your care with no further delays.
A solicitor will take the greatest of pleasure in taking this on and sorting it out. Just make sure that you see one specialising in family law practice.

Best of luck today! Will be checking in later and hoping for good news....

OpiesOldLady · 18/06/2014 07:19

Bright, I wish you luck that today is the day you get to see your little boy.

Appalled, but not surprised at SS reaction.

Much love sweetheart x

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 18/06/2014 07:24

Good luck today.

MonserratCaballe · 18/06/2014 07:31

Dear Bright, good luck for today.

Remember - only YOU have PR. SS can only keep him once you withdraw your consent (allowing time for paperwork etc to be processed) if they get a court order - an emergency protection order or an interim care order. They would need serious concerns about his safety to do this.

Plan - school run, phone SS (follow up with email confirming conversation to get paper trail) then solicitors.

Thinking of you today XXXXXXX

maccie · 18/06/2014 07:32

So good to hear you feeling positive again bright. Remember to keep it simply with SS today.

"You have my son on a section 20, and I now withdraw my consent to that but will happily take any support to improve our situation and work with you on assessments until you are satisfied were all okay. When will my son be returned me? "

You can do this bright. Your mum will be proud

Thumbwitch · 18/06/2014 07:33

Wishing you the best of best luck today Bright - I hope you get a good solicitor, I hope but doubt you'll get much joy from the SWs, and I know you'll be fired up to go in and demand they return your baby to you NOW as what they are now doing is tantamount to kidnap.

Good for you lovely - you've done amazingly well so far, just go and kick some arses really hard until you get what you want - your baby back with you. xx

FuturePerfect · 18/06/2014 09:19

Wishing you all the best today and into the future.

Remember, there are a hundred reasons why women are sometimes unable to spend time with their babies following birth (hospitalisation, etc.) This does not make them inadequate mothers. You have suffered a number of traumas leading up to this moment, which are just as 'valid' as any physical illness.

Be kind to yourself. You have been heroic here. You were pregnant and gave birth with no one knowing! You continued with your normal duties, and protected everyone else around you - you took the flak for everyone.

Once this crisis point is over, you will need time to learn how to value your own needs, and I genuinely hope you receive all the help and support available.

Doodleloomoo · 18/06/2014 09:25

Delurking to say I've followed your thread and I'm rooting for you today.

I'll pile on the cheese and say that as long as you have love for your children, the rest is achievable.

Hope you find a solicitor who is as outraged as mn about your dismissive treatment by ss.

My best wishes xxx

marne2 · 18/06/2014 09:30

I hope today's a good day for you bright, and I hope you get a step closer to bringing your little boy home xxx

WhizzPopBang · 18/06/2014 09:36

Good luck today Bright, be strong! We're all rooting for you... Use that collective strength to keep the belly fire going!

feetheart · 18/06/2014 09:45

I often lurk but rarely post however I REALLY want to add my support to the overwhelming MN posse.
You sound a strong and amazing woman and I hope things move foreword for you very quickly from today.

Spinachfly · 18/06/2014 09:45

Good luck today.

You might give your health visitor a ring too - it sounded like she was potentially helpful. Remember to let them know that you want to breastfeed!

As everyone says, so many people are thinking for you, rooting for you today - take heart, take strength from the weight of numbers on your side, and the law too.

spiderlight · 18/06/2014 09:52

Good luck today.

yongnian · 18/06/2014 09:53

Still rooting along with all the others for you and DS....anytime you feel your 'belly fire' waning...breathe all the way down to your belly and back again and remember how many of us are right behind you...i have some experience of adoption..both my grandparents were adopted and a boyfriend of mine too..he used to say his birthday was the only day he could be sure his mother was thinking of him...after I had my first DD I told him this: 'Your mother must have loved you beyond herself to think she needed to find you a better life than she thought she could give you.'
Bright, this is where you can continue to find the strength (and belly fire) to carry on with this....you love that boy so much you felt you should step aside...but to me, it just shows the strength of you and the love in you..and you can use this now to come through and get him back with you.
Sorry to sound so emotional, and i hope I havent said anything out of line but having had a baby recently myself and with the experiences above, your story has touched me to the core.

Original poster
BrightSunshineyDay · 18/06/2014 10:21

Still nothing Sad so I rang nice manager and she is unhappy and said I need to see my son and she is escalating things and going higher up. She asked me to give her 10mins.
If nothing in 10mins then I will phone a solicitor, I don't want to tie up the phone so they have any excuse to say they couldn't get through to me.
10mins, I can wait 10 mins.
I will never again tell anyone not to be scared of ss and that they are there to help. I didn't have faith in my friends and dsis reaction but I had faith in as. I got that well and truly the wrong way round didn't I?

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 18/06/2014 10:32

Am waiting with you.

Keep chin up, you will get there. Think strong thoughts and keep your goal in sight, you are so brave, you are fighting for him, that is a very mum thing to do, you are becoming empowered and all their crap will not wear you down!

Huge hugs.

Whiteshoes · 18/06/2014 10:34

Bright, I also wanted to add to the support for you. You truly are amazing. I was shaking after reading your thread. You are so strong, really.

I hope to God that your baby is back with you, well, today. I can't understand how these people aren't moving heaven and earth to reunite you. You are his mother. It makes my heart race just thinking about it. You are amazing to be sorting it all out, but it shouldn't really be so hard, should it?

You go girl. None of these people are better than you. You stick to your guns, and use the excellent advice about your position and tactics above, and get that little fellow back.

maccie · 18/06/2014 10:38

Also here waiting with you bright. Offers a hand to hold. Remember you have the right to keep your child and they do not. Do not accept any excuses from them on this. They are badly out of order here

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