All a bit complicated

[zeebrugge]

I was adopted as a baby in 1971 and lived with my adopted parents until March 1987 when they were both drowned in the Zeebrugge Ferry disaster. I was put in short term foster care and then long term foster care until I timed out on my 18th birthday.

I was allowed to visit my former home, on the day after the funeral, to collect my belongings but never stayed there again. When my aunt and uncle came back from Denver in 1989 they lived there for a while.

Now I can sort of understand why I wasn't in the will, being adopted rather than a birth child. But as somebody told me over Christmas, and why I am writing now, surely I was left something. Did I really matter so little to them?

Talk about an emotional rollercoaster! It's good to know that you've got someone to help you work through all these feelings.

You wouldn't be human if you didn't wish bad things on your aunt and uncle. They have stolen an awful lot more than money from you.

I think that once all this is over going back to college to study is a really really good idea. I didn't fulfil my academic potential for very different reasons from yours but decided just before my fortieth birthday to go and do a foundation degree. It is the best decision I have made for a long long time.

It made me happier and more fulfilled than I thought possible and changed my whole outlook on life. You have the chance to do that too now so grab it with both hands and enjoy it.

Fantastic news! It's going to be a new start for you and you aren't bad for wanting justice from your aunt & uncle as they stole your life & memories and would have for much longer.

Hope you have a fantastic holiday, everything you've ever wanted to do & you can now remember your parents wanting you to be everything you want to be!

I have been following this thread from the beginning. I am so pleased that after all these years Justice has been done and you will be able to move back into your old home with your DH.

I wish you both all the best with your 'new' life and hope you have a really lovely holiday you really deserve it.

Last night was my first night in my former home. I slept on the bed in my old room and I need to buy new bed clothes. I don?t want to use theirs. The pattern the streetlight made on the wall was just like it used to be. So was the funny noise from the water in pipes. I found a few things of mine in the attic but other things must be Aunt and Uncles.

Me having no car is difficult ? DH takes it with him as he works away. 2 weeks on then 1 off. I think some money might be in the bank by now so we might look at buying a second small car.

I need to get phone and broadband sorted out here. I have not been able to read the thread until today. The lady opposite came over to see me yesterday not realising who I was. She has lived there 40 years and remembers my Mum. I am borrowing her computer to send emails to firms and Mumsnet.

About the special type of doctor ? I have never seen the full title written down. It is about 10 words long. Something about Bereavement therapist.

The shop has given me compassionate leave for 7 working days but I think I will need to resign because it is too far to travel just for part time minimum wages.

I called in at the local college. I cannot start the course that would be good for me called Returning to Study until after Easter or in September.

My last job is to thank to the people who have helped me and even answered questions for me while I have not been around here. I?m sad that some people don?t believe me but sometimes even I cannot believe what happened to me either!

I will never forget that Friday night and Saturday morning in 1987.

You're making me cry again!

Ignore those who say they don't believe you. Your honesty and decency shines out of every post.

Wishing you peace of mind and heart, and the belated opportunity to grieve for the loss of your loving parents.

Thanks for sharing your story. I am sure I am not the only one who would genuinely like to hear how you are doing if you want to update here

Oh Zeebrugge how wonderful. What a whirl of emotions. I suppose some people will doubt you as your story is so unusual - but even so - who cares - just ignore them - you have enough to deal with.

Can I make a suggestion? Speak to your councillor before you leave your job. Especially if you can't get onto the college course before Easter. (Unless you hate it). It's just you may benefit from the structure and familiarity in your life while everything else is in turmoil. Especially if DH is away quite a bit - it means you are seeing people you know and keeping a shred of normality - and if you have a car the travel may not be so bad.

It really looks like things are working out for you. Itis amazing how quickly this has all happened! Your first post was less than a month ago. Amazing. And wonderful.

Today is the first time I have seen this, as I haven't been on MN for a while. Whilst the humanity of people always manages to raise me up... the capacity of some people for callousness astounds me.

I hope that you will be really, really happy in your new/old home. Get those lovely photos in frames and stick em up everywhere!

Don't let your story go to one of those trashy mags... it needs to be in a book. When the (not your... they don't deserve you) Aunt and Uncle are languishing in jail, send them both a copy.

Please... don't every feel sorry for them. The sentence they imposed upon you was terrible. They took away the memory of your loving adoptive parents. I am an adoptive Mum and I find that part the most heartbreaking. I love that your parents had taped themselves talking to you.

Good luck... I think your story will stay with me always. x

Zeebrugge don't worry about people not believing you. I made a tongue in cheek comment earlier in the thread about this being a storyline for a movie. It was a joke (I should have known better really) and I do believe you.

I can't imagine what emotions you must have been through being in your old room. Things coming back to you that you'd forgotten existed must be amazing.

Good on you for looking into college courses already. You're not letting the grass grow under your feet are you? Do make sure you're ready before you take on anything new won't you?

You really have been on an incredible journey. Thank you for being willing to share this part of it with us.

Zeebrugge I have been following your story and am just blown away at the dignity you have shown. I bet your Mum and Dad would be so very proud of you.

When I adopted my DS I had doubts about whether I would ever be a good enough Mum for him and be able to give him the love he so deserves. Five years later there is nothing now that could make me doubt that I love him so much that it hurts. And I bet thats how your parents felt about you.

Take your time to re-adjust and be happy. You deserve it.

Wow. I just found this thread. What an amazing story. Zebrugge, well done for being so strong and getting what is rightfully yours. I hope you and DH are happy in your new/old home. When you're feeling strong enough and all the legal stuff is over can you please write a book? I'd love to hear the full story!

I agree with what an earlier poster said though: don't sell your story to a trashy magazine. If you want to tell it get yourself some proper PR advice. I hope it doesn't sound shallow or flippant under your desperately emotional circumstances, but you could make a FORTUNE with book or film rights for your story. Don't let anyone rip you off again.

Zee, I have been following your thread but have not posted till now. Thanks so much for keeping us all updated - it's shows a very generous heart, IMO, that through all the stress of recent weeks you have consistently taken the time to let us know how you are feeling and what is happening.
You are truly remarkable.
My heart skipped a beat when you first mentioned your DH - I could tell I wasn't the only one thinking you didn't have anyone supporting you through all of this, which was concerning me (and others, I'm sure).

I was so relieved to learn that you have a supportive DH. So too, that you have a best friend who knew you when you were originally going through all the heartache.
It must be a huge relief knowing that you have done your statement and that the police are now taking care of gathering evidence etc.

I hope the counselling is helping and that you and your DH will be happy in your house.

Nothing new to say about what the police are doing. All I know is that it might be months before any court case. There might not be a proper trial at all if Aunt and Uncle plead guilty. They get a lesser punishment if they do that.

I have not given up my job like I said I would. People here and my friends said it would be silly to do that. I spent money instead and got us a white 2005 Ford Ka to use when DH is not here. He works away doing 2 weeks on and 1 week off.

But I have given notice to leave the rental house we lived in for so long. I will miss some of the neighbours but not the noisy road. I am going to do a course at the local college starting in April to see if I can get my brain to work again. I signed up on Friday but don?t need to pay until nearer the time.

I am having counselling once a week for 6 weeks. I didn?t know how much hatred was inside me until I started talking about it.

The house is starting to feel more like it is really ours even though we have bigger bills to pay now.

Hi Zeebrugge,

I followed your story with great interest (And lots of tears - both happy & sad.) and am pleased to read your latest update. I agree with everyone that it was a good idea for you to keep your job while you settle in and wait for your college course to start.

You should think about writing about your experiences - it would make a really touching & inspiring book and your posts show that you have a great writing style.

Hi Zeebrugge,

Glad that your house is starting to feel like home again. You may have bigger bills, but you won't be paying rent and this house is yours forever.

I think it's good that you've kept your job. I think it would be hard if everything changed all at once.

Glad you are doing okay x

Lovely to keep hearing updates. I don't think I have ever thought about one mumsnetter so often!

wow I have been following this too and came back to see how you are getting on so pleased it is working out for you and wow too that you are looking for a course etc etc
agree with trying to find an agent etc if you want to (someone on here must know how) and you do have a nice style of writing

One thing you don't say is whether you are on the ship with your parents I do hope not for your sake

your parents would have been so proud of you

How's it going in your house Zeebrugge? Any more news from the police or is a long slow wait now?

Was just thinking of you this morning Zeebrugge and wondered how things are going?

Please consider continuing with the couse.ling after your 6 weeks is up. It's a safe place for you to talk about your feelings

Just a quick question, Zeebrugge.

Why is this story in a couple of threads? Are you posting things twice??

Nonno - because she put it in legal advice too and has just kept updating both posts since - as not everyone would have seen both posts

Wow, I have just read this whole thread and it's an incredible story. Zeebrugge I can't tell you how amazed I am at you, and totally delighted the way things are going. I wish you all the very best.

Longtime lurker on this thread - Hoping everything is OK Zebrugge :)

Hows it all going Zeebrugge? x