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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Newbies Part 2

440 replies

resipsa · 29/05/2014 11:18

Hello! I like starting threads - there are sadly too many of mine littered in conception, miscarriage and infertility.

My story? After two miscarriages in 5 months (both following donor egg IVF), my mind and body have had enough and my thoughts are turning to the idea of adoption because I want two children. DD (my and DH's BC) is 3.

We're at the thinking stage but I have registered my interest with my LA and a VA locally. But for DD, I would be pressing ahead at full speed but I worry about the potential negative impact on her. I never worried about how having another BC might affect her and so am unsure if I need to refocus on me and DH - we want another child - rather than concentrate on the sibling issue.

I hope there are others (Mersea, maybe?) in my shoes who will join me here in supporting each other through the process.

And to Italian - I love your story and hope to follow in your shoes!

OP posts:
Rainatnight · 05/03/2016 16:25

That sounds terrible. Do you have the option of switching agencies?

ChoccyJules · 05/03/2016 17:13

Not unless we go through assessment again. Which we're not.

Rainatnight · 06/03/2016 00:59

Choccy, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what that's like.

WeLoveLego · 14/03/2016 22:38

Just wanted to give a quick update, as I posted here much further up-thread.
We're almost two years on from that 'newbie' post now with our 2BC currently aged 6 and 4 and AC aged nearly 3. And!...we now have 4 wonderful children in total as ACs sibling was placed with us a while back. So that's 2bc and 2ac all under 7.
Things couldn't be better. AC1 is loud, fun and bossy, and despite putting up a big persistent frown to the news of gaining a younger sibling, she greeted AC2 with a huge smile and really zealous hug on their first meeting and has never looked back. There wasn't a dry eye in the house as no one expected this reaction at first meeting- we feel experienced in sibling jealousy this being child 3 and 4, and were prepared for and predicted a big fall out. We weren't expecting sheer delight.
I wondered initially how I would cope with the emotions of seeing adopted siblings together, but actually now it's so everyday I don't really think about it being two adopted sibs together more just four siblings in general together who, for the minute, happen to all get on.( under no illusions that this will last but enjoying while it does!)
One of the other unexpected things to come from our adoption journey so far is what amazing playmates BC 2 and AC 1 have become. (I'm reluctant to say this as don't think people with BC should ever come to adoption to 'provide playmate for a BC' as sometimes prospective adopters dream/ want/ suggest), but the reality of our journey, at the moment, is that ac1 and bc2 at least, are great friends. We didn't expect this as initially mellow BC 2 seemed to like his own company, and still does, but personality wise seems a great match with fiery AC1. Bc2 has been great at helping AC1 think through and understand her adoption, as, for example, they were in the garden at the weekend role playing 'foster carers'. This involved pushing buggies around and saying they needed a trip to the supermarket, so nothing deep, but all positive play thinking of foster care as positive and loving. Their mimicking of putting babies to sleep did make us laugh.
I've posted elsewhere before about the slow burn attachment of AC1 to us initially and how she resisted physical contact with us for about a year, yet always fine with physical contact, including hugs, from BC. Two years on she's affectionate and tactile with us all, she even sought me out today to ask for a cuddle. Her eating issues, including self inflicted choking, only come to the surface when very tired now. She's a little fidgety sometimes, and very whingey sometimes, but that's all normal at this age I believe.
aC2 barely getting a mention here, not through thoughtlessness, just through being so chilled!
Really enjoying our adoption journey and journey as parents more broadly so far. Looking forward to the challenges ahead.

Rainatnight · 28/03/2016 08:25

Woah, I told my parents last night that we were planning to adopt and they were fine with it. Not thrilled 'yay, we're so happy for you' but for a variety of reasons, fine is GREAT. I'm very relieved. Smile

Rainatnight · 28/03/2016 08:26

welovelego what a lovely post! So great things are going so well. All your children sound lovely.

GodMother78 · 03/04/2016 07:25

Well tomorrow is our first home visit with the social worker. I keep stressing and thinking what could go wrong what could make her not like us. I know it's silly but can't help myself Sad

Rainatnight · 03/04/2016 10:15

Good luck! Don't stress just think through carefully what you want to get across. And of course, what biscuits you'll offer! Grin

GodMother78 · 03/04/2016 10:48

Thanks I'll get a selection Grin

GodMother78 · 04/04/2016 15:39

Ok so first visit from social worker went we think going to send us some personal recommendation for reading (one book mentioned I'd already read). talked about what we need to do checked the house had a coffee (forgot to hand out the biscuits).All in all everything seemed ok Grin

Italiangreyhound · 05/04/2016 02:53

Choccyjules sorry it has been such a long slog!

Is there any chance of an exchange day (information day where children are not present but info is, whatever that is called) or an activity day?

CrazyCatLaydee123 · 05/04/2016 16:12

Godmother78 I've got my first home visit Thursday! Glad yours went well Smile

GodMother78 · 05/04/2016 22:05

CrazyCatLaydee123 fingers crossed it goes well for you Smile

ChoccyJules · 07/04/2016 20:43

Italian, we have been to three, two activity days and an information exchange day, two of which were hundreds of miles away, so we are definitely putting the effort in.

Rainatnight · 09/04/2016 15:53

Our social worker stood us up for home visit yesterday! Shock I'm hoping this isn't a bad sign. He's normally v v professional. DP said, 'do you think he's chucked us?'

Rainatnight · 09/04/2016 15:53

CrazyCatLaydee, how did it go?

CrazyCatLaydee123 · 09/04/2016 20:32

It went good, I think. We've been told we need to "widen our support network" (get more friends!), so we're going to join the local adoption support group.

We've just spent 2 days doing the prep course too, so it feels like things are really kicking into gear with it all now! :) Our panel date is set for July, feels so soon as we have a lot to do before then!

GodMother78 · 10/04/2016 11:28

We were told the same I think we will look into an adoption support group I'll see what's near us. Good luck with panel Smile

meandyouplustwo · 10/04/2016 13:04

can i join you ?
adopted 11 month old , 14 months in , 1 bc aged 8 ...... very positive experience......... feel we are exactly as we should be............
will come back later as off to park on this lovely sunny day ...........

GodMother78 · 10/04/2016 22:13

meandyouplustwo hello glad it's going well. Welcome

Jessica78 · 15/04/2016 08:26

Well we've just sent off our registration form - it's been a long road to even get here, so who knows what the future holds!

DINKY2016 · 15/04/2016 08:52

We are now waiting to enter Stage Two. Impatient now! We've had our home visit and not too much to do from that thankfully!

GodMother78 · 15/04/2016 21:23

Jessica78 AND DINKY2016 good luck to you both. We have just had our home visit and got our prep classes in July.

Italiangreyhound · 28/05/2016 10:32

Hi Choccyjules, sorry did not see your reply. I absolutely know you are putting in the effort. Huge hugs.

Italiangreyhound · 28/05/2016 10:37

Lego, rainatnight, Jessica, Dinky, Godmother, Meandyou, Crayzeecatladee and darling Choccyjules, thinking of you all.

Hope things are progressing. Hang on on there. XXXX Wink