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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Newbies Part 2

440 replies

resipsa · 29/05/2014 11:18

Hello! I like starting threads - there are sadly too many of mine littered in conception, miscarriage and infertility.

My story? After two miscarriages in 5 months (both following donor egg IVF), my mind and body have had enough and my thoughts are turning to the idea of adoption because I want two children. DD (my and DH's BC) is 3.

We're at the thinking stage but I have registered my interest with my LA and a VA locally. But for DD, I would be pressing ahead at full speed but I worry about the potential negative impact on her. I never worried about how having another BC might affect her and so am unsure if I need to refocus on me and DH - we want another child - rather than concentrate on the sibling issue.

I hope there are others (Mersea, maybe?) in my shoes who will join me here in supporting each other through the process.

And to Italian - I love your story and hope to follow in your shoes!

OP posts:
auntybookworm · 14/05/2015 20:23

Wow how exciting! I know what you mean, having fought to be a parent for years last night I started getting anxious about it!

Good luck too xx

Legallyblonde77 · 16/05/2015 14:52

So we had a weird week. Sw called last Friday to say had match with baby due next month and 15 month old boy.Even tho we not approved yet. We got profile then fill CPR. I had concerns that there wasn't any magic. . Children's sw liked us and we even changed our holiday. We shopped like mad (eBay) and I had to tell work but then matching meeting went with another couple. So we now have double buggy and potentially no children for months! And paid £300 poorer to change our holiday. They were obviously not the right children but now is suddenly very real that I might get to be a Mum.

Legallyblonde77 · 16/05/2015 14:54

P.s auntybookworm- what's the Judgment? Not heard. Thought idea was to speed this all up? How's the baby girl? How exciting!

Italiangreyhound · 16/05/2015 22:07

auntybookworm we bought a bunny rabbit for our new son, before we knew who he would be!

Re Would love to hear how everyone else is and would welcome last minute hints and tips to ensure we are ready xxx

Sleep when she sleeps.
Don't entertain visitors on their terms, it is on your terms, no one at first and then when you have visitors you call the shots
Make a note and take photos of gifts you receive - this will be special for you both and her in the future (hard to remember who gave what later on)
Only tell those who you wish to tell she is adopted. If you turn up at a new baby group, with your daughter, do not feel you need to blurt the fact she is adopted to people. Get good at answer questions like
-was the birth painful - it was fine (if it was, you may know it was difficult, but easier to say it was fine, it was for you!!!!
You can tell people when and if you wish to, or allow it to be private. But you don't need to tell everyone early on.

Is though enough for now!!! Ask anything you like private message me if you wish because I do not always check on here).

Bless you.

MyPreciousRing Yay!

Legallyblonde77 very sorry you had such an unfortunate experience with holiday and buying double buggy etc. I am sure it will all work out soon. Best of luck.

MyPreciousRing · 16/05/2015 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 16/05/2015 23:00

MyPreciousRing I only said Yay!!!!!!!

Italiangreyhound · 16/05/2015 23:01

Thank you.

MyPreciousRing · 16/05/2015 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyPreciousRing · 16/05/2015 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 16/05/2015 23:18

Thanks, I thought that was what you meant. Wink

My dh found it hard at first not to say ds was adopted, but I fel (when he came to us aged 3) it was important not to make him look different in the eyes of his peers. My friends and family knew he was adopted, of course, but we were immediately meeting new people, new mums with new kids who would go on to be his class mates and I just felt they did not need to know. Those who know, know, those who do not do not need to. We never talk about it with other people in front of him. We talk about it with him at home in private but when he is older he will be totally free to tell people if he chooses.

This song/poem is wonderful, it says what I want to say ... that enjoy every moment you can Aunty because it does move fast, but not too fast to enjoy.....

manysparrows.me/im-rocking-my-baby-babies-dont-keep/

Song for a Fifth Child

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

Hang out the washing and butter the bread,

Sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue

(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due

(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew

And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo

But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?

(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,

For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

auntybookworm · 17/05/2015 00:33

Italian you are amazing than you your advice is as always spot on! We are spending the weekend dashing around. We are already getting gifts, I will photo them great tip!

DH is taking the adoption leave, so may find himself having to answer lots of questions! We have talked about it an are only telling close friends and family. We do live in a tiny tiny village and out of necessity some of them will know, but we are hoping they don't share. Not that we have much hope! DH and I work in the same profession, he put in his notice for leave this week, people who know me have already come up and said 'why didn't you tell me you were adopting' err it is none of your business Grin

That poem is a good reminder. We decided DH would stay at home because my current position means I can work flexibly and from home, which he cannot do. This week I had to apply for my own job, I now know I am up against others. Very anxious if I don't get it, the impact that would have on our plans would be massive. So, I have started to apply for jobs elsewhere.

Leagally I am shattered I will look up legislation and if I can post a link, just may take me a few days Blush I am very sorry for what you have been through

Xxx

Legallyblonde77 · 17/05/2015 17:15

Italian- I am going to store up your wisdom! King Solomon not a patch on you! I read an earlier post where you quoted "it is Friday but Sunday is coming". I've heard it before and it is spot on as we do have hope.

Thank you for your kindness. We're ok. I hadn't felt the connection that you're supposed to feel about the children who are right for you but wondered if it was because I was in shock at the speed of it. We are totally at peace that they weren't the right children for us and are closer and feel a bit readier for when it is the right children ( we are hoping for 2).

Aunty I hope it all goes well for you. Seems very sensible planned. Thank for looking out Legislation.

Italiangreyhound · 17/05/2015 19:10

Aunty hope the job application goes well.

Legally honestly if you could see me, I make such a mess of it so much. I know people say that but I do. I accidentally made dd cry today and then I felt like crying. DS being quite a handful too. I need to take my own advice.

Can you use 'it's Friday but Sunday is going' on a Sunday?

Italiangreyhound · 17/05/2015 19:11

coming not going!!!!

Italiangreyhound · 28/08/2015 10:09

Oh it's been a long time since I was here.

How is everyone?

auntybookworm how is it going?

Leannevg13 any news?

Legallyblonde77 how are you doing?

Choccyjules any news my darling?

Italiangreyhound · 28/08/2015 10:15

Raspberrysnowcone how are you, my dear? How is it all going?

I have been out of the loop for a while so have missed out on a lot of news.

Latergater1049 How are things going?

YouCant · 28/08/2015 15:49

Rasp here under a new name. I am now a mummy to a beautiful boy :) came home in July, he's stunning and all has been fab. Legalities should be done by New Year but he's settled really well and we are just having a fab time. Bit of a whirlwind placement!

Italiangreyhound · 28/08/2015 20:56

YouCant that is so fabulous, great news. Well done on hanging on in there.

YouCant · 28/08/2015 21:19

Thank you Italian! I was starting to feel very disheartened and the waiting is horrendous. All over now though :)

ChoccyJules · 29/08/2015 14:47

I've PMed you, Italian. Suffice to say we are now two years in and DD's innocent, thoughtful questions as she waits and waits often make me cry.

Italiangreyhound · 29/08/2015 20:54

Hugs Choccy, have pmed you.

GodMother78 · 06/09/2015 22:31

Hello new on here. DH and I have just started on the road to adoption. We have been for an open evening and have our initial interview next month. Reading through this thread has given me an insight as to what to expect over the next year.

tiitymouse · 06/09/2015 23:34

Hello, I'm supposed to be tittymouse, but I made a typo.

I'm a single adopter, with a 7yr old BC. I may change names to keep anonymous as I can until I know what security risks etc there are after placement. I'm in stage 2, undergoing the bizarre grilling about every aspect of my being, and finding it all very odd. Luckily, my social worker is so nice, it doesn't feel too bad. I've lurked here for a while, and find all your advice etc so useful, and probably wouldn't have got this far without you, so thank you.

Mersea · 07/09/2015 00:15

Hi all good to hear from you again resipsa like you I have been on here in the past on the conception, fertility & IVF threads. I decided not to go down the IVF route in the end as we had such bad odds and very little money to try more than once. Plus I just felt that I could not put my body and mind through much more! We are about mid way through our adoption home assessment and if all goes well we will be put forward for approval in November. We are finding the weekly visits with the 3 hour Q&A sessions hard going but it will be worth it in the end. We found the 4 workshops we attended before starting the assessment very useful. They give you a real chance to look at your position and views on adoption before starting the main assessment.

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2015 16:40

GodMother78 welcome. Good luck with initial interview next month. I am so glad the thread is useful. Some of us 'oldies' look in from time to time, and hopefuly can be helpful but feel free to PM me if it helps.

Mersea Re I just felt that I could not put my body and mind through much more! I totally know where you are coming from. I got so fed up of injections!

Wow weekly visits with the 3 hour Q&A sessions we did not have that much of a grilling but I feel all social workers are different and all areas are different so maybe it is normal in your area.

Yes, ...it will be worth it in the end.

tiitymouse Re I may change names to keep anonymous as I can until I know what security risks etc... wise move, I have not needed to but some do for good reasons.

Re ...probably wouldn't have got this far without you... it is good to know that this forum is so supportive. I feel the same.