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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Newbies Part 2

440 replies

resipsa · 29/05/2014 11:18

Hello! I like starting threads - there are sadly too many of mine littered in conception, miscarriage and infertility.

My story? After two miscarriages in 5 months (both following donor egg IVF), my mind and body have had enough and my thoughts are turning to the idea of adoption because I want two children. DD (my and DH's BC) is 3.

We're at the thinking stage but I have registered my interest with my LA and a VA locally. But for DD, I would be pressing ahead at full speed but I worry about the potential negative impact on her. I never worried about how having another BC might affect her and so am unsure if I need to refocus on me and DH - we want another child - rather than concentrate on the sibling issue.

I hope there are others (Mersea, maybe?) in my shoes who will join me here in supporting each other through the process.

And to Italian - I love your story and hope to follow in your shoes!

OP posts:
Nona11 · 17/09/2015 15:13

My husband and I contacted our LA and we have our first visit next week eek!
Very excited to get the ball rolling just wondering if anyone could give me an insight into what to expect from the first visit. Is it a lot of general forum filling?

Nona11 · 17/09/2015 15:15

Oh and when did you all deicide to tell your loved ones you were going through the adoption process?
We've only told a very select few close family members and friends at the this stage as it's so early.

GodMother78 · 18/09/2015 21:20

I have told my brother's who are very excited and want to help as much as possible. Have also told 2 of my closest friends who like my bros want to help as much as possible . My hubbies parents are coming down the week of our initial interview so we will tell them then also his sister and family will be down the weekend after initial interview so will probably tell them then.

Italiangreyhound · 20/09/2015 20:22

We told parents, in-laws, siblings and close friends right at the start. But probably only once we had established we would be considered, e.g. after the initial open evening at the council officers. I told work once we got part-way through stage one and I told other friends when we had officially got through stage one, if I remember rightly.

GodMother78 · 21/09/2015 09:52

So tried to explain to my mum that we are going down the adoption route last night. it was very hard as she still hopes that hubby and I will concieve. So it was a very frustrating conversation. She is very old school and i don't reall think there is anyone adopted on my side of the family so it's not something she really knows anything about or seems to want to know anything about.Sad

jingscrivenshelpmaboab · 29/09/2015 11:56

Hi - long term lurker here, finally plucked up the courage to introduce myself. I feel like I know many of you already, and have certainly benefited from many of the discussions and wise words I've found here.

Our DS is 6, and was placed with us 8 months ago. We all had a pretty rocky start, not helped by sleep deprivation and SWs not being completely honest with us, but we're now all feeling pretty loved up, and he told me I was the best mum in the world last week - feels like we've come a long way since the nights he woke us up to tell me he hated me...! I spent many a night in those first few months reading every single thread on here, and was always gratified to find that someone else had gone through what we were - it was so helpful and really gave us hope. Why don't SWs tell adopters about this place?

tldr · 29/09/2015 12:48

Because if SWs admitted to reading MN it would instantly become less useful! Wink

Congrats on getting to the bit where you feel loved up!

GodMother78 · 27/10/2015 17:15

Just had our initial interview. I think it went well as usual I had a lot to say for myself. It gave us a lot to think about. Was given our form to register interest and told we will hear by the end of the week beginning of next if we are being put forward for the first stage fingers crossed it goes ahead Grin

NigelLikesSalad · 27/10/2015 18:56

Fingers crossed Godmother :) it's an exciting time. How are things with your mother now? You mentioned having a tough time when you told her you were hoping to adopt?

GodMother78 · 27/10/2015 19:20

Still a bit strained on the subject. So we don't talk about it. My brother's think she'll come around. We shall see. We told my in laws who were fine with everything. Apparently they had been talking about it last week. Smile

NigelLikesSalad · 27/10/2015 20:33

That's a shame and hopefully your brother is right. Once she sees how excited the rest of the family are she'll get swept into it to.

GodMother78 · 28/10/2015 12:25

I am hoping that is what will happen

MrsH1989 · 31/10/2015 19:49

hello, I hope it is okay to join this thread. We are only just starting our journey and have so far had our initial visit and DBS done with medicals booked and references contacted all in less than 3 weeks. In fact it was so fast that our references got the forms before we had chance to tell anyone. Not ideal as two of them were parents. That aside they have responded quite positively. We have a birth child (3 yrs) already and so are looking at child around a year old or less.
Looking forward to sharing my journey with everyone and hearing of all your experiences.

againsttheodds · 31/10/2015 21:20

Resipsa thanks for starting such a lovely thread! I've been lurking in the corner for a little while now. DH and I have a BC who is two. We've always planned to adopt. Haven't done anything yet, but plan on registering our interest in the spring. Currently doing research and getting our ducks in order to be prepared! (Not that you can prepare for everything! Smile) I've loved hearing about all your experiences and collecting your tips! Looking forward to hearing about all your individuals journeys soon! Grin

GodMother78 · 31/10/2015 23:00

Got a phone call from the agency yesterday very positive feedback. They want us to definitely do a registration of interest form but want us to wait a couple of months for DH to settle in new jobSmile

NigelLikesSalad · 01/11/2015 22:16

Great news :)

PootlewasthebestFlump · 10/11/2015 18:27

Hello all - I suspect most of the old newbies have moved on now but I am still here, doggedly clinging on...MN caused problems with my computer and I could not log on but now I have new computer and -lo! - I can sign in!

We had a hellish 18 months trying to be approved as adopters but finally went to panel a month ago and since then have viewed 73 children's profiles Shock and enquired about a quarter of those.

We have had some interest from social workers but declined a few children due to their extreme complexity (we are agency not LA) and expressed interest in around 4-5 that social workers felt would be a good match, where we are waiting to hear.

It's all quite strange - some social workers have fallen over themselves to get our interest in a child then gone totally cold and we hear nothing more.

We still have hope that we will find 'our' child be they 7 months or 7 years old, and that one day a social worker will choose us.

It's not an easy process to go through and no one really 'gets' it unless they've been through it.

Kr1stina · 12/11/2015 22:53

Congratulations on getting approved , I'm sorry to hear you had such a long journey .

Sounds like you have been extremely busy since then and you are being very proactive . It's a very weird time, isn't it ? And I agree that trying to explain to non adopters is a waste of time . You get helpful Hmm comments like

" oh I don't know how you do it ! I would just get so upset reading all that information "

Subtext - you are a heartless bitch

" I could never turn down a precious little one needing a home "

Subtext - you are a Heartless bitch

" All you selfish adopters just want a white healthy baby "

( unlike all the biological parents who want to give birth to a five year old with serious health problems )

" do you get offered any normal kids, or all they all damaged ? "

" couldn't you just stay on the waiting list until you name comes to the top?"

Etc etc etc

Italiangreyhound · 14/11/2015 01:01

PootlewasthebestFlump congratulations on getting approved. 73, wow! Well done for being proactive. Good luck.

Italiangreyhound · 28/12/2015 00:27

Happy Christmas one and all.

How is everyone doing?

GodMother78 · 28/12/2015 14:19

Happy Christmas greyhound DH and I hand in our paperwork in January just after my birthday. Then we (fingers crossed ) get the ball rolling Grin

NigelLikesSalad · 28/12/2015 18:21

Happy Christmas :) our first one together and it's just been fantastic although DS has been thoroughly spoilt and we have already run out of room for the toys which is ridiculous because all he played with last night was a plastic jug and a wooden spoon from the kitchen 😂

Italiangreyhound · 28/12/2015 18:36

GodMother78 great news.

Nigel fab. Cheap toys, make the most of it. DD (11) got a tablet this year! not expensive but not cheap!

sarahlux · 28/12/2015 20:24

We had our first Christmas to nigellikessalad. Our little girl got well and truly spoilt but all she wants to play with is daddy's keys 🙈🙈

NigelLikesSalad · 31/12/2015 21:12

Excellent :) ours likes keys too, and the remote control, mobile phones, a wooden spoon and some tupperware. None of which came for christmas so we needn't have bought anything really 😂