Newbies Part 2

[resipsa]

Hello! I like starting threads - there are sadly too many of mine littered in conception, miscarriage and infertility.

My story? After two miscarriages in 5 months (both following donor egg IVF), my mind and body have had enough and my thoughts are turning to the idea of adoption because I want two children. DD (my and DH's BC) is 3.

We're at the thinking stage but I have registered my interest with my LA and a VA locally. But for DD, I would be pressing ahead at full speed but I worry about the potential negative impact on her. I never worried about how having another BC might affect her and so am unsure if I need to refocus on me and DH - we want another child - rather than concentrate on the sibling issue.

I hope there are others (Mersea, maybe?) in my shoes who will join me here in supporting each other through the process.

And to Italian - I love your story and hope to follow in your shoes!

Well thanks to all your kind feeback i have finally plucked up the courage and just posted off the initial registration form, eeekkkk!!! Let this new roller coaster ride commence :)

Different agencies have different attitudes to BMI. Mine cared in that we talked about it a lot, but not so that it actually stopped us.

Great thanks tldr, my husband and I are slightly over weight but hopefully that will not become a blocker :)

Both my husband and I are overweight but trying to loose it both doing slimming world and gym and swimming so hopefully it will help

Fingers crossed for you Godmother :) yes we are also doing the slimming world we love i it :) I have 1 day a week free at the moment so i only make the gym once a week!!!! Also having an under active thyroid doesn't help I have always battled with my weight, but good luck with your weight loss :)

Same to you emz it's a hard struggle but will get there in the end

Thank you god mother, yes hopefully some day soon we will all look back at this knowing it was all worth it :) good luck in your journey also xxx

Question for all you other newbies - what are your LAs/agencies saying about the likelihood of matching? I was very down about this following the Re BS case, but our LA seems reasonably positive that there are still children coming through for adoption.

Emz there are still children coming through for adoption but it is much slower than in years gone by. For some people this means a long wait so be prepared for that but I think a lot of it does depend on your matching criteria, age range etc. This time last year we were told to expect a long wait as there we NO children coming hough our agency at that point that could be placed for adoption. Placement orders just weren't being signed off. 16 weeks later we brought our son home, we were in the right place at the right time, or rather our profile was....and it happened that quickly in the end.

Wow, that is quick. Congratulations! What age is your DS and how's it going?

Nearly a year old now and it's all gone really well, he's a happy little chappy and nearly walking ..... been slowly baby proofing everything as we've gone along but he still manages to find mischief!

Rainatnight re intrusive questionning I think one poster on here, also in a same sex relationship, was asked what they were doing about contraception during home study so you might want to think about how to answer that if it comes up...

Raspberry that sounds just lovely. Good for you and your little one.

Mypockets Hilarious! I'll watch out for all assumptions around immaculate conceptions

Rainatnight, our approval process was long about 12 months for varioys reasons. we thought it would take forever to be matched as we have a burth child too but 4 weeks after approval panel we saw our daughters (14 months old at the time)profile, 3 months on she is sleeping peacefully in her cot upstairs. There are still children out there and I am a great believer in fate. Our LO had a previous disruption which meant we got our gorgeous wee girlie. It its the right child it will happen. Hang in there.

Wow, that's great news! Congrats to you too!

Our LA has been pretty encouraging, to be fair to them, so I'm not too despondent, just a little daunted...But fingers crossed all will be well.

SW coming tomorrow for first proper Stage 2 visit, eek. Maybe why I can't sleep...

Good luck today Rain!

Thanks so much! DP frantically tidying as we speak

I remember the cleaning well.....I bet those social workers have NEVER been inside a messy house on those first visits

Just realised my phone is flicking back to one of my old user names....Tis me NigelLikesSalad. Stupid phone. Usually use laptop

oh i see, hello Nigel!

Yes, social workers a bit like the Royal Family who think everywhere smells like fresh paint!

Yesterday went really well. He hopes to take us to panel in June . Which all seems very quick but incredibly exciting.

We talked about children coming through and he says the latest thing is the number of adoptions being contested and in a small number of extreme cases, children removed from adoptive parents. That would be so heartbreaking.

That is a TINY number. I think 2 ever. Maybe just one.

Just checking-in to say am still here, had to take a break from all adoption-related sites for a while to preserve my sanity.

Next month we'll have been approved for two years. When I think of the way we were welcomed into the system (and the fact that agencies are still advertising for adopters) it's quite incredible. Our DD is a happy, healthy child so why we are never chosen is beyond me.

Anyway, welcome to everyone who has arrived in my absence my beef isn't with you but the system, especially matching. Very, very subjective and archaic.

Oh no, Choccy, I'm so sorry to hear it. Poor you. Are the SWs saying anything about what's going on?

What's going on is incompetence, basically. When I get through this I shall have a thick dossier to publish.